Inspiration from the Couch

It’s no secret that romantic relationships change over time. After decades of running a household and raising children, many couples find more space and stillness in midlife, which might both terrify us and enable growth and (re)connection. In today’s episode, we focus on “midlife proofing” your relationship. We discuss the normal shifts that occur over time in partnerships, and we explore how to proactively prioritize and strengthen the connection with your significant other. 

* Content appropriate for all ages and relationship stages. It’s never too early or too late to prioritize connection! 

Recommended Resources: 
Any books by John Gottman

It’s graduation season! Today we talk about our own experiences with graduations and what we can do as parents to help this graduation season go as well as possible (for our kids and for us too!) We’ll touch on the various feelings that can come up for graduates and their parents, and we’ll also discuss some strategies to help gear up for this transition. 

Parenting teens is hard! It can be especially difficult to differentiate “normal teenage angst” from more serious issues that require outside help. In this episode, we talk about the typical stressors and issues that come up for teens as well as behaviors that are cause for concern. We touch on various types of support available and what situations call for different types of care. We cover some tips on how to talk to and support your teen and how to take care of yourself when your teen struggles. 

In the second half of our conversation with Jessica Grant, we get into the nitty gritty of goal setting. Jessica walks us through her system for creating and tracking goals. We discuss the importance of creating specific and measurable goals, talking through several examples to help bring the concepts to life. We explore barriers to goal setting, with particular focus of what gets in the way of either making or following through with goals. We each share about our own personal goals, and provide tips and tricks for leveraging goal setting in your life. 

Do try this at home:

• Sign up for Jessica’s “Get Your Goals Course.” Use this link.  
• Put pen to paper with your goals. 
• Ensure your goals align with your values and priorities (you have to tune inward to know this!)
• Be realistic with your goals (with both quantity and quality). Allow yourself to do less. 
• Find a system that works for you (we’re thinking Jessica’s Get Your Goals Course is a great place to start!)

You can find Jessica on her website here and on Instagram with this link.

Click here for Jessica's Goal Setting Course! 

It’s so exciting! We’re doing our first interview today! Your Badass Trio is joined by Jessica Grant, master goal setter. In part 1 (of our two part conversation), we get to know Jessica personally before diving into an overview of our topic. We define goal setting, differentiating goals from tasks, values, intentions, and hopes. We also highlight the following key principles to consider as you navigate your own goals: 

• what you’re going to prioritize
• importance of being flexible
• key element of tuning-in (self awareness and tuning inward rather than defaulting to externals)
• focus on the process (rather than getting caught up in the outcome)
• importance of being kind to yourself (let’s ditch the judgment and self-criticism!)
• harnessing curiosity and openness (goals as an opportunity to discover something new)

You can find Jessica on her website here and on Instagram with this link. 

Click here for Jessica's Goal Setting Course! 

There are a lot of things that aren’t amazing about midlife, but we actually think this stage of life kicks ass. Here are 10 things we love about being middle aged:

1. We give a fuck about less. We’ve let go of some things and that brings us joy. 
2. We’ve seen some shit. We’ve lived enough life to know that “this too shall pass”.
3. We listen to our intuition. More focus on and comfort with our own knowing. 
4. We aren’t for everyone and that’s ok. Less people-pleasing and living small. 
5. We’ve been around long enough to have some really deep relationships.
6. We are intentional about where we put our energy. 
7. We don’t have to do shit that we don’t want to do any more. No more FOMO. 
8. More freedom and adventure. Less have-to’s and more want-to’s. 
9. We can laugh at ourselves and not take everything so seriously. 
10. Our kids are a lot of fun as they get older. There’s a lot of joy in watching them grow into who they are going to be.

Time article

Join the bitchfest in this episode, as Jamie, Lucy & Avery discuss the experiences of irritability, anger, and rage which are common emotions in midlife. We talk about all of the contributing factors during this period of life which can contribute to this hot emotional climate such as hormones, physical shifts, life transitions and stressors, and imbalances in relationships. We discuss messages that women have received regarding the feeling and expression of anger such as women are supposed to be “nice” and anger is “scary and to be feared.” We talk about the variability of irritability and share some of the recent things that have gotten under our skin. We also offer up some tips on managing irritability and anger.

Do Try This At Home:

• It’s important to acknowledge and name whatever emotional state in which you might find yourself.
• Try anything to self-soothe, as long as it’s legal and helpful. Do you know what comforts you when you’re irritated? Do you see it, wear it, ingest it, smell it, or listen to it?
• Talk to those in your social support system who are good listeners and can offer validation.

Today we’re talking about brain fog, which the three of us have PLENTY of right now (so it’s a very pertinent and relevant topic in our lives)! We start by defining what brain fog is and describing how it shows up in our lives, sharing stories of our forgetfulness, word finding difficulties, and sluggish thinking. We highlight some of the main causes of brain fog, exploring how many of these interact with each other. We discuss the impact of brain fog, particularly on our identity, sense of self, and overall functioning. We conclude that there’s power in being able to name and identify this symptom, and we share some strategies for how to best manage brain fog. 

Quoted in the episode, From The Menopause Charity (themenopausecharity.org)

“Estrogen stimulates the brain, keeps the neurons firing, supports the growth of new cells and helps existing cells to form new connections. When estrogen levels fall in midlife, your entire body – including your brain – goes into a sudden deprivation state. At a cellular level, estrogen pushes your brain cells to burn more glucose, which is its main fuel. Studies have shown that there is an overall reduction of brain energy levels during menopause, which can trigger hot flushes, night sweats, anxiety, depression, brain fog, and the host of other cognitive symptoms mentioned.”

In today’s episode, Lucy, Jamie, and Avery discuss the midlife experience. We explore whether it's an actual crisis or whether it’s more about navigating a lot of transitions. We discuss what differentiates this period of life from other times in life marked by well-defined rituals and a map of sorts. We share our experiences with bodily changes, empty nesting, job and marital changes, care-giving of aging parents, etc. We also talk about the positive sides of being in midlife such as feeling more settled, doing less striving, and having more space for “want to’s” vs. “have to’s.”  We talk about doing a “mid life review” to evaluate where you feel satisfied in your life and where you’d like to have more fulfillment. The following questions can help you reflect: What do you want more of in your life? What do you want less of? What is something you’ve always dreamed of doing but never done? What is an adventure you’d enjoy? What people would you like to surround yourself with as you navigate this time period?

In this episode, we talk about the stories we tell ourselves. In intimate relationships, it can be incredibly helpful to notice the stories that we tell ourselves and share them with our loved ones. Often, we’ll find that our stories are inaccurate and talking about them can improve communication and trust with our partners. We don’t just tell ourselves stories about other people - we also tell ourselves stories about ourselves! Sometimes these stories can be helpful (ie: I can’t drink caffeine after noon or I’ll be up all night) and sometimes they can limit our experiences (ie: I don’t like roller coasters). We’ve noticed that a lot of these limiting stories start with “I don’t like…” or “I can’t do that” or  “I am…”  It can be helpful to challenge the stories that hold us back! Jamie, Lucy, and Avery talk about some of the stories we’ve told ourselves and strategies that have helped us to question them. 

Do try this at home:

• Notice the stories that you tell yourself and pay attention to how they change when your mood changes.
• When you notice a story that is holding you back or limiting your experience, challenge it.  
• How can you use this language: “The story I’m telling myself is…” in your relationships? How can you integrate it into your communication with others?