It's been hard for me to address the issue of influence and the interplay and/or necessity of the emotional connection. I have not known how to identify what "emotional connection" looks like. Using Brad Reedy's "The Journey of the Heroic Parent" - again, and Karen Young's article (linked below), I finally did it. This podcast supports all the effort I made in the previous few podcasts, and gratefully other people have done most of the work. I put it together in this form, and you are the beneficiary. I hope it is valuable.

Please let me know your thoughts, and thank you for being here!

How to To Build Influence With Kids and Teens Through Emotional Connection

The Journey of the Heroic Parent: Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home

I think more can be said on these two types of parenting. This week, I am not using "The Journey of the Heroic Parent" but that book is at the heart of why I am doing this topic at all. So please -- read it! This week I am doing a bit more break down of types of parental/relationship control, why we tend to use it. Kids behave in certain ways, parents react to that behavior. It's hard being a parent and it's hard to slow down our reactions. First, we need realize that our kids are not US. We are not raising people who feel, think or behave the same way we did or do. There might be similarities, but they still need to be treated like humans who will grow into their own personhood. If you can believe that, then you can move away from controlling parental behaviors. Listen this week and I will discuss behavioral control and touch on psychological control.

Teaching by example, listening to them, including kids in decision making and solutions, and creating opportunities for them to experience age appropriate autonomy are ways to influence your children. Influence has longer staying power than control and is much harder to engage in. It requires self-awareness and some honesty about your parenting motives. Listen to this week's podcast for a toe dip into this topic. Remember I am using "The Journey of the Heroic Parent" as a guide for these episodes. Please read this book!

At least let's start talking about the different between control and influence in our relationships. Specifically, in our parent-child relationships, and more generally, other relationships. I believe control is outcome based and our need to control exists because we need a certain results from our children or our relationships in order to feel "good about ourselves." Detaching from the outcome is an important part of upping our game in relationships, and creating differentiation. This week I use the book The Journey of the Heroic Parent: Your Child's Struggle and the Road Home by Brad Reedy, Phd to start this topic. Please, please read this book!! And let's talk about it.

Leave comments and questions at [email protected] and let's have a conversation.

This podcast is a continuation of last week. I focus on two of the admonitions given to parents by Lindsay and Carson.

1. Don't make your child's behavior about you. Lindsay reminds us that it is NOT. ABOUT. YOU (the parent).

2. Find ways to connect with your children now as who they ARE currently, and don't rely on who they WERE. It's time for new things.

Please engage with this podcast. I really need your questions in order to help clarify the important topics. You can reach out via Instagram, email and comments on the Spotify podcast site.

This week Lindsay and Carson join me this week to discuss adult child/parent relationships. It has become increasingly obvious to me that this is an overlooked area of relationships, and there is a reasonable belief that status quo is fine. Interestingly, I have adult clients who don’t believe the status quo is fine. They express hurt and frustration about their relationships with their parents. However, they also don’t say anything to their parents. I can understand this. It can be very scary. Sometimes those growing pains are too much. Lindsay and Carson have some good insight into how we as parents can do something different. It’s worth a listen. 

This week, I respond to the feedback I received from you guys about the 3 circles. Topics brought up include how to teach it to kids, the many different types of conflict, or contention, or disagreement. Also, what is the role of persuasion in the 3 circles. Maybe this will be the last one of these for a while.

Join me this week for a conversation with Emma. This episode is informative in so many ways. Emma's practical experience with this tool, and her ability to address the nuances of this new way of being in relationship with an other is a wonderful way to end this series. Emma was a great guest; it felt like talking to a friend about a topic we are both passionate about.

The framework for The 3 Circles Communication Tool has been laid with the last part being the "Other's Circle." With this basic understanding, you can start to pay attention to how you might use this in your relationships. Next week Emma Reedy will join me to share her insights, feedback and discuss real world application. Don't miss it!!

The Three Circles Communication Tool

The 3 Circles Communication Tool has great potential for improving our relationships. It's about boundaries, communication, validation and intimacy. Please listen, let me know what you think and if you need more clarification.

The Three Circles Communication Tool by Emma Reedy