Interior Integration for Catholics

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem

The huge mistake we make with our emotions in a crisis

Episode 7:  April 10, 2020

Let’s get right to it.  Today we are discussing the one huge mistake that we human beings tend to make with our emotions when we are in a drawn-out crisis situation. One major mistake that we all are prone to make when we are stressed.  

And we’re going to also not just discuss the remedy to that huge common mistake – but also we are going to practice that remedy.  I will walk you through an experiential exercise to help you rise above that common mistake and help you know yourself better.  So stay with me, here we go…

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Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem where together we embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth during this pandemic, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts.  Thank you for being here.  

So what is the great mistake that many of us make with our intense emotions in a crisis?  In one word the answer is:  Neglect.  We neglect them.  We disregard them.  We don’t pay attention to them.  We avoid them.  We defend against them so that in an emergency they don’t keep us from being able to act.  And that is helpful in the short run.  

Imagine firefight on a battlefield where a soldier’s legs are wounded by shrapnel and he can’t move.  His buddy moves quickly and efficiently to stop the bleeding and is carrying him back to the medic for care.  It would not help his buddy to get overwhelmed with emotion, fear, or a sense of loss, or to remember in that moment all the good times they had together on base.  Temporarily, his buddy can keep out of conscious awareness all those memories and all that emotion to be able to focus on the demands of the moment.  And that is a gift from God.  

We naturally have defenses that keep some of our internal experience out of conscious awareness so we can function under stress.  We call them defenses because they defend us, they protect us against internal experiences that otherwise would overwhelm us, swamp us with their intensity.  Some clinicians call these defenses coping mechanisms.  

So what are these defenses?  You’ve heard of many of them – denial, repression, avoidance, dissociation – I have a list of about 50 of them that I consider when I’m doing psychological evaluations. The function of all of these defenses is to protect us from being overwhelmed by our experience, particularly intense emotional experiences.  The problem is that over time, these defenses all have costs.  There is a price to pay for using a defense.  The costs is often part of the defense itself – for example, getting hung over after drinking too much.  

But a cost common to all defenses is that are not as in touch with our emotions.  In general, people only deal with what they consciously experience and they assume that this is all that there is.  If I don’t feel it, it’s not there.   If a defense is working effectively, it keeps all or at least part of an emotion out of our awareness.  And when we don’t know what we are feeling we are at a disadvantage.  For example, we can’t share those experiences with other people or bring them to God in prayer.  We are not integrated, connected with emotion.  

Let me make comparison to the body.  There are some people with rare genetic condition who cannot feel physical pain.   It’s called congenital analgesia And it’s thought to be related to a genetic mutation that interrupts the normal functioning of pain messages in the central nervous system.  They don’t feel it when they burn their mouth with hot coffee, they don’t feel pain when they injure themselves in any way.  Some people might wish to have this condition – to live a pain free life!  But they tend to have short lives.  They don’t have the warning system to protect themselves.  

So an example.  Let’s say that you are angry with your spouse, but you have defended against that anger.  It’s likely to come out in your behavior, in ways that you intellect and will can’t address as effectively.  We call that enactment or acting out.  It’s a way of discharging some unconscious emotion through action.  Have you ever had the experience where you where pretty sure someone felt something toward you, but they weren’t aware of it?  Or how about the guy who insists in a frustrated, angry tone, that he is not angry.  “I’m not angry, why do you keep telling me I’m angry?!”  Often people believe what they are saying in those moments.  They are not in touch with their experience.  .  Floyd at the work.  He’s the last one – never complained. He’s enacting.  

So now we are weeks into this crisis.  It’s dragging on.  We’ve had time to build up emotions about it.  The problem is not that we have some temporary disconnect from intense emotion.  But when we don’t seek to understand ourselves, when we stay unaware of what we are feeling – then problems come in.

How can my emotions influence my actions when I am not feeling them?  Emotions signal important things going on within us.  They inform us about our experience.  And when they are kept out of awareness by defenses, there is a God-given pull for the trouble to come to the surface.  The more we repress and refuse to acknowledge an emotion, the more that emotion tries to get to the surface.  It’s like trying to keep a beach ball under the water.  

