Hey, it’s Kerri! I’m so glad you’ve joined me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma!
Just a quick reminder that I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a certified trauma support specialist with lots of lived experience with trauma! So, let’s get to it!
In episode 2 what is trauma, I talked a bit about the brain/body connection and how what impacts one, impacts the other. I wanted to go a little deeper into this piece because it’s so important that we understand just what trauma does to our entire system. In taking courses on trauma and trauma-informed care- I’m currently taking courses to become a Trauma and Resiliency life Coach- my eyes have been opened WIDE! It just makes so much sense in how it makes us feel, react, respond, and behave throughout our lives!
So, the brain sorts its own priorities in order of importance biologically. The first priority is SAFETY! The brain is primed to help us survive. Any real or perceived threat kicks this part of the brain into high gear!
The next priority is avoidance of pain. This function of the brain will create all kinds of emotions, reactions, and behaviors to avoid any kind of pain be it emotional, physical, mental, or relational (which is how we connect to others).
The next priority is to conserve energy. This part of the brain is our “auto-pilot.” It creates patterns or habits that are automatic, without putting much energy towards thinking.
The last one is pleasure and gain. This part of the brain is based on wants and desires, what feels good. This takes intentional growth and learning along with repeated practice to activate.
So, our behaviors, emotions, and thinking are driven by hormonal and biochemical (chemical reactions that happen in living things) activity in our brain and nervous system. These are chemicals we have in our systems:
Dopamine: This gives us motivation, learning, pleasure, habits, goal seeking, and desires.
Oxytocin: This enables attachment, connection, trust, and promotes stable relationships.
Serotonin: This gives us feelings of self-worth, gives us a positive self-image, and enables enjoyment.
Endorphin: reduces pain and inflammation, calms anxiety, and it reduces isolation and loneliness.
So, what happens if we have less or more of these chemicals in our systems?
If we have less dopamine, it can lead to low self-esteem, no motivation, low energy, lack of focus and concentration, anxiousness, feeling hopeless, and mood swings.
If you have less oxytocin, you can feel lonely, stressed, disconnected from relationships, and can have insomnia.
If you have less serotonin, you can be overly sensitive, have panic attacks, you can have obsessive thoughts and actions.
If you have less endorphins, you can feel depressed, feel physical aches and pains more intensely, and can have inflammation in your brain/body/systems.
All of these behaviors and reactions are biologically correct responses to the lack of these chemicals in our systems!! We don’t choose these behaviors, I mean, no one would, right?
Other chemicals that we have in our systems are nor-adrenaline. adrenaline, and cortisol.
If we have an INCREASE in these chemicals:
Nor-adrenaline, we can be really angry, feel hostile and agitated.
Adrenaline, we can feel increased fear, anxiety, want to run away, lack of focus, and be hyperactive (extremely active)
Cortisol, it reduces dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. It reduces our ability to think, process, and think logically. It reduces our ability to stop behaviors and keeps us from forming memories in a logical way.
So, what this all means, is that when we experience repeated traumatic experiences, and our brain and nervous system are constantly on ‘high alert” scanning for danger, even when danger isn’t happening in the present moment, it causes these chemical imbalances that impact us in so many ways! It’s not our fault, we aren’t choosing these behaviors, our brain and body are reacting in the correct way!
So, when these different chemicals are out of balance, the body has to work, to try and bring them back into balance. You might be better able to function in about 20-30 minutes. But if you have a history of toxic stress and adversity, it will take much longer for the body to “metabolize” or process the chemicals. The short end might be 6-8 hours, or it could be as long as 30 hours!
There can also be changes in our brain as a result of repeated “toxic stress.” The front part of our brain, the “thinking” part called the Pre-Frontal Cortex, shuts down. We have increased fear responses, and we don’t have the ability to “reality check” which just means we can’t think through things in a logical way. We have problems with memory, we can have a constant “doom loop” running through our minds. We may not be able to control our emotions, or we might feel emotionally “flat” or numb.
This affects the way we learn too. We can’t prioritize or put things in a logical order of importance. We can see everything negatively; we can’t focus or concentrate. We may miss “social cues” from others, which is our ability to observe other people’s body language, attitude, tone of voice, and other non-verbal actions. New things and situations can feel overwhelming and very stressful because it can trigger feelings of a loss of control.
Think of all of the different pieces of your life that these things can affect! It impacts our relationships, our behaviors, how we respond to others and situations, how we learn, and how we function in our daily lives!
