Inner Propaganda with Owen Fitzpatrick

Key Takeaways:

• Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love and how the 3 components of love generate 8 possible kinds of love
• The 8 different types of love according to the ancient Greeks
• John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’s attachment theory
• On the self-limiting belief that one is either the victim or the villain of circumstance
• How the principle of scarcity is related to the saying “nice people finish last”
• On the problematic belief that a significant other is either property or an “other half”

Quotes:

• “Make sure that you and your beloved are on the same page.”
• “Once you’re aware of what kind of (attachment) style you have, it’s then up to you to do what you can to start to work on that.”
• “Understanding more about yourself is a tool that allows you to be able to accept some aspects, but you can always improve.”
• “When it comes to love, we can be our own worst enemies in many ways.”
• “Love is something that you work on.”
• “You need to look at your love narrative. What are the kinds of beliefs that you have?”

• Robert J. Sternberg
• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• Barking Up the Wrong Tree by Eric Barker
• Give and Take by Adam Grant
• Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

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In this episode, I explore catastrophic thinking and how it manifests in our minds. As always I offer you some strategies and insights as to how to combat it effectively!

WHY Negativity Bias Drama Bias Salience Effect (Why… because big events made a big difference to us… dramatic events require us to take more action… we paid more attention to what could go wrong)

Mistakes we make The excuse of worst-case scenario planning The Pessimism vs Realism problem The exaggeration habit The negative zone

Strategies to change it Scenario Planning 101 Focus on the facts Create the odds Notice your state and ignore the voices Focus on the goal Go to after the goal is achieved

After spending his entire career conducting scientific research on persuasion, Dr. Robert Cialdini has become the foundational expert on influence and how to apply it ethically in business. His books, including Influence and Pre-Suasion, have sold more than seven million copies in 44 different languages. He is also the Regents' Professor Emeritus of Psychology and Marketing at Arizona State University.

In this episode, Robert explains how the 7 Principles of Persuasion—plus one other principle—can be applied in these times, diving into the 3 goals that communicators often have. He shares studies and stories to better illustrate his point. He also offers advice on asking for a favor, for feedback, or for your partner to make a change.

Tune in and start communicating better with other people!

Key Takeaways:

• Reciprocity, Liking, and Unity are indispensable in the early stages of a relationship
• When uncertain, people look to figures of authorities or their peers
• Scarcity and Commitment are the 2 principles that mobilize people into action
• The top factors that were most effective for 6,700 eCommerce sites
• The difference between the Liking Principle and the Unity Principle and the power of unifying commonalities
• How to leverage the Principle of Reciprocity and the Contrast Principle

Quotes:

• (On taking action) “Sometimes we need a spur to get us to take that step.”
• “Unity is about commonality of membership... being one of that group.”
• (On responding to expressions of gratitude) “Of course I was glad to do it. It’s what long-term... partners do for one another.”
• “You can always contrast something against something else, and we often make the mistake of failing to do that.”
• “Ask for that person’s advice on this idea. They take a half-step toward you psychologically.”

• Influence At Work
• Influence (New and Expanded) by Robert Cialdini

In this episode, I explain why you don’t feel as motivated as you want to and how to get more drive and motivation into your life.

WHY Our brains needed to get us to take action… use dopamine to drive us Dopamine levels are impacted by various factors When dopamine is low we struggle with motivation

Mistakes we make We fail to make our goals exciting We try to achieve things in one go We forget our why We get bored and revert to the easiest action We make excuses and find ‘reasons’ We try and push through without any rewards

Strategies to change it Remember the exciting vision Break it down Proofs of progress Make it a big deal Commit to the change Set a date Reward yourself for action

Joining me on today’s show are Adam Ashton and Adam Jones, the voices behind the What You Will Learn podcast. They are also the authors of “The Sh*t They Never Taught You”, a massive compilation of their takeaways from over a hundred of the best books of all time.

In this episode, they walk us through the process of getting a book out into the world—from writing iterations, preparing it for publishing, and actually launching the book. They also give a preview of “The Sh*t They Never Taught You”, weighing in on some of the books and topics they’ve written about.

Key Takeaways:

• How the Adams started writing their book
• Why they decided to go down the path of self-publishing
• The main insights they hope people will get from their book
• What makes certain books great reads
• On getting your life together and forging your own path
• Why marketing to the masses is like a spreading a virus
• On leading a team, personal finance, and breaking biases
• The different philosophies they’ve combined so people can live the good life

Quotes:

• “[For] anyone thinking of writing a book, it’s imperative that you put in your own uniqueness, what makes you stand out, what makes you different in that way.”
• “...taking control of our learning journey, and we can do that through books.”
• “Visualization plus the hard work... inspired by other books, together, you get a combination in a package that is going to be more useful.”
• “Our brain takes shortcuts because it’s efficient, it’s easy, it’s the quickest way to do something; but really, in many cases, it’s wrong.”

