Sign up to save your podcasts
Or
Share I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki
Share to email
Share to Facebook
Share to X
Share to email
Share to Facebook
Share to X
Or
I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki episodes
- ”Griftin’” (parody based off the Clarence Carter song, ”Strokin’”)"Griftin'" (to the tune of Clarence Carter's "Strokin'")When he’s not grabbing buttsAnd mute, judging stuffHe be griftin’Morning, noon, insurrectionHe be griftin’He grifts from the livingAnd then he grifts from the deadHe’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the nextHe be griftin’He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’How much money are you willing to give him?Would you buy a quarter for a quarter-mill?Would you give up your farm for a lifetime of Swiss cheese?He’s ‘bout to sell you this“Trade your cows for a gallon of milk”He’s ‘bout to sell you this“Give me 15 million and I’ll stop windmill cancer”He ‘members when his mistress was diagnosed with windmill cancerHe started a GoFundMe; laughed; and said, “April Fool’s, y’all”He’s griftin’, yeah, he always does, he be griftin’He grifts from the livingAnd then he grifts from the deadHe’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the nextHe be griftin’He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’Would you believe anything he tells ya?That a knife was a sandwich?Jesus was a white man?A robe was a puppy?Or how about that he and his wife are all cute and innocent?‘Member, no puppy is full of that much sh*tHe spews it every which wayYeah, he’s griftin’He be griftin’He grifts from the livingAnd then he grifts from the deadHe’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*tHe be griftin’Now, when this guy starts dealin’, I mean stealin’He doesn’t care who in the hell he’s hurtin’Because a creepy smile appears when this happensWhenever that creepy smile appears, we do start dealin’We say, “Clarence Thomas, Clarence Thomas, Clarence ThomasClarence Thomas, f*ck you, Clarence Thomas”Other day: “Celebratin’ Christmas early!”“Gonna get me a grift box and grift certificate”Went to the store to screw people overHe held a box with a blank certificateSaid, “Hundredth donor gets the prize; you’ll be surprised as…” Woo!He be griftin’… Cloak and daggerHe be griftin’He grifts from the livingAnd then he grifts from the deadHe’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*tHe be griftin’He be griftin’… Cloak and daggerHe be griftin’, oathHe be griftin’And he grifts from the richAnd he grifts from the poorHe grifts from everyoneHe even grifts from his whores, oohHe be griftin’He be griftin’He be griftin’Bookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A5 min
- MAGAts Here, MAGAts There, MAGAts Every-Flipping-WhereIn this episode I snarkily dissect my joyous experience interacting with Trumpers since joining Twitter Blue in recent weeks.Bookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A10 min
- Jack Smith vs. Jacka$$So you didn't have to, I read the 44-page Trump indictment. Here is my modest, hilarious, brilliant take on it all. Hey, as I've always said, "You can't spell 'awesome' nor 'modest' without 'ME.'"Bookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A23 min
- ”Right the Right” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”See the Light”)“Right the Right”Been off course for a whileSiri’s a womanSo, they go in the opposite directionThey don’t know where they areOr where they’re headingBut would rather wreck than admit they were wrongLet’s control the wheel and right the rightThey need our help; they’re too drunk to driveLet’s control the wheel and right the rightThey should prob’ly sleep it off tonightApproaching a red signInstead of stoppingThey shout “OCTAGON!”Sirens flashingFigure they’re for someone else, so they speed upStart firing guns, yelling “BLUE LIVES MATTER!”Let’s control the wheel and right the rightThey need our help; they’re too drunk to driveLet’s control the wheel and right the rightThey should prob’ly sleep it off tonightThey’ve been off course too longTank’s about emptyYet still believing thoughts and prayers will refill itSo, they then close their eyes while behind the wheel‘Cause apparently cars don’t drive cars; Jesus doesLet’s control the wheel and right the rightThey need our help; they’re too drunk to driveLet’s control the wheel and right the rightThey should prob’ly sleep it off tonightBookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A5 min
