Following a long weekend David Waldman was back at KITM World Headquarters humming Pomp and Circumstance and expecting a light news day. Greg Dworkin changed all that with his Heapin’ Raft O’ Stories™.

You may recall that sexual assault and defamation verdict against the former guy last week. Donald re-defamed E Jean Carroll a few hours later, so perhaps Carroll could rinse and repeat until Trump gets it, if we should live so long.

Mirror universe Michael Dukakis, Ron DeSantis isn’t just awkward. Ron hates people right down to his core. At least Trump enjoys using people. Some people like to be used. DeSantis and his followers are just into the beat down, which only succeeds for so long.

The prospect of Trump’s nomination is shrinking the Senate’s prospects in 2024.

Virginia is the eighth red state to quit caring about voter fraud.

James Comer was so close to sending every Democrat since the Carter administration to Gitmo, but then his dog ate all the witnesses. That’s ok, they can always make some new ones.

President Joe Biden’s first veto takes on the Republicans’ war on “woke capitalism”. If they love Russia so much, why don’t they move there?

Religious Gimme-terians tend to be Political Gimme-tarians when it suits them, of course. They just need to follow their faith to the correct precinct. 

David Waldman is attending his #1 son’s graduation! It seems like only yesterday we were listening to the little guy running the microwave and clinking silverware on plates… Sniff! 

So, David is traveling today and out tomorrow. Today, however, we have a fresh pre-recorded Mini-KITM episode, at least mini for us at one hour:

Last night CNN had TFG on for the longest hour in TV history. Now even they are asking “Whose fault was that?” The answer is, every single one of us. We need to straighten up soon before it’s too late.

South Carolina State Senators have formed a group opposed to the abortion ban in their state. The group is comprised of all of the state’s women Senators, Republican, Democratic, and Independent. It is South Carolina we’re talking about, so there’s only five of them.

Oklahoma is banning more than a dozen banks for “being too woke”.  You know that since it is Oklahoma, their definition of “woke” isn’t centered around CRT or LGBTQ, but OIL.

Saudi Arabia is pumping water out of the Arizona desert to grow alfalfa to feed to their dairy cattle in their desert.

On the road for college kid’s graduation, so it’s into the Hot Tub Podcast Time Machine!

We go so far back, May 12 was a Thursday! That’s a full year back!

If you don’t remember it exactly as it happened, here’s a reminder:

Not to underestimate you, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin probably deliver as much KITM as you can handle today.

Russia continues to not win in Ukraine.  Some would say they are losing. Some, like the Institute for the Study of War. Some, like Ukrainian soldier on the ground in charge of blowing up stuff, Максим. Sanctions are turning Russia into a place Borat would be ashamed to work for. Russia is pulling electronics out of their washing machines in order to keep their military running. Russian soldiers will wish they had pulled the SIM cards from their phones when the Switchblades lock on them. Remember when Republicans openly loved Russia?

If only public opinion mattered to abortion rights. Mitch McConnell is unlikely to dump the filibuster to ban abortion until the very second he can. Joe Manchin might be a Republican, but that doesn’t mean he always votes on a party line… unless it’s against abortion rights. Well, that Supreme Court leak investigation deescalated quickly. Susan Collins and Stephen King live in the same neighborhood, of course. One of their neighbors used chalk on the sidewalk, not for hopscotch or Valentine’s hearts, but in order to deeply concern Susan Collins.

Elon Musk is bored with Tesla. Soon, he will be bored with Twitter.

A popular GQP wacko might out-Trump all Republicans in Pennsylvania. She might even win her Senate nomination before conceding her 2020 House loss. That is Trumpy. The important elections however are for secretaries of state, as they are the ones who will install future Trumps.

The math wasn’t going Donald Trump’s way in 2020, so John Eastman had a plan to install his own math.

Baked Alaska came up with the novel idea of pleading guilty with a side-plea of innocence for his involvement on the insurrection January 6. Too novel for the judge, apparently. The January 6 Committee subpoenaed Kevin McCarthy, Jim Jordan, Mo Brooks, Andy Biggs and Scott Perry, which is a good start.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin LOL at TFG.

That was the main order of the day, and there were multiple angles of approach available from which to do it. From watching Gop Senators’ sputtering reactions, to watching the Gop rank and file’s sputtering reactions, to watching, er… Chris Christie supporters’ sputtering reactions. Oh, and pollsters’ sputtering reactions at having to measure people’s sputtering reactions.

But perhaps you were more interested in sputtering reactions to some other Gop figure’s legal woes. George Santos, as usual, would have you more than adequately covered.

Need still another despicable Gop figure to revile? How about Tucker Carlson and his legion of degenerate nihilists? The execrable Lindsey Graham?

