Kagro in the Morning

David Waldman's not getting any younger, you know. In fact, he's about a day older than he was yesterday around this time, and a year older than the previous time we wished him a happy birthday. Happy birthday! Donald K. Trump wants to watch others lose more than he wants to win and has discovered that allies are much easier to ambush than enemies. Canada is perfect… because Canada is perfect. Perfect ally, everybody likes them, Trump has to ruin that. He needs them to be as miserable as he is, no matter how miserable we get. The weird thing is, Canada doesn't want to play that. They're supposed to take it on the chin, but they're skating in with their elbows up again. That's it… Donald is forced to go nuclear and change the name of one their bodies of water. Anger Trump further and he might come for their Club next. Trump purports to need his ballroom as the lid to his bunker, but looky here, there's an existing bunker only feet away! Maybe no one wanted to tell him about that one … Maybe they were saving that news for a forthcoming book. Goebbels, Campos, and Scavino might know much about art, but they know degenerate quite well, and hope to make a few bucks selling it, although attaching the Trump name to art hasn't been the biggest sell. John Ratcliffe, director of the Central Intelligence Agency, has popped up in Russia. You never know where an opportunity for collaboration can be established. Congress is finally getting mad about money, but holding onto their jobs might allow them to become more understanding.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring harmony to the chaos. WAR! Donald K. Trump has done all he can to provoke the most un-provokable neighbor a country has ever had. Now he has a new war to lose that America will continue to lose after he's gone. The US Navy continues to lose its war against Trump. The USS Lincoln sailors finally return home to their families, as long as their families haven't yet been abducted by ICE. Navy families evacuated from Bahrain remain stranded. Any of them returning home to Gary, Indiana will be greeted with familiar conditions. Loudoun County, home of KITM World Headquarters, have surrendered to their data center overlords long ago and might be becoming habituated, but in places like Ohio, the centers are now entering with AI and Flock(ish) cameras and an increasingly abusive and silly police state, which are all pretty much supported by Gops, though less so with MAGA, and hence are a midterms problem for Republicans. Democrats are in great shape… as long as they offer complex solutions to complex issues, never overpromise and above all, remain electable. Once the American public becomes fully educated to understand the nomenclature and internal structure behind government processes, Democrats should be a lock. Meanwhile, Dan Sullivan endorses Dan Sullivan to beat Dan Sullivan, who's no Danny Sullivan. Danny didn't win yesterday's finale of America's glorious semi sesquicentennial celebration but probably would have had if he started on the pole.

David Waldman packs our heads and sends us off for the weekend. Donald K. Trump's imperial push has found a bit of a sticky wicket in Iran, yet his war with the US Navy is going splendidly, with their surrendering the naming of an aircraft carrier to him. What were the chances of Pete Hegseth ever allowing some unknown DEI hire with a CRT name like Doris Miller making some boat woke anyhow? Trump's war on Washington DC is scheduled to make the rubble bounce this weekend with his Grand Prix. Sure, some delicate old stuff might get broken during the celebration, but that's because it wasn't made in America. The event will be followed by the first annual Running of the Bulls through the Smithsonian. Those smarties in Silicon Valley invented AI to destroy our way of life along with the economy but really, any dope with a rifle could do that in 5 minutes. There's fake polling, and there's fake vote.gov, but you really need to beware real government websites, because they're really out to get you. The Department of Homeland Security discovered 16,000 non-citizen voters in Nevada, or maybe 185 "potential" ones. Counting isn't their strong suit, and usually just gets in the way. Trump needs quick money for his projects because if they are slow, someone usually makes him give it back. Trump only stumps in states that clap for him.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin inch open the Thursday news levee. Natalie Harp! How does she do it? How DARE we discuss Natalie banging that stud Donald K. Trump? Hey now! Natalie loves Donald like she would love any top executive, you know… in a "biblical sense"… which of course includes hiding in trunks, sleeping on the floor, and maintaining one's pants and any items therein. Heaven forfend any notion of "wifely duties"! Those, Melania can keep. Pete Hegseth's "Natalie Harp" is his wife, who knows better than to give Pete any leash. Wait a second. Is all this just a distraction from the important issues? Yep, but we have time for those also. Deportations and the economy are losers for Trump, as well as the candidates he is endorsing. Shock! Polls show that Republicans are behind in America's reddest states. Democrats reign victorious in hypothetical matchups, probably across multiple universes. No one wants to read a horoscope written by a false astrologer, and similarly, no one would want fake polling, unless they found a profit in it. The White House has its own fake vote.gov. You don't need polls to know people hate data centers, and the data they center from AI and Flock cameras, because all your friends will tell you all about it. Gops were a little slow on the uptake however because all their friends are investors, yet have recently begun to catch on, from Ohio, down to Texas. America's strategic oil reserve is so low that it might collapse our economy, but if it gets any lower it could collapse the salt domes used to store it.

