Inspiration from the Couch

In today’s episode, Avery, Lucy, and Jamie talk about speaking the truth. We start our conversation by talking about what happens to us physically and emotionally when we don’t tell the truth. Even small seemingly insignificant lies can impact how we feel about ourselves and how we show up in our relationships with others, but the desire to please or keep the peace can interfere with telling the truth. We talk about how we determine when truth needs to be spoken in our own lives and how truth can be spoken in a direct and compassionate way. 

Do try this at home:

• Look for opportunities where you can speak the truth. This may require tuning in and looking inward. 
• Notice those white lies you tend to tell and see what it would be like to respond more authentically and honestly
• Pay attention to your tone when telling the truth.  Speaking truth in a gentle easy manner can settle your own nervous system and help calm the person on the receiving end as well. 
• If you know something say something. If truth keeps tapping at the door, find a way to say it. 

Our third book club episode is on The F*ck It Diet by Caroline Dooner. In this episode we provide an overview of the book and discuss key takeaways that resonated most with each of us (e.g., trust your body, the crisis/famine state we put our bodies in when we diet, the power of making all foods legal). We share about our own relationships with food and our bodies. We also debrief on our #liethefuckdown challenge, inspired by Dooner’s recommendation to lie down for 10 minutes/day. 

Note: No prior reading/knowledge of this book is required to enjoy and benefit from this episode. 

Do try this at home:

• Read The F*ck It Diet! 
• Trust your body to do what’s best for you. 
• #liethefuckdown {Let’s start a movement!}

In this episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy talk about getting older! We reflect on what it’s been like for us personally as we go through our middle age stage of life---physically, emotionally, and socially. We discuss society’s view of aging including some of the negative stereotypes associated with aging and how many of us have internalized negative messages about aging. We also explore resistance to aging versus embracing aging, and share our own fears and excitement about getting older. 

Do try this at home:

• Be mindful of what we want for ourselves as we age.
• Be present and treasure what you have rather than what you don’t have.
• Embrace the adventure of each day. As we get older, life can get richer and more meaningful in so many ways!

Compassion (and more specifically self-compassion) is THE Secret Sauce in thriving and in living with peace and ease. Join Lucy, Jamie, and Avery as we talk about why compassion is so important, our experiences with compassion, barriers to compassion, and how we can practice integrating self-compassion into our lives. 

In this episode we discuss:

• What is compassion? And what is the opposite of compassion? (Spoiler alert: the opposite of compassion is self-judgment/self-aggression!)
• Principles of compassion
• Our experiences with compassion
• Barriers to self-compassion
• Practices that facilitate compassion

Do try this at home:

• Try a “Self-Compassion Break” (from Kristin Neff). Repeat these 3 phrases to yourself: 

1. This is a moment of suffering. 
2. Everyone has hardships or suffering in life. 
3. May I accept myself just the way I am. 

• Be on the lookout for your Inner Critic. When you notice it, shift to a voice that you would use with a friend or child.  
• Practice compassion as much as you can. Hands on body. Allow. Soften. 

Resources:

• Kristin Neff: https://self-compassion.org/
• Tara Brach’s RAIN meditation: https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/
• Lucy’s compassion practice: https://drlucysmith.com/mindfulness-practices

Curiosity is living from a state of inquiry. There is a closing off that happens when we feel like we have to have it all figured out or when we feel like we have to be the expert. Curiosity fosters openness and acceptance and is an important tool when engaging in the present and in thinking about the future. Curiosity can give us the space to learn and grow. In this episode, we talk about how to foster curiosity, what can interfere with curiosity, and how curiosity can help us to connect to ourselves and one another. 

In this episode we discuss:

• How to foster curiosity
• What can interfere with curiosity
• How curiosity can help us connect to ourselves and each other

Do try this at home:

• Give yourself time to be curious: journaling, in conversations with others
• Let go of the need to be right. Tune into that and ask, “What is being right costing me?”
• Bring curiosity along. Ask, “Where is curiosity and how can I bring it with me?”…especially if you notice yourself shutting down, closing off, or digging in. 

Anxiety disorders affect approximately 18% of the population. Apart from diagnosed anxiety disorders, anxiety symptoms affect most, if not all, of us from time to time.  Anxiety isn’t all bad. The ability to look ahead and avoid negative consequences is very helpful and keeps us safe. However, worry is not always helpful and sometimes just causes emotional discomfort. Many situations can cause an increase in anxiety (e.g., the recent pandemic experience and flying on airplanes). Anxiety can affect our functioning and keep us out of the present. In this episode, we discuss the physical and cognitive symptoms of anxiety and review strategies that can be helpful in managing anxiety. 