Or perhaps you prefer to focus on the vapid destructiveness of Gop policy, in the form of debt ceiling and budgetary recklessness? Or what could happen once we’re forced to clean up the mess?

“Inflation.” It sucks. Or at least, something that they’re telling us is inflation does.

Hey, guess where bad guys get their guns? From “good guys” with guns, of course. Or “good guys” who had guns at the time, anyway.

And just to take one last (completely fair) shot at TFG, he doesn’t just assault women.

David Waldman and Joan McCarter bring us up-to-date, and up-to-Tuesday morning news and opinion.

While we bide our time waiting for the next mass shooting, the media informs us that several very nice people have been killed by a very bad person. However, Greg Abbott and the Right want you to believe that both sides are to blame. You know what? So does the media. 

Both sides (all of them women) join to block South Carolina’s near-total abortion ban.

Ron DeSantis has picked Disney as the hill to die on and will pave the road there in radioactive waste. In Florida, butt crack = pornography, thus all Floridians are criminals.

A Wisconsin judge is ordering that the state elections commission reconsider a complaint against its fake electors. Stewart Rhodes wants the court to consider his years of running an "all-volunteer" organization, AKA the “bin Laden” defense. Enrico Tarrio wonders how his boss got away with it. Donald Trump wonders why everyone’s always picking on him.

Harlan Crow sure isn’t paying for your kid’s school, because that would be a lousy investment. Anita Hill did raise a few red flags over Clarence Thomas, as you may recall. Those red flags have only multiplied over the decades. Dick Durbin has “everything is on the table”, where he plans to pretty much just leave it. Gerald Ford showed that Supreme Court justices could be impeached... or not impeached as the case may be. Trump and McConnell already packed the Supreme Court, and they, and you, and I probably won’t live to see that changed.

Meanwhile, Republicans threaten the world economy unless they are allowed to destroy the US economy. President Joe Biden will keep trying to fix things, but the hero might just end up being… Mitch McConnell?

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present another KITM Under the Cloud special, which ain’t so special anymore.

There is no reward for reaching the 200th mass shooting of 2023. Presently, there is always the threat of being shot because taking lives has never been easier or more convenient. The Allen, Texas shooter didn’t take the time to park his car. The Brownsville, Texas killer was too lazy to even use a gun.  Ted Cruz and Greg Abbott couldn’t be bothered to think of anything new to say or plan to have anything new to do. They see massacres as natural disasters, “acts of God”, so let God fix it. In fact, why do anything if God will do it all for you? 

Let’s pray that the latest slaughter will bring an epiphany to those who can enact change. For now, however it is a civil war, but only with one side fighting it. Texas mass shootings are up 62.5% since they passed their permitless carry bill.

President Joe Biden prepares to lift the debt ceiling onto his own shoulders. Republicans don’t mind ruining everything, because it all seems to hurt Biden and help Donald Trump… at least in the short term, and isn’t that always their plan?

The short term is certainly how the media sees things, and certainly how they plan on seeing Trump, because who wants to hear about all that past unpleasantness?

Wouldn’t it be fun if Donald received a gag order the day of his town hall? At least eight of Trump’s fake electors in Georgia accepted immunity deals in that grand jury investigation. Oath Keepers leader Stewart Rhodes might get 25 years in prison. A lot of pigeons will be fighting for that stool.

David Waldman wishes us a happy Dia Cinco de KITM Celebraciones!

Another day another set of specifics on why no one has trusted Clarence and Ginni Thomas for a least a generation. Leonard Leo, whose job is buying influence, bought $1.6 billion worth recently, paying a chunk through bagwoman Kellyanne Conway into the pockets of Ginni Thomas, making certain to not mention Ginni, which makes them all look as innocent as hell.

The Proud Boys find themselves going to jail, much to their, and their followers’ surprise. Punching up, instead of punching down was the big mistake, and the Boys learned their lesson.

MAGA learned the lesson of January 6: People get in trouble for insurrection, therefore the people you want in trouble must be insurrecting. 

Texas prison guards put a woman in isolation for knowing more about abortion than they did. Texas schools, concerned that kids nowadays have become too into idolatry, adultery, and covetousness, are posting the Ten Commandments in every classroom. That might be Moses’ thing, but Jesus would not do that. In Ohio, Republicans are quickly shutting down voting rights and hope to slide it in August, when no one’s looking. Meanwhile, Oregon Republicans refuse to vote on things with the big words that wear their lips out.

Ace KITM correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor marks the retirement of Michigan’s last racial/ethnic school mascot.

Covid drops to the fourth biggest killer, so you know WHO declares the emergency over.

