Inspiration from the Couch

Avery, Jamie and Lucy get pretty vulnerable in this episode. We each talk about our own experiences with diet culture, self-acceptance, and self-compassion. We review some of our favorite sources of inspiration and information on this topic and talk about a few helpful questions to consider: How much space do thoughts about diet and body size take up in your life? If you were able to clear some of that space, what else would you be thinking about? What do you value? What are your top priorities? At your funeral, what will people remember about you? What do you find beautiful in other people? Bring 5 people to mind that you love and adore – why do you love and adore them? 

We also talk about strategies that help us to pull our focus away from our bodies: Writing love notes to yourself about things that are not body-centered (I am strong, I am grateful, I am loving) and paying close attention to who you are following on social media can really make a difference in how you see yourself. Following a variety of individuals with a variety of body types helps us recognize that there really is space for every BODY. 

Do try this at home:

• Steps to having a swimsuit ready body: Have a body, Put on a swimsuit
• Put yourself in situations that challenge your notion of who is able to do what. When you see what you are capable of doing, it can help you to see yourself in a broader view. 
• Diet culture is woven into many aspects of our lives and we are often not aware of it. If you haven’t heard the phrases “diet culture” or “anti-diet”, you may want to get a better understanding by looking them up or checking out the resources below. As you start to intentionally notice all the ways that diet culture shows up in your life (advertisements, conversations), you can shift away from it and challenge it. We invite you to be an advocate for change in your own life. 

Resources:

• Maintenance Phase https://www.maintenancephase.com/ 
• Food Psych https://christyharrison.com/all-episodes 
• The Body is Not an Apology https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/
• Fuck It Diet https://thefuckitdiet.com/ 
• Beyond the Shadow of a Diet https://judithmatz.com/books/beyond-a-shadow-of-a-diet/ 

In this episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy begin our 15-part series on Less is More. Just kidding! We discuss consumption and accumulating vs. decluttering and making do with what we have, the pandemic effects on doing less vs. returning to old, hurried habits/behaviors, overcommitting vs. being intentional about commitments, “luxury fever” and how that affects adults and children, and how to utilize savoring to increase pleasant experiences vs. multi-tasking and wishing for more.

Do Try This at Home:

• Clear space for savoring. 
• Pick one thing to declutter and focus on the essential.
• Write out your schedule for the week and ask yourself, “How can I invite less? What can I subtract?”

Avery, Lucy, and Jamie return for a book club episode to close out our series on relationships. We delve into a book called Taking Sexy Back by Alexandra Solomon. We start with an overview of the book, then discuss our comfort with this topic and messages we’ve received about sex throughout our lives. We share our favorite takeaways from the book, including a framework for sexual self-awareness (i.e., making friends with Your Sexy), how we approach sex (i.e., love versus fear; reasons for engaging), sexual desire (i.e., dual control model; responsive vs spontaneous desire), how body image impacts our sexuality, and hook-up culture. Instead of “Do try this at home,” we end this episode by sharing the messages we hope to give others – be it our kids, clients, or friends – around sex.  

In this episode, we talk about a variety of strategies that help us to fight fair. We start out by going through our “top ten” list: compromising, apologizing and making amends, acknowledging intent and impact, taking one for the team (without keeping score), accessing support from other sources, going to bed angry, taking responsibility, focusing on the issue at hand, listening, and writing it down. Throughout the episode, we review ways that different styles of communication and the various dynamics in relationships can impact conflict. We end this episode with a couple of bonus strategies as well as some questions you can ask yourself and your partner to help you both fight more fairly. 

Do try this at home:

• Look for the bigger meaning under the argument. What is the unspoken topic underneath? Go deeper than the surface topic to avoid having the same argument repeatedly. 
• Pay attention to how you argue. Is there anything you can learn about your or your partner’s communication style that can help you fight more fairly in the future. 
• Look inward, acknowledge power you do have, and take responsibility for what is yours. 

In today’s episode, Avery, Jamie, and Lucy explore the armors of expectations, complaints, and demands that show up in relationships. We discuss what makes these armor and how they impact our relationships. We talk about the importance of both identifying what we want and need, as well as being willing to express this to our partners. We then delineate and explore two practices that we can use instead: making requests and creating agreements. 