David Waldman brings us more news and more thoughts about said news. Greg Dworkin brings his Raft O' Stories™, and an economy–sized bag of primary takeaways. In the Florida elections, it was a bad night for bad guy Cory Mills, who had Donald K. Trump's "Complete and Total Endorsement." Trump never did like him, now. Cory was just one of Trump's losers, with various carpetbaggers going down. Florida cleaned house, even the Sarasota school board flipped. Debbie Wasserman Schultz defeated all the black candidates in a new black district, because "electability", yet Angie Nixon beat Alexander Vindman for a Quixotic tilt at the midterms. Vindman losing is the only thing Donald remembers from the night. There was a near-total massacre for the Freedom Caucus in the Wyoming primary, and yet another Trump loser. In Pennsylvania, Dems flipped a Trump 18+ district, which had to hurt more than his ear. Gops need election deniers because Dems are going to be denying them elections. Everybody's pissing on data centers, and you know what, they have a point. Dems are missing a bet if they don't get behind the growing anti-surveillance movement soon. ICE and those who want to persecute anti-ICE are part of Flock's growing customer base. Flock isn't only useful to the budding Stasi agents in ICE, it's a great tool for ICE stalkers, sex criminals and child abusers as well. Compliant Technologies products are perfect for rapists, but also invaluable for those who need a record of someone fighting back recorded to their bodycams. Donald and Pete Hegseth are playing a game of Battleship, and both look like they are winning. Natalie Harp, how does she… Oh man, you do NOT want to know how she does it. The biggest proof that MAGA is a cult is that they actually believe that Trump is having sex with her.

Have you heard the one about the Navy running out of munitions? Have you heard the one about it being worse than the one I just asked you if you'd heard? Well, have you heard the one about how Trump says he was misled about it? If so, you'll be interested to hear the one about how the Pentagon has been warning about this for a year and a half. But maybe you did hear that one. From this show! Well, don't worry, Navy fans! Trump's got you covered. That is, if you consider adding the insanely stupid demand that US aircraft carriers move their towers to the existing insanely stupid demand that they return to the use of steam-powered catapults. Calling Armando! Mork calling Armando! Come in, Armando! It turns out that for at least one "pollster," the "secret sauce" is really The Emperor's New Clothes. Greg wasn't in today, but we've been talking about the CT-01 contest between John Larsen and Luke Bronin so often, I thought it might be worth reading up on at least one report from someone who says they do know what Larsen's been doing all these years. Trump robbed you with his tariffs. You know this. But it's important to point out that those tariff refunds are going to corporations... and no further. That means they were a huge wealth transfer from you to them. And the CEO class, generally. Almost as if by design? You also already knew that Trump threatened all federal funding to Colorado to get Jared Polis to free Tina Peters. But now you know that a federal judge knows it, too. What I didn't know was that Trump has a "Ballroom Goon." And that that Ballroom Goon keeps visiting Putin in Russia.