• The Sh*t They Never Taught You by Adam Ashton and Adam Jones
• What You Will Learn

In this episode, you will learn why you don’t feel good enough or struggle with imposter syndrome and how to handle it and change the way you feel.

WHY To survive we needed to get on with people… status mattered for survival Evaluating self helped you improve Instead, we learned to categorize ourselves and judge ourselves… fixed mindset (personality, IQ tests)

Mistakes we make Good enough for what? Comparison with others Social Media Deception Social Media Value Perception Signaling Bias Virtue Contests The law of selective information (all about self, little about others) Imposter syndrome (we think we’ll be found out) The Inner critics (not just one voice… a whole host… victim voice, villain’s voice)

Strategies to change it You are okay where you are for now How can you improve in the future?

What are you not good enough at? Specifically? What are you good enough at? Specifically? How have you improved?

Nobody is perfect. Everybody lies. You can’t accurately know if you’re good enough.

Everyone is an imposter Elect your Boss voice

This week, I interview a brilliant psychologist Leonard Carr who is an expert on personality and relationships and we talk about relationships, insecurity and psychotherapy… this one is not to miss!

Key Takeaways:

• How to develop an appreciative approach
• On going with your feelings versus going with your gut
• There is a lot to learn from toddlers because they live in vulnerability
• How to become a well-rounded human being
• On power issues and the weaponization of social media
• A good relationship has a healthy balance of maintaining one’s sense of self and making space for the other person
• Leonard’s tips for single people

Quotes:

• “How you perceive the world... is really a choice, and it’s those choices that inform your experience of life.”
• “You can only see the world as if for the first time if you’re not bringing old agendas and programs to your current reality.”
• “[Try not to become] the monster you are trying to find.”
• “A person has to enjoy life and be happy with wherever you are and whatever phase that you’re in.”
• “Make a real commitment to understand the greatness of every human being and the value of human dignity...”

ABOUT LEONARD CARR

Leonard Carr is a clinical psychologist who has over forty years’ experience counseling and psychotherapy in diverse lay-voluntary and professional settings. Internationally recognized as an expert on personality and relationships, he has been cited in books and other publications. A prolific writer and columnist, Leonard has appeared extensively on national and international radio and television and has hosted two of his own radio shows on psychological matters. He is regularly invited to present workshops and talks both locally and internationally. He was the primary psychological commentator on the Oscar Pistorius Trial and during the trial made extensive appearances on radio, TV and in the press. 

Leonard has worked in a diverse variety of settings like schools, hospitals, crisis intervention centers and children’s homes in his early career. 

Leonard is a past chairperson of the South African Association of Marital and Family Therapy. He is an accredited Mediator. He gained extensive experience from being called upon to assess and report on the psychological dynamics in a variety of court cases, many of which contributed to changing the law in South Africa. 

Leonard has developed an integrative perspective on personality that draws on insights from many schools of psychology and spiritual thought and tradition integrated into a comprehensive map of personal development. He runs growth courses and workshops based on his model and its applications to the areas of leadership, organizational functioning, personal growth, dating, marriage, parenting and interpersonal relationships. 

To learn more, go to http://www.leonardcarr.com

You might also enjoy last week's interview with Dr. Richard Nisbett on social psychology and thinking. Listen here.

Last week, we explored 23 principles for Happiness, Success, Change, and Wisdom. This week, I want to explore the exceptions to the rule… when don’t these principles work… and what does?

Gratitude is a game-changer

Focus on what you don’t have (to motivate you)

Change your state

Let yourself be where you are and feel what you feel and be patient

Your feelings can’t be trusted. Your gut can.

Your feelings will tell you about what is going on in your body and mind

Be solution-focused

Let others find their own solutions

Really listen to others

Find better problems 

Be okay with whatever happens

Do not accept the situation. Stand your ground. Build boundaries.

Focus on how you can improve

Label yourself in terms of the kind of behaviors you want to engage in

Focus on what you can control

Remind yourself that the universe works outside of your locus of control and learn to accept

Focus on how this is an opportunity

Focus on why this is a problem that needs to be focused on

Prioritize the most important thing and focus on it

Keep your eye on all the moving parts

Stay resilient.

Give up. It’s not worth doing.

Everything will be okay. 

Everything won’t be okay and that is okay

Chunk things down to stay motivated

Chunk things up to stay motivated (bigger picture)

Set clear and exciting goals

Focus on habits and daily routines

Give first

Maintain strong boundaries and avoid giving too much

Measure your progress

Do things for the sake of them

Keep your standards of others high

Lower your standards of others 

Raise your standards for yourself

Take time off and live in the moment

In this episode, I got the chance to talk to one of the most impactful social psychologists of all time, Dr. Richard E. Nisbett. Dr. Nisbett has an extensive amount of experience in the field of social psychology and his new book Thinking is a brilliant memoir and insight-packed book that explains what we know about why people behave the way they do.

In this first episode of the changing minds podcast season three, I begin by exploring some key principles to live by for Happiness, Success, Change and Wisdom.