Do try this at home: 

• Try using the language of requests and agreements vs. expectations, complaints, and demands. 
• Ask for feedback from your partner (about how things land for them, about where they stand). 
• Be mindful about when you use the armor of expectations, complaints, and demands, and instead, practice making requests and agreements. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself during this process. 

Today, Lucy, Jamie, and Avery talk about three key and interconnected ingredients for healthy, romantic relationships -- closeness, connection/emotional intimacy, and friendship. We discuss what it means to be close and connected with your partners, the costs of intimacy, and we give pointers on how to strengthen intimacy and friendship in your romantic relationship.

Do try this at home:

• To foster friendship and connection with your partner, touch base with your partner a few times a day by phone, email, or text. It’s best for these interactions to be supportive, friendly, and engaging rather than trying to tackle major issues or continuing an argument. 
• Set aside intentional time to be with your partner and do something fun!
• Remember things that you do well with your partner and do those activities to reconnect with your partner.

In this episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy begin our podcast series on relationships. We start by reviewing changes in romantic relationships and how they have evolved across the decades, major reasons individuals divorce, and expectations that are placed on romantic partners. We then explore the love “chapters” in long-term relationships --- early idealization, fall from grace/disillusionment, and committed/authentic love. Lastly, we get personal and share our own love stories and how we’ve navigated these “chapters” of love. 

Do try this at home:

• Be mindful and examine the ideas and preconceptions you have about the kind of partner and  relationship you want. Your ideas/expectations play a role in determining where and with whom you end up.
• Remember that up and down phases in a relationship are normal!
• If you’re in a rough spot in your relationship, think about the early, pleasant experiences in your own love story.

Today we are talking about service to others: Why do we do it? What gets in the way? We discuss the difference between proactive giving and being "voluntold" to give to a certain cause. We also cover intentional giving, protecting boundaries while giving back, and adopting a mindset of serving. We end our conversation by reviewing different ways that we can get involved in our communities and the advantages of giving back. 

Do try this at home:

• Tap into your why. What are your values and how can you incorporate these into your acts of service so they are more meaningful and authentic to you?
• Ask yourself, “How can I serve” and see what comes up. Thinking about service to others can de-center us and help us think about the bigger picture. 
• Invite some ease around service. Service does not have to be hard or another source of resentment. Service can be enjoyable and it is ok to shift to a different type of activity where your gifts and talents are more in line with the need.

Resources for Service:

www.volnow.org

https://ntfb.org/

https://www.dosomething.org/us

https://engage.pointsoflight.org/

Light a candle, grab a blanket, and get in your pj’s! In this episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy discuss the importance of comfort. We talk about Hygge---the Danish word used to acknowledge a special feeling or moment which involves coziness and comfort. We share what we personally find comforting. We discuss possible downsides to comfort as well as ineffective comfort strategies. We also touch on the topic of “comfort food” and getting outside of one’s “comfort zone.” 

Do try this at home:

• Do an inventory on what you find comforting. 
• Give yourself and others permission to intentionally seek comfort.
• Make space for comfort in your life.

This week we start our conversation touching on the practice of setting new year’s resolutions. We have some feelings about this tradition! We talk about the difference between resolutions – which often fail for a variety of reasons – and goals that are more specific and reachable. We end this episode with an invitation to scrap resolutions entirely and instead focus on self-compassion and the concept of enoughness: the belief that we are enough just as we are.  

Do try this at home:

• Resist the urge to jump head first into the frenzy of making resolutions and instead reflect on what that is about for you. Why do we keep doing that? What are we trying to achieve? Are there other ways to get what you need by doing less? 
• Find a mantra or create one that connects you with your focus for the week or day or hour. Bite size pieces are the most effective. 
• If you are trying to set goals, focus on progress over perfection. You may also want to consider inviting yourself to do less. You do not need to change anything about yourself in order to deserve peace and ease and freedom. You are more than enough just as you are. 

 Resources:

• I thought it was just me (but it isn’t): Making the journey from “What will people think” to” I am enough” by Brene Brown
• The Trance of Scarcity by Victoria Castle
• You are a Bad Ass by Jen Sincero
• Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/