It's Not That Deep

SEASONS OF CHANGE

Welcome back friends! 🤸🏽

This is the FIRST episode of the newest season for It’s Not That Deep!

Today’s topic I talk about the depths to changing.

We all know change can be scary but it’s not talked about enough the messy middle of those changes. the hard conversations, the real present life with triggers from past, navigating how to redirect relationships or friendships, and everything else that comes with the change.

The reason I podcast my real life lessons is because I know I am not alone in these thoughts, feelings and experiences. I want to create a place for women to feel validated, seen and safe to understand those feelings, how to take action, and maybe have a good laugh while we’re at it.

After all… it’s not that deep😉

Holy Shit. It's been 5 months since I last talked to you but more importantly it's been ONE YEAR OF NO CONTACT with my ex...

Let's talk about it 🤸🏼‍♀️

I went no contact with my ex October 4, 2024 and let me tell you what I learned.

1. It is hard AF. Temptation will always be there lean on the things that fuel you not drain you.
2. Break patterns. Do not keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. Try a new coffee shop, new workout routine, new clothes, literally anything different than what you were doing.
3. Stay busy but enjoy the lonely. Lonely can feel like you are lost but truly it is creating space for peace and calm to enter into your life.
4. TRUST YOUR INTUITION. Say no when your body is sounding the alarms. Take this with dating, friendships, work...etc.
5. Talk kind to yourself. Learn to truly love yourself even the parts you don't like, I promise the kinder you are to yourself the kinder the world treats you.

UPDATES:

• I am officially leaving my salon suite and closing the doors to 260 Studio starting November 1, 2025.
• I got a puppy in June - his name is Mack and he is the official love of my life. He is now 5 months old and just the goodest boy.
• I am dating someone who treats me the way I should have been treated from any guy. His name is Dan and he is the man. 😉

As I reflect from this past year and what it took to build a life that I am not only proud of but HAPPY to living... it was not rainbows and unicorns the whole time. There were A LOT of triggers, feelings, unpredictable but also predicable situations, and a shit ton of alone time to process it all.

My advice when going through a break-up, going no contact and trying to find yourself... take it day by day, give grace to yourself and truly do the work to find what feels right in your body. I PROMISE these moments are temporary and remember patience is a virtue my loves. 🫶🏻

Welcoming my dear friend Laura onto the pod 🤸🏼‍♀️

There is SO MUCH GOOD in this yap session. This is another TRUE girl talk time where we talk about

• Relationships + Dating
• Spirituality - taping into the universe
• Working on manifesting
• Listening to your gut and taking action
• Friendships - sharing without judgment
• Doing the work and how to do it
• Finding new hobbies - dancing, water color, roller blading, making women empowerment cards
• Career paths + new changes.
• Women Empowerment + being self sufficient
• Women's timeline - having kids, freezing eggs, marriage

AND SO MUCH MORE.... this episode is for the girlies that might not have a friend to talk like this with or someone who is experiencing all these real life feelings and wants to feel not so alone.

LESSONS:

• you are truly do anything you put your mind to.
• Relationships are important but the most important is one with yourself.

INTENTION: Make a point to be present in your day to day life and make yourself uncomfortable.

BOOK REFERENCES:

Set Boundaries, Find Peace - Nedra Glover Tawwab - https://www.nedratawwab.com/set-boundaries-find-peace

PODCAST REFERENCES:

The Wellness Podcast - https://open.spotify.com/show/5QAWGLhMbBzATD2D4lnMKM?si=71f1652907ec42f8

We Met At Acme - https://open.spotify.com/show/5HjM1tfLrhY0B7AGKBB5Bk?si=246d521433104481

It's Me Tinx - https://open.spotify.com/show/2R7d2aRQkSO4Q8I7AuFbxq?si=8c4a790a09bf46d8

The Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett - https://open.spotify.com/show/7iQXmUT7XGuZSzAMjoNWlX?si=da49e1734f9a4feb

The Peter Attia Drive - https://open.spotify.com/show/63AWQmsSnFNFHUqnRAOFtD?si=b1b1208d99784aee

Welcoming another guest to the podcast - the beautiful Coco Ho.

Ironically, we know each other because she got married on the rooftop that I use to run with my ex and full circle I have her sitting on my living room floor sharing with us her biggest wins in life that blossomed from the depth she will share today.

Coco started a swim lesson business in 2023 and shares her "why" on her love for teaching people to swim. But with every new passion to begin something new there is a reason for why...