- ”Orwellian Poetry” (A. ”Woke Insomnia” / B. ”Project Real”) (parody based off Green Day’s song ”American Eulogy” (A. ”Mass Hysteria” / B. ”Modern World”))“Orwellian Poetry” (A. “Woke Insomnia” / B. “Project Real”)[Part 1: Orwellian Poetry]It was the con of the centuryIt read like Orwellian poetryToo blinded by their own hypocrisyTo see the dystopian ironyTheir delusions quickly became quite clearThe con “will set us free”[Part 2: Woke Insomnia]InsomniaWoke insomniaWoke insomniaWoke insomniaThey’re wide awake and unable to sleepFor days on end, they can no longer thinkDwindled is perception of realityWoke, but not alert to their surroundings“Truth isn’t truth,” “Don’t believe what you see”“You’ll grow a third arm with the vaccines”“The lone cure for COVID is Febreze”This is what happens when Trump leads the GOP; they come down withInsomniaWoke insomniaWoke insomniaWoke insomnia‘Nother day, ‘nother denial of truthMasked with the flag and other comfort foodEmpty-rhetoric symbols, no follow-throughA lack of sleep, mentally weak“Doctors don’t know science”“It’s not guns; drag-shows cause gun violence”“Democracy will be saved if we destroy it”MGT, Cruz, Graham, Gaetz, Bobo, and Jordan have all contractedInsomniaWoke insomniaWoke insomniaWoke insomniaCompletely sober, yet their speech is slurredCan’t see straight; their vision’s blurredTrouble moving, they try to call UberAwareness – an all-time low“The bottom is the top”“Fauci’s leader of the mob”“With the most votes, Biden lost”Will they ever sleep to wake up?[Part 3: Project Real]Accusations are confessions – project realAccusations are confessions – project realAccusations are confessions – project realAccusations are confessions – project realWhen they said to lock “her” up, they actually meant “Trump”When Trump claimed that Biden interfered, he meant himself“You stole candy!,” as they munch on “free” M&Ms“O.J. killed his wife!” is just them saying “We did it!”Accusations are confessions – project realAccusations are confessions – project realAccusations are confessions – project realAccusations are confessions – project realGet ahead of the story and blame someone elseBut like a gymnast named Kama Sutra – you f*cked yourselfThey point their fingers with a mirror staring backA giant reflection of their guilt, about to crackTheir string of good luck is getting ready to endAs all of their allegations come right back to themYou hate Kaepernick, yet you took a kneeGay men don’t hump sheep, but you f*cked one just last weekYou call blacks lazy when you don’t work at allThe GOP tries to lie, yet projects the realAccusations are confessions – project realAccusations are confessions – project realAccusations are confessions – project realAccusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project realBookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A5 min
- ”Slim-to-None Funds” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”21 Guns”)“Slim-to-None Funds”Do you know who they’re stealing from?Charities named after themThe dollars keep rolling inDiverted to greens and bogey-menClaiming donations as griftsThey’ve sunk lower than piles of sh*tThe depths of Satan’s fiery pit?Lower than itNone, slim-to-none fundsTake from childrenGive to themselvesNone, slim-to-none fundsThey are the world’s biggest grassholesPulling for hellDriving around in their gold cartsCrashing before they even startAs they blame Soros and RuPaulNews breaks of their organization’s scamThey don’t know irons from woodsYet stole from the kids for these goodsThan the South Pole is cold, they’reLower than itNone, slim-to-none fundsTake from childrenGive to themselvesNone, slim-to-none fundsThey are the world’s biggest grassholesPulling for hellThey’re always slicing to the rightTheir white balls they can never find“Mark us down for two,” they will sayFlipping birdies to youngsters on the front and back nineFurther than you could ever attemptEven the devil is impressedAt a point where nothing can dropLower than itNone, slim-to-none fundsTake from childrenGive to themselvesNone, slim-to-none fundsThey are the world’s biggest grassholesNone, slim-to-none fundsTake from childrenGive to themselvesNone, slim-to-none fundsThey are the world’s biggest grassholesPulling for hellBookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A6 min
- ”Erratic Days” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”The Static Age”)“Erratic Days”Playing Candy Crush at a quarter to two on Monday afternoonBefore throwing Skittles about the room, shouting, “Where in the f*ck’s the blue?”Next saying, “I guess orange will do, and this purple sh*t too”All while watching cartoons he calls “news”Unpredictability on speedYes, no, yes, maybeHe’s up one minute, the next minute downHe goes sideways and then diagonalThe guy has had some erratic daysHe’ll sniff uncontrollably at a nationally-televised speechAnd then be unable to blow his nose for a couple to three weeksHe’ll run a MAGAt marathon in his sleepAnd strain muscles when he breathesHe only ever works in his dreamsHe’s a loose cannon awake or asleepYes, no, yes, maybeHe’s up one minute, the next minute downHe goes sideways and then diagonalThe guy has had some erratic daysHe’s up one minute, the next minute downHe goes sideways and then diagonalThe guy has had some erratic daysHe’s had some erratic daysJanuary through DecemberFor as long as The Jesus can rememberAnger builds inside as he boasts loudlyHunger grows while he’s eatingHis mouth dirtier every time it’s cleanedBrain shrinks if he’s ever thinkingAdderall seems to be working todayFlying high as a kite (So f*cking high)Squinting like a drunk reading brailleThe teleprompter moving in his mindYes, no, yes, maybeHe’s up one minute, the next minute downHe goes sideways and then diagonalThe guy has had some erratic daysHe’s up one minute, the next minute downHe goes sideways and then diagonalThe guy has had some erratic daysHe’s up one minute, the next minute downHe goes sideways and then diagonalThe guy has had some erratic daysHe’s up one minute, the next minute downHe goes sideways and then diagonalThe guy has had some erratic daysErratic daysBookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A5 min