David Waldman is back again to help us plough through the mudslide of Trump chaos. Greg Dworkin somehow helps by towing in not one, but two Rafts O' Stories™, a plethora of polls, and an excrement of X posts. Polls are often wrong, usually worthless, yet are as valuable as horoscopes when their forecast contains flattery. BTW, Dems are ahead! All over the place! When it's policy vs. "electability", pollsters say their polls are polling great. Data centers poll lower than Thanksgiving. It's Centrist vs Progressive for the Democratic party, which wouldn't be a contest if it was on policy… nor is it a contest when it comes to electability. Gop policy on Medicaid would ruin their electability if anyone were to find out about it. As would their policies about anything, really. That's why Gops are concentrating on electability, especially on reducing Democratic electability, to offset their voters who lost faces to leopards. Gops want to make 2020 great again. Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani 势头! Donald K. Trump's war with Iran is going so well that he's thinking of making the Strait of Hormuz our 51st state. Donald wishes his war would just go on forever, especially for the Navy. It's too bad that the Navy's base in Bahrain was bombed. Maybe if we bombed Oman, it would fix it? Trump remembered that South Korea pissed him off that one time, so maybe he'll just let North Korea rough them up a little. After all, what has North Korea ever done to us? Donald can't have E. Jean Carroll's $5 Million. Shut up, Donald. Trump's mouthpiece Todd Blanche won't shut up.

David Waldman surfs into Summer Weekend Chaos™ on today's gnarly KITM. Donald K. Trump hasn't had a new thought cross his mind in decades. He has spent the last decade perseverating his past into our present. Magnets, how do they work? Don't ask Donald, he wants them returned back to steam catapults on aircraft carriers, as he just knows that they were always meant to be. Only saps say, "You gotta go with magnets!" Finland's president sold Trump icebreaking ships back in '92 and Donald finally has the big, beautiful billions to buy them. Having Trump's name uttered in the same breath as that of John F. Kennedy's is the primary, if not sole, objective of the Kennedy Center Board of Trustees. The Trump administration will never give up on hassling Lisa Cook at the Federal Reserve, no matter what the Supreme Court says. The Justice Department's Office of Legal Counsel is looking towards the future, however, by declaring that Trump can assert executive privilege over any person he has ever talked to.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return with more insights and jocularity. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… Well, not Dems. They love to be scared of fear. Tuesdays, they desperately cling to polls, while terrified that those polls might betray them once again. Wednesdays, they see that their worst fears have been realized. Thursdays, they discover that it's actually not the poll's fault, it's theirs for valuing "policies and issues" with their candidates, when they should've instead been worried about their "electability"… but then panic as the only method of guessing the candidate's electability are…POLLS!!! Bum–Bum–Bummmm! You never see Donald K. Trump sweating the small stuff, or the big stuff. So what, a few of his staff take a missile for him? Whatever. He made sure all the "10"'s got out, didn't he? Anyhow, he was actually diverting the missiles towards himself in order to save the journalists… and Morgan Fairchild! Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket! The whole point of the Gop is to appoint foxes to henhouses, so you would expect a sex abuser and trafficker to get $244 Million to watch migrant children. Pete Hegseth transferred a contract from a black-owned company to a Trump donor, marking it up 325%. Harmeet Dhillon swore in more than 100 Civil Rights lawyers but then forgot to mention who they were.

Would you like to hear about yesterday's primaries? If so, you've come to the right place, KITM, with the right people, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, to satisfy all your post-primary cravings. In Connecticut, voters embraced change and sent warhorse John Larson out to pasture. In Minnesota, the primary upended political assumptions in 6 ways, none of which are as fun as watching Mike Lindell (and Trump) lose. Mike, ever the crowd pleaser, plans to lose the election over and over again for the foreseeable future. In South Carolina, Darline Graham and Trump aren't yet losing but are now failing. In Wisconsin, it wasn't quite a progressive triumph, but almost, with Francesca Hong's last-minute plateauing and normie Dems flooding the polls. David Crowley might not like campaigning, but apparently, he seems to love holidays. Almost no one is as normie or as old as James Carville, yet he supports Abdul El-Sayed. On to the midterms, if we can keep them. Every slimeball is spit balling election subversion, including the Wad in Chief. The problem is that people hate trump, which in turn keeps boosting Democratic numbers. Also, election subversion tends to be illegal… as if hatred or illegality ever bothered Trump before. Election denier Cleta Mitchell granted DHS elections official Heather Honey a lot of money. A special grand jury might not find enough evidence to bring anyone to trial, but it will allow Jeanine Pirro and Trump to be incredibly catty. So far, Donald K. Trump has been able to stuff 5 scandals into his "Air Force One" Scandal, but there's always room for plenty more!