It's Not That Deep

In this episode we discuss feeling responsible for other people's feelings. Often that means that we can find it hard to stick to our boundaries because we don’t want to upset other people. This can then lead us to feeling that our needs don’t count and we can become frustrated, sad or even angry.

Of course we don’t like to upset others, however we are all responsible for how we respond to situations. It is possible to take accountability for our own actions, but not how others respond to those actions. And this is important though difficult to remember this when we are faced with the distress of others.

Generally it’s not an either/or choice, it is possible to take care of our own feelings and the feelings of others.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss the pros and cons of having labels. They can help us to understand ourselves, and to find people who are like us. They can also separate us from others, lead us to judge and be judged for our opinions.

This episode became something we weren’t expecting! We ended up debating the consequences of aligning ourselves too closely to our opinions, the labels we use to describe ourselves and the dangers of not allowing ourselves to have a genuine curiosity about the reasons we, and others identify with the labels they pick for themselves.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore some of the reasons we might avoid conflict; for example, childhood experiences or relationship issues. We also explore the feelings that might come when thinking about disagreeing with someone, a fear of not being liked, a lack of safety, anxiety, a fear of feeling under attack for our opinions.

We also share our personal experiences; one of us was conflict-avoidant and one moved towards conflict when a sense of injustice was present. We have moved closer together in the ways we manage differences of opinion and conflict and we reflect on those.

We suggest ways of moving towards being able to hear and state differences of opinion with others without it feeling catastrophic.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode was all about the fear of missing out. We explored the very human desire to be a part of everything, do everything and be fully involved with everything! 

We discussed how we can explore our feelings about being not part of something, to make sense of them in the current context, and to be aware of any old patterns that might be impacting on our experience of this current FOMO. We leaned on our familiar questions – is how I’m interpreting this true? And is it about me? 

We explore how we might let go of the stories we are telling ourself and meet the situation in a way that supports us, rather than makes us feel bad.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feeling in control is a way of feeling safe, and lowering our anxiety. In this episode we discuss how actually very little is within our control, and how to be OK with that!

We talked widely about how, in the end, often the only thing we have any control over is ourselves and how we respond to situations. And how liberating it can be to be able to say ‘oh well, stuff happens’ when things don’t turn out as we might have liked!

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we discuss why we can find it hard to make a decision, whether that’s a small decision (which outfit to wear maybe!) or a much larger one (whether to change jobs, or leave a relationship perhaps).

We can become stuck trying to work out which is the right option to choose, when often it’s not that one is right and one is wrong, but that both have advantages and disadvantages.

We discuss how to put the fear to one side and really hear which option feels right for us in that moment, which one our gut would choose. As ever, we share our personal experiences hoping that others can relate!

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss how we are often really good at being kind to others, but don’t seem to think that we deserve to receive kindness from ourselves. However, MRI studies have shown that the areas in the brain that are activated when we are bullied also fire when we are unpleasant to ourselves. This triggers a stress response and all the consequences that brings! 

It can feel like an either/or choice – either we are kind to others or to ourself. However it is possible to do both, to include ourselves in the beam of kindness we are showing to the world.

We discuss how we can be kinder to ourselves, and suggest that a way to start can be to ask ourselves, what would I say to a close friend if they felt like I do? And then try to be that friend to ourself.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore some of the reasons we might leave things to the last minute; procrastinating, having too many things to do, and feeling overwhelmed. 

We discussed some strategies to make life more ease-full, ways in which we can take back some control and feel more in control. Counter-intuitively these do include slowing down! And also prioritising self-care; as we often say, it’s not the things, it’s the way in which we meet the things. That is where we have some control!

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss what gets in the way of being motivated. Our inner critic can mean that we let our perfectionism get in the way of starting, or finishing something! We could be overwhelmed or burnt out rather than unmotivated. And sometimes the task might simply be something we don’t want to do. 

We discuss strategies to deal with uncovering exactly what is getting in our way, so that we can work out how to manage the current situation with self-compassion. Both of us like to utilise the idea of what how my future-self feel – even future-me in a couple of hours’ time. She will probably be delighted that I stayed on-task!

Please find the link to Lucy's free mini course here: https://mindfulness.presenceofmind.life/pl/2148451850

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore why we feel we should put a time limit on feeling better, whether that’s after a bereavement, an illness, or the benefit we think we should experience from a holiday.

We discuss the impact of striving to be ‘fixed’ or ‘better’, rather than living with how things are right here, right now. We explore the idea that acceptance of how things really are can lead to us making the changes that we really need, not a knee-jerk reaction to the discomfort of the present. 

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.