I Hate It, Let’s Watch It

It's the wedding of the century, and everyone is invited, including frogs, locusts, assorted other Biblical plagues...oh, and Kevin. Toni and Fangs tying the knot is supposed to unite Riverdale, but instead it makes Veronica realize how sad and alone she is and distracts the rest of the gang from keeping an eye on Percival, who ends up murdering all the first-born children in Riverdale. Whoops. What do you say we all just quietly back away and let this be the end?

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This 2022 horror flick is NOT for the faint of heart (RIP Howard) but the scares have nothing to do with the bloody murders, gator attacks or eyeball kebabs and EVERYTHING TO DO with the aggressive hair brushing, the non-consensual spooning, and all that elderly nudity. This movie will burn your retinas and make your skin crawl, so if that doesn't sound like a good time, just listen to our recap! We'll tell you what you need to know so you can skip the gruesome visuals. Feel free to thank us with a cocktail.

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As a post-Father's Day treat, we bring you the mother of all daddy issues movies! This thing is a train wreck from start to finish -- the dubbing, Nurse 3D's acting, the absolutely bonkers costume design, and the thinnest of plots. Another one that has to be seen (and heard) to be believed...please do yourself a favor and check this one out so you can laugh along with us!

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Musical episode? What musical episode? If you hate Riverdalians bursting into song as much as we do, you'll be pleasantly surprised with the Season 6 version of one because there were barely any musical numbers at all. Instead, we get childish curses gone awry, a worker's union sing-a-long, and an unsatisfying attempt at closure on all this TBK business. But we survived, which is more than we can say for our serial killer Romeo.

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We hope you enjoyed National Doughnut Day on June 3rd because after you watch this movie/listen to our recap, you'll probably never want to eat another doughnut again. While we did find this movie to be a fun and creative concept, we were definitely caught off guard by the gratuitous farting and graphic deaths that resulted from said farting. However, we were NOT surprised by the mediocre acting, incredibly thin plot, and completely bizarre character choices that make this movie both a disaster and a delight. Check this one out! And maybe stick with our doughnut-themed shots rather than actual doughnuts.

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Us: Omg this episode of Riverdale was SO BORING.

Also us: *talks about this episode of Riverdale for almost an hour*

Okay, so we underestimated just how much we'd have to say about Anthony being a baby Serpent, Percival's seemingly endless supply of mind tricks, and all the asinine batshittery that has been promised to us in the upcoming musical episode. If you didn't watch this episode yet, just listen to our recap because we guarantee it's more entertaining.

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Welcome to the episode that almost ended our podcast! We've never been so divided about a movie we've covered, and we came ready to fight about it. In case you've never heard of it, Rubber is a painfully indie movie about a homicidal car tire and the "studio audience" who watches the action unfold through binoculars in the desert. If that sounds weird, it honestly doesn't even scratch the surface. Give us a listen and then let us know whose side you're on! Did you love it? Did you hate it? There is definitely a right answer...

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This episode is a classic example of Riverdale's biggest problem -- not knowing when to quit. Dear Riverdale, WE ARE TIRED of the serial killer gene nonsense (it's not even a real thing universally recognized by science); WE ARE TIRED of new characters with weird/sketchy vibes; WE ARE TIRED of ghosts interfering with plans to move Pop's before Percival can bulldoze it. Okay, that last one is new, but we're already over it. What horrors await us next week? Probably the same old shit.

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Welcome to yet another episode of Riverdale we hated (and watched anyway)! Were you disturbed by the weird threesome energy of that VeBArchie scene? Did you roll your eyes at the shameless retconning of Hal Cooper into an exaggerated caricature of what a serial killer would be like as a dad? And are you fed up with that spiteful old cow, Nana Rose? Well, you have friends here, because we said yes to all of those and we have MORE.

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Normally, we stan a petty queen, but Percival takes his pestering to a whole new level in this week's episode of Riverdale by making it his mission to recover overdue library books. If we're being honest, we'd rather be charged with misdemeanor theft than be subjected to eczema bordering on leprosy, swampy ghosts of child predators past, or developing the venomous characteristics of a black widow spider, but no one seems to be able to tell Percival to fuck off, so that's what we get. Can someone take this guy out already? We're willing to sacrifice Jughead for the cause.

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