Why do we yell? It's because our kids are making us crazy, pushing our buttons, making our life stressful, right? Well, no. It's a kids job to push our buttons, and test our limits. We control our emotions because that's our job. It's our responsibility to react in a way that is good for everybody. Parenting is hard, and it is important to mindfully attend to our triggers, when we feel overwhelmed, powerless, afraid, etc. so we can keep ourselves from "flipping our lids." Listen to this podcast to learn why we yell, and what we can do to stop.

Why Parents Yell at Their Children and How to Stop the Cycle of Trauma by Rebecca Lyddon (June 2022)

Most of us live mindlessly. This is a natural adaptation to the demands of our daily lives. We are distracted from the moment we get up til the moment we go to bed. Our minds are always whirling with deadlines, errands, people, and thoughts we have about it all. Additionally, we are almost always multitasking. We have our music on while driving, checking our emails while on the phone, cooking while trying to clean up and have a conversation. Our attention is rarely focused on just one thing at a time, which makes it impossible to be fully immersed in all of the things we are doing. Mindfulness is slowing down some of what we are doing and focusing on one thing at a time. While it is very difficult to be fully present every waking moment, we can work to cultivate some more mindfulness in some small moments of our day. With practice, these small moments of mindfulness can carry over into the rest of our lives, and help us to be more present in our days.

Tell me about your mindfulness practice . . .

O - observation

F - feeling/emotions

N - need

R - request

S - stop/pause

T - thoughts

O - observe sensations/physical

P - proceed with awareness

H - are you Hungry

A - are you Angry

L - are you Lonely

T - are you Tired

The Mindfulness Solution : Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems

This week I am joined by Lindsay and Kylee to talk about honesty, vulnerability, bravery and how to be a truth-teller. Being honest in our relationships is surprisingly difficult, and we find other ways to maintain the status quo, especially if everything is "fine." I think we have an obligation and a duty to be kind, compassionate, graceful truth-tellers. This is how we refine and improve and how we build trust in our relationships. Lindsay and Kylee give examples of how truth-telling, giving and accepting feedback or not have been positively and negatively experienced in their lives. It's a great podcast and I love having them as guests.

What does it mean to be brave? Kylee joins me this week to talk about how to be authentic and true to yourself. You are not for everybody, and you don't need to be. What does that mean? What ways can you be brave?

Be Brave Little One

57 Modern Manners for Today's Teens

Self-compassion is a skill and it needs to be practiced. If you don't know the benefits of self-compassion it's hard to commit time or energy in your day for this practice, especially if you are care taking or parenting. Don't worry, take a deep breath, notice your emotions, defuse from your thoughts, give yourself a hug, say a kind word to yourself and you are practicing self-compassion.

This work will pay dividends. I promise - Oh, and buy this book.

Mindful Self-Compassion

The inner critic, and we all have one, has a huge impact over our inner life. It affects our overall well-being. Originally, its function was to protect us from danger. Now it's more or less a maladaptive behavior with a lot of negative consequences. This exercise helps us reduce its negative affect by showing it some appreciation and understanding. Give it a try and let me know what you think.

Exercises for quieting your inner critic

This podcast is about self-compassion. It is about taming your inner critic through emotional awareness, mindfulness and an increased understanding of your self-critical parts. Self-compassion is the act of being kind to yourself. It requires you to accept yourself exactly as you are - imperfections and all. Self-compassion is not weakness, apathy or giving up. Instead, it's understanding your strengths and weaknesses as part of a work in progress.

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive

This episode uses the same resources I used last week to discuss emotional connection with our kids. This week, I wanted to make the case that these same skills can be used in all our relationships for our betterment. However, there is a catch; in our adult relationships, we do this work because it makes us good people. If we do it to assert influence, control or persuasion, we miss the point. Listen, let me know what you think.

It's been hard for me to address the issue of influence and the interplay and/or necessity of the emotional connection. I have not known how to identify what "emotional connection" looks like. Using Brad Reedy's "The Journey of the Heroic Parent" - again, and Karen Young's article (linked below), I finally did it. This podcast supports all the effort I made in the previous few podcasts, and gratefully other people have done most of the work. I put it together in this form, and you are the beneficiary. I hope it is valuable.

Please let me know your thoughts, and thank you for being here!

How to To Build Influence With Kids and Teens Through Emotional Connection

The Journey of the Heroic Parent: Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home

I think more can be said on these two types of parenting. This week, I am not using "The Journey of the Heroic Parent" but that book is at the heart of why I am doing this topic at all. So please -- read it! This week I am doing a bit more break down of types of parental/relationship control, why we tend to use it. Kids behave in certain ways, parents react to that behavior. It's hard being a parent and it's hard to slow down our reactions. First, we need realize that our kids are not US. We are not raising people who feel, think or behave the same way we did or do. There might be similarities, but they still need to be treated like humans who will grow into their own personhood. If you can believe that, then you can move away from controlling parental behaviors. Listen this week and I will discuss behavioral control and touch on psychological control.