Roland Griffiths described a psychedelic experience as “meditation on steroids".   
A habitual meditation practice has been the best practice I’ve implemented in my life that enabled me to integrate the psychedelic lessons I’ve downloaded.  Although my initial goal was to experience the extraordinary, the true goal is to realize that the every day is extraordinary.  To notice the sacred in the in-between moments of my life. 

Life is an experience, a felt experience as the meditation teacher Tara Brach would say.  Whether you're experiencing something that's worth savouring or going through the valley of the shadow of death, my hope is that you stay present in your moment. 
Easier said than done, when you have to "stay in the suck".  

I am learning to understand life from a cubist's mindset; differing perspectives forming the whole.  It doesn't necessarily make sense, nor is it easy to understand, however, such is life.   I am slowly learning to be present within the "good" and the "bad" moments of my  life.  Learning the middle way, to experience but not to attach. 
Easier said than done. 

Dealing with my mental health is far more complex and variable than I had imagined.  Psychedelics and therapy were the magic formula for tackling my childhood trauma.  I still deal with depression, but it’s more of a maintenance thing now.  Psychedelics were for me a surgery I needed to remove the depression tumor.  Even still, I know that I can easily relapse into a deep depression if I don’t maintain a healthy baseline by eating whole foods, exercising and meditating.  Whatever normal means, it’s incredibly difficult for me to achieve it.  
I knew I struggled more than most to get through my day-to-day.  Having mini panic attacks before going to work became draining, but I’ve dealt with it as best as could.  I thought it was a mini-depression episode but I’ve never thought about any other conditions, until I did.  

Welcome to the wonderful world of ADHD.  In this podcast, I wanted to share about my experience of my diagnosis and  treatment.   This is not medical advice, nor a recommendation for any treatment.  ADHD is a medical condition and should be treated as such. I simply wanted to share what I’ve witnessed,  think of it as a diary of a lab rat. 

In this episode of our Kimchi Talk, James and I commiserate over the current geo-political climate.  I'm not sure if we're living through the end times, but it  feels like it some days.  
It  doesn't help that there is so much white noise of current events we receive through social media.  I wonder what the long-term repercussions will be to our mental well-being. 

I feel the stress of living through a pandemic, civil disintegration, inflation, climate change and a possible invasion by aliens.  I know you may have as well. 
Perhaps, our extra-terrestrial visitors can reset this version fo the matrix we are living in.  

A childhood with a lot of emotional deficit, may lead you to develop survival coping mechanisms that may not serve you in adulthood.   Our environment shapes us, more than we’d like to admit. 

Addictions may be virtuous, if they have societal merits (say, being a workaholic). My addictions certainly do not.  This is even more interesting if we understand that both pain and pleasure is felt by the same area of the brain.  

“In addition to the discovery of dopamine, one of the most remarkable neuroscientific findings in the past century is that the brain processes pleasure and pain in the same place.  Further, pleasure and pain work like opposite sides of a balance” - Dopamine Nation - Anna Lembke MD.

It’s not so much about removing one's addictions, but learning the great art of balancing the pleasure experience so that eventually, we learn that “the trick is to stop running away from painful emotions, and instead allow ourselves to tolerate them.  When we’re able to do this, our experience takes on a new and unexpectedly rich texture.  The pain is still there, but somehow transformed, seeming to encompass a vast landscape of communal suffering rather than being wholly our own.” -  Dopamine Nation - Anna Lembke MD.

In this podcast, James and I discuss some tried and tested (and failed) attempts at modifying our behaviours, such as: 

1. Sober October - good old (tried and failed!) abstinence of cannabis, coffee and alcohol.

2. Cramming your spare time with “productive activities”!

3. Psychedelic therapy. 

4. Daily cocktail of behaviours to maintain your baseline: eat well, move, meditate. How annoying.

Embracing failure first is a must, with any endeavour, for "…we must make some effort until we get a taste of the benefit” -Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

Or one fail-safe way to make your life better is to get a dog. 

