Interior Integration for Catholics

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics 
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you in each episode the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.  
   2. Often said that if you want to start an argument, bring up sex, politics or religion.  Those are the tried and true, sure-fire ways to stoke disagreement among people.  
   3. This podcast helps you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God -- so we're going to leave the politics and social justice questions and societal reform efforts and climate change and all those big-picture, macro-level, externally-focused topics out of our conversation, so that leaves us with sex and religion.  And we're going to take on both of them together because 
   4. In this podcast, we confront the tough internal questions we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, we confront head-on our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way and living out our vocations, including our vocation to Catholic marriage which necessarily brings in both sexuality and religion.
   5. And we're dealing with sexuality and religion in this episode for two primary reasons: first to free you to love God our Father, Jesus our Brother, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary more and more over time and 
   6. Second, to love you neighbor as yourself -- And who is your neighbor?  If you are married, your first neighbor, your closest neighbor, the neighbor toward whom you have the most responsibilities is your spouse.  Because of your marriage vows.  

I, Roger, take you, Sarah, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. 

1. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
2. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
3. This is episode 58, released on March 8, 2021
4. This is the tenth episode in our series on sexuality the second in our subseries on Catholic marriages 
5. Way back in episode 50, the second one in this series on sexuality, we explored what a healthy, ordered, fully Catholic sexuality looks like.  
6. Now we are zeroing in on sexuality within Catholic marriages and we're going diagnose some extremely common relational problems between Catholic spouses that get expressed through how they relate sexually.  
7. So this episode is titled The Catholic Marriage Bed.  The Catholic Marriage Bed.
8. So get ready, prepare yourself for light bulbs to switch on and shine brightly as we explore new and much clearer ways of thinking about sexual life in Catholic marriages, grounded in the perennial teachings of the Catholic Church and informed by the best of psychology. 
9. I'm doing this subseries on sexuality within Catholic marriage because I want you to have ways out of the sexual traps that so many Catholic married couple find themselves in, the negative cycles, the problematic repeating patterns that are so frustrating, that cause so much conflict and that harm people, even Catholic spouses who want to do the right thing.   
10. And even if you're not trapped, your marriage is sound, love is growing -- there is going to be so much in these episodes to deepen the understanding, the awareness, the empathy, the commitment, and the love.  
11. So we are discussing the marriage bed.  I'm using the image of a canopy bed to illustrate all the psychological and relational aspects in the natural realm that go into a vibrant, life-giving Catholic married sexuality.  We're going to be painting a word picture, a conceptual diagram of a canopy bed, with all the pieces of that bed named, labels and defined, and show how all the parts of the bed are essential to a grounded, peaceful, harmonious shared sexual life in Catholic marriage.   
12. But first let's review the Lay of the Land, the Current Situation
     
    1. We are going to start with a broad overview here.  Key Words:  Confusion.  Lot of confusion about sexuality in our culture today
        
       1. Wider array of generally socially accepted sexual practices in our land than has ever existed before.  
          1. Internet has provided a forum to bring together people who practice all kinds of 
    2. 
       
       1. Greater amount of disagreement about what healthy sexual life looks like
    3.  
       1. Moving away from natural law
    4.  
       1. Things that were obvious even 20 years ago, even 10 years are not being questioned
           
          1. Can a man become a woman? -- now an open question being debated in our society
       2.  
          1. Can two men and a woman all be in the same marriage?  Can a woman marry a dolphin?  In 2006, British millionaire Sharon Tendler married a dolphin named Cinderella, at the Eilat Reef.
       3.  
    5. 
       
13. 
    
    1. Lot of Confusion about what a healthy, ordered  Catholic Sexuality should look like -- reviewed this in episode 50
        
       1. Opinions:  Survey data -- wide variety of opinions on sexual morality
           
          1. Pew 2014 Survey of more than 7200 Catholics, 57% Favor or Strongly Favor Same-sex Marriages 
       2. 
          
          1. Pew 2016 survey of 817 Catholics only 8% of Catholics believe using contraception is morally wrong.  41% believe its morally acceptable and 48% believe it's not a moral issue.
       3.  
          1. Pew 2019 Survey of 675 adult Catholics -- 62% of Catholic said that casual sex between consenting adults who are not in a committed relationship is always or sometimes acceptable.  Only 22% of Catholics said consensual casual sex never acceptable.  
       4. 
          
    2. 
       
       1. Wide Diversity of Sexual practices among Catholics
           
          1. Hard to find solid, recent data on this.  Talking to people you find out things. 
       2. 
          
          1. What about oral sex, role-play sex, mutual masturbation, viewing pornography together, using sex toys together, and going beyond into anal sex, fetishes of various kinds, bondage and the list goes on and on.  
       3. 
          
          1. Global sex toy market -- $34 billion  $4.50 for every man woman and child.  Tens of billions, estimates ranging up to $100 billion per year for porn.   
       4. 
          
    3. 
       
       1. But much more personally, for many Catholic spouses their sexual experiences in marriage are a great source of distress, pain, confusion  
          1. Internal conflicts about what is morally right and wrong
          2. Disagreements about sexual practices between Catholic spouses -- limited conflict resolutions'
          3. Inability for Catholic spouses to communicate about intimate sexual matters 
          4. Feeling devalued in the sexual aspects of the marital relationship
          5. Feeling used sexually, exploited, neglected.  
          6. High levels of dissatisfaction in the sexual relationship and intimacy more generally
          7. Not feeling seen, known, heard, understood, accepted as ...

