致敬一行禅师——在禅师的Blue Cliff Monastery遇到可爱的陌生人们 by Yuan
原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/YqB9kB6rWNHESFpxvfAP0A
背景音乐 Ólafur Arnalds - Epilogue, a-Pav - Pavonis ~ Piano Collection, 薬師寺寛邦,キッサコ - 般若心经 (chorus ver.)[中文版]
Riddle Apple Podcast https://apple.co/3tl9UBf
Riddle 喜马拉雅 https://bit.ly/riddleximalaya
Riddle Wechat Blogs https://bit.ly/riddlewechat
Riddle Instagram https://bit.ly/riddleinsta
Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/yuanriddle
The last day of 2021 for me was a rainy day. I left New York City by myself. My physical destination was Blue Cliff Monastery, a meditation center established by Thay Thich Nhat Hanh in update New York. He was a great Buddhism master from Vietnam. If you’re not familiar with this name in Vietnamese, you’d either know his famous book Old Path, White Cloud in China or his name Shi Yi Xing in Chinese (Yi Xing literally means “one action” in Chinese).
2021年的最后一天，对于我来说是一个雨天，我一个人离开了纽约市。我的目的地是蓝崖寺，这是Thich Nhat Hanh在纽约上州设立的冥想中心。Thich Nhat Hanh是一位伟大的越南佛教大师，如果你不熟悉这个名字的越南语，你应该会知道他的名著《故道白云》（或译为《佛陀转》），或者知道他的中文法号释一行（Nhat Hanh是“一行”的意思）。
On my way to the great master’s zen place, I was nowhere near the word ZEN. Like I said before, my physical destination was Blue Cliff. Yet I was lost in trying to find my spiritual home. Three things led to my loss.
在去大师禅堂的路上，我离“禅”这个字还非常的远。就像我之前说的，我的目的地是蓝崖寺，然而，我在试图寻找我精神家园时却迷失了方向。有三件事导致了我的失败。
First, I was so ready to be home-bound after seeing the person I want to see in New York and saying what I want to say. Yet, due to the rampant break of Omicron, the flights back to China were either canceled or way too expensive for me to afford. My heart was already sent away from where I was then. But physically, I was trapped in New York.
第一，我在纽约见到想见的人并说出想说的话之后，就已经准备好回家了。然而，因为奥密克戎的猖獗，回家计划被迫中断，回中国的航班要么被取消，要么就是太贵负担不起。我的心其实已经离开了当时所在的地方。但在身体上，我被困在了纽约。
Second, I was having a fever with a severe headache and runny nose. All symptoms were suggesting that I was possibly a recent victim of Omicron, a new variant of COVID-19 that was raging in New York. Even though the testing kit told me I was negative, I couldn’t control my paranoid mind to go to crazy town, pessimistically ruminating “What if this? What if that?” and concluding that I was nothing but a liability.
其次是，我发烧了，并伴有剧烈的头痛和流鼻涕。所有症状都表明我应该是奥密克戎的受害者，这是一种在纽约肆虐的新冠变种病毒。尽管新冠自测棒的结果是阴性，但我还是控制不住偏执地疯狂幻想，悲观地思考“如果真得了，咋办呢？万一呢？”，最后的结论是自己什么也不是，只是一个累赘。
Third, on my way to Blue Cliff, I missed a transit bus from Newburgh to Middletown. I was too shy to ask for help and was too cheap to take a taxi to the monastery. I trapped myself in this realistic dilemma. In fact, I was on time for the bus. It was the bus driver that didn’t see me in the stop, so it ran off on me with no mercy to my soaked clothes, my fever-laden head, and my drenched heart. So missing that bus was the last straw that breaks the camel’s back. I was left by everybody. There was the only thing left on my mind—the scariest thing of one’s life, despair. Oh, also, I broke my glasses. So I was half-blind. It was like the universe was working against me.