Our brain also creates a “tolerance” level in response to repeated stress, our environment, and experiences. It’s a baseline, for what we can take or handle. If we go above or below that baseline level, we are out of our range or “window” of tolerance.
If we go above that window, this is “hyperarousal” we’re “amped” up. This is when our sympathetic nervous system is running the show, we’re in that “fight, flight, or freeze” or survival mode. When we’re at this level, we can feel shaky, we emotionally overreact. We may have racing thoughts or be overly defensive. We can feel overwhelmed, unsafe, we can react impulsively to things.
There are many things that affect that window of tolerance. Our past learning history, the impact of a less than ideal environment, family dynamics, feeling out of control, we can even be impacted by stress BEFORE we’re born! A pregnant mother who experiences daily stress has nor-adrenaline, adrenaline and cortisol running through her system. These pass through the placenta to the child. The child’s body develops in a way that’s influenced by these hormones! Genetics can also be a factor!
So, when we’re pushed out of our range of tolerance, we develop or adapt reactive behaviors to deal with or to try gain control of a situation. These are “auto-pilot” behaviors (remember these are biologically correct behaviors because our nervous system is running the show!) that just happen, we don’t really “choose” them.
Something, some situation comes up, we’re “amped” up, our survival brain kicks in. In order to gain some control, we might get up and leave, or get angry, hostile, we can’t focus, our brain can feel “foggy.” We may feel that we need to be “perfect,” we can over plan, over think, over prepare. We can’t think logically, can’t prioritize tasks, or follow through with them.
Another biologically correct behavior we can develop is called “mitigation.” This means that we “create space” mentally between what our body is experiencing, and how we perceive or “see” it. It’s a natural way that is biologically programmed into us when we’re above that range of tolerance our brain creates.
In certain situations, like crowds, we’ll put as much physical space as possible between us and other, or we may avoid crowds altogether. To avoid distressing thoughts, we might shut down our feelings, become numb, or we might daydream, or retreat into a “fantasy” world. To protect ourselves, we might obsess over our safety. We can over think, over plan, or have obsessive-compulsive behaviors. These are behaviors that are automatic, we can’t control them. We might have an eating disorder, or constantly check and recheck things.
Somatic experiences or bodily experiences can feel like intense anxiety, tightening in the chest, rapid heartbeat, feeling sweaty, and shallow breathing. To mitigate or put distance between our body and our experience of these feelings, we might “disconnect” or disassociate from our body, so we don’t feel these things.
Another mitigating behavior might have to do with “switching” or “substituting.” We try and replace one feeling with another. We might replace grief with anger, or another emotion we feel we can handle better. This also might show up binge eating, substance use, shopping, or other behaviors to replace or distract us from distressing emotions.
When we have been raised in “damaging” or “adverse” environments, as adults, we can create adaptive, “action oriented” responses to situations. We can have “all or nothing” thinking, things are one way or another, there’s no in-between. We might be overly critical or blaming. We might create abrupt limit setting (“That’s it, I’ve had it, forget it). We might be dismissive or use ultimatums (Do it my way or else!).
The opposite of these action-oriented behaviors is passive or unassertive. This could feel like just “giving in” to a situation. We might feel frozen, stuck, trapped. We might feel numb, use things to distract ourselves. We may feel disconnected from our body and mind. We can be depressed and withdrawn.
Adverse life experiences condition us to react faster to anything we feel is a threat, often before we are even aware of it! The space between the threat and our response to it gets shorter. This may cause us to act before we think something through and weigh the consequences of our actions.
So physically, our brain makes connections (think road map with connecting streets!) based on our environments, senses, perceptions, history, genetics, and experiences. Our nervous system looks for certain things to create patterns or templates for our behaviors and responses. These are developed in:
Relational patterns: meaning an view of yourself and others
Emotional patterns: reduced pattern of emotional expressions as habits are created.
Cognitive patterns: not the CONTENT of the thought but how you think and view things.
Physical patterns: Tension, movement, posture, coordination, etc.
So, we build habits through the connections that our brain makes. The more we go to, or use certain responses, reactions, and behaviors, the connections in our brain that drive our responses, thicken, and become stronger. This means that the stronger the connection in our brain, the more likely we are to use those patterns or habits that we’ve built! Once that pattern is built, it happens without conscious thought or awareness, it’s automatic. Even when we build new patterns, older patterns are still there and will come out in times of stress. It takes a HUGE amount of attention and focus to build new patterns and gets harder the more distracted or unfocused we are. Change is really hard because it requires specific intention and focus, and anything that distracts us interrupts that intention. With our histories of toxic stress and adversity, the brain is routed towards safety which drives our automatic responses.