The One Main Psychological Reason Why Catholic Marriages Fail

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics 
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you in each episode the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.  
   2. In this podcast, we confront the tough questions we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, we confront head on our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way and living out our vocations. 
   3. And we deal with these difficult, demanding issues for one primary reason: to free you to love God our Father, Jesus our Brother, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary more and more over time.  
   4. This podcast helps you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God.
   5. Together, we are on a journey toward deep transformation, a radical conversion at the core of our being so that our souls can one day enter into contemplative union with God. 
   6. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
   7. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
   8. This is episode 57, released on March 1, 2021
   9. This is the ninth episode in our series on sexuality and in this episode, we are turning our attention to Catholic marriages -- such an important, essential topic for our day and age, Catholic marriages
   10. And we are going to start with the real, deeper, often hidden reasons why Catholic marriages fall apart
   11. So this episode is titled The One Main Psychological Reason Why Catholic Marriages Fail
   12. Get ready for the deep dive into new ways of thinking about Catholic marriages, from an informed psychological perspective. 
   13. Focusing on the psychological aspects here -- not the spiritual ones. 
       1. Not qualified to judge souls, make statements about their virtues or vices
       2. Not criticizing or condemning, but rather focusing on understanding with gentleness and compassion
       3. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar  
       4. Focus on the natural level.   
   14.  What about you, Dr. Peter -- what do you know about marriage?  Fair question.  25th year of marriage, one marriage, 7 children.  
2. Windup: The Current State of Catholic Marriages
    
   1. Definitions
       
      1. What is Catholic Marriage 
         1. Catholic Dictionary:  
   2. 
      
3. 
   

As a natural institution, the lasting union of a man and a woman who agree to give and receive rights over each other for the performance of the act of generation and for the fostering of their mutual love.

The state of marriage implies four chief conditions: 1. there must be a union of opposite sexes; it is therefore opposed to all forms of unnatural, homosexual behavior; 2. it is a permanent union until the death of either spouse; 3. it is an exclusive union, so that extramarital acts are a violation of justice; and 4. its permanence and exclusiveness are guaranteed by contract; mere living together, without mutually binding themselves to do so, is concubinage and not marriage.

Christ elevated marriage to a sacrament of the New Law. Christian spouses signify and partake of the mystery of that unity and fruitful love which exists between Christ and his Church, helping each other attain to holiness in their married life and in the rearing and education of their children. 

1. Emphasis on the Sacramental Aspect -- discussing sacramental marriages here.  
2. Covenant, goes far beyond a Contract - no fault divorce, temporary contract.  
3. What is fail?
    
   1. Broad Definition:  
      1. To prove deficient or lacking
      2. to perform ineffectively or inadequately
      3. to fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved
      4. to leave something undone  
4. 
   
   1. One way that we could consider a marriage to fail is by divorce
       
      1. Stats
          
         1. 2014 Pew Research Survey of 885 Catholics 19% of those Catholic adults 18 years old were divorced or separated
      2.  
         1. Consistent with Georgetown's Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate
             
            1. About 20% or one in five Catholic adults have experienced divorce in their lifetimes 
         2. 
            
            1. About 36% of Americans who marry divorce at some point.  
         3. 
            
            1. 28% of Catholics who marry ever divorce -- lower than the general average
         4.  
      3. 
         
         1. Old canard that half of all Catholic marriage end in divorce -- not true.  More like a quarter.  
      4. 
         
         1. Still that's a lot -- 28%.  
      5. 
         
         1. And I don't think success in marriage is defined by not getting divorced
      6.  
         1. Not getting divorced by itself is not sufficient to call a marriage successful.  
      7. 
         
   2. 
      
5. 
   
   1. Abusive marriages held together by 
6. 
   
   1. Distant Roommates -- coolness, tolerating each other's existence
7.  
   1. Contrast with a life-giving marriage
8.  
9. Ways marriages fail
    
   1. Unilateral -- one spouse abandons the other
10.  
    1. Mutual -- each spouse abandons the other
11.  
    1. Distancing -- roommate model -- could be cordial or not
12.  
13. God's view of marriage
     
    1. Marriage as a covenant, not a contract  
       1. CCC 1603 God himself is the author of marriage.  The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator.  
       2. Wedding at Cana -- Beginning of Jesus public life
       3. Life of Mary as Seen by the Mystics -- Jesus playing
14. 
    
15. Hurdle
     
    1. Marriage is Tough
        
       1. Reasons
           
          1. No one can hurt us, disappoint us, or get under our skin quite like a spouse. 
       2. 
          
          1. Hard to anticipate the difficulties.  The crosses.   
       3. 
          
    2. 
       
16. 
    
    1. Marriage Difficulties affect us all
17.  
    1. Even if we aren't married
        
       1. Considering our parents' marriage
    2.  
       1. Friends' marriages
    3.  
18. 
    
    1. Marriage as bedrock of society -- USCCB
        
       1. Aristotle wrote that the family is nature’s established association for the supply of mankind’s everyday wants. 
    2. 
       
       1. USCCB: Marriage is the bedrock of society.  
    3. 
       
19. 
    

Marriages benefit society by building and strengthening human relationships within the home

(among spouses and children) and beyond (involving relatives, neighbors, and communities). For

this reason, the family has long been understood as the fundamental unit of society, the

foundation f...

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics 
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you in each episode the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.  
   2. In this podcast, we confront the tough questions we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, we confront head on our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way. 
   3. And we deal with these difficult, demanding issues for one primary reason: to free you to love God our Father, Jesus our Brother, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary more and more over time.  
   4. This podcast helps you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God.
   5. 'Together, we are on a journey toward deep transformation in our mindsets, our heartsets and our bodysets, a radical transformation at the core of our being so that our souls can one day enter into contemplative union with God. 
   6. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
   7. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
   8. This is episode 56, released on February 22, 2021
   9. This is the eighth episode in our series on sexuality and the second one on Pornography.  
   10. And it is titled: What is Essential for Catholics to Recover from Porn?
   11. And I am really happy to have Dr. Gerry Crete, past president of the Catholic Psychological Association and the CEO and co-founder of Souls and Hearts with me for this episode

1. Recognize that the fantasy involved in the pornography choices represent a dynamic that seeks to meet the unmet need
    
   1. Safety
2.  
   1. Attachment injuries
3.  
   1. Being seen
4.  
   1. Seeing others
5.  
   1. Connection
6.  
   1. Sense of “power” or agency
7.  
   1. Traumatic re-enactment
8.  
   1. The fantasy may provide a temporary answer to those needs while avoiding the pain
9.  
   1. Allow him to experience having his needs met in a healthy way
10.  
    1. What new information can you share with him
11.  
    1. What new role or position can the protector have now
12.  
    1. Recognize the courage it takes for the protector to seek a new role and embrace change
13.  
    1. Allow time to grieve the losses that pornography use has brought
        