Or think about it this way.  Have you ever been in the presence of compassionate person and then all of sudden had an insight about what you’re really struggling with – a realization.  The love of the other helps the defenses to relax so the problem can come to the surface without overwhelming you.  

Remedy: Experiential exercise.  Not therapy.  Sounds really simple 

Importance of Gentleness with self.  

A very important aspect of heartset:  Willingness to look inside and own what is there.  Seek and ye shall find.  Slow down.  

You can find out.  Create the conditions.  

Mindset of acceptance of all your internal experience.   Be willing to own your emotions.  If we are, we are going to see things we don’t want to see.  Impulses, desires, attitudes, but also emotions.  Shame, grief, anger,  First and second moral acts.   Saints:  Discuss wretchedness not their wonderfulness?

Set aside

Time to feel.  

Space to feel.  

Relationship to feel

Note your reactions.

Drawing or doodling. Writing down in a journal – putting thoughts and feelings into words allows us to engaging the will and the intellect. 

Let me know how this exercise goes for you.  

Email me at     [email protected] Let’s stay connected. If you sign up at soulsandhearts.com for this podcast you will get the Wednesday morning email with extra tips and insider information, including sneak peaks.  For example, I will send you a list of the names of 50 or so defenses that I consider in evalu...

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem

A Call To Arms: Rise Up, Red-Blooded Catholics

Episode 6:  April 6, 2020

Look, I’m going to get right down to it.  We are in a real crisis with this virus.  You’ve seen the news – New York City’s hospitals are overwhelmed and infections and deaths are accelerating exponentially.  We’re facing shortages of some basic items and supply chains are breaking down.  We’ve never experienced anything like this.  And I believe we are in it for the long haul.  

The bottom line is this:  The Catholic Church now, more than ever needs heroes to rise up.  The Church needs you to be an unsung hero in your vocation, in your duties of state.  Other souls need you to be clearheaded, calm, effective, thoughtful, patient, generous, and resilient.  They don’t just need you to be a holy man or woman.  They need you to be well-formed on a human level, well integrated, soul, heart, body and mind.  Other souls are looking to you for safety, security, guidance, direction.  Are you up for that yet?  Are you equipped to handle whatever may come?

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Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. This is Episode 6 and its April 6, 2020, entitled A Call To Arms: Rise Up, Red-Blooded Catholics. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  

The stakes are high.  Yes, there is life and death on the line.  But there is more than just life and death.  There is salvation and damnation for souls on the line.  Our parishes are shuttered, we’ve lost the Mass and many of us have lost access to confession unless we are in danger of death. We’ve lost access to the Eucharist.   Now is the time – now is the time for red-blooded Catholic men and women, drinking deeply of God’s grace, to rise to the challenges of these wild times.  There has never been a better time for you to rise up and seize the day.

If you are willing to take on this mission, this mission of rising up and shining like a beacon for others, I am here to guide you, step by step and this podcast is for you. I’m here to be with you and walk you through an entire program of human psychological formation to help you triumph in the challenges you are facing, the stresses that confront you.  I am looking for probably less than 1% of Catholics, those that really get that grace builds on nature, the supernatural builds on the natural, and that know they have to work not just on their spiritual life, but also their psychological life.  I’m looking for just a few Catholics, maybe 100 committed souls, maybe more, who want to join me in our online community where we can mutually support each other in becoming unsung heroes in our daily lives.  

I’m looking for red-blooded Catholics who want to feast on the nourishing Word of the Gospel as it is, and live it out to the max.  I am looking for Catholics who are tired of the limp-wristed, narrow, timid, lukewarm, worldly approach to our Faith we see all around us.  

I am looking for Catholics who are tired of spineless, risk-averse approaches to the faith, masquerading as prudence.  I want Catholics to join me who are ready to be creative, think way outside the box, to find real solutions to real problems, who are willing to make great and small sacrifices, but who just need some guidance, who are looking for some guidance grounded in the perennial teachings of our beloved Church.   And not because we’re great – we’re not great -- but because we want our Lord to live and act through us.  

If you engage seriously with what I offer you, my bet is that many of you will grow much more resilient and much better equipped to carry out your mission to answer God’s call for you. 