第三，在去蓝崖寺的路上，我错过了从纽堡到米德尔顿的中转巴士。我太害羞而根本不敢寻求帮助，并且又吝啬于打车费，我把自己困在这个两难之境。但事实上，我是准时在等车的。但是巴士司机并没有看到在车站等车的我，毫不留情地一脚油门走了，留下我湿漉漉的衣服、发烧的脑袋和湿透的心。错过那辆巴士是压垮我的最后一根稻草，我好像被所有人抛弃了，我脑子里只剩下一个东西——人生中最可怕的东西：绝望。哦，还有，我的眼镜还被我弄坏了，所以我是半盲着的，就好像整个宇宙都在与我作对。
Tears flooded my eyes. To this day, I was still befuddled by how I chose to beat myself up like this, especially considering I was basically a homeless couch surfer for the last two years in China. I was well trained in making the best of what comes to me in life, no matter it’s mishaps or good fortunes. Yet, on the other shore of the Pacific, in that bus stop in New Burgh, I turned myself into another person. A person I sympathize towards to the point of despising him at the same time.
泪水淹没了我的眼眶。直到今天，我仍对我为何选择这样虐待自己感到困惑，特别是考虑到我在中国的过去两年基本上是一个无家可归的沙发客。我受过良好的训练，随遇而安于生活的一切起伏是我最擅长不过的了，无论是霉运，还是好运。然而在太平洋的彼岸，在纽堡的巴士站，我完全把自己变成了另一个人，一个我同情到鄙视他的人。
Now, let’s fast forward. 10 days later. As I was making one first step out of Blue Cliff Monastery and thinking about who I’d become, the crybaby in the above paragraphs was gone. To be more exact, he was resting in peace. How? I pay my tribute to lots of strangers I have met and haven’t met at Blue Cliff, including Thich Nhat Hanh.
现在，让我们快进吧。十天后。当我迈出蓝崖寺的第一步，想着我会成为什么样的人时，上面几段中的爱哭鬼早已经消失不见。更准确地说，他安详的睡着了。怎么做到的呢？于此，我要向我在蓝崖寺认识的和未曾谋面的许多陌生人致敬，包括一行禅师。
…
Like I said before, en route to the monastery, I was in pretty shitty shape (Sorry for my vulgar choice of words. I rarely curse in my writing. But that’s exactly how I was. Shitty.). Yet, I managed to get myself there in spite of my broken glasses, drenched heart, and a head-spinning fever.
就像我之前说的，在去修道院的路上，我的身体屎一般的糟糕（对不起，用词粗俗。我很少在写作中说脏话。但我真的是如此糟糕）。然而，尽管我的眼镜坏了，心脏湿透了，发烧了，我还是让自己最终成功到达寺院。
The first person I met was Jean. I talked to her on the phone before. She had a very soothing voice in explaining why they consider my application for a scholarship here (The monastery charges one visitor 40 dollars per night for accommodation and food. And they offer scholarships for people who have special cases. I was on a tight budget, so I applied for the scholarship.). While reading the part I came to New York for love in the application letter, she let out a cute laugh. To me, her laugh was telling me, “Yeah. We’ve all been there”. She, in person, was an accurate personification of that laugh, understanding my struggles and helping me settle down in the dormitory. The second I laid my head on my new bed, I could finally find a hint of peacefulness in my world. Still homeless, yet one inch nearer my spiritual home.
我遇到的第一个人是吉恩，我之前和她通过电话。在解释我的补助金申请时，她的声音非常舒缓（寺院向每位访客收取每晚 40 美元的住宿和伙食费，并为有特殊情况的人提供补助金。我的预算很紧张，自然申请了补助金）。她一边读着申请信中我为爱来到纽约的故事，一边发出可爱的笑声。对我来说，她的笑声告诉我，“是的，我们都经历过。”她本人的样子就是那个笑声的准确化身，理解我的痛楚，并帮我在宿舍安顿下来。当我把头靠在床上的那一刻，我终于在我的世界里找到了一丝平静。虽然仍无家可归，但我离我的精神家园更近了一点点。
After settling down, I gave myself a tour around the monastery. The monastery was located in a very serene forest. My ears, getting used to the rowdy New York, could actually hear sounds that you’d have ignored, like the sound of falling leave, whistling of the wind, footfalls of some wild animals. Speaking of wild animals, I met some dears around my dorm cabin on my first day here. They were scared by my sudden presence at first. But we got along after returning their "welcome" by feeding one of them. I sent the picture of them to a friend. She said she’d dreamed about them before. I lost sight of them for several days there. One day, the very same friend surprise visited me with medicine and fruits because I’d been sickened by a fever for several days. On the same day, the deers showed up again.