       1. Recognize negative effects of pornography or other sexual acting out behavior in one’s life
    2.  
14. 
    
    1. Prepare to make reparations
        
       1. Wife/Family
    2.  
       1. Self
    3.  
       1. Others
    4.  
       1. God
    5.  
15. 
    
    1. Invite protector to grow and embrace freedom – recognize there will be a period of growth – it will need time and patience. Commit to being by his side
16.  
    1. What does it mean for the parts to be “in recovery”
        
       1. The self is present – better connections with others
    2.  
       1. Completing tasks with a sense of completion rather than trying to escape pain (life)
    3.  
       1. Ability to set goals and focus on them rather than obsession with momentary perceived needs
    4.  
       1. Willingness to receive feedback
    5.  
       1. Ability to recognize time rather than entering into a blackhole of time
    6.  
       1. Finds meaning in activities and relationships
    7.  
17. 
    

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics 
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you in each episode the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.  
   2. In this podcast, we confront the tough questions we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, we confront head on our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way. 
   3. And we deal with these difficult, demanding issues for one primary reason: to free you to love God our Father, Jesus our Brother, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary more and more over time.  
   4. This podcast helps you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God.
   5. 'Together, we are on a journey toward deep transformation in our mindsets, our heartsets and our bodysets, a radical transformation at the core of our being so that our souls can one day enter into contemplative union with God. 
   6. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
   7. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
   8. This is episode 55, released on February 15, 2021
   9. This is the seventh episode in our series on sexuality and the fourth one on masturbation.  
   10. And it is titled: Why Catholics Use Pornography
2. Practical steps you can take to overcome a pornography problem. These are good but only go so far:
    
   1. Device management
3.  
   1. Accountability
4.  
   1. Support Group
5.  
   1. Therapy
6.  
7.  Inner Work: Here we get to the root of the problem and find lasting solutions
    
   1. Recognize that the pornography use has a negative effect on one’s life
       
      1. Marriage and family
   2.  
      1. Career
   3.  
      1. Downtime
   4.  
      1. Relationships
   5.  
      1. Spiritual life
   6.  
8. 
   
   1. Awareness that something must be done and that one needs to commit to change
9.  
   1. What part of me doesn’t want to change? It’s a “protector”
10.  
    1. Recognize that the part of you turning to pornography is a protector
11.  
    1. The protector doesn’t want the system to feel pain
12.  
    1. At some point the protector learned that pornography is an escape from pain
13.  
    1. The protector also learned that pornography can meet unmet needs
14.  
    1. Identify the positive intention of the “pornography” protector
15.  
    1. Identify what this protector really believes about why pornography is the only answer
16.  
    1. See this protector (unblend) and recognize his misguided but sincere intention
17.  
    1. If the protector is protecting an exile (the pain) then promise to attend to the exile
18.  
    1. Allow him to share with you his real unmet needs
19.  
    1. Recognize that the fantasy involved in the pornography choices represent a dynamic that seeks to meet the unmet need
        
       1. Safety
    2.  
       1. Attachment injuries
    3.  
       1. Being seen
    4.  
       1. Seeing others
    5.  
       1. Connection
    6.  
       1. Sense of “power” or agency
    7.  
       1. Traumatic re-enactment
    8.  
20. 
    

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics 
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you in each episode the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.  
   2. In this podcast, we confront the tough questions we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, we confront head on our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way. 
   3. And we deal with these difficult, demanding issues for one primary reason: to free you to love God our Father, Jesus our Brother, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary more and more over time.  
   4. This podcast helps you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God.
   5. 'Together, we are on a journey toward deep transformation in our mindsets, our heartsets and our bodysets, a radical transformation at the core of our being so that our souls can one day enter into contemplative union with God. 
   6. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
   7. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
   8. This is episode 54, released on February 8, 2021
   9. This is the sixth episode in our series on sexuality and the fourth one on masturbation.  
   10. And it is titled:  Masturbation Recovery Stories
   11. We're following up on our last three episodes, number 51, 52 and 53, which have all been about masturbation, the Top 10 reasons why Catholic men masturbate, the 10 common mistakes they make as they try to recover from masturbation and live chaste lives, and the 20 remedies for those 10 common mistakes.   
   12. we're getting into answers for Catholics who experience masturbation as a dead-end, as a failed promise, as an inadequate answer for their deeper needs and desires. 
   13. So today, we're pulling all the conceptual information together and we are going to do three things.
   14. First, We will briefly review the 10 common mistakes and the 20 remedies for those mistakes
   15. Second, will discuss how to make an individualized recovery plan for masturbation
   16.  Third, we will pull all the information together into the stories of Richard and Luis, who we introduced in episode 51 -- we will review their histories, look at the mistakes they made is trying to free themselves from masturbation, discuss how they made their individualized plans for recovery, and how they broke free from masturbation.  
2. Review:  
   1. 10 Common Mistakes that Catholics make in breaking free from masturbation:
       
      1. Considering masturbation as the primary problem. -- Gotta go deeper
   2.  
      1. Pursuing compartmentalization or fragmentation instead of interior integration
   3.  
      1. Going it alone
   4.  
      1. Using only the spiritual means
   5.  
      1. Having a Power spirituality or a macho spirituality
   6.  
      1. Passive Spirituality
   7.  
      1. The why for the change
   8.  
      1. Shaming the self for failures
   9.  
      1. The All or Nothing Trap
   10.  
       1.  Failing to see the struggle with masturbation as a gift
   11.  
   12. 20 Remedies for those mistakes
        
       1. Commit to finding the real reason, with God's help.
   13.  
       1.  Bring God or Mary or a saint or your angel  into the search for the underlying causes
   14.  
       1. Committing to interior integration:   Interior acceptance of all parts, all desires, all impulses, all thoughts, all memories as real -- as part of reality. 
   15. 
       