So you might ask:

Who are you, Dr. Peter, to volunteer to lead us and why should we follow?

My whole career has been focused on bringing people closer to God and Mary through shoring up the natural foundation.  I almost left the field in grad school because I was struggling with how to ground the practice of psychology in an authentic Catholic worldview.  I have decades of experience working with clients, helping them through crises of various kinds.  And I have a wealth of information to share with you.  My spirituality is essentially Carmelite and I’m focused on removing psychological barriers to contemplative union with God.  You can look up my bio on Soulsandhearts.com but this is not really about me.  It’s about you.  If you really engage with what I have to offer you, you’ll know by the fruits you see if this is helpful or not.  

So if I commit, how does this work – how are you going to guide us?

So we have this podcast, which is twice per week, Mondays and Fridays.  Every week.  You know, a lot of Catholic websites have shut down or reduced the frequency of their offerings.  We’re ramping up and adding resources four or five days per week at Soulsandhearts.com.

In each episode, I’ll share some inside information, the same kinds of information that has been helpful to me in and helpful to my clients and friends.  We don’t do psychotherapy.in this podcast or in any of our offerings at Souls and Hearts, but we do share much of the same information.  So there is a teaching element.

Often in the podcasts, there will be an experiential part – where I guide you through a process to understand yourself better.  We did one in the last episode, Episode 5 on discovering more about your mindset when you were in your dark place.  The experiential exercises in this podcast are where we learn by doing. 

So we have the educational information, we have the experiential exercises – what else?  We will discuss specific challenges that many people face in resiliency in crisis, in seizing the day.  And I will give you specific guidance on how to overcome those challenges.  You see that at the end of this podcast.  

If you register for this podcast on the Coronavirus Crisis Carpe Diem page at Souls and Hearts.com you will get a bonus email on Wednesday with some insider tips, sneak peeks at what’s coming up and other resources.  It’s really worth getting that email.  

Once we get enough people registered, I will be offering webinars for the registered listeners in our community, in which we have time to go into much more depth into a particular area.  

I will make recommendations for reading from time to time – nothing lengthy or academic – no, usually short passages.  We keep it really clear and to the point.  

I’m also working on a self-assessment instrument for you to help you identify your relative strengths and weakness is facing crises, and I’m planning to be able to give tailored recommendations as your guide (again it’s not psychotherapy) for how best to change and grow.  

We are also working on community resources on our webpages – getting the discussion boards up so we can communicate and connect with each other. &nb...

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem

Your Catholic Mind and Resilience in Crisis 

Episode 5:  April 3, 2020

Mindset.  

What is a mindset and how can I understand my mindset?  These are the questions we will be addressing in depth in this episode.  

And to help us, I’m inviting in Denethor II, Steward of Gondor, in his moment of crisis.  Here you go, you Lord of the Rings fans.  

In the Return of the King, the third volume of the Lord of the Rings series, Denethor is in an extremely difficult position    He is the leader of the kingdom of Gondor. And Gondor is one of the few kingdoms left standing against the evil Sauron his army of Mordor.  

·         Gondor in a strategic position to defend against Mordor.  But now the vast, powerful army of Mordor laying siege to the gates of Denethor’s castle and the situation looks very grim.

·         But let’s rewind just a bit.  Who is Denethor?  And what was his mindset?

Denethor is 

·         Hardheaded, traditional, old-fashioned

·         a grim political realist – pessimistic

·         lonely – his wife has long since died

·         Self-reliant -- Denethor relies on his own resources to resist the powerful evil ruler  Sauron.  .  

·         Denethor is a father of two sons.  

·         Beloved Elder son Boromir has died

o   This increasing his distance, bitterness and detachment

·         secretly uses a the seeing stone – the palantir -- to gather information,

·         Seeing stone or palantir is a ball of indestructible crystal, used for communication and to see events in other parts of the world, events from the past or future.  Some might describe it as a crystal ball.  

·         Denethor believed he that he could control the seeing stone

o   The seeing stone could only show him things that were true – real object or events, but 

o   The seeing stone is not a reliable guide to action – it’s unclear whether events shown are in the past or in the future, and it doesn’t show everything.  

o   Sauron biased what the seeing stone showed Denethor, selectively choosing real events and positioning the presentation to convey a lie.  