安顿好之后，我一个人参观了寺院。修道院坐落在一片非常宁静的森林中。我的耳朵，习惯了喧闹的纽约，但在这儿可以听到你会忽略的各种声音，比如落叶声，风的呼啸，一些野生动物的脚步声。说到野生动物，我第一天来宿舍就遇到了一些小鹿。起初它们被我的突然出现给吓到了。但在喂养其中一只小鹿，以回报它们的“欢迎仪式”之后，我们相处得很好。我把它们的照片发给了朋友，她说她以前梦见过它们。之后的好几天，它们不见了踪影。有一天，这位朋友突然给我送来了药和水果，因为我已经发烧好几天了。就在那同一天，鹿儿们才再次出现。
…
All the routines in the monastery were practiced to help you go back to yourself and find mindfulness and peacefulness. The clock will ring a bell every 15 minutes, a reminder for everyone to go back to their inner selves. So on hearing the sound of the bell or the singing bowl, everyone will stop talking or walking and spend some seconds being with themselves. Mindful Sangha meals will be served and eaten in silence so that you can feel every chew of the delicious food in your mouth and appreciate such a dietary blessing from Mother Nature. Walking and sitting meditations are led by monastics for lay friends every day. We sing songs together or chant sutras together before each session.
寺院里的整个日程都是为了帮助你回归自我，找到正念与平静。时钟每十五分钟会响一次，提醒每个人回归内心。因此，当听到钟声或歌声时，每个人都会停止说话或走路，花几秒钟与自己相处。在正念僧餐时，所有人会在止语中食用餐食，你会感受到每一口美味的食物在嘴里被细细咀嚼，并感恩于自然母亲恩赐的食物。僧侣每天为居士主持行禅和坐禅。每次行禅之前，我们都一起唱歌或念经。
On my first day here, I met Luc, a young Chinese French filmmaker who lives in New York now. His long hair in a bun, baggy pants, and round glasses made him look like a brother of mine. His slow mannerism and soft words manifest great peacefulness. We exchanged some small talks and life stories. Thanks to Luc, I was already feeling that my lonesome soul was starting to stop fidgeting and letting itself get back on its road to its spiritual home. You’d often find Luc volunteering in the kitchen all the time, which motivated me to volunteer in the kitchen in later days as well.
第一天到这儿的时候，我遇到了卢克，一位现居纽约的法国华裔的青年电影人。他的长发、宽松的裤子和圆眼镜让他看起来像我的兄弟，他缓慢的举止和柔和的语言表现出极大的平静。我们交谈一些闲谈和彼此的故事。多亏了卢克，我才感觉到我孤独的灵魂开始停止于坐立不安，让自己回到通往精神家园的道路上。你经常会发现卢克一直在厨房里做义工，这也鼓励我在后面的日子里在厨房帮忙。
In a warm community like this, helping each other does not take a second thought. It’s in everyone’s blood. When you see something is not tidy in the kitchen or bathroom, you’d put them back in order instead of walking away from them. This is what happened to my laundry one day. I put all my laundry in the washer and set up a timer for an hour to come back to put them in the dryer. Yet, by the time I got back, all my laundry was already in the dryer thanks to a nameless samaritan. I left a thank-you note for this kind stranger. Later I found out it was Sister Manifest. In later days, we shared some laughs when cleaning and washing in the kitchen together. I guess the natural spirit of volunteering and always being thoughtful to others is core to keeping this community together. You don’t rely on one system or one person to maintain the operation and spirits of one community. All it needs is the natural kindness and compassion inside all human beings.
