Good news! If I understand correctly, those of you with toddlers in tow need not invest in diapers for those long flights, or any public transportation for that matter. Some would have you believe that might be “unsanitary" but actually, diapers don’t really “clean” anything (look it up) and when they get full everybody gets cranky, and no one has a right to tell me… 

Oh wait. I’ve just been informed that I don’t understand correctly at all.  Well, I’m still a better judge than Kathryn Kimball Mizelle, who just voided the Centers for Disease Control-issued mask mandate. They haven’t made a diaper big enough to hold an opinion like this one.

David Waldman and Joan McCarter have the dirty job of opening this and a few other nappies today:

Most of the people who attempted the overthrow of the United States are still trying to this day. John Eastman, who has been working at that for decades, is still withholding around 37,000 pages of documents from the January 6 committee. Utah Senator Mike Lee did all he could to facilitate Donald Trump’s coup. Mike worked to subvert democracy for months, put in the long hours, begged Mark Meadows for more chances to crush America, and yet Lee remains a sitting Senator, still clocking in, committing subversion and getting paid for it. A federal judge has denied Marjorie Traitor Greene’s restraining order on disqualifying her from running for office. In frustration, Marj spun in circles revving her chainsaw.

You see, all of this and more is more than reason to expand the Supreme Court, and to not lose in November.

Looking for something entertaining, educational, and two hours long? You’ve come to the right place! Well, almost. We’re right up there… what, maybe two inches away, max? But, if you can’t find us here, check us out over at Libsyn or at YouTube, where you’ll always find us, never too far from “kangaroo fights”.

David Waldman counts down the days to Eastern Orthodox Easter, somehow the source of 80% of our humor here. Greg Dworkin calls a meeting in the KITM War Room to discuss the upcoming Battle of the Donbas. It’s not a secret meeting, in fact everyone everywhere can plainly see everything going down. A retired Russian colonel demonstrated that he was way smarter than any dead general by predicting where Russian troops would find themselves today, three weeks before the war began. Ukraine decided to not wait for Russians to get their act together and began pinching off their pincer movement early. Russian checks bouncing is a real problem as their war machine runs on foreign components. In fact, Russia will eventually lose when it gives up. The sinking of Russia’s flagship is bad news for everyone’s navy, however.

Alex Jones' InfoWars files for bankruptcy, probably forcing Alex into hosting a show on CNN. Newsrooms aren’t stupid and evil, they’ve only sold themselves to stupid and evil people. Not every stupid and evil person is rich though. Marjorie Traitor Greene makes a lot, spends even more. Madison Cawthorn might need to throw a bake sale at his next cocaine orgy. Mike Lee spent 14 hours a day trying to help Donald Trump overthrow the government, and what thanks does he get? John Eastman has spent decades plotting coups and what has he ever gotten out of it? Not enough, that’s for sure.

For more than a generation, Project Blitz has strived to be the Christian nationalist-dominionist ALEC for local government, and unfortunately, they’ve been pretty good at it.

Emmanuel Macron leads Marine Le Pen before the vote, but what counts is who leads after the vote.

You thought last week had a good Friday? Just wait until you catch what David Waldman has in store for today!

More and more texts are emerging revealing the criminality of the criminals behind the January 6 insurrection. Mike Lee of Utah and Chip Roy of Texas bombarded Mark Meadows with helpful hints on how to reinstall Donald Trump, including bringing in “straight shooter” Sidney Powell.

Texas Governor Gregg Abbott discovered that no day is a good day for traffic problems coming in from the border. The DC-Ontario Trucker Caravan couldn’t have blocked traffic and commerce more completely. Speaking of trafficking, Gregg will be moving as many as 900 busses of immigrants across state lines, on expense-paid trips out of danger and into sanctuary. Abbott hopes that Republicans will let him slide on his accidental care for the oppressed, and to please understand that he really meant to do harm.

Everyone hates to lose arguments, be proven wrong, and to be made fun of. The best way to fix that would be to buy the forum that you are being criticized on and then feed it into a woodchipper. Not everyone is able to do that of course, so instead they become one of the 5 Supreme Court justices for whom winning is not enough, they also refuse to hear dissent. Remember Sandra Day O’Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg? Amy Klobuchar wants to help keep their memory alive with new statues in the Capitol. Many couch cushions were flipped to find the money for those statues.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back, baby.

In Ukraine, Russia had its flagship shot out of the water like a Muscovy sitting duck. (China should worry that someone might develop a taste for Peking sitting duck.) Russia didn’t plan on bad roads and weather for their war, and their U-haul is almost out of rentals.