In the moment of crisis, the vast, evil horde of Mordor is arrayed outside the castle walls, and Denethor’s younger son Faramir is brought in on a stretcher – Faramir is pierced with arrows and looks like death.  

In the darkness of his hopelessness, Denethor says this to Gandalf:

 “I have seen more than thou knowest, Grey Fool. For thy hope is but ignorance. Go then and labor in healing! Go forth and fight. Vanity. For a little while you may triumph on the field, for a day. But against the Power that rises there is no victory. To this City only the first finger of its hand has yet been stretched. All the East is moving. Even now the wind of they hope cheats thee and wafts up the Anduin a fleet of black sails. The West has failed. It is time to depart for all you would not be slaves.”

Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem where together we embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. 

I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  

This is episode 5:  Your Catholic Mind and Resilience in Crisis and it is Friday, April 3, 2020. We are one week away from Good Friday.  

Mindset is one of the four pillars of resilience in crisis for Catholics, and this episode builds on the last one, in which I introduced you to the four pillars of resilience.  These four pillars are critical for you being able to not just survive, but to thrive in times of crisis like this moment we find ourselves in now.  

Now we are going much more in depth on mindset.  

So what is mindset?  

Our mindset is the general position or attitude of our intellect.

Mindset captures how we habitually apply our thinking to the situations we face.  It’s the soil in which our cognitive processes grow.  Mindset is not our thinking per se – it’s the mental attitude from which our thinking flows.  

So here’s a simple example to clarify.  A person with a pessimistic and bitter mindset looks at a glass, sees it as half-empty and considers how he doesn’t really want water.  He wants iced tea.  With a twist of lemon.  He thinks about how he never gets what he wants.  A person with a providential mindset recognizes that four ounces of water is what he needs right now, and gives thanks to God for the gift of water.  

You can think of mindset as filter through which we perceive our situations, other people, and ourselves.  Our mindsets can range all over in terms of the accuracy of their perceptions and the quality of the thinking they produce.   Think about it.  You’ve seen this in others, when they totally misunderstand you in a situation.  And if you’re honest with yourself, you can probably remember times when your perceptions of situations have been really misguided by your mindset.   

And reminder of what we discussed in the last episode, our mindset greatly influences not only our thinking but also our behavior.  

It’s much easier to act well when we have a healthy mindset 

So now, back to Denethor.  Let’s discuss his mindset.  What was Denethor’s mindset?  Think about it for just a second.  Was it despair?  Well, he did move to mindset of despair but only at the very end.  Remember that mindsets can change and flux.  

Denethor was in trouble with his mindset long before the host of Mordor gathered at his doorstep, long before the battered body of his son Faramir was hauled back to him in the castle.  So what was the original problem with Denethor’s mindset?  It was this:

Denethor believed that he needed only to rely on himself.  

He was a man of great capacity, many talents and strong will.  

He pursued the good as he understood it to the limits of his strength.

But was self-reliant.  

He tried to carry out his mission alone and isolated.  And that mission was greater than any one man could face alone. 

None of us has the strength in our own will and in our own character to face our challenges without help.  

Relying on our own strength is a prescription for disaster.    

I empathize with Denethor – parts of me really want to be self reliant as well, want to be independent, not rely on anyone else.  That resonates with some of you as well.  So I get Denethor’s mindset, and the temptations he faced.  

There was...

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem

The Four Pillars of Psychological Resilience for Catholics

Episode 4:

It’s the late 7th century BC in Judah.  The northern kingdom of Israel has already been destroyed by the dominant Assyrians, 200 years ago.  The whole northern kingdom lost forever, 10 tribes gone, utterly ruined.  The little southern kingdom of Judah survived, two tribes left, Judah and Benjamin, but those two tribes are surrounded by powerful enemies, idolatrous nations running rampant.  

 The ruling Assyrians are brutal, even by the standards of the day.  But by this time Assyria is in a late-stage empire collapse.  Assyrian nobles are jockeying for power and position, with palace intrigues and dirty dealing.  Betrayals and internal power plays are the name of the game.  Insurrections are on the rise, civil disturbances are breaking out as factions consolidate under rival warlords.  The political situation was very dangerous and rapidly changing.  

