Kat John is REAL, RAW, RELATABLE

Oh I was the master of ignoring intuition. When I did, it lead to unnecessary pain, drama, chaos and shit that was (clearly) avoidable. Worst of all, I knew I heard the intuitive voice but ignored it out of being driven by my dysfunction. I cringe now with what I put myself (and others) through when in truth, I just didn't have to.

I hated my body for a long time and still have my moments of intense body "ugh"! Back in the day I felt disgusting, gross, fat and different, often believing I was inferior to anyone who was thin. This moved into eating disorders, drug abuse, disrespecting my body through sex, zero boundaries and cutting myself off from experiencing orgasms. In a nutshell, I wanted to punish myself for self-destructive beliefs that robbed me from experiencing joy and pleasure.

My greatest fear is being rejected. My biggest limiting belief is that I don't belong in the world. I never know what's coming around the corner that's about to trigger my poor little ego and all its fears. Sometimes I handle the trigger with grace, other times not so much. Here's a story where grace wasn't really present.

Your ego cock-blocks your pure intended ideas that are downloaded from the spiritual plane. The idea lands in your mind, your ego doubts and asks, "how the fk do we do this?" Very quickly, self doubt rocks up and before you know it the idea has vanished when all it wanted was to see the light of day and be expressed. To see your ideas through you must master your ego or else it is the master of you.

Steve was climbing to the top of an illusionary mountain of obtaining it all, hoping to find happiness. But when he reached the top he was no closer to happiness, if anything he was further away. What came next was divorce, the loss of his children and family, his company, his wealth and entire identity. This is a story of complete identity crisis and choosing to rebuild from the inside out.

It's easy to look at my two mates, Toddy and Trent, and think they have it all. They couldn't possibly have any bad days or anything wrong with their life. But that ain't the truth. From healing from divorce, mental breakdowns and addiction, these two legends are showing up with all the shit in their pockets, bearing their hearts to the world and creating well-rounded communities with their 440 movement. 

https://www.instagram.com/the_440/

When you say you're going to do something and don't do it, you erode self trust. Self trust and following through is something many of us seek but aren't prepared to do. The ego wants to do things that are easy, that it knows how to do and looks for shinier objects to focus on which causes distraction. The distraction leads to not following through on your original intention and then you end up making lame excuses for why you didn't get the original thing done in the first place. Ugh, tiring right? 

I stand behind that being a true leader is to lead from the front. That you can show up, not be okay and still be a powerful fkn legend. I believe a true leader doesn’t just preach the, “it’s okay to not be okay” message, but instead embodies it and applies the tools to shift the shit.

It's painful watching the people around you that you love suffer. You want to help them, cheer them on to victory and offer pumped up words in hope of inspiring change. But if you're doing this, nothing is changing and you're meeting resistance, here's what I suggest.

FOMO often got the better of me, which meant it took a while to stop habits like smoking, drugs, binge drinking, binge bitching, binge complaining and all the rest. My people pleasing desire to fit in and be part of the gang overrided my true desire to live life how I wanted to. I had to make peace with the fact that shifting to a new level of life involved growing pains and that my life wasn't about fitting in anymore.