We hear the word “triggers” but what is a “trigger?” A trigger is a strong emotional, behavioral, and physical response to something that reminds us of a past bad, traumatizing event. It could be a sound, a smell, an event, even certain people can “trigger” us! What can set us off is very personal, it’s related to our experiences. Our brain starts that distress signal, and we’re instantly in survival mode! We feel unsafe, and your brain and body throw up its defensive behaviors and reactions! We can also have “flashbacks” or relive and re-experience a traumatic event. We can feel like we’re back there, at that time and moment. These are classic hallmarks of post-traumatic stress or complex post-traumatic stress, which many people associate with Veterans who’ve experienced war. But as we now know, traumatic experiences, histories, and environments can cause anyone to develop them. I know personally, as a child, through my teens, and in my abusive relationship, I felt like I was in my own personal “war,” of course not in the way a soldier would experience it, but I fought, felt attacked, was attacked, lived in constant chaos, and felt that my safety, and even my life at times, literally, was in danger almost constantly. I still fight my own battle daily, to survive, to function, to just “be!”
All of these different imbalances, and biologically correct responses and behaviors can have long term effects on our lives. Our lives and environments can be chaotic and can lead to unstable impacts. We may not be able to hold down a job or have healthy relationships. We feel like we can’t function, don’t fit in, or have a sense of “belonging.”
These are just some of the reasons why getting “past” our trauma is so very hard! When we hear things like “just get over it” or “just be more positive and it’ll be fine” or “just think happy thoughts,” “repeat this affirmation” we can feel like we’re a failure. LET ME TELL YOU, IF IT WAS THAT EASY, no one would have issues! If we could do it, we would have done it! We’ve tried it, and it doesn’t work!
So, the first big takeaway from all of this information is IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!! You didn’t choose what happened to you or how it affected you. How you behave and respond is all biologically correct in response to your experiences, environment, genetics, and history!
The good news is that, even though you can’t erase what happened to you, you can learn new ways to cope, respond, and process things in a way that will positively impact your behaviors and begin to build a bridge towards healing. It takes work, and practice: remember it takes intention and follow through to build a new habit and create new connections in our brains! But we start easy, with that baby step forward.
So last episode, I closed with a “purposeful” self-hugging exercise. As we’ve just talked about triggers, I’d like to do some grounding exercises with you, if that’s okay. You don’t have to do them now if you don’t want to, but it might be helpful for you to listen and tuck them away in case you need them!
Mindful “belly” breathing is a good way to center yourself. Breathe slowly in through your nose to a count of 5. Your belly should push out as you inhale. Don’t breathe with your chest moving out. Hold your breath for a count of 1, then slowly exhale out of your mouth to a count of 5. Your belly should move in when you exhale. Your chest should not fall as you breathe out. Do this five times. Listen to the sound of your breath as you slowly inhale and exhale.
Another grounding technique you can use is the 5-4-3-2-1 method:
Say either out loud or to yourself:
5 things you can see around you. It could be a picture, a color, anything you see. What color are they, what shape are they?
4 things you can feel. It could be the wind, the fabric of the clothes you are wearing, your skin, anything you can feel. Is it smooth or rough? Hard or soft?
3 things you can hear. What noises can you hear? Are they loud or soft? Are they familiar noises?
2 things that you can smell. What smells are around you? A cup of coffee or tea? Shampoo in your hair?
1 thing that you can taste. Take a drink of something, pop a mint in your mouth. If nothing is available, think of what your favorite taste is, imagine it.
Another quick grounding technique would be to put your hands in water, notice the temperature, feel yourself rubbing your hands together under the water.
I hope these exercises have been helpful in some way. Remember, they take memory and practice. Remember that you are building your own personal toolbox, and it contains the skills you are learning. So just like you’d go to a regular toolbox for a screwdriver, or a pair of pliers, go to your personal toolbox and pull out a skill, grounding technique, whatever you need!
Thank you so much for your time, and for listening. I’d love to hear from you! Find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, or End DV Now. I’m on twitter @Kerriwalker 58, or my websites, enddvnow.com or invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com
Keep listening and look for new episodes dropping every Monday on all your favorite podcast apps and platforms!
Take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!
