It's All My Fault

My personal (and totally unexpected) reckoning with angels of the guardian variety has never been comfortable territory for me to wander within.

1. That's the f'n point you misguided boo-hoo-boy.
2. Point taken.

I figure that's why LME, my TGA, manifested in a full blown bout of delusional schizophrenia sprinkled with a healthy portion of oppositional defiance disorder. when she arrived to help me course-correct my misguided life.

1. Talk about a character build that can't help but get noticed!!
2. So so so so guardian angel of her... ya know?
3. Amen!

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 28 of 53

1. Happy Birthday Dad!

Wishing my 84 year old father "good cheer" seems an appropriate place to start today... it being his birthday and all.

Why, then, did I start this day's actual recording with a somewhat pathetic apology for the pile of hong kong phooey that ensues?

1. Rather than paying recognition to the man who brought you into existence?

Well... one factor might be how high I am.

1. Ok.
2. Obviously that could be a factor...
   1. possibly.

And we know how forgetful I am.

And how likely I am to lose my train of thought which makes me prone to derailing any thought at any time, even thoughts I was trying to complete as I'm completing them which immediately turns into a scramble of some verbal reactive dexterity in an attempt to save face coherently but having no recollection now where it all began and therefore why we're here... I simply wander around until I say something that sounds like it should have a period after it abruptly putting an end to my current chop suey conversational charade.

1. And then we move on.
   1. After all, what the queen gets the queen wants. Eh LizzyBeth?

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 27 of 53

I Voted Today! buttons are not among my collection.

• Why you ask considering all the other buttons in my collection?

Well... embarrassnigly or admirably - however it is that you want to perceive it - I've never voted in the United States of America. Or at least I don't think I have.

• Duh!!!
  • That's why It's All My Fault.
    • Or at least that's what I've heard...
      • maybe there's more to the story.

May.

• Be.

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 26 of 53

Wow have I been lazy to start this year or what?

• Seriously.

I guess I needed a little of that "hibernation" routine. To see if I'm, in fact, a bear in "meat suit" clothing.

• It turns out, that I am not.

Having come to this realization, well... I decided it was time to embrace my homo sapien sapien build v.8675309 Earth self again and get the f'k out of my bedroom.

In doing so, I grabbed the notes I've been compiling during my absence that account for 3+ hours worth of chit-chat to address.

• And then I hit record.

Unfortunately, the 59+ minutes of nonsense that fell out of my mouth after that managed to address only one of the items in all of my notes.

• Seriously

Expect more of me soon... maybe even today. Because after 5 days off, I have a lot more to say.

• Since I'm, in fact, not a bear.

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 25 of 53

This recording is the very definition of an out of control junk drawer.

And the worst part is that I knew I was muttering clutter and still couldn't help letting it turn into a full blown catastrophe. Boo!!!!

And then in a little "me being me" moment, I end up assigning you the job of fixing all the stuff I messed up in getting us here. Well... assigning might be too strong... but encouraging your full participation? Hell yeah! That I will do always.

I'm glad we had this talk.

1. Now grab a mop because there's suddenly microwave dust covering everything so we got some cleanin' to do!

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 24 of 53

I admit I've had a rather frictionless ride through life thus far. As such I've been preparing for the losses we all inevitably suffer, at least as much as one can do something like that in any meaningful way.

That certainly doesn't make the untimely passing of Ms. Lilly Mae Eaton any less impactful, nor any less devastating. But the wisdom and meaning available to mine in this condition... well it's considerable. And per my usual self I pinball my way there eventually.

So mostly business as usual.

Except when it's not.

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 23 of 53

When one boasts openly that they can't recall the last time they experienced a "dark day" - well one should immediately locate all flashlights and any candles on hand because whoa buddy whoa - darkness is falling.

Like now. Right now.

• Okay, maybe as late as tomorrow.
  • But find those candles now.

Making statements that come back and bite me in the ass is monkey buckets of fun. I know I've shown considerable talent here but never reinforced that talent with anything close to a positive mental attitude. Now that's my plan.

• PMA
  • all the way!
    • Is it showing yet? No?
• How about now???
  • ... ???

Go TEAM!!!

• Go.
  • ... team go
    • Now????

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 22 of 53

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

In my memories, you'll live eternally.

1. I will miss having you on my team.
2. Always and forever.

Baby you remind me...

RiP Lilly Mae Eaton

I planned on asking you to kindly overlook the mediocrity my current existence is determined to foist upon thee but that seemed like an offer you'd be savvy enough to refuse. So screw that plan!

In fact, executing direct opposite maneuver now am I.

Instead of pandering for your sympathy, how about you hold this recent string of lackluster lollipops against me. With prejudice.

• A free upgrade to EXTREME PREJUDICE is available if that's how you roll..

I can see now that the cactus underwear I'm offering this season is not the undergarment the market wants to buy. Admitting when we're wrong is a sign of strength not weakness. We can always regroup for a summer run.

However, the recent run of prickly B-/C+ results I've produced needs to be recorded in my permanent file via the new TP Report form, the one in triplicate.

A "report card" of my persistent underachievement.

Swwwwwweet.

• Oh who the hell knows?

This moment of accountability may be EXACTLY the dose of "get your head in the game" reality juice I need to reverse psychologize myself into reflexively defying my own authority so that through said defiance I can rise up once again and stop being so lame... !!!

• You know...??
  • It just might be crazy enough to work.
    • Love.
      • It.

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 21 of 53

Are YOU kidding me?

• Episode number 444???
• ...
• ???

Is this as big a shock to you as it is to me?

• Bigger?
  • Yeah!
  • Totally.
    • Toe.
    • Tully.

Which is why I didn't bother re-listening to this one.

I figure arriving here as we have, at recording four hundred forty-four is enough of an accomplishment. It exceeds every expectation I had.

Buy-A-Lot.

So impressed am I with this overall effort of mine that I felt I've damn well earned myself some me time. An earned day of rest and relaxation to bask in my own glorious glory sounds about right.

In fact, eating a quiet breakfast to celebrate my gloriousness, alone with my inner thoughts... while also sorting some junk mail. Well that was almost as relaxing as deleting unnecessary stuff from my phone was restful. If this were a World of Waynes it would have been a Schwing thing!

Tow. Till. Leigh???

1. Now could it really be
2. that these words represent this recording's reality?
3. The same one for you as it is four mi?
4. Hard to say
5. ... with me.

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 20 of 53

1. Usually I can claim, with honor, my scattershot approach to the recordings I'm laying down.
   1. This might be the rare exception to that bluster.
      1. I go so far as to preface it with a bit of
         1. tither/tather
            1. that likely does nothing to relate to my final message.
               1. Since I know not what that is,
               2. I'll just say - are you seriously going to proceed at this point?
                  1. Seriously?
                  2. ???

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 19 of 53