在这样一个温暖的社区里，互相帮助是不假思索的，它在每个人的血液中。当你看到厨房或厕所里的东西不整洁时，你会把它们放回原处，而不是走开。有一天我洗衣服时，就发生了这样的善举。我把我所有的衣服都放在洗衣机里，并设置了一个小时的闹钟，然后打算等下回来把它们放进烘干机。然而，当我回来的时候，多谢一个无名的好心人，我所有的衣服都已经放在烘干机里了。我给这个好心的陌生人留下了感谢字条，后来才知道那位好心人是永照师妹（译者注：法号是从英文名字Sister Manifest翻译而来）。之后的日子里，我们一起在厨房打扫卫生，共同分享笑声。我想，自然的志愿服务和始终利他的精神是这个社区团结在一起的核心，并不需要依赖一个系统或某一个人来维持一个社区的运作和精神，它所需要的只是所有人发自内心的自然、善良和同情心。
…
For the first 5 days at the Monastery, I wasn’t quite active. I always found myself walking around the others. Instead of meditating with the group, I often found a quieter slot to meditate by myself in the meditation hall. Like I said, I still felt under the weather due to the fever and I was paranoid that it might be COVID, so I chose to isolate myself most of the time. That physical and spiritual isolation went on even after I felt better physically and mentally. The person who helped me open up more was Brother Dailuc.
在寺院的前 5 天，我都不太活跃。我总是发现自己在遇见别人时绕道而行，也没有和大家一起打坐，而是经常在禅堂里找一个更安静的地方自己打坐。就像我说的，由于发烧，我仍然感觉很不舒服，我很怀疑它可能是新冠，所以我大部分时间都选择了自我隔离。即使在我身体和精神上都感觉好些之后，这种双重隔离仍在继续，而帮助我更开放的人是大力师兄。
At one lunch on Day 6, I was eating at the far end of the table in silence that day. Then Brother Dailuc sat next to me and greeted me with joined palms before dining. Between his eyes, I felt a great stream of softness and kindness mixed with a tinge of sadness. After the silent 20 minutes passed, we started to talk. I wasn’t feeling shy or paranoid around him and his energy. Just like the softness between his eyes, his words and smile were equally gentle to me. One thing led to another, we started to talk about our depression days before and how we overcame it. It was the Buddha in our hearts and friends and family in reality who lit the way for us in those difficult times. After lunch, he invited me for a walk around the mountains. I had rarely talked to anyone in my first 5 days. And with Brother Dailuc, I started to pour all my thoughts and emotions to him and he took them well with words of wisdom and encouragement. Later, I asked him to write on my LOVE book—a book where I collected people’s definition of love—and this is what he wrote.
在第六天的午餐中，那天我在桌子的另一端默默地吃饭。然后大力师兄走过来，坐在了我的旁边，在用餐前双手合十向我打招呼。在他的眼中，我感受到了一股巨大的温柔和善意，同时又夹杂着淡淡的悲伤。二十分钟的止语用餐过后，我们开始交谈。在他的能量周围，我并没有感到任何害羞或偏执，就像他眼中的柔软一样，他的言语和微笑对我来说同样的温暖。不知不觉的，我们聊起了我们之前抑郁的日子，并且是如何克服它的：在那些困难时期，我们心中的佛以及生活中的朋友和家人为我们照亮了道路。午饭后，他邀请我去山上散步。在我最初的五天里，我很少与任何人交谈，而同大力师兄一起，我开始向他倾诉我的各种想法与情感，他用智慧和鼓励的话很好地接受了它们。后来，我邀请在我的“爱之书”——一个我用来收集人们对爱情定义的笔记本——上写下些什么，下面的文字则来自于大力师兄。
“Love is sharing a deep connection with others that transcend walls and boundaries. Therefore, it is very important for us to be truly there, for our quality of presence is the gateway to the many depths of love. In love, we find joy, happiness, compassion, forgiveness…, but also tears and the pains that help enriched it. If we know that we are interconnected in many ways, we can touch love in a deeper, more spacious, and more thankful way.”
“爱是与超越壁垒和边界的与他人分享的深厚连结。因此，对我们来说，真正处于那里是非常重要的，因为我们存在的质量是通往爱之深处的大门。在爱中，我们找到快乐、幸福、同情、宽恕……但也有帮助丰富爱情的眼泪和痛苦。如果我们知道我们在很多方面是相互连结的，我们就能以一种更深、更广阔、更感恩的方式来触摸爱。”
…
One night, I was reading in the dining room. It was my usual hangout after dinner since I had the big room for myself and had access to all kinds of tea I want. The English calligraphies on the wall by Thich Nhat Hanh were great reminders for us to do everything with great consciousness. Then V, a girl I said hi to before, entered the room. We weren’t really close. But her hearty smile brought us closer. It turned out that V, a Vietnamese student in the US, spoke Chinese fluently. What amazed me more was her baking skills. That night, she came to the dining room to bake banana bread for everyone. Of course, I was the fortunate first genie pig for her only batch of bread that night. While bread-tasting together, we talked in the dining room for almost 2 hours about food, languages, cultures and life. I learned so much about her and her country. For example, I had no idea that Jin Yong’s books and the TV shows based on his books could be a common topic for Vietnamese and Chinese to talk about forever!