       1. Find a confidant with whom you can check in daily.   Daily.  Not just regularly.  Daily
   16.  
       1. Get to confession and address the spiritual dimensions.  Talk about it.  Spiritual Director, Confessor
   17.  
       1. Working toward Intimate relationship with God
   18.  
       1. Time with Friends -- being deliberate out it.
   19.  
       1. Therapists -- especially Catholic IFS-informed  therapist
   20.  
       1. Sexaholics Anonymous or other groups
   21.  
       1. Online groups -- like the Resilient Catholic Community
   22.  
       1. Embracing the parts that carry our powerlessness, smallness, neediness -- we need those things, they are essential for us to be small enough to approach God.  Those parts are precious
   23.  
       1.  Focus on Humility.  Litany of humility.  Litany of Trust
   24.  
       1. Entering into relationship with God as a little child. Let the little children come to me.    St. Therese of Lisieux. 
   25. 
       
       1. Serenity Prayer:   Pray it every day.  And listen.  
   26. 
       
       1. Commit to doing what you can, even it seems like very little.  Remembering that as little children we can offer very little.
   27.  
       1. Exploring and discussing our motives with our trusted person.   Ask that person how he or she sees our motives.  
   28. 
       
       1.  Bringing those motives to prayer.  Lord that I may see.  Prayer of blind Bartimeus.  Domine ut vidiam. 
   29. 
       
       1. really working with our internal critic.  Understanding the reasons for the shaming, the good that the critic seeks in that -- and helping that critic integrate with the rest of your system, under the leadership of your core self.
   30.  
       1. Perseverance.  It's normal to fall.  We are fallen human beings in a fallen world.  We need to get up.  Every time. 
   31. 
       
       1. Seeking for how the struggle with masturbation is a gift.  
   32. 
       
3. Making a Plan
    
   1. All the above can be overwhelming-- Do I have to do it all? 
      1. First Overarching principle -- Work your plan out with someone else, someone you trust, someone that you sense is competent to help you. 
         1. This is vitally important, so you are not repeating mistake number 3, which is going it alone. 
         2. Talk it out with that person at length.  The whys and wherefores of each component of the plan.  
      2. Second Overarching principle Write out your plan.  It all becomes so much when you write it out.  
      3. Third Overarching principle --  take what is helpful for you in your plan and discard what is not.  Be flexible in your plan over time.  
      4. Fourth overarching principle -- build up your plan.  It make take time, build it up over time. 
         1. General trend over time -- general trajectory
         2. Week by week -- once you consolidate a part of your plan, add another part
      5. Fifth overarching principle -- adherence to the plan is your target.  Stay with the plan.  Much more certain than just having periods of abstinence from masturbation
4. 
   
5. Review of Parts
    
   1. IFS by Richard Schwartz  
6. 
   
   1. IF...

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics -- the podcast formerly known as Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!  
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you in each episode the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.  
   2. In this podcast, we confront the tough questions we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, we confront head on our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way. 
   3. And we deal with these difficult, demanding issues for one primary reason: to free you to love God our Father, Jesus our Brother, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary more and more over time.  
   4. This podcast helps you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God.
   5. 'Together, we are on a journey toward deep transformation in our mindsets, our heartsets and our bodysets, a radical transformation at the core of our being so that our souls can one day enter into contemplative union with God. 
   6. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
   7. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
   8. This is episode 53, released on February 1, 2021
   9. This is the fifth episode in our series on sexuality and the third one on masturbation.  
   10. And it is titled:  Breaking Free from Masturbation, Part 2
   11. We're following up on our last episode, episode 52 -- Breaking free from masturbation Part 1.  Part 2 is following Part 1.  
   12. So today, we're continuing with finding answers for Catholics who deeply desire to have their sexuality ordered toward relationship, toward God, and toward their spouses or future spouses in a way that is life-giving.
   13. we're getting into answers for Catholics who experience masturbation as a dead-end, as a failed promise, as an inadequate answer for their deeper needs and desires. 
   14. We address 6 more mistakes that Catholics make in their attempts to overcome masturbation
   15. And we will get into 10 more remedies for those additional six mistakes, and the last remedy is the most important one -- so important that I think of it as the secret solution, the one so few people who struggle with masturbation really consider, so we're saving the best for last there.  
   16. Not just about masturbation -- you can take out masturbation and substitute in any other sexual problem -- fetishes, porn, sexting, sexual obsessions, sexual compulsions, excessive sexual fantasies, whatever
   17. People are also finding that these episodes are helpful for getting to the root any symptomatic behavior -- binge eating, excessive shopping or video games, too much vegging out on Netflix, and so on.  
   18. Just to review, in the last episode, I promised you a map, not a ride in a limousine or on a flying carpet to your destination.  It's a map, not an individualized treatment plan.  This is not therapy.  It's not magic.  You still have to make your own journey.  But this map lays out the terrain and the compass will provide direction for you on that journey.  
   19. Some of you have been suffering for a long time.  I get that.  God sees your efforts, he sees your good intentions.  
2. Focus of this podcast is on interior integration -- overarching goal in the natural realm.  Not talking about spiritual goals here, we are talking about the natural realm.  
   1. So we need a way of understanding and modeling interior integration and also its nemesis -- interior fragmentation.  
   2. I borrow heavily from Internal Family Systems approach, aka IFS approach, originated by Richard Schwartz.
   3. I reviewed it in the last episode, number 52.  
   4. Parts are like personalities within us.  Imagine a kid who is considering taking a cookie from the cookie jar.  One part of him wants to have the cookie and another part wants him to be good and not have to struggle with a guilty conscience, and another part doesn't want to face Mom's anger if he gets caught.  
3. Mistakes
    
   1. List of mistakes
       
      1. Review of the first four
          
         1. Considering masturbation as the primary problem. -- Gotta go deeper
      2.  
         1. Pursuing compartmentalization or fragmentation instead of interior integration
      3.  
         1. Going it alone
      4.  
         1. Using only the spiritual means
      5.  
   2. 
      
