Life Check Yourself

Do you hang on to the jerks because you’re not sure if you are really lovable?

If Mr. Nice Guy comes along are you afraid you will screw it up like all the other relationships you’ve had?

In this episode, Marni coaches Sarah from Texas. Sarah has been a serial monogamist for a while, but learns how she can become a long-term girlfriend with a new guy she just met.

Sorting Through the Past [3:04]

Sarah admits to having a knack for finding assholes but recently she has come upon Mr. Nice Guy. Marni shows her how to to move forward by unpacking the past. Sarah felt a connection with the last jerk she met, but it was a connection through humor, which reminded her of her dad. When she ‘confronted’ him about her wants and needs he made it clear he didn’t share her values.

Words have energy and we choose the words we say unconsciously.

The Future [21:22]

Sarah needs to forget about her history and her previous stories about herself. She has been reacting rather than responding. She should determine what she needs and what she wants, then ask her date higher quality questions which will reveal to her the answers that really matter.

The New Guy [24:42]

Sarah is afraid she is going to screw things up with the new guy because she has grown so accustomed to failed relationships. She also feels unlovable which may be bleeding through into her actions. Once she realizes there is nothing to fuck up, she should practice receiving his attention, his time and his kindness.

Sarah’s homework is to practice receiving love and to turn up her love limit. Every day she needs to spend two minutes imagining herself receiving love as a Gold Child - her ideal, authentic love-able self.

You can have chemistry with people who are bad for you.

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

Match.com

Are you a high-achieving woman who is hard on yourself and believes that beating yourself up motivates you somehow to make a change?  Or, do you organize your own ‘pity party’ when things go wrong, feeling sorry for yourself? Like you are the only one? Do you believe kicking your own ass is an effective way to make change?

Did you know that, actually,  every self-help article, book, practice and thought you have may be taking you further away from happiness, joy and love. There is no quick fix!

Ladies, there is so much more to you than what goes on in your head.

My guest, Raz Ingrasci has been an executive, a consultant, and a facilitator within the human potential movement since 1972. Along with being a teacher for the Hoffman Institute, he founded the Hoffman Institutes Foundation in 1998. The Hoffman Process is one of the most highly effective methods for healing, personal transformation and discovering your true nature.

Negative Love Syndrome  [3:25]

When we want to feel love and connection and then get rejected we fall into what Raz calls ‘negative love syndrome.’ Negative love syndrome is a recognition that we learned our fundamental lessons about what love is, what it means and how to be loved, from our parents in our early childhood.

Whatever emotions were present in our family of origin up into our 10th or 12th year, we absorb and that is what we call love. We shape our entire emotional selves around it.

You are not destined to fail in love.

Why Don’t Self-Help Models Work? [15:18]

Self-help models are generally based on the assumption that you are aware of the ways you have been automatic and that if you know what a better way of being is and put your will into it,  everything will be better. They are based on our willpower and willpower is overrated. It just doesn't work.

In order to change, we need to go to the depths of compassion where the pain is and re-experience the pain.

The Source of Happiness [23:02]

The source of happiness dwells within each human being as a spiritual dimension of self which is resonating in harmony with life as it truly is. The cultivation of compassion is fundamental and mindfulness is a way for us to notice what we grab on to. It assists us in loosening our grip on negative love syndrome.

The Quadrinity Model [25:29]

The work of the Hoffman Process points out we have four dimensions of self that are occurring simultaneously:

1. The physical body
2. The intellect.
3. The emotions
4. The spiritual self.

Pain and suffering reside in our emotional self. We experienced pain and suffering in our childhood, we buried the negative, painful emotions and then called them love. So, it continues to swirl endlessly in a vicious cycle. Our spiritual selves are our authentic selves, open, free, loving and spontaneous.

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

The Hoffman Institute

Love and relationship expert, Arielle Ford just returned from Italy.  She says just being there enlivens all of the senses. There is a vibration of love there.

People are moving at a different pace than in America. They are strolling and holding hands. There is a massive feeling of satisfaction and bliss,  and in this episode she is going to tell you how you can bring that into your own love life.