- ”You’re Accused and Betrayed” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”Horseshoes and Handgrenades”)“You’re Accused and Betrayed”Insurrection!He will bail you all outAt least that’s what he saysHe has told thirty-thousand liesSo, his promises aren’t worth a sh*tY’all get flocked up; baa; and spoutQAnon gibberishAttack police, what’s freeBecause you’re patrioticSo, Donnie eats his WhoppersAs you’re handcuffed and put awayGuess it really sucks to be youYou’re accused and betrayedHe will watch as you go downViking helmets and allHis show isn’t going wellPrepped for you to take the fallYou are the clownsGo ahead, grab the flagpolesHit democracy’s mouthIn their graves, our Founders turnWitnessing nooses formPence hangs aroundSo, Donnie eats his WhoppersAs you’re handcuffed and put awayGuess it really sucks to be youYou’re accused and betrayedMass-deception, repetitionUntil your small brain faces yuge evaporationMass-deception, repetitionUntil your small brain faces yuge evaporationMass-deception, repetitionUntil your small brain faces bigly…He will bail you all outAt least that’s what he saysHe’s a liar, dic[tator] complierSeemingly unable to pull outHe will bail you all outL-O-C-K-E-M!L-O-C-K-E-M!L-O-C-K-E-M!L-O-C-K-E-M!Bookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A4 min
- ”Senseless Mind Syndrome” (parody based off Green Day’s ”Restless Heart Syndrome”)“Senseless Mind Syndrome”His IQ is in the high teensWhat’s left in his head constantly shrinkingA confined vocabularyJust two-letter words, maybe threeHe’s ignorant of everythingFrom physics to human anatomyThinks Einstein was just bread with cheeseThat femurs were types of monkeysIt’s outdated, dissipatedHis brain had its day, so he says again, againHe’s concocted another wordHe may not drink, but it sounds like a slurIt’s not a noun and not a verbWhat it is no one can be sureHe acts like an illiterateIf one gets poetic, “He can’t read for sh*t”“Bigly” words are his nemesisLike “ambiguity” or “twit”When thoughts escape him, they avail himMore room between the ears for hot-air to travel throughThoughts are vacant, he is ancientHe is his own worst enemyNot a victim, but a villainAn enemy to you and meTo everybodyIt’s outdated, dissipatedHe is his own worst enemyWhen thoughts escape him, they avail himAn enemy to you and meHe’s a villain of cognitionAn enemy to you and meHe’s a villain of cognitionAn enemy to you and meBookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A5 min
- “¿Amar Old Glory Hole? (Brittle Don)” (parody based off Green Day’s song “¿Viva la Gloria? (Little Girl)”)“¿Amar Old Glory Hole? (Brittle Don)”Brittle Don, brittle Don, you’re always cryin’You lost another suit – this one for lyin’Brittle con, brittle con, the truth is hurtin’The odds of you outside a cell and workin’Far away is where we think you should goSomewhere between Saturn and UranusStay in space until you float to PlutoWe’ll salute with middle fingers, standing tall and proudBrittle Don, brittle Don, your bones are crackin’And, as always, your muscles are a-lackin’Brittle con, brittle con, your schemes are slackin’You just don’t seem to have any laws’ backin’Can’t skirt them (Anymore!) Anymore, you lame laypersonThink this is bad? Just wait till you’re in prisonBrittle Don, brittle Don, you’re weak as plasticIn Webster’s your picture is next to “flaccid”Far away is where we think you should goSomewhere between Saturn and UranusStay in space until you float to PlutoWe’ll salute with middle fingers, standing tall and proudTears of your hammies when you walk to the fridgeWith it being just three feet from your rocker (Rock away!)Your phony doctor saying you’re in peak shapeAs you break ribs eating crackersFar away is where we think you should goSomewhere between Saturn and UranusStay in space until you float to PlutoSalute middle fingersBookshttps://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LOTwitterhttps://twitter.com/CraigRoznieckiFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/Bloghttps://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A4 min
About I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki
From the publisher's feed
Where snark and facts meet, have a few drinks, and see what happens.