Inspiration from the Couch

In this episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly of vacationing. We briefly discuss the differences in vacation policy between the U.S. and other countries, share some of our own vacation plans, and talk about all the stressors associated with planning, traveling, and being on vacation. We then talk about post-vacation depression and share tips on how to minimize stress so that you can enjoy your vacation to the fullest, 

Do Try This At Home:

• If possible, plan a transition period before and after your vacation so that you are less pressured when returning to your normal routine.
• Plan future trips to have something to look forward to.
• Set an intention, rather than an expectation, regarding your vacation to be more present. 

In today’s episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy talk about the concept of “Dialectics,” which is holding two opposite viewpoints that are simultaneously true. This entails leaning heavily into both-and thinking, rather than getting trapped in either-or thinking. We talk through several “dialectical dilemmas,” including: 

• Acceptance (validation) vs change (problem solving)
• Emotion Mind vs Reasonable Mind (which equals Wise Mind)
• Rigidity vs flexibility
• Lie the Fuck Down vs Get the Fuck Up
• Being self-less vs prioritizing ourselves
• Speaking truth vs being kind

We also explore some of the factors that make dialectics hard, as well as the benefits of approaching life from a more dialectical perspective. 

Badass Boundaries: https://badassmethod.com/boundaries

In this episode, Jamie, Lucy, and Avery discuss the Supreme Court’s recent decision to overturn Roe vs. Wade. We focus on strategies to manage the emotional distress that this decision has caused for many of us specifically in regard to politically charged conversations, general empathy and concern for others and the future, and the personal relevance of the decision. We touch on strategies to foster compassion as we each navigate our own response to the decision and our interactions with others. 

Do try this at home:

• Know that you are not alone. This is a distressing thing that has happened and a lot of people are very upset.  It's important to allow yourself to feel your feelings and get support for them.
• There's not one “right” way to manage your emotional response to this. When feeling a loss of control, attending to self and noticing the things that you can control (like your own behavior) can be helpful in managing your emotions. 
• According to grief expert, David Kessler, “Grief doesn’t really get smaller- you get bigger.” Having a network of individuals to support you can help you to be able to handle what is going on.  When you access support that can help you “get bigger”, it can be easier to manage the feelings associated with this current situation. 

Inspiration from the Couch book club returns! Today we are diving into Essentialism by Greg McKeown. The tagline of this book is “the disciplined pursuit of less.” We start by defining both essentialism and nonessentialism, comparing and contrasting these two ways of being. We then explore the core mindset of an essentialist, including choice, discernment, and the reality of tradeoffs. Lastly we talk about the 3-step process for becoming an essentialist: explore, eliminate, and execute. 

 
Do Try This at Home

• Read the book! We all LOVED it! 
• Shift your mindset to acknowledge that you can only do so much with your time. If you don’t prioritize it, someone else will. 
• If you want to make a kick ass contribution to the world, YOU are your best asset. So you have to prioritize yourself. 
• Ask yourself: “What’s most important now?” (Practice discerning noise from the essential.) 

Waffles and spaghetti are both delicious, but we aren’t talking about food today. We're talking about personality styles. “Waffles” are more compartmentalized with each task fitting into its own little separate square, and “spaghetti” is a more aerial view of interconnected parts. We touch on problem solving strategies and some communication skills that have been helpful to us as we have interacted with the “spaghetti” and “waffle” personalities in our lives.

Do try this at home:

• Appreciate your own personality style and acknowledge ways to use your strengths to manage your weaknesses. 
• Take a look at what processes you have in place and evaluate how you are implementing them. While it may take some energy and time to change to a more intentional process, a more efficient system could definitely save you time and effort in the long run. 
• If you are working with someone who has a different work style, ask yourself, “What is the advantage of their particular work style and how can I complement that?”

In this episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy talk about work. We briefly discuss the impact of The Great Resignation on the world of work, share some of our early work histories and what moved us into the world of psychology, and what a “work identity” is. We then talk about the drawbacks of shaping one’s entire identity around career and offer self-reflection questions to help determine whether one is “enmeshed” with career, We also share tips on how to disentangle your self-worth from what you do for work.

Do Try This At Home:

• Fund your time – give yourself permission to free up time by relying more on others
• Be intentional about your time – set boundaries around work so that you can invest in other activities.
• Revamp how you describe what you do to disentangle what you do from who you are. (e.g., I educate youth vs. I’m a teacher; I help others make changes and find meaning in their lives vs. I’m a psychologist).

• Read Deep Work by Cal Newport, and start setting aside time for “deep work”
• Set limits around technology, one of the biggest contributors to our distraction (e.g., only check email at pre-determined times, turn off notifications, have blocks of tech-free time)
• Look for opportunities to experience “flow”
• Practice being intentional with your time (especially leisure time)

One topic that we can’t seem to stop talking about these days is adolescent relationships: with our patients, with our friends who are parents, and at home with our own teens and pre-teens. As a parent, it can be difficult to figure out when to step in, when to step back, and when to step alongside our adolescents as they navigate social dynamics. Recent situations such as the pandemic and the increased reliance on technology for social communication have made connection and interaction even more complicated. In today’s episode, we touch on some strategies that we have found helpful as we make our way through this terrain.  

Do Try This at Home:

• Check out the book, The Power of Validation by Karyn Hall and Melissa Cook for practical tips and great advice on how to offer your kids validation. 
• Another great resource is How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims which covers strategies to appropriately step back and step alongside children throughout their development.
• As parents, it is really important to ask ourselves how we can slow it down, take a step back, ask a lot of questions, let go of our own desire to fix, control, and manage the situation, and work towards becoming more of a consultant to our kids in certain areas. 

In this episode, Jamie, Avery, and Lucy talk about friendships! We discuss changing trends in our friendship networks over time, why friendships are important for our physical and mental health, and what to do if we are spread too thin. We also share tips on how to develop new friendships and deepen current ones.

Do Try This at Home:

• Do a “friendship inventory” to discover whether you have the bandwidth to take on new friends and to examine whether your current network is healthy and fulfilling. 
• In making new friends, start small. Pay attention to who you interact with on a regular basis and choose one way to connect on a deeper level.
• To deepen current friendships, authentically compliment your friends. It’s always a good time to tell someone how great they are!

Jamie, Avery, and Lucy are mixing things up for today’s episode! We start with a beautiful reading called What’s So by Werner Erhard. We then offer some journal prompts, and you can pause the podcast to reflect in the moment, or you can hold on to these prompts for later. Finally we discuss our experiences with the nuggets of wisdom from the reading. Feel free to get your journal and a pen ready, so you can take some notes along the way.

Journal prompts:

• What strikes you about the What’s So reading? 
• What interferes with you aligning with What’s so?
• What are you experiences in getting caught in interpretations? Do you notice any patterns here?

Do Try this at home: 

• Think of What’s So like an invitation. 
• A perfect time to practice What’s So is when life doesn’t go according to plan…when things don’t work out like you were expecting. 
• Step into the freeing notion that life will just keep bringing more of what’s so – we don’t have to judge or get caught up in the specifics.