 Arielle is in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. She has spent 30 years living, teaching and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is a brilliant speaker and co-creator and co-host of Evolving Wisdoms: Art of Love series. She is also the author of 11 books. Including the extremely influential, The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with The Law of Attraction.  

 The Dazzling Distraction  [6:18]

 Many successful women use their work as a distraction to get a hit of dopamine (dopamine is the feel good chemical that your brain emits when you feel good).  That they would really rather be getting from being in love. The dopamine gives us instant feedback - a quick hit - so rather than noticing who is noticing you, you run around keeping yourself busy when you should be living in the moment, savoring life.

 Arielle says in order to manifest great love you have to be in a loving space. If you are in judgment mode he can feel it. Men choose women based on how they feel around you.

The big secret to manifesting love is to spend time everyday feeling the way you want to feel when you are with your beloved.

 Get Clear on Your Vision [9:35]

Arielle had a wish list of what she wanted in a guy. She wanted to be the center of his universe and she wanted him to enjoy adventure travel. Ladies, remember no physical attribute contributes to your long-term happiness. When you seek a soulmate/life partner, important attributes are chemistry, communication, compatibility, connection and a shared vision for the future.

How to Get Clear

Know your must haves and deal breakers.  

Put everything you want into positive statements.

Look to your old relationships to see what you want and don't want.

Femininity and Feminine Power [18:42]

When we are working we are in our masculine energy.  But, if you want to be with a masculine male you need to learn to be receptive. You are not using the same type of energy when you are in a relationship as you are when you are working. Learn to shift into your feminine energy.

It's easy to get what you want from a guy. "It would make me happy" they exist to make us happy and they can't make us happy when you are being a demanding bitch.

5 Limiting Beliefs You Need to Let Go Of

1. You are too old.
2. You are too fat.
3. You are damaged.
4. All the good ones are taken.
5. You are too busy.

Become an emotionally mature adult. Start to manage your thoughts, beliefs and feelings.

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

Arielle Ford’s Art of Love 10-day Free Online Series 

You have a great online dating profile right? Or do you?  Just one fatal mistake can result in receiving emails from men who are absolutely not in your “league,” looking for a hookup, and totally frustrated with online dating.

That’s why the queen of profiles at eHarmony is here to tell us what makes our online dating profiles so ineffective.

Since 2008, Jeannie Assimos has been managing eHarmony’s PR and social media as well as overseeing their advice site which receives over 2 million unique visitors a month. She previously worked as the Managing Director for Entertainment Tonight and The Insider.  

 Missteps in Your Profile  [03:59]

Jeannie tells us where we are making mistakes in our dating profile.

• Photos, Photos, and Photos.
• • Have more than one photo. No one reaches out when you only have one photo.
  • Have clear photos. If the guy doesn’t know which girl you are in the photo he may want to date your friend.
  • Add a variety of flattering photos.
• Don’t waste precious space!
• • Generic, throwaway lines have to go. Add some detail and add what makes you unique.
  • Think about language that will make a difference and get you to stand apart from the crowd.
  • Don’t assume everyone knows what you mean. Expound.
• Negativity does not belong in your profile.
• • Write your profile when you are in a good mood.
  • Think about what you want and not what you don’t want.
• Be yourself and add what is important to you.

 Dating is like a business so put your best foot forward.  

 Be Honest [16:21]

Even if you are 45 but look like you are going on 32 put your real age down. Lying on your profile can never lead to something real and true. Many people get hung up on their age. It’s better to own who you are and be beautifully confident in it.

Most eHarmony couples are close to the same age.

 3 Things to Put Your Thought and Intention Into [23:05]

Put thought and intention into your profile.

Put thought and intention into your thoughts.  

Put thought and intention into the courage to put yourself out there.

 Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

E-Harmony

Who is the 'real you'?

Are you fun and funny, sexy, feminine and smart, uniquely charming and charismatic?

Duh, of course you are!!

So why is it everyone around you seems to have someone…

And you can't meet a great guy that sees how freakin' awesome you are, adores you and pursues you???

Communication is the problem. The man - woman dynamic. When to give… and when to take.

Do you secretly think if you let your guard down and show the real you, men won’t like you or even stay with in a relationship with you?