      1. Here are the next six
          
         1. Having a Power spirituality or a macho spirituality
      2.  
         1. Passive Spirituality
      3.  
         1. The why for the change
      4.  
         1. Shaming the self for failures
      5.  
         1. The All or Nothing Trap
      6.  
         1. The biggest Mistake, the one almost everybody makes with this.  Stay tuned till the end
      7.  
   3. 
      
4. 
   
   1. Mistake 5:  Power spirituality -- Macho spirituality
       
      1. Slogan for the Power Spirituality -- God helps those who help themselves
          
         1. In February of 2000 George Barna did a poll asking if “The Bible teaches that God helps those who help themselves” and the results were eye-opening:
             
            • 53% of Americans agree strongly [that it could be found in the Bible]
         2.  
            • 22% agree somewhat
         3.  
            • 7% disagree somewhat
         4.  
            • 14% disagree strongly
         5.  
            • 5% stated they don’t know
         6.  
      2. 
         
   2. 
      
5. 
   

Of “born-again” Christians 68% agreed, and 81% of non “born-again” Christians agreed with the statement. Despite being of non-Biblical origin, the phrase topped a poll of the most widely known Bible verses. Seventy-five percent (75%) of American teens said they believed that it was the central message of the Bible.  

1. This saying is ancient, goes back to Greece -- The Gods help those who help themselves, you see this expressed in two of Aesop's fables  
2.  Aesop was an extraordinarily ugly slave who by his wit and intelligence gains his freedom and becomes a counsellor to rulers in Greece.  He is believed to have lived between 620 and 564 BC -- his stories may be much older than that, having been handed down in an oral tradition.  

    A WAGGONER was once driving a heavy load along a very muddy way. At last he came to a part of the road where the wheels sank half-way into the mire, and the more the horses pulled, the deeper sank the wheels. So the Waggoner threw down his whip, and knelt down and prayed to Hercules the Strong. “O Hercules, help me in this my hour of distress,” quoth he. But Hercules appeared to him, and said:

    “Tut, man, don’t sprawl there. Get up and put your shoulder to the wheel."

    “The gods help them that help themselves.”

1. 17th Century English political theorist Algernon Sidney made the modern rendering in English.  
2. My grandpa Roberts ...

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics -- the podcast formerly known as Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!  
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you each week the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.  
   2. In this podcast, we ask and answer the tough questions about the real problems we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way. 
   3. And we deal with these tough issues for one primary reason: to free you to love God our Father, Jesus our Brother, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary more and more over time.  
   4. This podcast helps you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God's truth, goodness and beauty
   5. Together, we are looking for a deep transformation in our mindsets, our heartsets and our bodysets, a radical transformation at the core of our being so that our souls unite with God and we can rise to the challenges and opportunities He provides us.   
   6. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
   7. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
   8. This is episode 52, released on January 25, 2021
   9. This is the fourth episode in our series on sexuality and the second one on masturbation.  
   10. And it is titled:  Breaking Free from Masturbation -- A Roadmap  
   11. We're following up on our last episode, episode 51 -- The Top 10 Reasons Why Catholic Men Masturbate.
        
       1. In that episode, we covered the underlying psychological issues that fuel impulses to masturbate.
   12.  
       1. But it's not enough to just understand the issues more clearly
   13.  
       1. We need guidance on how to live differently, how to work with the entirety of ourselves -- all of our parts, all of our modes of operating -- in the area of sexuality.
   14.  
   15. So today, we're getting into answers for Catholics who deeply desire to have their sexuality ordered toward relationship, toward God, and toward their spouses or future spouses in a way that is life-giving.
   16. we're getting into answers for Catholics who experience masturbation as a dead-end, as a failed promise, as an inadequate answer for their deeper needs and desires. 
   17. We will get into the first four mistakes that Catholics make in their attempts to overcome masturbation
   18. And we will get into the 10 remedies for those first four mistakes
   19. Not just about masturbation -- you can take out masturbation and substitute in any other sexual problem -- fetishes, porn, sexting, sexual obsessions, sexual compulsions, excessive sexual fantasies, whatever
   20. Remember that I promised you a map, not a ride in a limousine or on a magic carpet to your destination.  It's a map, not an individualized treatment plan.  This is not therapy.  It's not magic.  You still have to make your own journey.  But this map lays out the terrain and the compass will provide direction for you on that journey.  
   21. Some of you have been suffering for a long time.  I get that.  God sees your efforts, he sees your good intentions.  
2. Focus of this podcast is on interior integration -- overarching goal in the natural realm.  Not talking about spiritual goals here, we are talking about the natural realm.  
   1. So we need a way of understanding and modeling interior integration and also its nemesis -- interior fragmentation.  
   2. I borrow heavily from Internal Family Systems approach, aka IFS approach, originated by Richard Schwartz.
       
      1. Really helps me clinically to understand the polarizations inside of myself and others -- the tensions, the conflicting desires and impulses, the internal tug-of-war, especially about moral issues that carry so much emotional weight, like masturbation
   3.  
      1. And IFS not only helps us understand our internal world, it guides us as to how to heal, how to change, how to grow in the natural realm.  
   4. 
      

This podcast is heavily influenced by IFS, but IFS grounded in a Catholic worldview.

1. Review of Parts -- IFS perspective
    
   1. Multiplicity and Unity of Self
2.  
   1. Really helpful for understanding why Catholic men do what they don't want to do.
       
      1. Romans 7:15 -- St. Paul's lament  I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.
   2.  
3. 
   
   1. Discussion of Parts
       
      1. within each person are separate collections thoughts, emotions, attitudes, impulses, desires, abilities, interests, relational styles, body sensations, and worldviews that are not just transient emotional states, but rather constitute discrete “parts,” subpersonalities or distinct modes of operating within the person’s larger internal system -- they seem like selves within us. 
   2. 
      