In this episode we discuss:

• The function of anxiety – when it works for us and when it works against us
• How anxiety manifests, including both physical and cognitive symptoms
• Strategies to help manage and alleviate anxiety

Do try this at home:

• Interrupt the cycle of anxious rumination. When you find yourself getting caught on a thought train, exit by coming into your body and the present moment.
• Practice. Incorporate things that are relaxing into your daily schedule, so they are easily accessible when you experience an increase in anxiety. 
• Keep track. Take note where you are on the anxiety spectrum and track what is helpful to you and what gets in your way.

Our second book club episode is on Untamed by Glennon Doyle. In this episode, Lucy, Jamie, and Avery explore Glennon’s 4 Keys to Freedom: 1) Feel it All, 2) Be Still and Know, 3) Dare to Imagine, and 4) Build and Burn. We also highlight our favorite nuggets of wisdom about parenting that Glennon shares in Untamed. 

Note: No prior reading/knowledge of this book is required to enjoy and benefit from this episode. 

In this episode we discuss:

• Key 1: Feel it All {Pain vs suffering; how we avoid our feelings; how to befriend our feelings}
• Key 2: Be Still and Know {Stop doing. Be still. Sink into the body. Get a nudge to the next right thing. Opposite of the “poll and research” strategy}
• Key 3: Dare to Imagine {What is true and beautiful?}
• Key 4: Build and Burn {Must destroy the “good enough” to build the “true and beautiful”}
• Parenting nuggets of wisdom garnered from Untamed

Do try this at home:

• Pick one of the Keys to Freedom (perhaps the one that resonated with you the most or the one you think you need the most) and practice it in your life

In today’s episode, Avery, Jamie, and Lucy talk about accessing support. We sometimes get the message that we should be able to do everything on our own, but we all need help sometimes. We talk about how it feels to ask for help, the barriers to asking for help, and the benefits of giving and receiving support. 

In this episode we discuss:

• What happens when we don’t ask for help and how asking for help can impact our relationships
• How it feels to ask for help and what gets in the way of asking for help when we need it
• The benefits of asking for help (both for the asker and one being asked)
• How to ask for help in a clear and direct way

Do try this at home:

• Give yourself a permission slip to ask for help – you don’t have to do it all yourself!
• Inventory people in your life: who is reliable, dependable, and trustworthy? If you have difficulty asking for help, start higher up on the list. 
• Remember that as humans, we feel good when we can help someone else. Allow others to have that positive experience of helping someone by asking them to help you. As an added bonus, asking someone for help lets them know we trust them, which strengthens our relationship. 

In today’s episode, Jamie, Lucy, and Avery discuss the importance and difficulties of saying no. We explore how to make more room in our lives for things that truly matter by saying one of the bravest words---no. We share anecdotes of our own struggles and successes in this area, review a “personal bill of rights” which provides rationale for saying no, and role play assertive and not so assertive ways of saying no.

In this episode we discuss: 

• How we have the right to say no to harmful, hurtful, or toxic things and relationships, as well as energy-draining activities and relationships
• How we have the right to assert what we want and what happens when we say yes when we really mean no
• How we have the right to say no to stories that don’t work for us
• How we have the right to take our time regarding our decision-making
• How we have the right to be honest with ourselves, be in the present moment, and connect with ourselves
• We also review the pragmatics of saying no assertively

Do try this at home:

• Discern what seasons of life are a “blanket” no to reduce cognitive effort in everyday decision-making
• Give ourselves permission to say no in order to make space for things that truly matter
•  Say no to thoughts and stories that lead to anxiety and regret and are not useful to us

“Do it Afraid” is one of our favorite mantras, and in today’s episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy explore what this phrase means and how to put it into practice in our lives.  We talk about ways that we play it safe and ways that we take risks, as well as the pros and cons of each. We share about how to support ourselves while doing things that align with our goals/values but that terrify us nonetheless. 

In this episode we discuss:

• Fear we heed vs fear we challenge
• How we Play it Safe
• Why we might want to take risks, and what gets in the way of taking risks
• What it means to Do it Afraid – how this feels
• How to support yourself before, during, and after Doing it Afraid

Do try this at home:

• Figure out the cues to distinguish between fear we should listen to and fear we should push back against
• Make verbal commitments. Say it out loud! 
• Experiment! Play with all of this, harnessing courage and willingness