It's Not That Deep

In this episode we chat about how, when we feel insecure, we might lean on external things to create our sense of self. And if we do this, then the image we build up of our expectations of something can never live up to what we need it to be. Which is in turn upsetting for us. We can believe that everyone else has the same standards as us, but of course, everyone has had different experiences so that leads to having different values, standards, expectations.

We discuss that it can be much more helpful to see situations as moments, so we can have a difficult moment rather than the moment defining the whole day/weekend/holiday! It can be hard to cultivate this, though it is so rewarding to start to learn to catch how we are reacting, then consider what might be a more helpful response. 

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore how we can be defensive about our opinions, and how when we are young we aren’t able to see the long-term consequences of our decisions. We chat about our personal experiences as younger adults, and how sticky it can be for all of us at any age when we are given unsolicited advice!

We discuss how therapy and mindfulness can help to develop an awareness of what’s not working for us in terms of us repeating patterns that aren’t serving us. We can work on hearing advice – knowing that we can discard it if it doesn’t resonate for us. Can we hear the intention behind the advice that is being offered, no matter how clumsy the wording might be? And can we learn how to feel what might be a good decision, rather than just staying with the thoughts that can get in our way?

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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In this episode, we explore why we sometimes feel really alone, even when we might be among others. We are conditioned to think we are "supposed to" have a mate or partner and can feel inadequate if we find ourselves single. We chat about groups and belonging and that no one person or group can really meet all of our needs. Feeling alone or lonely can make us feel bad and we offer some advice around what we might do to help ourselves.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This conversation focuses on both repairing relationships (romantic, friendships, family) that have broken down, and maintaining relationships where we feel that we always make the first move. We also talk about someone needing to make the first move to create and develop new relationships!

We often have a fear of rejection, so it takes courage to be the first one to reach out. There’s also a discomfort in putting ourselves in the position of reaching out first! This can feel like we are saying that maybe it was our fault which is particularly difficult if we really believe that it wasn’t!

One way of thinking about it might be to consider the consequences of not making the first move. If the relationship is NOT important to us, then perhaps it wouldn’t matter; but if there is a sense that we would regret the breakdown of the relationship then perhaps we need to find the courage to reach out first, and to explore what would happen if we don't make amends?

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We like to feel happy, it feels great! And it’s much better than feeling unsafe, or sad or any of the unpleasant emotions. So we reach for a ‘quick fix’ of external objects to make us feel better, but that dopamine hit does not last long, so we keep reaching for the next thing.

How can we become more content on the inside? Because without that, no matter how many external things we get, no matter how much we run from the unpleasant feelings, we will still be unhappy. We need a friendly, accepting, caring relationship with ourselves.

We discuss how we can accept that happiness is fleeting; that there is a joy in calm, neutral states from which we can notice and be grateful for the small things that give us pleasure.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore why we tell lies. Generally we lie either to protect ourselves, or to protect others! But of course, there is lots of nuance within those positions. We discuss whether there is such a thing as a white lie, and whether they are ever ok.

Sometimes, might lying be a kindness? Or perhaps there is a pleasant way to express our truth – if the intention is good then perhaps it will land better with us?

The longer the discussion goes on, the more we realise in how many different ways we use the word ‘lie’! This was such an interesting conversation to have, and we ended up with the idea that the intention behind everything we say is the most important thing. And sometimes we could do with being more honest!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore the reasons why we might suppress our emotions; from those not wanting to express unpleasant emotions in public through to people who were taught in childhood that expressing emotions is dangerous.

We acknowledge the desire to put on a ‘brave face’, or the experience of boring ourselves with our low mood, so not wanting to put that on others. Can we learn to ask ourselves ‘is this an appropriate emotion?’ and then be able to honour and therefore process how we are feeling?

We explore gently pushing at our window of tolerance, learning who we can tell, who can tolerate our unpleasant feelings without wanting to fix us.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss how, when we feel confronted, we can react and fight back. We discuss where this comes from, what’s happening in our brains, and how we may resort to a ‘tit for tat’ situation.

We reflect on the impact on us once we have calmed down, perhaps a feeling of shame or regret. And we discuss the impact of knee-jerk reactions on child-rearing! 

We acknowledge the power of practicing pausing and responding, rather than reacting from a place of fear or fight. Learning how to bring our pre-frontal cortex on-line so that we don’t say things we will regret later.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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In this episode we explore what we might mean by ‘fine’, if and when it’s appropriate or protective to say we are fine, even when we aren’t.

Sometimes though, we say ‘fine’ when we aren’t, because we have told ourselves a story about the consequences of telling our friends how we really are. This can mean that we may isolate ourselves; maybe though fear or shame. We can compare ourselves to others – their situation may look to us much worse than ours, so we don’t feel we deserve our feelings.

We discuss strategies to accept and allow the ‘not-fineness’ whilst maybe also allowing some ‘fine’ moments, and also how we might allow movement towards being ‘more fine’.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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The human brain is amazing! It allows us to do something that no other mammal can do – we can time travel. We can reminisce about the past and we can plan and look forward to the future. However, there is also a less helpful consequence to this – we can beat ourselves up about things we did in the past, (something we have covered in previous podcasts) and we can catastrophise about the future. In this episode we explore our personal experiences of catastrophising. We also share some of the strategies and behaviours we have put in place to support ourselves in stepping away from the negative thoughts.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.