      1. Each part within us can metaphorically seem like its own little person, with its own particular range of emotion, style of expression, abilities, desires views of the world. 
         1. Modes of operating
         2. Subpersonalities
         3. Orchestra model
         4. Focus is on integration.  
      2. Get forced into extreme roles -- attachment injuries and relational traumas
      3. Three roles -- exiles, managers, and firefighters.  
         1. Exiles -- 
            1. most sensitive -- become injured or outraged by important other in the family or social world.  Threatens the system, external relationships
            2. Exploited, rejected, abandoned in external relationships
            3. Want care and love, rescue, redemption
            4. shame.  Need for redemption 
         2. Managers
             
            1. Protective, strategic, controlling environment, keep things safe
         3.  
            1. Obsessions. Compulsions, reclusiveness, passivity, numbing. Panic attacks, somatic complaints, depressive episodes, hypervigilance.
         4.  
         5. Firefighters
             
            1. Stifle, anesthetize, distract from feelings of exiles
         6.  
            1. No concern for consequences
         7.  
            1. Binge eating, drug/alcohol use, dissociation, sexual risk taking, cutting
         8.  
      4. Parts can take over the person
          
         1. Like in Pixar Movie Inside Out -- anger taking over the control panel of the main character Riley
      5.  
         1. We call it blending.  
      6. 
         
4. 
   
   1. Intentions of parts -- always good, but the means they choose can be very harmful, maladaptive.  
5. 
   
6. Mistakes
    
   1. List of mistakes
       
      1. Considering masturbation as the primary problem. -- Gotta go deeper
   2.  
      1. Pursuing compartmentalization or fragmentation instead of interior integration
   3.  
      1. Going it alone
   4.  
      1. Using only the spiritual means
   5.  
      1. Six more common mistakes, but those are...

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics -- the podcast formerly known as Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!  
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you each week the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is so fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.  
   2. In this podcast, we ask and answer the tough questions about the real problems we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way. 
   3. In order to free you to love God the Father, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary, I help to you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God's truth, goodness and beauty
   4. Together, we are looking for a deep transformation in our mindsets, our heartsets and our bodysets, a radical transformation at the core of our being so that our souls unite with God and we can rise to the challenges and opportunities He provides us.   
   5. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
   6. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
   7. This is episode 51, released on January 18, 2021
   8. This is the third episode in our series on sexuality. 
   9. and it is titled: Top 10 Reasons Why Catholic Men Masturbate.
   10. And maybe some of you think you know why Catholic Men masturbate.  
   11. But maybe, just maybe some of you are not satisfied with the simple, surface answers.  Maybe some of you suspect that there are psychological reasons may be a lot deeper than the common explanations would suggest.  
   12. I'm here to say that I think there is so much more going on with masturbation than what may be available in conscious awareness.  I've been a psychologist since 2001 and in the last 20 years, I've had the opportunity to explore the reasons for masturbation in the lives of many, many Catholic men.  
       1. Top ten reasons that Catholic men give for why they masturbate  -- but wait, there's more
       2. Top ten deeper reasons why they really masturbate
   13. So if you are interested in getting a much more complete answers, answers that plumb the depths of our psyches stay tuned.  
   14. Why not women?  Fair question.  I've seen far more Catholic men actively struggling with this than Catholic women -- and I'm going off my clinical experience.  Masturbation is a great concern for some women.  I just know less about it in the lives of women. 
       1. Many of the points are likely to be equally valid for women as for men.  
       2. Valuable for women to understand why Catholic men masturbate.  
   15. Parents, be mindful of how much of this you may want your young children to hear.  
2. Definitions
    
   1. Important to define our terms and be clear about the concepts 
      1. Confucius:  The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper names
      2. APA Dictionary of Psychology:  n. manipulation of one’s own genital organs, typically the penis or clitoris, for purposes of sexual gratification. The act is usually accompanied by sexual fantasies or erotic literature, pictures, or videos. Masturbation may also include the use of mechanical devices (e.g., a vibrator) or self-stimulation of other organs, such as the anus or nipples. 
      3. Objections:  overdone sense of propriety --  
         1. Victorian age -- women not able to be examined
         2. Coded language, often poorly understood
         3. Often driven by a sense of shame -- a desire to hide. 
         4. Victorian Age characterized by a lot of sexual acting out.  Lots of it.   
         5. "Self-abuse"  
         6. Fear of talking about masturbation will increase the likelihood of masturbating.  
            1. Depends on the context.  
            2. In a clinical context, no.  
      4. Rebuttal -- if we can put our experiences into language and share them verbally
          
         1. Much better able to engage our intellect
             
            1. Fr. John Hardon -- his 1981 book "The Catholic Catechism": in addressing masturbation P. 355:  More than ever, the Church is becoming aware of the need for probing beneath the surface of not only what a person is doing by why he is doing it.  Impulses and tendencies that well up from the subconscious (or unconscious) are seen as contributing to overt actions that reflect the behavioral pattern of the environment, even while they contradict the deepest values in which a person believes. 
         2. 
            
            1. Experiences no longer pre-verbal -- chaos of emotions, body sensations, images, sensory experiences, desires, impulses -- we need to be able to name them, or they remain shadowy, dark, ominous
         3.  
      5. 
         
         1. And our will -- we are less likely to act out on them 
      6. 
         
         1. less likely to sin
      7.  
         1. Contradicts a commonly held notion - that if we ignore, suppress, repress, avoid a problem it will go away
             
            1. Sin thrives in the darkness
         2.  
      8. 
         
3. 
   
   1. Secular Psychology Views on Masturbation
       
      1. Joe Kort, Ph.D.  2020 Article in Psychology Today:  Masturbation is Sexual Health.
   2.  
4. 
   

And yet here we are in 2020 and talking about masturbation is still taboo in most of society. And that’s a shame, literally and figuratively, because masturbation is still widely considered shameful, and because for most people it’s a healthy and normal activity. There is actually a term these days for those who prefer masturbation over other forms of sex: solosexual.