The conquered peoples under the Assyrian’s harsh rule – the Medes, Persians, Babylonians, Chaldeans, Scythians, Cimmerians became increasingly restive and hostile.  These subjected nations, all much more powerful than little Judah smelled the Assyrians’ weakness like blood in the water.  They sharpened their swords and were bided their time for payback.  And little Judah, powerless, weak, vulnerable --  little Judah finds itself riding a red tricycle in a demolition derby.  And in 616 BC it happened, like rolling thunder, real rebellions break out from the simmering tensions. 

By 613 BC, the Babylonian army has broken free and with a vengeance is headed for Nineveh, the capital of Assyria, the biggest, most powerful city of the world.  The Medes, Persians, Cimmerians and Scythians all join in with the Babylonians and pile on.  It’s payback time for the brutal years of subjection.  The Assyrians have ruled for centuries and they are not rolling over.  It was a clash of titans.  The battle for Nineveh lasted months, with hand-to-hand fighting from street to street and house to house.  The city finally falls in 612 BC and the victorious armies sack, loot and burn Nineveh.   

Now we have a huge power vacuum.  The political and military situation was highly fluid, very unpredictable and really dangerous the cars crashed and burned in the derby and little Judah rode on.  

Cue the Prophet Habakkuk:  

I hear, and my body trembles,

    my lips quiver at the sound;

rottenness enters into my bones,

    my steps totter beneath me.

I will quietly wait for the day of trouble

    to come upon people who invade us

So why am I sharing with you the story of the fall of Nineveh and the words of Habakkuk?  Because the book of Habakkuk is all about a wild, tumultuous time, and there is great psychological wisdom in it.  Those wild, unpredictable and dangerous days are also a great rea-life historical backdrop to this five episode series on resiliency.  In the next five episodes I am giving you a mini-course on psychological and spiritual resilience in our own current crisis.  

I’m sharing with you the four pillars of internal, personal resilience in the face of crisis.  These are the four critical elements that distinguish among those that thrive in hard times, from those that survive, from those that don’t make it and fall into despair.  I call these mindset, heartset, soulset and bodyset.  I draw from the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview.  And I also draw in references from CS Lewis’ Screwtape Letters and JRR Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings.  

So four pillars of resilience.  What are these four pillars?  Mindset, Heartset, Soulset, Bodyset.  

I’m going to start with the most important pillar – guess which one it is.  Mindset, Heartset, Soulset and Bodyset.  

All of you who guessed Soulset – you’re right!  Soulset is Pillar 1.  But were are not starting with Pillar 1.  We’re starting with Pillar 3.  Yeah.  Pillar 3 is Mindset. Because people are more familiar with mindset.  

Pillar Three:  Mindset is essentially a frame of mind. Our mindset is the position of our intellect, and how we apply reason to our situation and our experiences.  For example, a person could have a pessimistic mindset or an optimistic mindset.  That person filters the perception of the world and our thinking through that mindset.  More intellectual, analytical people weigh mindset much more heavily in their decision making.  A classic example is Mr. Spock from the original Star Trek series, or the character of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle.

Here’s the thing – our mindset is dynamic and changes – we can have a very positive outlook at one point in time and a very negative one at another point in time and look at the same set of circumstances.  Our mindset greatly influences not only our thinking but also our behavior.  If we give free rein to our behavior, it will partially flow from our mindset.  It’s much easier to act well when we have a good mindset.   And one more thing – our mindsets can range all over in terms of their accuracy of perception and the quality of the thinking they produce.  

Pillar Two:  Heartset.  Heartset is the dispositions or the orientation of our heart, the emotional and intuitive ways of our heart.  Heartset and Mindset can be in opposition.  For example, if a mother can have a solid mindset to go forward with cleaning the gravel out of her son’s skinned knee, while her heart breaks for him and doesn’t want to cause him pain.  St. Therese of Lisieux in correcting the novices under her charge felt great pain in her heart about reproving them in her heartset.  But she knew in a deep and clear way that this was right and true in her mind, her mindset.  Mary Magdalene was heavily influenced by her heartset in how she loved God with deep emotion..  Dr. Bones McCoy of Star Trek also was very influenced by his heartset, which was part of the conflict he had with Mr. Spock, who was moved much more by his mindset.  

