Insecure attachment is a subject I have touched on in several podcasts, and in this weekly Tuesday series I will include some moments from my own life, along with “how to” tips for getting to your feelings and changing your attachment one piece at a time.

None of my relationships were based in love; they were based in attachment. I didn’t know this at the time, however, because I had no means of comparison. I had the notion of love SO WRONG. How about you? I speak to people of all ages who have never experienced true, intimate love. They experienced what they thought was love, but was really just straight-up “can’t live without you,” or “devastation when met with silence,” or “abandonment with a constant state of anxiety.” These are not love.

Looking back I see that my relationships were all about having it my way, even though I didn’t think so at the time. I was so busy people pleasing, trying to be perfect and keeping score that I left my mate little choice but to go along with it. And when he didn’t, I would blame him and build a case. Fear creates all sorts of issues around emotional availability, keeping you from taking responsibility in relationships, which translates into drama, pain and disconnection. Learn how to FEEL the feelings you’ve pushed aside, and how to navigate your emotions in a way that connects you to yourself for deeper, happier relationships.