一天晚上，我坐在餐厅看书。这是我晚餐后经常去的地方，因为我可以独享整个空间，并且可以享用我想喝的各种茶。一行禅师在墙上的英文书法很好地提醒了我们做每件事时都要有“念”。然后V走进了房间，一个我之前打过招呼的女孩。我们不是很熟悉，但她爽朗的笑容让我们距离近了一些。原来，V是一名越南留美的大学生，能说一口流利的中文，更让我吃惊的是她的烘焙技巧。那个晚上，她来到餐厅是为了给大家烤香蕉面包。当然，那晚我是一个幸运儿，能够品尝她做出来的的第一批面包。在一起品尝面包的同时，我们在餐厅里聊了将近两个小时，谈论食物、语言、文化和生活。我对她和她的国家了解了很多。比如，我从没想到金庸的书和根据书改编的电视剧可以成为越南人和中国人永远谈论的话题！
To this day, that banana aftertaste and V’s smile still linger in my tastebud and memory foam.
直到今天，香蕉的回甜和 V 的笑容仍然萦绕在我的味蕾和记忆中。
…
My friend Haoruo surprised me on Jan 2, 2022, my third day in Blue Cliff. Well, the reason why she rushed here all the way from New York was that I was still quite sick with a fever. Endless headaches stopped me from being the person I want to be. Yet her visit brought some glimmers of hope and energies of vitality to my sick body and mind. However, she had to go back to New York on the same day, but there were no cabs around in the forest that can take her to Middletown to catch the last train to New York. In dire situations like this, Haoruo and I always find a solution by the help of kind people. This time the superhero who saved us from troubled waters was Athena, mother of a very cute 8-year-old, Dagony.
2022 年 1 月 2 日，我在蓝崖的第三天，我的朋友皓若给了我一个惊喜，突然探望我。她从纽约一路赶到这里的原因是我还发着烧，无休止的头痛让我无法做自己，她的探望给我生病的身心带来了一丝希望和活力。可她又不得不在当天返回纽约，森林里没有出租车可以带她去米德尔敦搭上去纽约的末班车。在这种危急情况下，我和皓若总是能在好心人的帮助下找到解决办法。这次把我们从困境中拯救出来的英雄是雅典娜，她是一位非常可爱的8岁孩女孩——戴戈妮——的母亲。
Haoruo and I went to the dining room on the sister’s side to try our luck to see if anybody happened to go to Middletown so that we could share a ride. Yet, it was already after dusk. All day-time visiting lay friends had already gone home. So such news brought furrowed brows to Haoruo and me. However, the brothers and sisters started to spread the word. Even though I didn’t understand any Vietnamese, the expressions on their faces looked optimistic to us. Within 5 minutes, our superhero, Athena, showed up with her ride. When we learned that it was Athena who was driving us to the train station, we couldn’t be happier. We loved her and her perky energy! Her daughter and she were such sunshine in the community, always bringing a big smile to everyone’s face and always lending people their helping hands.
我和皓若准备去尼姑餐厅碰碰运气，看看有没有人碰巧也去米德尔敦，这样我们就可以拼车了。然而，太阳已经下山，所有白天拜访的居士朋友都已经回家了。听到这个消息，让我和皓若都皱起了眉头。但寺院的师兄和师姐们开始帮忙散播消息，尽管我不懂越南语，但他们脸上的表情在我们看来是乐观的。不到五分钟，我们的英雄雅典娜就开着她的车出现了。当我们得知开车送我们去火车站的是雅典娜时，我们高兴极了，我们特别喜爱她和她那活泼的能量！她和她女儿在社区里都是那么阳光，总是给每个人带来灿烂的笑容，总是向大家伸出援助之手。
It goes without saying that we made it on time thanks to Athena’s speedy driving. I offered Haoruo a long hug as her train was coming. She asked me for a promise, a promise to talk about my pain with someone in the community. And I fulfilled that promise. On our way back, Athena listened to my pain and stories. Suddenly, she felt like a mother to me. A mother who was driving her heartbroken son back home. When arriving at Blue Cliff, she asked the sisters to fix up some food for me and we shared a long hug, a hug for more than 10 seconds, a hug that you could feel each other’s peaceful heartbeat.