(This episode features a special guest, Santos L. Halper!  He interjects around the 20, 27 and 40 minute mark.  You have been warned.)

"Where's The Money? When Are You Going To Get The Money?  Why Aren't You Getting The Money Now? And So On. So Please, The Money.”

                                                                                                                                  Fat Tony 

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to work in sales? Of course you haven’t.  
The self-adulation, an environment where ego runs rampant amidst smiles with no meaning. 

…no wait that’s LinkedIn.

So back to my question, Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be in sales?
Why would you?  Sales is a profession that’s been portrayed ad nauseam, albeit only depicting two facets: the obnoxious closer, the “winner” who’s always “crushing it”, or the flaccid low-performer who can never catch a break. 
I submit that there is a middle ground, that of a salesman who likes their life outside the 9-5. 

Sales is a lot of grind, always having to put your best self forward, all the while hearing: 

“Where's The Money? When Are You Going To Get The Money?  Why Aren't You Getting The Money Now?  And So On. So Please, The Money.”

If you want to refine your sales skills, I would direct you to Start with Why (Simon Sinek),  Sell the way you Buy (David Priemer) and the Sun Tzu.

This conversation is for those who notices the absurdity of corporate life.  For those who can identify being in the trenches of sales.  Maybe we can pause in those difficult moments while pushing that rock uphill, so we may enjoy the descent as Camus said.

It’s hard to be crushing it all the time, every time.
So take care of yourself, and turn those notifications off. 

Behaviours I notice as an adult, are mostly a by-product of my childhood and my early environment.  I have a lot of gaps in my early memories, but it’s easy to trace back to my childhood where certain behaviours stem from.  
Despite the fact that childhood explains a lot, it doesn’t excuse anything as Gavin de Becker said. 

So here I am, in my 40s, learning to  un-learning great many things.  

*   *   *
On this episode of Kimchi Talk, James and I discuss how trauma shaped our lives.  The concept of taboo is discussed along with topics that are sensitive in Korean culture. 
We are all a product of our environment, for better and for worse. 

In this podcast, James and I take some time to reflect and assess how the last year has been for us.  We are children of the 90s. We reminisce about what life was like before the advent of the internet.  

More importantly, how was your 2021? 
I sense that the present sentiment, during these covid times,  is that we are definitely “here” and “away” at the same time.  The life that is before us feels painful.  It’s a normal human reaction to retract from pain.  But closing oneself to these difficult times, hides us from the good that can come out of our painful experience.  Life isn’t one sided, embracing it all is the quintessence of experience. 

What are you hopeful for? 

I hope for balance. I want to be present for 2022 with cautious optimism. 
We’re all in this ride together, on our tiny little blue dot called planet earth. Although the last best decade may have come and gone, I remain hopeful. 

Ride or die
(can’t believe I’m quoting fast and the furious). 

 For a long time, success meant  having a nuclear Christian family. 
Then, at another point in my life, my definition of success became material: owning a nice house and a dog in an expensive neighbourhood.  Once more, my definition of success meant minimalism, living a debt-free life. 
The idea of success changed and keeps changing - except for the idea of having a dog. 
If this life is a virtual reality, I’ve unlocked whatever bonus round that awarded me with the best dog possible. 

Most, by necessity or greed, measure success by money. 
But what is money? Money is not  paper or coin, it’s not the digital print of numbers on a bank statement. The closest definition of what "money" is, to me, is a form of trust. 
I could argue that it's a feeling - the feeling of being secure and recognized. 

In this episode, James and I discuss the idea of success and if the question “am I successful?” even matters. 

Music - Dreamville by Reaktor & Jukgal Production

I believe gratitude is a compassion muscle that needs regular exercise.  
You have helped me grow and I thank you.  

This episode is dedicated to my listeners.  
I don't have many listeners, but for that I am grateful. 
If you are reading this, have listened to an episode, laughed, jeered, criticized and hopefully appreciated my effort, I am truly grateful and humbled.