Many women, strong, smart women are confused how to talk to men. How to act... to get them to do what you want. To love you the way you want to be loved.

I'm talking about Real Men.

Ladies, today you will learn a tried and true system to being and staying happy in your relationship, and even in marriage.

Your man wants you to be happy, so let him make you happy!

My guest today is the New York Times best-selling author Laura Doyle. Laura shares the secrets of her books, The Surrendered Wife, The Surrendered Single, Things Will Get as Good As You Can Stand and her new book, First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors. 150,000+ women credit her with saving their relationships but also showing them how to become desired, cherished and adored.

Becoming a Surrendered and Empowered Woman  [4:07]

After a rough patch with her husband, Laura had a bag packed and was ready to get a divorce. She decided to find out the secret to a happy marriage instead. She surveyed women who had been in the same relationship for 15-years or more and took their advice.

Laura says she made her marriage into a laboratory. If something worked she kept it, if it didn't she threw it out. When her husband was happy to see her again she knew it was working.

Your intimacy skills are either working strongly for you or against you. If you are a woman who knows about your amazing feminine gifts share it with other women. We need to share.

We get no training with relationships and we jump in only to crash.  

How Do You Feel About Relinquishing Control [10:32]

It can be challenging for a modern woman to relinquish control in a relationship. Women need to be in control at work and have a hard time switching gears when they get home.

When women are controlling it can emasculate a man.

Laura reminds us girls, never to ask a man how he feels. Men are not the emotionally brilliant specimens we are, so don’t waste your time.

Magic Words and Phrases [18:20]

If your husband hurts your feelings or you feel slighted in some way, Laura says don’t expound on the issue. Simply saying “ouch” is enough to let him know he hurt you and your vulnerability lets him know you are not happy. Men will re-hear what they said and not you telling them how you feel. When you use this word the man apologizes to you so you don't have to apologize to him later.  

If you disrespect your man, say "I apologize for being disrespectful for doing xxx." Laura recommends saying it and then shutting up.  

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

Laura Doyle 

Get Cherished - Take the Get Cherished Challenge! 

Have you ever heard someone say… “Attracting a great man is not about the size of your thighs” and thought…

Yeah, right!

I totally feel you!

Ladies, you are going to love this episode of the Dating Den!  

If you are like me you have let your emotional self and your physical self impact how you are with men and how you date. Be prepared to change your life!

So many of us have had problems with some kind of addiction. My guest today, Dr. Susan Peirce Thompson, turned her addiction from hard drugs into a food addiction before she educated herself about the science behind the addiction. Her Bright Line Eating program now helps people shed pounds and to build new futures.

Dr. Susan is an Adjunct Associate Professor of Brain and Cognitive Science at the University of Rochester and an expert on the psychology of eating. She is President of the Institute of Sustainable Weight Loss and CEO of Bright Line Eating Solution. She is the author of the New York Times Best Seller, Bright Line Eating.

The Science Behind Your Addiction  [12:26]

Simply said, sugar and flour are drugs. They are the refined essence of a normally non-harmful plant. They flood the pleasure center of the brain with dopamine after eating them. The brain will modify itself to moderate the dopamine receptors. It makes people who are considering giving up sugar and flour feel desperate and bleak. Food addiction looks the same as heroin or cocaine addiction.

If you are beating yourself up about your weight it’s because you don’t trust yourself after years of betraying yourself. You can build up your integrity around food. You can slowly break the addiction.

Dating and Hating [18:46]

It's hard to show up for dates in a body you don't like. Picking clothes based on how much they hide and not on how much they show. Wishing you were in a different body. It makes you feel like you have deep psychological issues. You make yourself believe something is wrong with you.

There is nothing like food addiction to make you hate yourself.

The Four Bright Lines [27:52]

Dr. Susan explains why most diets are not helping people to lose weight. She says most diets focus on what to eat and what not to eat and include an exercise program. But in reality, exercise sabotages your weight loss strategy. Willpower will abandon you because it gets exhausted. You will fall into the willpower gap.

Build automatic habits around your eating. Give yourself no choice. Your healthy eating happens whether you like it or not. Dedicate a few months to your diet and during the weight loss phase, rest. Don’t exercise.