不用多说，由于雅典娜的高超驾驶，我们准时到达了。火车快到了的时候，我给了皓若一个长长的拥抱。她向我要一个承诺，让我答应她和社区中的某个人聊聊我的痛苦。我履行了承诺，在我们回来的路上，雅典娜听了我的痛苦和故事。突然间，她对我来来说就像妈妈一样，一位母亲开车送她伤心欲绝的儿子回家。到了蓝崖寺，她让师姐们给我准备了一些食物，我们分享了一个很长的拥抱，一个十多秒的拥抱，一个可以感受到彼此平静心跳的拥抱。
…
There are just so many stories of hearty strangers at Blue Cliff who’ve helped me and like mirrors, reminded me who I should be. There’s Brother Emptiness, the senior monastic who talked about Jin Yong's wuxia books and books about Xuanzang with me. There’s the brother who I deem as the funniest guy in Vietnamese in spite of his broken English. He joked that I looked like a monastic from the Wu-tang Clan in Jin Yong’s book. There’s Abishek who talked about love with me and introduced me the Dharma meditation camp. There’s this sister who introduced me to great books by Thich Nhat Hanh and explained the Heart Sutra for me. There’s another sister who I’ve cleaned dishes with in the kitchen and who is just like my bigger sister. There’s Riles who played basketball with me, talked about his vagabond life in the US and drove me to the train station. One day, I’m sure he’ll vagabond his way to China and to my van. We’ll tour around China for sure. And of course, there’s Thich Nhat Hanh, the Zen master I’ve never met, but his words and works brought more compassion and zen in me, in this community and in this world.
蓝崖寺有很多暖心陌生人故事，他们帮助了我，并像镜子一样提醒我，应该做什么样的自己。这其中包括至空师兄，和我讨论金庸的武侠小说和关于玄奘的书。有一个师兄，尽管他的英语不好，但我认为他是寺院越南僧侣中最搞笑的。他开玩笑说我像金庸书中的武当道长。有Abishek和我谈论爱，还给我推荐了内观冥想营。有一位师姐向我介绍一行禅师的好的作品，并为我解释心经。还有和我在厨房里一起洗碗的师姐，她就像我的大姐姐一样。有和我一起打篮球的Riles，我们聊着他在美国的流浪生活，最后还开车送我去火车站。有一天，我相信他会流浪到中国和Riddle的，我们肯定会环游中国的。当然，还有一行禅师，我从未见过的禅师，但他的文字和作品给我，给这个社区以及这个世界带来了太多的慈悲和禅意。
When Thich Nhat Hanh passed away, I was reading his book named The Novice. In the epilogue, he shared one story about always going back to your spiritual home. His exact words are:
当听到一行禅师去世的消息时，我正在读他的书《沙弥》。在后记中，他分享了一个关于回到你的精神家园的故事。 他这样写道：
After I read it, I realized that my old glasses were broken again—one of the lenses fell out of the frame, again. This time, instead of complaining, I took out my superglue, laid down my glasses, and carefully glued up the broken part together. Like Thich Nhat Hanh said, when there is a storm that messed up your physical home, you first close the door and the windows, lit up the fire, pick up all the loose ends, and then enjoy yourself in your spiritual home, a home that nobody could take away from you.
读完之后，我意识到我的旧眼镜又坏了——一个镜片又从镜框里掉了出来。 这一次，我没有抱怨，而是拿出强力胶水，放下眼镜，小心翼翼地将破损的部分粘在一起。 就像一行禅师说的，当一场暴风雨把你的物质家园弄得一团糟时，你首先关上门窗，点燃炉火，把散落一地的东西都捡起来，然后在你的精神家园中尽情享受，在这个家园，没有任何人能让你无家可归。
7.50 am
2022.1.24
@Honolulu Airport, Hawaii.
早上7：50
2022.1.24
@夏威夷檀香山机场
