Inspiration from the Couch

In this episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy continue their discussion on perfectionism, which often stems from the belief that we are not enough or not worthy. We discuss conditional statements for worth that implicate perfectionism and explore all the sneaky ways that perfectionism can appear in our lives including school, work, parenting, intimate relationships, our environment, and physical appearance. We then offer several strategies to combat perfectionism.  

Do try this at home:

• Make a cost/benefit analysis of perfectionistic behaviors and prioritize. 
• Let ourselves experiment.
• Be aware of your self-talk and your tendencies. Do you use words like “should” or “must,” or do you put yourself down often? By becoming more aware of your patterns, you’re in a better position to alter them. 
• Remind yourself you are more than your accomplishments and your possessions. Ask yourself, “How do I want people to remember me?” 
• Utilize mindfulness to label your experience and then brainstorm other ways to demonstrate your big-picture values. 

Our fifth book club is on Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb. In this episode we provide a brief overview of the book, discuss our own paths to becoming psychologists, talk about which characters we resonate with the most, and explain what we think are the most important aspects of the therapeutic relationship. 

Note: No prior reading/knowledge of this book is required to enjoy and benefit from this episode. 

Do try this at home:

• Read the book! It gives a window into what therapy can look like.
• Practice opening up and being more accepting.
• Pay attention and find compassion (even for difficult people).

In this episode, Lucy, Jamie, and Avery talk about the mental health field and the process of seeking professional support. We discuss signs of when we might need outside assistance, and we differentiate professional support from friendship. We share about the mental health landscape: types of providers, levels of care, and types of interventions found on an outpatient basis. We demystify the process of choosing and getting settled in with a therapist, and we also examine investment in and barriers to treatment. Lastly, we debunk common myths about seeking professional support. 

Do try this at home: 

• Think of therapy as a container to hold on to things you can’t access at the moment (like hope!). 
• The more willing and open you are, the more helpful therapy will be. 
• There are many paths. Be curious about what you might need and try to seek out whatever that might be. 

In today’s episode, Avery, Lucy, and Jamie discuss perfectionism---the need to appear or be perfect. We discuss the various ways that perfectionism manifests as a trait and in behaviors,  share some of our own tendencies towards perfectionism, provide examples of perfectionism across the lifespan and in various activities, and discuss the downfalls and mental health consequences of perfectionism. 

Do try this at home:

• Be intentional about doing an activity “half-assed.” 
• Practice engaging in activities for joy and connection.
• Try new things and have a “beginner’s mindset” stance.

Most of us are in easy agreement that we should refrain from being assholes to others, yet we often speak to ourselves in harsh, critical, and self-aggressive ways. In today’s episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy explore the ways that people (including us!) are assholes to themselves, both overtly and subconsciously. We talk about how we often speak to ourselves so differently than we would speak to a friend or even a stranger. We identify various Inner Voices: The Critic, The Excuse Maker, The Victim, The Worrier, The Caretaker, and The Enforcer. We describe each of these and examine how they show up in our lives. 

Do try this at home: 

• Accept what’s so. (Accept things as they are right now.)
• Our heads can get really crowded with all those voices inside! Take time to slow down and be with your true self. 
• When you notice a lot of chatter in your head, you can tune in and ask yourself: “What else is going on” and “What do I need to do to take care of myself right now?”
• Practice showing up for yourself with compassion when your inner critic gets loud. 
• Try using a mantra such as “I’m just enough as I am.”
• Have the explicit goal of “Don’t be an asshole to myself.” 
• Try talking to yourself like you would speak to a friend. 

In today’s episode, Avery, Lucy, and Jamie talk about Cognitive Load. Cognitive load refers to the cognitive energy associated with planning and managing tasks.  We talk about our own experiences with cognitive load and offer some validation that the cognitive load of various roles can become quite heavy and overwhelming at times. Next, we discuss how we assess for cognitive load and attempt to distribute it in an equitable way.  We end this episode with a discussion of strategies to cope with burnout and ways we can access support from others. 

Do try this at home:

• How do we think about cognitive load, recognize it, name it? It can be helpful to list the things that you are taking responsibility for and mentally managing so you can get clear on which tasks you are a “yes” for and which ones you need to pass off or get help with. 
• Turning inward and assessing your own capacity for additional cognitive tasks and communicating that to those around you can be helpful in maintaining your cognitive energy. 
•  The conversation about cognitive load is an important one to have with your partner or loved ones especially if you are feeling overwhelmed or burned out. 

Helpful articles/links:

• What Is The Mental Load? Women's Invisible Labor
• The hidden load: How 'thinking of everything' holds mums back
• This Comic Perfectly Explains the Mental Load Working Mothers Bear
• Mental Load: Examples, How to Talk About It, & More
• ResilienceConnection.com

In today’s episode, Avery, Lucy, and Jamie talk about The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker. We discuss different topics that are brought up in the book such as the importance of clearly identifying the purpose of why we gather and being intentional about who we include in certain gatherings, where we host them, and how we show up as hosts.  As we review the book, we talk about some of our own gatherings and different ways that this book might inspire our future gatherings. 

Note: No prior reading/knowledge of this book is required to enjoy and benefit from this episode. 

Do try this at home: 

• Be more intentional about gatherings by focusing on more than just the logistics.
• Clearly identify the purpose of the gathering. 
• A clear purpose becomes a filter and helps to make decisions like who to invite or where to have the gathering. 

In today’s episode, Avery, Lucy, and Jamie discuss nostalgia---the sentimentality for the past, typically for a particular period or place with positive associations. We explore the purpose, pros, and cons of nostalgia, share some of our own nostalgic memories, discuss how nostalgia gets triggered through music, fragrance, and mood states, talk about “retro” things, and discuss how nostalgia can be used as a positive coping tool for self and others.

Do try this at home:

• Try out intentionally using nostalgia to shift your mood.
• Be mindful of the joy and sadness associated with nostalgia.
• If you find yourself in a situation in which you’re reminiscing about your past and other people start drifting away because they haven’t had that experience with you, ask them about their experiences in order to foster connection.  

In episode 18, Lucy, Avery, and Jamie focus on change, specifically on how to cope with life transitions and changing circumstances in our lives (including both “positive” and “negative” change). We identify some common sources of change, share about our own experiences with and responses to change, and discuss resistance to change. We also explore our favorite strategies for coping with change.

Do try this at home:

• Have compassion for yourself and nurture yourself with good self-care. (Care for yourself as you would care for someone else.)
• Be mindful of your self-talk. “I am, I can, I will, I do.” 
• For creatures of habit: intentionally change things up in your life to practice working that muscle of change and flexibility. 

In this episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy talk about gratitude! We discuss what gratitude entails, why it matters, and benefits of gratitude (physically, emotionally, and socially). We also talk about what gets in the way of gratitude, share personal examples of who and what we’re grateful for, talk about disingenuous gratitude, explore the influences of media and consumerism on gratitude, and discuss ways to incorporate more gratitude practices into our lives. Lastly, we encourage our listeners to engage in the #fuckingthankful challenge with us!

Do try this at home: 

• Ask yourself, “What is there to be thankful for?”, particularly when you are experiencing difficult emotions.
• Pick a gratitude practice and try it out!
• Associate what you are thankful for with the word “gift.”