Inspiration from the Couch

It’s the New Year, and resolutions are a hot topic! The concept of “self-discipline” has a tendency to sneak into our conversations about goals and resolutions.  So in today's episode, we take a deep dive into self-discipline: what it is, our (unpleasant) emotional reaction, how it can be helpful, and where it can lead us astray. We also offer alternative approaches to the strategy of “have more self-discipline” when we’re trying to make changes in our lives. 

One of our favorite analogies when it comes to stressful situations is temperature. Conflict can heat things up and everyone can help keep the environment cool and comfortable. In this episode, we talk about what can cause us to come in “hot” to the holiday season and we discuss strategies that can help us keep ourselves cool.

For many of us, the holidays can feel like a whirlwind! When we’re busy with the hustle and bustle, it can be hard to stay centered and tuned in. In today’s episode, we explore what, specifically, about the holidays pulsl us off center and leads us to disconnect from ourselves. In addition, we share some principles and practices to facilitate a more grounded and connected holiday season. 

Today’s episode is all about delight!  We explore how to be more present to delight, how to choose and feel more delight, and how delight can bring us together. We share some of our favorite, specific delights of the holiday season and what can interfere with being delighted. We also invite our listeners to join our December delights challenge (join our email list for more info)!

Links:

https://www.rossgay.net/the-book-of-delights

https://www.rossgay.net/the-book-of-more-delights

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Fun-Feel-Alive-Again/dp/0593241401

Dr. Ellen Albertson is a psychologist, registered dietician, board certified health and wellness coach, reiki master, and mindful self-compassion teacher. She’s an author and has over 30 years of experience in the healing field. In today’s episode, Ellen  joins us for a conversation about mental health and how to “rock your midlife.” She shares several tips on how to change your mindset, empower yourself, improve your relationships, and find joy from her latest book, Rock Your Midlife: 7 Steps to Transform Yourself and Make Your Next Chapter Your Best Chapter.  

Where to find Ellen:

https://themidlifewhisperer.com/

https://rockyourmidlife.podbean.com/

https://www.instagram.com/the_midlife_whisperer/

https://www.youtube.com/@themidlifewhisperer

Today we talk about 7 ways of thinking – 7 cognitive traps – that increase our suffering and increase the likelihood we’ll abandon ourselves. They are: 

1. Stories
2. Expectations
3. Rules
4. Shoulds/Oughts
5. Judgments / negative self-talk
6. Comparison
7. Perfectionism

We define each of these, exploring how they show up in our lives. We talk about how to shed these ways of thinking when they no longer serve us. We also discuss what makes these thoughts so sticky, ingrained, and hard to get rid of. 

“Life is a series of storms. As we get older, they tend to be more frequent. Taking time to have “fun” is how we weather them. The storms will keep coming so we must learn to dance in the rain.”  Find Your Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky

Eve Rodsky is known for her game-changing book and social movement, Fair Play.  Fair Play is a groundbreaking system that uses organizational management strategies to more fairly divide unpaid labor in the home. In today’s episode, Eve joins us for a conversation about gender equality, mental health, creativity, and her most recent book, Find Your Unicorn Space.  Eve explains that a successful organization has boundaries, systems, and communication, but her research indicates that boundaries become barriers for women when they don’t believe they have permission to be unavailable from their roles, when guilt and shame ruin their experiences, and when boundaries are met with push back. Eve’s work focuses on helping women reclaim permission to be unavailable and ask for what they need, burn guilt and shame, and hold space for boundary breaches. We love Eve’s definition of mental health: having the appropriate emotion at the appropriate time and the ability and strength to weather it. Eve’s newest book, Find Your Unicorn Space, focuses on weathering the storms of life with curiosity and developing consistent interest in our own lives (rather than singular focus on the roles we fill) as an antidote to burnout.  

Where to find Eve: 

• https://www.everodsky.com/
• https://www.everodsky.com/fair-play
• https://www.fairplaylife.com/unicorn-space
• https://www.instagram.com/everodsky

In today’s episode, we continue talking about self-abandonment, briefly reviewing the 8 types of self-abandonment (i.e., people-pleasing, not speaking truth, not trusting yourself, over-working/uber-productivity, the quest for self-improvement, checking boxes/collecting gold stars or external validation, numbing out, and getting stuck in your head or ruminating). We talk about how the various types of self-abandonment overlap with one another and share personal examples of which ones we default to in our own lives. We also share several examples of how easily and unconsciously self-abandonment appears in our lives and those of our clients, in big and small ways. Lastly, we offer several ways to interrupt self-abandonment including slowing down, tuning in and making space, letting our entire experience belong, shedding unhelpful expectations, comparisons, rules, judgments, and stories, and being self-compassionate.

In today’s episode, we talk about self-abandonment, all the ways in which we “go outside of ourselves” or lose touch with ourselves in order to determine how to think, feel, or behave. We discuss the 8 types of self-abandonment including people-pleasing, not speaking truth, not trusting yourself, over-working/uber-productivity, the quest for self-improvement, checking boxes/collecting gold stars (external validation), numbing out, and getting stuck in your head (ruminating). We share our own struggles with self-abandonment and provide lots of examples to help you identify where you fall in the self-abandonment spectrum. Stay tuned for part 2 in which we discuss how to interrupt the self-abandonment process. 

“Rarely is there ever a hack. It’s me learning to relate to the thing differently that creates more peace and ease.” -Taylor

Taylor White Moffitt is one of our most favorite teachers and mentors. She’s a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and yoga instructor who lives in Boulder, Colorado, and she’s incredibly gifted at helping humans live with more peace, ease, and joy. During our conversation we explore her three cornerstones for transformation: mindfulness, movement, and mental health. We talk about the power of embodiment and experiential practices. We also speak more specifically about midlife, including some of the challenges and gifts (e.g., clarity of what matters most; shedding layers so we can feel ourselves more and so we can live a more connected and authentic life). 

Taylor’s offerings: 

• Humanity First – year long embodied leadership training
• The Art + Practice of Self-compassion – 4-week course offered 2x/year (in Oct and Jan)
• Transformational retreats
• Weekly yoga
• Individual psychotherapy

To learn more, visit Taylor’s website: https://www.humanityshared.com/