Heartset is even more dynamic and changeable for many people than mindset.  And it very much influences our mindset – makes sense right, that our emotional states influence how we think.  

Pillar One:  Soulset.  Soulset is essentially our attitude of soul.  It is the disposition of our spirit, or how our souls is oriented.  Our attitude of soul.  It can operate independently of mindset and heartset.  

Our soulset reflects how we see God, and how we see ourselves in relationship with God, how we see God viewing us.  Our soulset very much depends on our level of security in our relationship with God.

 Now here’s the kicker – our soulset is also very dynamic.  It changes too, often rapidly for some of us.  Think about the orientation of your soul when you were in a spiritual high – how confident your soul was in those moments, the deep and abiding sense of well-being in God’s grace.  Now think about your soulset when you are in you are in a bad spiritual place.  How your soul is closed up and has moved aw...

Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem

Grief over the Loss of the Eucharist 

Episode 3

March 27, 2020

Mary Magdalene saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” John 20.  

Who resonates with Mary Magdalene’s lament? They have taken away my Lord

The reactions of faithful Catholics to our churches being shuttered are not getting much press.  But grief comes up a lot, a lot in conversations, with tears: Committed Catholics are grieving the loss of access to Our Lord in the Eucharist.  And there are many other emotions as well.  

So we know the reasons that are offered for the closing of the parishes.  

On March 16, the White House guidance to avoid gatherings larger than 10 people.  

In response, almost all dioceses closed the churches and cancelled public masses and gatherings of all kinds. Even confessions are to be postponed unless there is risk of death.  

No reasonable person wants to arbitrarily increase the death count from the virus.  

What has gotten much less attention is the real pain and loss of those of us dedicated and devoted to the Eucharist.  The impact of that loss.  

And this is a place where we can acknowledge that pain and the weirdness of it all.  It is weird to watch Mass on TV or a computer monitor on Sunday morning.  

Mary Magdalene yearning for Jesus outside the tomb would not have been satisfied by watching a video of Jesus on the angel’s iPhone.  

Remember, this podcast is all about embracing the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this virus crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.

We are always embracing the situations we find ourselves in and the people we find ourselves with, in deep confidence that all things work together for the good for those who love the Lord.   All things.  All things.  Including our losses of access to the Eucharist.   

So ask the question:  How in God’s Providence can this situation be good for my spiritual life right now?

It’s really important to ask the question.  Many people won’t seek the answer, and won’t find it.  

Some Catholics will cover their grief with anger, and rail against the present circumstances, suffering like rebels. 

Others will endure their grief without imbuing it with spiritual meaning, suffering like Stoics.  

We have another option.  

Action item for this episode.  Ask the question:  How is this loss of the Eucharist best for me?  How is it best for me, right now, that I’ve lost access to the Blessed Sacrament, the Mass, Eucharistic adoration, Confession? 

It’s vital that each of you who is struggling with the loss ask that question, and not just accept answers from other people, including me.  And you need to turn it into a prayer, not just asking yourself, but asking God.  Because there are reasons for the loss.  God allowed it out of His love for you..  And those reasons vary from person to person, depending on our needs.  

I want to give some possible answers, not so you can just accept them, because they may not fit you and your needs right now, but to serve as examples.  

1.       One possible answer for some is to increase our thirst for the Eucharist.  Maybe you’ve stared to take our Lord’s presence in the Eurcharist for granted.   Psychologically, we tend to desire things more once we are deprived of them.  So if this is going on for you, you can ask for the love for Our Lord in the Eucharist to increase

2.      The loss of the Eucharist may help you to become in touch with some experience of abandonment or betrayal from your past.  There is a psychological technique called an affect bridge – that is where you work to remember when in the past you felt the same way you do now.  For many of you, grief or anger over the loss of the Eucharist may tap into some other unresolved loss in your life.  You can check that out.  In your prayer, your quiet time, go back through your life to the times when you have felt the same way as you do now about the loss of the Eucharist.  Is there something there, unresolved that you should know about?  Something that God is allowing to surface in you now, so that you can take it to him for healing?