Coco go FIRED out of retaliation ...

THE DEPTHS:

• Her previous company sent out a survey asking for feedback and saying to be as candid as you would like
• Listen to survey at 22:34
• Manager never paid coco her correct pay (even though she was a salary employee) and said "can't your husband cover for you"
• The owner and the manager were having an affair. Manager had a wife with a second baby on the way and owner's NEW partner didn't know about previous affair.
• They read the surveys out loud to a group of people airing out owners dirty affair to new partner who was in the room
• They gave her only $1000 as her severance pay after being there for SIX YEARS
• She talked to 3 lawyers and all 3 agreed it was retaliation
• One specific lawyer sat her down and said "What is the point of this? What do you want out of this?"

THE LEARNINGS AND LESSONS

• She decided to not move forward with a lawyer as the battle was not worth fighting
• Getting fired created TIME for herself to then restructure her life
• She finally went on her honeymoon!!!
• She babysat and walked dogs and then started her business
• She gained good weight after leaving - your body KNOWS when you are in something you shouldn't be
• Adjusting to a healthy life can be uncomfortable and finding work, life, balance can be very challenging

INTENTION:

Self worth - don't let anyone define your value in life and who you are.

See you next week with another guest. 🤸🏼‍♀️

Coco's Swim Business - https://www.aholottafun.com

Coco's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ho_coco/

INTD welcomes our very first guest...... Mckenzie Johns. 🎉

Mckenzie Johns is not only the very first guest on the podcast she is also one of my few OG clients from when I moved out to CO years ago and now my very dear friend in life.

In this episode, we talk about who Mckenzie is, the journey of moving to Colorado, finding her passion of the outdoors, falling in and out of love, learning how to fall in love with herself, how she graduated out of therapy and so much more.

If you are feeling a lack of girlhood and need some friend advice this is truly the best girl yap session you will hear.

If you live in CO and want to feel more confident with outdoors follow Mckenzie's IG. I PROMISE you will not regret it. 🤸🏼‍♀️

Remember, it's not that deep.

IG: @mtnjohns

Overview: I BROKE NO CONTACT....

Weekly Recap:

• Opening day in CO is the absolute BEST day and happened last week.
• I Got "yelled" at by a friend of a friend who had a lot to say about the way I eat. Piss off my guy.
• Noticed my google calendar and my ex's google calendars were synced.
• I saw my ex with another woman...

DEPTHS:

• My ex put a package in my suite and saw a woman with him on camera
• I initially felt sad seeing someone live the life was mine
• I spiraled - for about 11 minutes - and realized that used to be me in that video. The girl who stands outside the suite, waiting for him to get done "working" on a Sunday.
• I started comparing his life to mine and COMPARISON IS THE THEIF OF JOY.

LEARNINGS:

• As hurtful as it is to see your ex move on.... I realized it is not about him at all it's about me not knowing what I want in life.
• Our healing looks different and my life is upgrading at a slower pace.
• BE DELUSIONAL IN YOUR DREAM LIFE
• Create connection in your life. Make those friends, put yourself out there and try the new things!

Two sources that can help you take action today:

• Mel Robins - 'Let Them Theory'

• Soul Gum Podcast - '5 happiness traps - and how to break free of them'

MY LINKS:

IG: @mads_cook

IG Hair page: @mads.cook.hair

Tiktok: @mads.cook.hair

I can't believe it is April but here we are. 😱

April Intention: "Focus on doing the things you can do, and changing the things you are able to change."

If you are a new listener, welcome to the pod and I am happy you are giving me 44 minutes of your day. Here is episode 5's break down:

WEEKLY RECAP:

• I went on a dinner date but never got dinner....
• I have to get glasses 🤓
• I will be having guests on the pod in April. 🤸🏼‍♀️🎉
• March is the month I dread the most...

DEPTHS:

• Dating can be fun as long as you are dating with intention.
• Know your values and morals while dating
• Going through a breakup and going on dates can be confusing and a bit of an emotional roller coaster. One day you have two guys interest in you and the next you fall back to thoughts of if your ex was right about his way of dating or maybe you should have settled.

LEARNINGS:

• You are not just dating to get to know other people you are learning things about yourself while going on these dates. What you will and will not tolerate in a relationship.
• Trust yourself. Completely trust yourself. I should have immediately told my date that I was expecting dinner and will not go for a walk.
• I realized I missed my best friend not necessarily my ex as a boyfriend or partner. Know the difference when you start to miss your ex or the person no longer in your life.