Slovakia is sending Ukraine a Soviet-era air defense system as it does seem that they are fighting a Soviet-era army. Slovakia is a NATO country, as Sweden and Finland will be soon. Russia threatens the Baltics with whatever they have left once they are finished with Ukraine. Meanwhile, Latin American countries volunteer to take one big step back from this thing. It seems that Russia’s only remaining friends are too tied up in their 2022 election campaigns to really help.

Emmanuel Macron and Joe Biden have had a hard time enthusing their lefties.

Mitch McConnell knew about Donald Trump’s plan to overthrow the United States, but you didn’t know about that because these two guys wanted to sell a book.

Time for some traffic problems on the Texas border as Governor Greg Abbot tries out New Jersey politics on Joe Biden. North Carolina is taking steps to keep Mark Meadows from committing voter fraud, a crime so vile hanging would be too good for him, unless he’s a Republican, and then Civics class would be more than enough. The upcoming trend in conservative thought is to kill public school teachers, or at least call for their deaths, which is hardly as bad, right? Glenn Youngkin wants a piece of that action, which he likes to call “transparency and accountability”. He also likes to pick fights with Loudoun County, every Virginian red county’s idea of woke commies. Loudoun School Board Elections happen every four years, but Glenn says why not three, just this once? Youngkin pulled that idea right out of his tip line... or not. Why would you think transparency and accountability pertained to him? When not pwning Loudoun, Glenn Youngkin spends his time vetoing bills and cutting taxes to whip inflation.

88-year-old Sen. Dianne Feinstein's reelection plans might have hit a stumbling block, as she becomes less and less available in this reality.

David Waldman is still “out”, but never out of things to say!  Thus, while David’s wife and kid are treated to a LIVE Kagro in the Car this morning, we likewise score an ALL-NEW hour of pre-recorded KITM!

The State Department reports that the White House gift records for Donald Trump and Mike Pence are MISSING! Whaaaaaaaa? If only somebody had done something when they said we couldn’t instead of waiting until now when they say we can’t!

Idiots, sycophants, and lunatics flock to Mar-a-Lago in order to leap into bullshit so concentrated that it has collapsed into a spacetime singularity focused on late 2020. However, even Donald Trump can’t believe how long and how far Wisconsin Michael Gableman has been able carry his farce.

Ron DeSantis wastes everyone’s time screwing with people probably just to bait reporters into accusing him of wasting everyone’s time for partisan reasons. Glenn Youngkin vetoes 25 bipartisan bills and looks forward to working together with the members of the General Assembly by vetoing whatever else they come up with.

Today, as David Waldman carries on in his quest for an establishment of higher learning worthy of his son, it is an excellent opportunity to check out the two finest exemplars of Republican wunderkinds, Jared Kushner and Donald Trump Jr.

After solving world peace and the COVID pandemic, Jared Kushner set out to make his name in private equity investment. So, one day Jared popped his head out of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman’s pocket to ask for some money. Unfortunately, Jared had no experience no experience running an investment fund, which MBS’s sovereign wealth fund advisors pointed out, and that along with the issue of Kushner’s operation being unsatisfactory in all aspects, and Jared’s unfortunate predilection of associating with the most unsavory and corrupt scoundrels might all sully the Saudi Kingdom’s honor. Nonetheless, the crown prince saw something special in the young man, and worthy of investment, and MBS tossed Jared a couple of billion, raising the total worth of Kushner’s company to around $2.5 billion.

On the other hand, Don Jr. has some catching up to do if he wants to earn Donald Trump’s love. There was a time, before 2020’s votes were even counted, when Junior had operational control. He had multiple paths, and he controlled them all. It was very simple, but Don failed again. Someday, Dad!

Surprise! David Waldman planned a series of pre-recorded, all-new KITM episodes to fill in while he college shopped with his kid this week. Then, as luck would have it (good luck!) Greg Dworkin popped in and they were able to squeak out a LIVE show this morning! It’s only one hour long though, so if you really require a two hour show, you will need to play it at .5 speed:

The better part of valor is discretion, but Vladimir Putin’s just not in the mood. Russia is not wisely retreating, so its only option would be to really ramp up the atrocities. Thus, the Russian army now heads out to “fix” the Donbas. This isn’t a guess — we’re all watching them. Americans are happy and united to help. Germany is ready to supply up to 50 tanks to Ukraine, although they haven’t quite got their heads together yet. Finland and Sweden are raring to go, daring Vlad to come up their way and make them stop. Former senior director for European and Russian affairs on the National Security Council, Fiona Hill reminds us that Donald Trump is a Putin wannabee.

The January 6 committee knows Trump is a criminal more than anybody, but aren’t sure they need to tell the Justice Department something they know just as well.

Most Americans know why gas prices are high.

Dr. Anthony Fauci will tell you COVID isn’t going away. Chinese could tell you how bad it is in China, but then they would be the ones going away. 