Mantras [35:36]

Say it out loud with me ladies “That is not food! That is poison!” Now say it again and picture someone handing you an ice cream cone! “That is not food!”

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Bright Line Eating 14 Day Challenge

Dating an unavailable man is a big problem.

Not only are you not getting the kind of LOVE you want and deserve...

You’re wasting precious time. It’s just clicking by... day after day, week after week and you’re no closer to getting what you want.

But how can you tell if  a man is available for a relationship…

You know, without scaring him off or sounding like you’re giving him an ultimatum...

Is there a way to get him there faster?

Ladies you are going to love this awesome episode. It is an example of  real dating life.

Victoria is a Dating Den listener and a successful New Yorker. She has followed the dating suggestions from previous episodes and viola, she is dating a quality guy!

Victoria wants to be efficient while maintaining her femininity and remove the doubt about the future of the relationship. She’s not sure what the next steps are. So, let’s help her out.

Victoria Dated With Dignity  [3:36]

Victoria says it wasn’t easy to abstain from sex with her new guy. But, she knew she needed to set boundaries and remember her value. She also didn’t want to have the awkward morning after experience.

She wanted him to like her for her true self but admits it took practice to maintain her authenticity.  She allowed herself to be proactive and if he didn’t like it he could just float away and she would be OK.

It was an artful dance.

The Slower You Go the Faster You Get There [8:57]

Sex is a very intimate thing. A woman shouldn’t be afraid to talk to a man she has allowed into her lady space. Vulnerability is required when it is time for physical and emotional intimacy. Victoria is afraid to bring up the “relationship” conversation up even after hearing him describe her as his girlfriend.

Giving the Man an Ultimatum [12:10]

Victoria was unaware of it but she had already imposed on ultimatum on her new guy. She is looking to put a timestamp on how he should feel and at what stage their relationship should be in.

What a Man Needs [15:33]

Men don’t want to jump through hoops. They need guidance too. They need encouragement to feel confident. Show them how you feel and let them know you feel safe and comfortable through words.

Victoria is going to tell him how she feels then say what she wants and then stop talking.  

Women co-create the energy that makes a man feel safe.  

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

There isn’t a class on what to do when your heart gets ripped out by a guy in school. And, most of us never got a lesson from mom on how to bounce back after we are left dejected and downhearted when our ‘meant to be’ believes he is meant for someone else.

This is why Samantha Burns, Founder of Love Successfully coaches clients on how to bounce back. Her latest book, aptly named, Breaking Up and Bouncing Back was inspired by her own devastating break up. In the book, Samantha explores why a break up hurts so much and how to best go through the grief process.

Samantha is known as the millennial love expert and is a licensed therapist who has been featured on The Today Show, Inside Edition, Yahoo, HuffPo, and Women's Health.

Breaking Up Will Make Or Break You [7:31]

Ladies you are not in this alone.  Breakups are a common human experience but we don’t talk about them. There are so many of us going through the same thing. We need to process the breakup and then recreate what we need in order to find a good relationship.

It is possible to create the relationship you want.

The Status Quo-ple [8:58]

Many couples find themselves in an uncomfortable situation caused by comfort. They are afraid of change and fear going through the pain of a breakup. They simply stay together because it is easier than breaking up.

Using a process will make breaking up and bouncing back easier!

Why Breakups Are So Painful [14:51]

As humans, we depend on someone else for survival. Our attachment patterns from a young age determine that if someone doesn’t give us love we won’t survive.  So, when someone breaks up with you it’s a rejection we process as if we are better off left for dead.

When we fall in love our body produces the same chemicals as an addiction. So you are basically going through withdrawal when you are no longer seeing the guy.

Dating With Intent [24:16]

Samantha recommends first understanding yourself and being crystal clear about what you want in a partner. Then you can be intentional and strategic with your love life. You can start creating the relationship you want. 

There is life after a break up.

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

Love Successfully

Breaking Up and Bouncing Back

Suddenly, your oh-so hot and handsome dinner companion for the past couple of weekends leans in and kisses you gently on the neck… behind your ear…

He makes his way gently across your face and your lips meet…  it’s electric, even a touch of magic. This could be it.