You have to get to the depths to understand that it's not that deep.

Remember, everything is temporary

SOCAILS:

IG: mads_cook

IG: mads.cook.hair

TIKTOK:mads.cook.hair

If you dated someone a little too close to home.. girllll same. At this rate I am doing it for the plot. 😅

This episode is a MUCH lighter than the past 3 episodes and a little more organized.

Week Recap:

• I chopped my chair to above my shoulder. Think.. Gracie Abrams. This chop brought out my SASS and I am here for it.
• My friend and I started a book club - We read 'Origin of You' - Vienna Pharaon. Great book but I recommend reading in sections and maybe with a therapist.
• Finding peace in parks 🏞️
• I finally got my Airbnb listed!
• I cut out a caffeine 😅

The Deep:

• I started to question if I did enough in the relationship or give enough.
• Change is happening literally in front of me and I just have to watch it; Again, a choice because I dated my landlord and mix business with pleasure.

Learnings/Changes:

• Love with my ex was very conditional but I am finding that I love myself conditionally.

• I had a dream where my late Nana and Great Grandpa tell me how I only love myself when I earn that love. THIS BLEW MY MIND 🤯

Leaving you with this intention: Giving Grace

Remember everything is temporary. 😌

SOCIALS:

IG personal: mads_cook

IG Hair: mads.cook.hair

What I learned from dating my narcissistic landlord and what I learned with leaving him....

This episode I share with you all the insights I've learned from leaving a very toxic relationship and the number reason I was able to leave and not go back.

1. NO CONTACT- 5 months ago I went no contact. By doing this I was able to start getting a clear mind, seeing patterns, and being able to detox from the addition of his games. This really gave me a chance to explore life day to day without him.
2. BOUNDARIES- Setting boundaries and sticking to them will help you find a clear mind. Boundaries in life are crucial to living peaceful life. I best way I have found to set boundaries and keep them is by asking myself how I feel? Do I feel full or empty. I highly recommend a book called 'Set Boundaries, Find Peace." by Nedra Glover Tawwab
3. TRY NEW THINGS- Saying YES. Even to things that you are unsure about. Now that you are becoming clearer in your thoughts and living a life day to day without your ex finding new parts of you is the most exciting part! Over the past year I have tried snowboarding, I went on my first solo vacation, I started a podcast, I said yes to an outdoor winter concert, I got my 200hr yoga teacher certificate, I became a plant mom. All this to say I am TRYING.
4. FIND YOUR ROUTINE- This part was (and still is) extremely tough for me. When you go from years of a routine with another person in mind to doing life alone routines can be hard to find. I recommend listening to this episode of The Mel Robins Show https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000683501923

With unexpected heartbreak or change like this life can start to feel out of control. These are suggestions that can help you start to feel in control of your life again.

Remember to talk kindly to yourself. Self compassion will be the most helpful tool you can use with getting out of an unhealthy relationship.

Everything is temporary and don't forget to enjoy living life.

It's Not That Deep. 🤍

Part two to my landlord dating saga....

This episode focuses on how I ended up dating my landlord and how I was able to finally end it.

How he got me...

• Three major oversights I had when "dating" my ex. For starters, we jumped into the relationship in 2020 and it was fast. We moved in together about 3 months in and the love bombing was the first oversight . The flowers, love notes, constant attention, all things physical, vacations, small acts and I mean all. the. time. Then, one day, it all just stopped. He was too busy and didn't have time for me.
• The second oversight was the lifestyle. We were able to connect on our dreams and he was showing me the life that I told him I wanted. Luxury hotels, financial freedom, excessive buying, All that surface level shit.
• The last oversight was power and manipulation. The age gap, the gender roles, the finances, the isolation. It was all a form of control.

How I left...

• I applied the "let them theory" without knowing I was doing it and realized we are not a team and I am not the priority.
• I stayed as busy as I could... saying yes to damn near everything and finding what made my soul light up.
• FRIENDS AND COMMUNITY!!!!!
• Watching for patters throughout the year to see if the "change" would stick.
• NO CONTACT.

Two things must be true in a relationship. Your dreams and your values must align. At the end of the day, my ex and I had the same dreams and our values did NOT align.

Leaving me to say It's Not That Deep...😉

IG Socials:

@mads_cook

@mads.cook.hair