Elon Musk has better things to do than run Twitter, so he won’t be reinstalling Donald Trump, let alone Juanita Broaddrick.

It’s not Good Friday, but it’s always a great Friday with David Waldman and KITM!

Nancy Pelosi, President Joe Biden's sister, and Jill Biden’s press secretary all caught the new (but not newest) COVID variant this week, along with a big chunk of DC, for yet another superspreader event to not get worked up over… but do stay careful out there!

Russians are probably war criminals, certainly assholes, and will soon be on the ash heap of history but should never be confused with the Soviet Union. David explains where that went wrong at the United Nations.

Donald Trump struck a defiant posture and repeated false claims the other day… and also today and will do it tomorrow too. We all hold Donald in contempt, but New York Attorney General Letitia James wants to make it official and charge Trump $10,000 a day until he turns over subpoenaed documents. Meanwhile, the Justice Department has begun investigating the former guy’s theft of 15 boxes of White House records.

The Tennessee bill allowing a man the freedom to marry a woman, free of the constraints of age or any other competency in giving consent, was actually intended to invalidate the marriages of men with men, or women with women. Tennesseans also will soon have the freedom to deworm without the embarrassment of talking to a pharmacist. 

The Supreme Court has recently avoided their embarrassment and hassle of explaining their decisions while overthrowing precedent through shadow dockets. From now on, let’s treat their opinions as “opinions”.

A couple of guys told Secret Service agents that they were with the Department of Homeland Security, and really why shouldn’t they be believed? After all, they gave everybody a bunch of really cool stuff for free! However, no one ever expected that the crime-fighting inspectors from the Postal Service would come along and break up the fun.

David Waldman welcomes Greg Dworkin back to KITM, and all is right in the world. At least, our little corner of it.

RIP Eric Boehlert, renown for asking questions many would not. Boehlert left a few big unanswered questions, killed bicycling, by a train. As young as age 57, he might have been only half finished.

Russia has been suspended from U.N. Human Rights Council for systematic violations of human rights in Ukraine. You know they’re losing bad when atrocities become their strategy. Russian troops realized they might be leaving too much evidence about and deployed mobile crematoria… “recruiting locals” to load the bodies.  U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken sees “no scenario” in which Ukraine does not win, but as the Russian military teeters on collapse, feeding their surviving troops back into the maw of the front, they will just become more vicious.

Maybe someone should drop expensive headphones around Ukraine, and lock drones on their signals the following day?

A lot of people feel the need to hype the fear of Nazis, but how many really are in Ukraine?

COVID poop water is on the rise as the BA.2 subvariant becomes 72 percent of new Covid cases. Coronavirus variant XE is some new stuff brewing in India. Pity the fools who think the pandemic is over. Nancy Pelosi just tested positive, as well as the two Cabinet members, two members of Congress and a top aide to Vice President Harris who were at Saturday’s Gridiron Club dinner. It could have been worse, as there was a little rabies running around that night also.

Donald Trump says Donald Trump things at whoever is around. It is one of those things you can expect to happen most of the time. Oh look, yet another former Trump official seems to have done a voter fraud. Steven KG Bannon runs out of excuses for defying subpoenas. Kevin McCarthy hates the trend of criminalizing criminals and isn’t sure if he wants to live in a country where the law can’t be ignored. A Virginia state court has disbarred the go-to attorney for seditionists, now what will they do?

David Waldman slipped Greg Dworkin’s timecard through the clock today as Greg’s off “on assignment”, or something. Don’t worry, Greg should be back tomorrow!

A Tennessee bill proposes to eliminate pedophilia simply... by putting a ring on it. No longer will marriage be held back by age, psychiatric disorders or mental capacity. It’s not “grooming” if your spouse isn’t old enough to comb their own hair, is it? TN Representative John Rose met his future wife back in high school… when he was agriculture commissioner. Fellow TN Rep. David Byrd was named chairman of an education subcommittee, and in three women's sexual assault allegations from when he was a high school coach. Byrd has learned his lesson… at least about vaccination, once COVID almost killed him.

So, that's why it's “Moms for Liberty” pushing “Don’t Say Gay” bills in red states, because man, you don’t want to consider the “Dad”s’ histories… but let’s! For instance, Dennis Hastert was the longest Republican-complicit, felon/Speaker of the House in history. Then there’s Rep. Mark Foley. You might remember him in connection with “The Mark Foley Scandal”, in which he texted… uhm, ewwwwwww! Anyhow, like Hastert and several other Dads for Liberty, Mark was very, very anti-gay, in theory.

Ohio’s “Don’t Say Gay” clone bill was recently introduced by Jean “Mean Jean” Schmidt, who identifies as “female” presumably, or else why would they have let her in the Capitol women’s restroom to sully Michelle Bachmann’s vomit?