3.      For me, I’m finding out how dependent I have been on my routine.  I rely on my routines.  For me this is about not relying on my spiritual plan of life and my regular spiritual routine.  It’s about relying on God moment to moments and maintaining the Presence of God, recollection, rather than just during my prayer time.  It’s about coming back to deepening the relationship, and embracing my dependency.  I don’t need daily Mass or an hour of Eucharistic adoration to do that.  In this situation, I can embrace the idea that it’s better that I don’t have them.  As hard as it is for me to say that.  I need God, and He is not bound by my lack of access the Eucharist.  

Again, it’s important that you for yourself ask how this loss of the Eucharist is best for you.  And if you are so moved, share it – let me know.  Get in touch with me,  Send me an email at [email protected].  And if you want to learn more about your personal psychological reactions in this crisis and how they interfere with your spiritual life, I am developing a short assessment and some limited-space webinars now. Sign up on our website at soulsandhearts.com on the coronavirus crisis: Carpe Diem page if you want to be notified when they are available.  

Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem

Our Stress Responses:  Discovering, Understanding and Improving Them 

Episode 2

March 25, 2020

Introduction:

Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem where together we embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.

Today we’re going to talk about how our stress responses give us very valuable information about ourselves, our psychological functioning and also our spiritual development.  

So stress responses are the things we habitually do when we are stressed.  They are ways of coping, ways of trying to adapt to the situation.  

You may know your stress responses or you might not know them.  Here are some examples of stress resposnes:  

·         Raiding the Fridge (chocolate)

·         Biting nails

·         Caught up in video games solitaire

·         Online shopping

·         Obsessive exercise

·         Staring into space

·         Starting arguments with the spouse

·         Cleaning

·         Baking

·         Viewing pornography online

So now we’re going to explore our stress responses?  Why do that?  Why should we care?  Because they tell us what we need, or at least what we assume we need at some level.  And when those stress responses are maladaptive, we can fight them head on and sometimes we have to.  But if we can find the underlying need, we can address it in an entirely new and healthy way.  

My stress response is __________________

Next, let’s ask, “What does your stress response do for you?”  How is that response trying to meet an assumed or real need?

If you listen in, you might find the answer.  

You may already think you know the answer, and you may be right.  

But let’s go deeper together.   

Let’s have an open mind and an open heart toward ourselves on this one.  We may have an insight if we are open to it.  

The big theme:  Our stress responses show us our growing edges, the areas in which we need to receive grace and help.  

OK, so here’s the final part.  Let’s bring those needs into the spiritual life.  

In a crisis like this, the need often has to do with being secure or having a sense of safety.  

As Catholics, our need for security and for safety can’t be met by maladaptive stress responses.  

They don’t work.  Chocolate can’t really make you safer.  Nailbiting can only temporarily cover stress, not resolve it.

So to recap:  First, Let’s recognize which of our behaviors are stress responses.  Let’s name them and acknowledge them, own them, be real about them.  So for me, that stress response  is way too much internet surfing and study both of the economic and political news.

Second, Let’s then reflect and be open to the needs or assumed needs we have that drive them.  In my case, an assumed need to predict what is happening and to control it.  My real need though, is for a sense of safety and security.

Third, taking those assumed needs and real needs into the spiritual life in some way that is helpful to you.  In my case, bring the need for safety and security to God the Father and to Mary.  

Ok, so we are winding it up for today.  

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Sign up for our upcoming assessment and limited-space webinars that will help you learn more about your reactions in a crisis at https://www.soulsandhearts.com/coronavirus-crisis.

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Check out Soulsandhearts.com .  

Dr. Gerry has just launched his course for married couples who are recovering from the discovery of porn use – porn use is a stress response for many people.  

Let’s pray for each other.  Our Lady, Untier of Knots:  Pray for Us.  St. John the Baptist  Pray for us.  

Sign up for our upcoming assessment and limited-space webinars that will help you learn more about your reactions in a crisis at https://www.soulsandhearts.com/coronavirus-crisis.