His hand finds the small of your back, traces your spine up to your neck, then he does it…

He slides his hand up the back of your head and grabs you by the hair… just hard enough to set you on fire!

But are you feeling the right kind of ‘fire’ inside...?

Women, listen up! You are going to love my guest today.

He is going to tell us what is going on inside our beautiful bodies when we start to feel the change.

Dr. Mache is one of America’s leading voices on women's wellness and menopause. He is an award-winning medical journalist. He has this cool thing where he combines health information with original music. He is the Editor of The Hot Years: My Menopause Magazine, the author of 15 books on women’s health and has written over 200 scientific articles on the subject.

It’s Not About Age, It’s About Transition [3:56]

Dr. Seibel reminds us menopause is not about age. It's about transition. First, there was puberty when your hormones first went crazy and now it’s time for your hormones to go out of balance again. The mean age of menopause in the US is 51 years of age and 5-10% of women go into menopause before age 46. Symptoms can start up to 10 years earlier.

In the year 1900, women died at age 48. Nobody worried about menopause because they were dead!

What Should Women Do to Prepare Themselves? [13:16]

Becoming aware of the transitions your body will go through is the key to keeping yourself optimized. Dr. Seibel says there are 5 essential steps to pay attention to.

They are:

1. Physical changes.

2. Emotional Changes.

3. Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle.

a. Sleep is essential.

b. Control stress.

c. Exercise is critical.

d. Eat nutritiously and organically.

4. Hormones.

5. How to thrive beyond menopause.

Take a holistic approach and take care of the sum of you not just some of you.

Strategies for Dating & Sex During Menopause [24:15]

Dr. Seibel says his advice for women who are transitioning is the same whether it’s puberty or menopause.

1. No one will love you until you love yourself.

2. Practice safe sex.

3. Be friends (Don’t have sex).

4. Birth control (Low dose birth control to balance hormones).

Your vagina may become more rigid. Make sure you tell your doctor!

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

The Hot Years: My Menopause Magazine

The Estrogen Window

Have you ever had a fantastic date with an attractive, smart, together man, felt a special connection and said to yourself, “I haven’t felt this good about a man in forever…. maybe this is finally the guy.”

Then he mysteriously disappeared from your life… stopped calling, stopped texting, and stopped asking you out?

Leaving you asking yourself… “What did I do wrong?”

Are you ready to finally understand what men really want… what makes them pursue certain women passionately...

And avoid others like a visit to the dentist?

I am swooning in the dating den today ladies because I am talking to one of my favorite men on the planet!

Evan Marc Katz is an amazing dating coach who is going to tell us what a man’s agenda is on the first date and how you can get a second date if you want one.

Evan is a personal trainer for smart, strong and successful women like you. He is the author of four books, his latest, Believe in Love, has been mentioned in the New York Times and CNN. He has had over 10 million readers of his blog and over 1000 women have graduated from his video program, "Love U".

How to Most Effectively and Efficiently Find a Quality Man [4:29 ]

Evan says there is only what works and what doesn't. Women need to ask themselves if what they are doing on online dating sites is working for them. Most will say no, so Evan’s advice is to take online dating seriously and treat it as a science.

The basics of Evan's 2/2/2 rule are to make a connection, move the conversation to personal email, schedule a phone call and then make a date. Women should be treating online communication like real life communication and make their emails entertaining conversation starters.

Don’t forget online dating is relationship building.

Setting Yourself Up for Failure [18:47]

Evan says people who plan on half-hour coffee dates are setting themselves up for failure. If you only want the date to last a half-hour, it's already a failure. Evan's preferred mindset is to believe in success. If you build up trust, rapport, excitement and anticipation through a few emails and phone calls, the only thing you need the date for is to check for chemistry.

How to Get a Second Date [20:27]

Evan says women often go into the first date looking for clues about what future she might have with him. But if women really want a second date, they should put aside their agenda to achieve their agenda. A guy's objective on a first date is to get laid and to put on a show. If women tell him how great he and flirt with the promise of sex sometime in the future, she will get a second date.

Men are always in it to win it!

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

Dating with Dignity on Facebook

@MarniBattista on Twitter

Evan Marc Katz