Fox News demands that Media Matters quit publishing their Tucker Carlson leaks.

Jim Justice is running against Joe Manchin for Senator. Many hope that Jim’ll win so he can pay them the money he owes.

Aye! May the farth be with ye! Arrrrh! Wait... I’ve just been notified by the control room that I’m referencing the wrong holiday… Us let check in with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin the latest news, on? Hmmmm? Yes? Hm?

Harlan Crow paid the private tuition of over $6000 per month for Clarence Thomas’ grandnephew. Buddies pay for expensive installments so that their buddies will stay buddies throughout the payment period.

It was mighty white of Tucker Carlson to hold the same standards behind and in front of the camera. Those are Fox standards as well, so that just isn’t why Carlson was fired. Nonetheless, Fox is paying the price for his loss. Donald Trump doesn’t like losers, so he’s heading over to CNN for a “town hall”, which is scheduled right in Tuck’s old time slot, in case a few hundred thousand Tucker fans have nothing to do that night. If CNN wants to reduce the harm of giving Trump the microphone it can, but if it’s setting up to be Fox Lite, it won’t. There’s still money to be made off Trump. How much or how long no one knows, and some don’t care.

Donald’s lawsuit against his niece and the New York Times has been thrown out. Trump apparently had something better to do than attend his own trial for rape. E. Jean Carroll would have been the one being punished had she pushed to convict Donald Trump any earlier. Even now, it takes more than two dozen Trump rape victims to even count.   Once the diligent jury on the Proud Boys sedition trial got their stapler, they were ready to give their verdict, guilty of seditious conspiracy for Jan. 6 Capitol attack. Roger Stone’s barrel beckons him. Now if you want to see a guy go to jail, keep your eye on Herschel Walker, because should be soon and it will be quick.   Ohio Republicans solution to potentially losing a vote on abortion rights is to eliminate the right to vote. Oregon Republicans just eliminate anyone’s chance of voting.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin our present our annual KITM Star Wars Day Eve Special, this year spoken in Shyriiwook for all our Kashyyyk followers! Huurh awwgggghhh wrrhwrwwhw uuh huuguughghg!

Another day, another Tucker Carlson Fox leak. No, that wasn’t why Carlson was fired. That’s how they all talk at Fox. Expect scandalous Tucker Carlson leaks to continue until Rupe’s ex admits that she was wrong to crush on Tuck.

Ron DeSantis isn’t the first child to throw a fit at Disneyworld, and sure won’t be the last. Disney has been setting up to win this case for a while now, and by “win” they mean to make DeSantis and his supporters lose.

That whole thing about law cutting both ways has always annoyed conservatives, chiefly the part about the defendant discovering what the other side has up its sleeve. The Right doesn’t care how much money they need to pour into court manipulation, or who they pour it into, although that is one of the reasons why George Mason University doesn’t call it the David Waldman School of Law.

Bidenomics has replaced Reaganomics, and yet no one seems to be happy about anything anymore. Republicans therefore see little downside in just burning it all down, especially Marjorie Traitor Greene. Kevin McCarthy’s problem is that each Republican House member thinks that they are Marjorie Traitor Greene.

Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and debt limit chicken, so nobody will be blinking soon. Democrats have seen this coming however and might have some procedural tricks up their sleeves. Maybe everyone’s been doing the debt limit wrong all along.

May returns for a second May-filled day, on KITM, featuring David Waldman, plus Joan McCarter!

Some lefty “Kagrohead” recently penetrated the MSM, appearing on CBS’s Face the Nation as a parent weighing in on how gun violence is impacting their children. (And I got my bird into the background!) This National Teacher Day, show your appreciation and support by keeping guns away from them and schools and challenging gun nuts whenever possible.

The US debt ceiling needs to be raised by June. That’s June 1st, by the way. And, with the way things are organized in DC, June 1st is sooner than you’d think or at least sooner than they think. In fact, Mitch McConnell says he doesn't even plan to get involved until Kevin McCarthy and President Joe Biden work things out.

Joe needs to leave Kevin and Mitch out of this and go it alone. So much for that Gop promise to “save” Social Security and Medicare. The Senate will hold hearings on the real pain being delivered in the Republican plan.  

Ethics reforms? John Roberts says his gang don’t need no stinking ethics reforms, as they move to grab even more power for themselves and fellow judges. They’ve been corrupted for years, and now people want to talk about it? 

Fox News is going to leak a new Tucker Carlson story every day until Rupert Murdoch gets a new fiancée who likes him better. I think we can all agree that this is a good idea.

Discord attracts US Armed Forces recruiters, foreign spy recruiters, and gamers. When it’s everybody vs. everyone, anything is possible, and everything is up for grabs.