1. World has radically different views from the Catholic Church on sexuality.  
2. Mine is a minority opinion -- you can write me off as fringey if you want.  
3. Catholic teaching on Masturbation
    
   1. CCC  
4. 
   

 2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.""The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139

1. Is Masturbation a Mortal Sin?
    
   1. CCC  1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent."131
2.  
   1. Grave matter -- Grave ...

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics -- the podcast formerly known as Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem! And for one episode, the last episode we called it "Resilient Catholics" -- but there is a podcast out there already called "The Resilient Catholic" so we don’t want to create confusion and division. 
   1. Interior
   2. Integration
   3. Catholics
   4. Encompasses
       
      1. Human Formation
   5.  
      1. Radical Transformation
   6.  
      1. Shoring up the natural foundation for the spiritual life
   7.  
      1. Resilience
   8.  
   9. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
   10. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
   11. This is episode 50, released on January 11, 2021
   12. and it is titled: In Search of a healthy, ordered sexuality.  
   13. This is the second episode in our series on sexuality.  
   14. We are going to spend time on sexuality and in the coming weeks we will address many topics, including masturbation, pornography, adulterous affairs, pre-marital sex, asexuality, homosexuality, artificial contraception and sexual trauma and its effects.  
   15. But to put those issues into context, we need to understand what a health sexuality looks like.  
       1. Vitally important because sexuality is so sensitive to how we live our lives in the natural realm   
       2. Also vitally important because an authentic Catholic view on sexuality is so radically different from what the world offers us. 
       3. Most baptized Catholic reject Catholic teaching on many sexual issues. 
       4. So many Catholics struggle with sexual issues.  Lots of confusion. Lots of distress.  
       5. We need a guiding star, an image of what sexuality should be.  That's what this episode is about.
           
          1. We will look at the authoritative sources of Catholic teaching
       6.  
          1. but really flesh them out in a way that appreciates how people are wired physiologically, neurologically and psychologically
       7.  
          1. So we can have answers to why we so often find ourselves falling and going astray in the sexual realm.  
       8. 
          
   16. Parts
   17. Examples
2. Vitally important to recognize a healthy sexuality because our sexuality is so sensitive to how we live our lives in the natural realm -- are we living in an ordered, virtuous way in harmony with natural and divine realities, or are we basing our actions on our subjective, distorted perceptions of reality.  Sexuality is either the first or one of the first areas in our life to go wrong when we depart from reality.  Sensitive barometer to how things are ordered or not ordered in our lives.  
3. Most baptized Catholic report that they reject Catholic teaching on many sexual issues. 
   1. Pew 2014 Survey of more than 7200 Catholics, 57% Favor or Strongly Favor Same-sex Marriages 
   2. Pew 2016 survey of 817 Catholics only 8% of Catholics believe using contraception is morally wrong.  41% believe its morally acceptable and 48% believe it's not a moral issue.
   3. Lots more statistics
   4. Social referencing:  evaluating one’s own modes of thinking, expression, or behavior by comparing them with those of other people so as to understand how to react in a particular situation and to adapt one’s actions and reactions in ways that are perceived to be appropriate.  APA dictionary
   5. Lukewarm Catholics look a lot like lukewarm Methodists, look a lot like lukewarm Jews, look a lot like lukewarm Buddhists, look a lot like lukewarm agnostics, look a lot like lukewarm atheists. 
      1. Going with the cultural flow
      2. Relying on own perceptions and insights
      3. Everybody being influenced by the societal trends.  
   6. We don't want to be constrained
       
      1. Reductionism.  Universal, Eternal Moral Laws --> Confining, chafing Rules -->  outdated decrees from decades or centuries ago, promulgated by old white men in black cassocks who aren't supposed to be having sex anyway -- what do they know?  How are these teaching possibly relevant to my life in the 2020s.  Thou shalt not, thou shalt not, creating an impression that sex is bad, almost any sexual activity is bad, I'm tired of being told how bad I am . 
   7. 
      
      1. License vs. freedom 
         1. Freedom is the capacity to choose the good for me and for others
             
            1. Freedom is the power, rooted in reason and will, to act or not to act, to do this or that, and so to perform deliberate actions on one's own responsibility. By free will one shapes one's own life. Human freedom is a force for growth and maturity in truth and goodness; it attains its perfection when directed toward God, our beatitude (#1731).
         2.  
         3. License is the capacity to choose what I want -- to take what I want
             
            1.  root of licentiousness -- lacking legal or moral restraints and especially disregarding sexual restraints
         4.  
   8. 
      
      1. Me as the measure
          
         1. Enlightenment -- man as the measure of all things instead of God.
      2.  
         1. Ordered sexuality is what I think it is for me.  
            1. Assumption that I know what is best for me, by my own lights
                
               1. No need for divine revelation
            2.  
               1. No acceptance of an external authority
            3.  
               1. Chesterton “We do not really want a religion that is right where we are right. What we want is a religion that is right where we are wrong.” The Catholic Church and Conversion
            4.  
            5. Assumption that I can determine what is best for me.  
      3. 
         
   9. 
      

1. So many Catholics struggle with sexual issues.  Lots of confusion. Lots of distress.  
   1. Catholic teaching on sexuality is very misunderstood, often watered down, often misrepresented.
   2. Intensity of bodily experience -- affects us.  
   3. Market for it.  We have itching ears 
      1. 2 Timothy 4: 2-4  Preach the word: be instant in season, out of season: reprove, entreat, rebuke in all patience and doctrine.  3 For there shall be a time, when they will not endure sound doctrine; but, according to their own desires, they will heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears: 4 And will indeed turn away their hearing from the truth, but will be turned unto fables.
          
         1. St. Hilary of Poitiers:  mid-fourth century AD:  …they will gather teachers together for these things which they desire. They will compile a doctrine that fits in with their desires, since they are no longer eager to be taught. They want to bring together teachers for that which they already desire in order that this large number of teachers whom they have sought and assembled may satisfy the doctrines of their own passionate desires. ON THE TRINITY 10.2.69
      2.  
         1. GK Chesterton:  The Catholic Church and Conversion 1926 : We do not really want a religion that is right where we are right. What we want is a religion that is right where we are wrong. In these current fashions it is not really a question of the religion allowing us liberty; but (at the best) of the liberty allowing us a religion. Th...

