In this week’s episode, we introduce a new chapter for the pod and reflect on how we got here. I’ve learned so much over the last twenty weeks, and I feel so grateful for the ongoing support and encouragement.

0:00 Lucky Number 21!

0:56 6 Months Ago

12:15 For My Younger Self

16:18 “It’s Not Normal”

17:26 Book Recs

19:28 We’re Not Alone

21:17 You’re An Expert In Your Own Experience

23:53 Seeing Them Honestly is Not Betrayal

26:46 Channeling my Inner Student

28:42 Discovering Myself

34:46 Announcement

38:09 BigSisCasey

42:13 There Is No Box

45:48 My Hopes

49:18 Back on 4/11/2024!!

There are countless negatives that go hand in hand with being raised by a narcissist, but what if I told you that you can turn some of those negatives into positives? In this week’s episode, we address things like hypervigilance and perfectionism, and talk about how toning down these survival skills so many of us were forced to develop throughout our childhood can serve us moving forward. 

0:00 Intro

0:50 Survival Skills

3:04 Little Superheroes

5:15 Hypervigilance

9:17 Perfectionism

16:05 Good Judge of Character

20:14 Narcissism

26:41 Lightbulbs

30:16 Outro

The In-Between - the name I’ve used to describe the dark, overwhelming and directionless time that comes after you’ve started to realize the trauma but before you’ve started to heal. You’re aware of the more negative behaviors you’ve witnessed growing up and maybe even started to mimic in your own life, you’re starting to unlearn, but you don’t yet feel ready to start implementing the newer, healthier behaviors you’re learning, so you’re left not feeling much of anything, numb. It’s a scary time full of uncertainty, especially if you don’t know what it is or that it has an end, and we talk all about it in this week’s episode. 

0:00 Intro

0:58 You Are Not An Extension of Your Parents

3:25 Manipulative Narcissistic Tactics

7:07 Power in Perspective

9:06 The In-Between

11:30 Unlearning Behaviors

17:23 Numbness/Understanding What Not To Do

23:27 The Next Step

28:39 A Relapse of Bad Behavior

30:46 Light at the End of the Tunnel

38:16 Outro

Support this channel for more content like this on Patreon
Emotional but Hopeful Merch on Shopify
It's Not Normal Podcast on Youtube
It's Not Normal Podcast on Spotify
It's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts

Support this channel for more content like this on Patreon
Emotional but Hopeful Merch on Shopify
It's Not Normal Podcast on Youtube
It's Not Normal Podcast on Spotify
It's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts

Support this channel for more content like this on Patreon
Emotional but Hopeful Merch on Shopify
It's Not Normal Podcast on Youtube
It's Not Normal Podcast on Spotify
It's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts

The healing journey has been a constant ebb and flow of emotions. While some days, I feel like I can take on the world, others, it’s hard to find the motivation to do much of anything at all. Intrusive thoughts, perfectionism and hypervigilance are just a few of the unhealthy behaviors I developed throughout my childhood that are still a part of my day-to-day life. In this week’s episode, I offer up a realistic look at healing. Healing is progress, it’s movement. Hope can exist alongside overwhelming emotion.

Chapters

2:06 A Realistic Look at Healing

4:24 Intrusive Thoughts

11:51 Being Vulnerable in a Relationship

15:16 Asking for Help

19:38 Hypervigilance

23:22 People Pleasing

28:41 Establishing Healthy Communication

33:50 Being Hypercritical of Myself

A few weeks ago, I got an invite to be on In-Sight Exposing Narcissism - a podcast hosted by licensed psychotherapists Katie McKenna and Helen Villiers. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to speak with them and share my story. In this week’s episode, I talk about what it was like speaking to mental health professionals for the first time along with some additional insight on defensiveness, enmeshment and other topics we addressed. 

If you haven’t already, check out Katie and Helen’s podcast, 

99. It's Not Normal - An interview with Casey Smith

Katie McKenna: https://www.tiktok.com/@katiemckennatherapist

Helen Villiers: https://www.tiktok.com/@helenvilliersma

Chapters

0:57 Anticipating Negativity

4:44 Validating My Experience

10:29 Toxic Positivity

16:13 Holding My ‘No’

18:37 Breaking the Cycle

26:01 Direct Communication

27:34 Taking Responsibility

Perfectionism comes in different forms. Whether it’s self, other or socially oriented, dealing with perfectionism can feel like a never ending cycle of unrealistic expectations followed by criticism and disappointment. Often a trauma response or coping mechanism, perfectionism often stems from being raised by an emotionally unskilled parent. In this week’s episode, we dive into everything related to perfectionism, it’s connections to narcissistic abuse and tips on how to fight it. 

Chapters

0:11 Perfectionism 

1:29 3 Types of Perfectionism

4:26 How It Relates to Narcissism

6:19 Conditional Love and Expectations

7:40 Perfectionism as a Coping Mechanism

9:48 ‘Overachiever’ 

13:36 Attachment Trauma and Unpredictability

16:24 Going Away to School

22:52 Posting on Social Media

26:00 Fighting Perfectionism

The TikTok that went viral:

https://www.tiktok.com/@csmith0497/video/7284752825916132651

Expectations are one of the most damaging things to bring into relationships and experiences. So often, the expectations we carry with us can be traced back to the expectations that were placed on us throughout our lives. Letting go and living in the moment are helpful in healing.

Chapters 

0:00 Introduction

1:10 Where do Expectations Come From?

4:44 Hypervigilance

8:59 Going to the Beach

11:34 You’re Only Doing It For Me

13:06 If You Have to Ask

16:12 Deviating from the Plan

18:45 False Sense of Urgency

23:21 I Like Dark Chocolate

25:59 Voicing What I Want

28:53 Outro