It's Not That Deep

In this episode we explore where embarrassment comes from (spoiler alert, it has an evolutionary advantage!), it comes from a sense of wanting to belong, be part of the group. And this is where our safety comes from.

But, if as a child we had inconsistent parenting then we can internalise shame and that can lead to limiting behaviours as an adult, such as not wanting to be seen or getting embarrassed in public.

We talk about the physiological impact of feeling embarrassment and shame, and how we might manage those physical sensations by accepting them rather than pushing them away.

We think about the impact of social media on our feelings of shame, when we have phrased things in a clumsy way. But we are humans and we can’t get everything right all the time. We discuss how we might show ourselves compassion and acceptance that we can’t get everything right all the time.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss feelings of not being good enough, and those times when we might self-sabotage in order to save ourselves from ‘failure’ – a sense of saving face. This can often come from a lack of self-belief. And that can lead to self-limiting beliefs about who we are as a person. 

We relate this to our own experiences of relationships, and explore how our ‘blueprint’ of relationships – the ones we see in early life – have a deep impact on how we see ourselves in our adult relationships.

We offer strategies to ‘zoom out’ and be an observer of our own lives in order to recognise our patterns of behaviour, in order to be able to respond differently. How can we allow ourselves to think – what’s the worst that could happen? Accepting that good enough, rather than perfection, is generally good enough. And often that’s not that big a deal – it’s not that deep!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we discuss why we might agree to do things even when we don't want to. Perhaps it's so that we are seen as a ‘nice’ person, helpful and considerate, but this can also lead us to feeling unseen and overwhelmed. Our exploration of overwhelm leads us to a discussion about self-care and how we can hold our boundaries.

How can we find a balance between doing the things and taking care of ourselves, so that we can do some of the things we are being asked to do. It’s not generally all or nothing!

Often the root of this can be traced back to childhood, patterns of behaviour that keep us safe as children. But these behaviours may not serve us well as adults and so exploring those patterns can be really helpful. Along with stepping away from feeling responsible for the way other people think or feel. Can we use the regret to consider how we might do things differently in the future? And this is the work, it’s a hard thing to do to reframe the situation!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss that being busy has become a badge of honour, even though as humans we need down-time. We explore the 3 main reasons we feel the need to stay busy and the physiological impact on us for remaining busy. We share experiences from our own lives and importantly we discuss what we can do to break the patterns of ‘doing’ all the time, including setting boundaries, recognising when we need to pause and giving ourselves permission to stop.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's not just vanity. It's a hard-wired, and an evolutionary urge linked to reproduction and the continuation of the species. The ‘need’ to be perfect has now become linked to social media and filters. We need to have enough self-respect to take care of ourselves, without tipping over into focusing only on our appearance. We discuss whether it is a search for happiness that makes us think that if I look a certain way then I will be happier. Is it possible to learn to be OK with who we are? To develop a sense of contentment with ourself? We discuss ways we can find contentment and ease with our life so that we step away from focusing on our outward appearance and think about the values we want to live by.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss why it is we don’t like change, and the fact that this is driven by evolution – we like predictability as it feels safe. There is a discomfort when we are confronted by change AND we actually encounter change all the time, from small things (people being late to meet us) to really big things (being made redundant or a relationship ending). We get through those changes, even the really unpleasant ones. So what is that capacity? We explore strategies to manage our discomfort, to develop some ease and acceptance of change, and to step away from telling negative stories and catastrophising. We discuss the ways we move towards bearing what initially feels unbearable.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore why we might have low self-esteem or a low opinion of ourselves. This is something that comes up a lot for both of us in our client-work and even in ourselves at times. We discuss how we develop a low opinion of ourselves, the impact this might have on our lives, and how we might overcome it. We muse on how we might step away from comparing ourselves to some sort of ideal version of how we ‘ought’ to be, and how we can step away from the negative stories we tell ourselves.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore how overthinking things leads to stress and causes us a lot of unhappiness and potentially leads to physical problems too. It is a protection mechanism to plan for possible problems but of course we cannot control the future and worrying about it can be really unhelpful. We explore the reasons why we do it and offer some advice and strategies for helping ourselves.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we reflect on how differently everyone processes grief, the different emotions that the Queen's passing has brought up and how there is no right way we are supposed to feel. Ultimately, can we be tolerant, understanding and kind towards each other however we are feeling or responding.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we talk about discomfort and why our strategies of avoidance don’t work and can be destructive. Pushing away our unpleasant feelings gives them power over us, it’s a form of bullying ourselves, which then creates a stress response. We discuss ways of being with discomfort, learning to recognise and not try to ‘fix it’.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.