Hello faithful Text Me Backolytes and welcome new listeners (we’re sorry in advance to newbies! You could not have chosen a more wild starting place, but you’ll catch on fast!). Today Lindy and Meagan kick off with a humble but necessary installment of Department of Corrections: Peter Edition. Apparently one of these colonizing yahoos from last week did, in fact, step foot in Washington State–but don’t worry, we’ve decided to make that one a bonus Q so you can still graduate 8th grade. But the question remains: WHICH Peter from last week is the lucky boy to bless this mess? Tune in to find out.

Then it’s straight into Dog Thoughts, where we learn that Barry is a secret alpha?? You been listening to Joe Rogan, Bar???? Apparently, our gentle copper king does toxic male behavior at a public gathering and no amount of bully sticks–with or without Lindy’s signature flavoring–can calm him down. Meanwhile, back at the Pennsylvanian Dutch Farm that is Meagan’s condo, Kevin screams at ghosts in the living room. The vibes are unwell.

And finally, the most Normalest News: Dire wolves have a moment in the sun before the reality of the situation is understood (GMO wolves are a little less cool to market than Dire Wolves so we don’t NOT get it, but girl we need healthcare so can we focus, or????). And to round out our Normal News segment, Meagan brings us intel that people are body-shaming a mascot. SO NORMAL. Ellie the Elephant, we love you and you owe us NOTHING besides several headstands, fierce braid swings, and a liberal twerking of that ass on that court.

And our 95%ers are in for a treat at the end where Lindy offers an unsolicited rotation of impersonations!!!!! You literally do not have to stick around and we’re flummoxed every time you do!

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Learn what they ACTUALLY put in bully sticks in Lindy and Meagan Start a Wikifeet Retirement Plan! 
• Revisit the first appearance of Dr. Freek Vonk and Freekaconda in Lindy and Meagan have Died of Dysentery
• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs
• Discover the Kayak Dad Lore in: It’s Our First Episode!

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! REAL LIFE EXAMPLE:

“This show is a delight and so hilarious. As someone who used to live in both Seattle and DC, I love that Meagan and Lindy make me miss both places.”

FANNTASTIC15 THIS PLACE ISN’T THE SAME WITHOUT YOU COME HOME TO US!

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Lindy’s conservation BFF Paul Rosolie on IG
• Blood-drinking Anti-anti-aging guy story
• Ellie the Elephant response vid @bigellieliberty 
• Check out Meagan’s latest installment of SWAMP PERSON
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Go see our Czar of Sound Force Ahamefule J. Oluo at Madame Lou’s on Thursday 4/17!

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If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

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TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is supported by COPILOT Collective and produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

Special thanks as always to our perfect angels: Jeannie Yandel, Brandi Fullwood, and Isolde Raftery.

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See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.