1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Resilient Catholics -- the podcast formerly known as Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!  That's right, in this new year we have a new name, and it's fitting because we have broadened our scope to do so much more than help you, our listeners deal with the Coronavirus Crisis.  
   1. When this started out.
       
      1. Coping skills, build resilience, not alone-- crisis management.  Now a long crisis.  
   2. 
      
   3. Now not just about making it through the coronavirus crisis
   4. Now we are really about increasing resilience through transformation -- a radical transformation of self, overcoming anything that gets in the way of us loving God our Father and Mary our Mother with the trust and dependence of a little child. 
      1. Resilience from a Catholic perspective
      2. And there are both great similarities and great differences in resilience understood from a Catholic Perspective and Resilience from a secular perspective
   5. Resilience through Human formation --  a lot more to say about this in the future. 
   6. We are still all about rising up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth right now, in these days, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.    
   7. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
   8. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
   9. This is episode 49, released on January 4, 2021
   10. and it is titled: The secret impact of our shame on our sexuality
   11. This is the 13th and final episode in our series on shame.  We are wrapping up that series, but we will be coming back to shame over and over again in future episodes, because of how central it is in our lives.  
   12. This is also the first episode on a new series of episodes, a new series all about sexuality.  
       1. We are going to spend time on sexuality and in the coming weeks we will address many topics, including masturbation, pornography, adulterous affairs, pre-marital sex, asexuality, homosexuality, and sexual trauma and its effects.  
       2. And we're going to get into the topic of sexuality the same way we do with all the topics on this podcast.
           
          1. We assume that what the Catholic Church has always infallibly taught to be true is indeed true, and then starting from that theological, philosophical and metaphysical base, we bring in the best of what psychology offers.  And we harmonize the best of psychology with what we know  to be true by Divine Revelation.  Here we don't try to reshape Catholicism to fit the latest and greatest woke ideas from the world about sexuality.  
       3. 
          
          1. So I will be coming from that Catholic base.  And that is a minority position in psychology -- if you want to know what the latest trends and beliefs are in the secular psychology community you can check out the guidelines that the American Psychological Association puts out on its website APA.org. This podcast is for people who really want to understand psychology harmonized with the perennial teaching of the Catholic church
       4.  
          1. And to that end, I invite feedback, especially if I teach anything that is in error.  Please get in touch with me at [email protected] or at 317.567.9594.  
             1. Citations -- Catechism, Canon Law, Denzinger's Compendium, Ludwig Ott Fundamentals of Catholic Dogma
             2. Don't email me and tell me that a confessor you went to ten years ago said that masturbation is normal and God doesn't mind it all.  That's not helpful.   
       5. 
          
2. Sexuality is such a huge and complex issue and so confusing for people.  One of the two most difficult topics for people to discuss.  The other one?  My relationship God, how I see God, all the personal or lack of personal connection with Jesus, with God our Father, with the Holy Spirit, with Mary, our Mother. 
   1. Sexuality is difficult and confusing for so many reasons
       
      1. Shame is at the center -- hard to talk about this because it is so personal and so intimate, and often so bound up with shame.  
         1. Sexuality not talked about, not discussed
             
            1. Modeling from parents -- conveyed a sense of embarrassment
         2.  
            1. No modeling from others
         3.  
            1. Deep feelings of incompetence, not knowing, not understanding
         4.  
            1. Not sure about what is normal and not normal, what is morally acceptable, what is not
         5.  
            1. Not wanting to embarrass a spouse or fiancé or girlfriend or boyfriend
         6.  
            1. Not wanting to make the listener uncomfortable
         7.  
            1. Not sure if the other person -- like a therapist -- will respect Catholic beliefs.
                
               1. Many clients reach out to Catholic therapists because of this fear -- if I am struggling with porn use or masturbation will this therapist inwardly mock my beliefs -- or outwardly say that masturbation is normal and porn use can enhance one's sexual experience.  
            2. 
               
               1. Many clients are afraid to disclose to a Catholic therapist their sexual experiences, for fear of being judged -- two-edged sword
                   
                  1. Some grounds for that -- some Catholic therapists are uncomfortable with hearing, may feel undue pressure to make sure some change happens,  May be overly concerned with their own "participation" in some way with sexual material coming up.  Not know what to do, and signal to the client that it's better "not to go there."  
               2. 
                  
            3. 
               
         8. 
            
         9. Sexuality part and parcel of our bodies, all about our bodies
             
            1. Body keeps the Score -- body is where we tend to hide all kinds of unresolved psychological issues
         10.  
             1. Catholics often hold Manichean and Jansenist ideas about the body.  
         11. 
             
         12. Catholics who are serious about their faith often have a propensity to start with self-judgement and self-condemnation, like at the end of a trial, without really understanding themselves well.
              
             1. Internal self-shaming
         13.  
         14. And all of this makes sense, makes sense, because almost all of us Catholic adults have sinned sexually.  
         15. Review of Shame (Episodes 37, 38 for full picture)
              
             1. Shame is:  a primary emotion, a bodily reaction, a signal,  a judgement, and an action. (Click to episode 38 for a summary)
         16.  
             1. Qualities of shame
                 
                1. Shame is hidden.  Hidden from others, hidden from God, often hidden from the therapist, hidden from self.  
             2. 
                
                1.   Shame inhibits positive emotions
             3.  
         17. 
             
   2. 
      
      1. And a Catholic view of sexuality, in which sexuality is ordered to what is good, true and beautiful is so different than what the world offers us. Moral issues
          
         1. Stating a standard -- even reading a Bible passage can be considered hate speech.  
            1. Cancel culture.  
      2. 
         
         1. Rule based rather than relationship-based approaches
      3.  
   3. 
      
      1. So many needs and messages being expressed