Living Connected - NVC

HAPPY THANKSGIVING WEEK! 
In all the research I have done over the years, appreciation can really lift the spirits of human beings. A lot of times in our relationships we forget to give appreciate to our partner. We stop recognizing and acknowledging the good things and focus on the things that didn’t go right. Jonh Gottman says that relationships thrive when the ratio of positive to negative interactions is 5:1. When I am appreciated for something I feel warm and fuzzy inside and my need to be seen is deeply felt. It can be hard to tell someone how much gratitude you have for them, affirmations may not be your strong suit and that is okay. It’s a practice and starting small can really help. Doing this can really create a strong, stable and happy relationship between you and your partner.  

 NVC appreciation can look different than what we are use to. Kyle and I explore what giving and receiving appreciation looks like. 

Our society has taught us a certain way to give thanks that can sometimes be disconnecting. We want to know how gratitude has affected us on a deeper level. 

 Resources:

 Marshall’s video on Expressing and receiving gratitude: https://youtu.be/DskpPwkE_yw

1)  http://www.newenglandnvc.org/2011/12/gratitude/

2)  https://www.bendmemorialclinic.com/bmc-health-hub/health-information/building-resilience-to-protect-your-mental-health/

3)  https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/

Kyle's Information:

Workshop: Connectingcom.com
Instagram: Connecting Communication  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/LivingConnectedNVC/

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
 
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

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What is beneficial regret? Is it something that has an outcome that you preferred and you are still left with feeling badly. Is Beneficial regret when you have done something that you didn’t like and at the same time You don’t put your self down, in shame or blame for what you did. 

Does regret benefit you because you have found a way to acknowledge unmet needs? 

Regret opens the door into reflection and observation to what our needs are and what we may be feeling without blaming and shaming ourselves.  

Thich Nhat Hanh:

"When we look deeply into the relative nature of time, we see that the past has created the present. If we seize the present moment with mindfulness, we are in touch with the past. We can actually go back to the past, while staying firmly rooted in the present moment, and heal the past." 

Resources:

 https://streetgiraffes.com/beneficial-regret/?fbclid=IwAR05wftCPYDK1rXbthH5sK4JlKf8mzSA_LWSOyGvAGd7x50Ex8QVV-jRfJ0

Book:

Nonviolent Communication – By Marshall Rosenberg,     Pg. 133-136

NVC – Festival info: 

https://nvctraining.com/registration/aff/go/kstapes?i=100  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/LivingConnectedNVC/

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
 
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

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There is a lot of violence going on in the world right now. There is a way to see through the violence with the lens of empathy. We invite you to join us in exploring ways to reduce violence by offering deep listening and acknowledgement. This can be very powerful and a transforming factor in the path of people’s lives from all backgrounds and walks of life. We have a special guest today who will be my co-host as we dig into this topic. Her name is Katie Tomer and she has used NVC in prison settings as well as in higher education settings pertaining to racism and discrimination. Her past work includes community engaged research and policy reform with the Justice Policy Program, as well as taking action towards shifting institutional racism with the Intercultural Diversity Advisory Council in Maine. Here we go!

Resources:

 13TH | FULL FEATURE | Netflix:

https://youtu.be/krfcq5pF8u8

 Podcast recommendation: 

 1619 – it’s on Apple too – (I totally said 1617 in the podcast lol oops!)

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/23/podcasts/1619-podcast.html

 Book: 

How to be an Antiracist, By: Ibram X. Kendi

Workshop: 

Changing self-talk into Self-Care:

https://www.compassionatecenter.org/classes/changing-self-talk-into-self-care-nov5

**NVC – Festival info**: 

https://nvctraining.com/registration/aff/go/kstapes?i=100  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Living-Connected-NVC-100595818434771

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
 
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

Self-Reflection is important when doing our inner work. Being willing to be open to our patterns and improving on being better can only help us in the long run. Sometimes it is hard to see the behavioral patterns we have and when brought to our attention we don’t want to see it. Slowing down our conversations to incorporate some reflection can only benefit us. And it will bring more awareness to what is going on in the inside of us and perhaps more empathy to the person we are talking to. A friend once told me, No correction without reflection. If we don’t try to self-reflect we will be stuck in the same cycle of patterns or coping skills that don’t serve us. We will be discussing some different ways that you could self-reflect on your own and I highly recommend journaling as a tool when digging into the deeper self. I hope you enjoy this episode      

Resources:

https://medium.com/the-year-of-the-looking-glass/5-hard-questions-to-ask-yourself-during-a-conflict-f4a91bab347a

BayNVC - https://baynvc.org/four-questions/

 https://thoughtcatalog.com/howie-reith/2016/02/20-questions-that-reflect-how-healthy-your-relationship-truly-is/

Podcast: 

Relationship Alive # 69 & #90 – with Hedy Schleifer

Book: 

Untamed 
By: Glennon Doyle

Workshop: 

Changing self-talk into Self-Care:

https://www.compassionatecenter.org/classes/changing-self-talk-into-self-care-nov5

**NVC – Festival info**: 

https://nvctraining.com/registration/aff/go/kstapes?i=100  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Living-Connected-NVC-100595818434771

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
 
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

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Trust is a big deal when dealing with relationships. Romantic, friend, work, school relations build on trust. Trust builds in small and big ways for people. Trust can also be broken so fast. Sometimes we don’t even know it was trust that was broken to begin with. That is why there is resentment or anger or withdrawal. We all want a sense of safety and if trust is broken how do we repair or rebuild that sense of safety back so that we can trust fully again. Not only do we have trust with others we have trust in ourselves. Trusting our knowing, our intuition, trust what is really true in our hearts. Self-trust is a hard sometimes. Connecting with what is alive in us using feelings and needs can help our inner trust. 

 Workshop: 

Changing self-talk into Self-Care:

https://www.compassionatecenter.org/classes/changing-self-talk-into-self-care-nov5

 
Resources:

 SuperSoul: Brene Brown

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=333201494323906

 Red Table Talk: Brene Brown Life Changing Lessons:

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1413137392209660

 Book: The 5 Love Languages:

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X

**NVC – Festival info**: 

https://nvctraining.com/registration/aff/go/kstapes?i=100  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Living-Connected-NVC-100595818434771

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
 
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

When we debriefed after the episode with Eric on acknowledging impact, Eric brought up a concern he had with Kyle and we had the recording from the zoom call. Kyle and I will replay Eric’s concern and discuss what happen. We will also talk about how we were feeling in the moment it happened. Living connected listeners you get to witness an example of how NVC could be used in a friendly/business type situation. It was a learning experience for us and I hope it will be for you too.   

**NVC – Festival info**: 

https://nvctraining.com/registration/aff/go/kstapes?i=100  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Living-Connected-NVC-100595818434771

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
 
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

Blame can be damaging to our inner soul and to the people around us. Blaming ourselves can lead us down a rabbit whole that can be hard to get out. Giving ourselves grace and compassion instead helps feed our growth mind-set. At the same time, blame can actually be a helpful strategy to get us out of an abusive situation. Blame can bring an awareness that we don’t have our needs met and blame can encourage  our understanding that this relationship is not supporting my well-being. Within blame we can find feelings and needs that are not being met and then find ways to talk to ourselves and others differently.   

 Resources:

1) https://baynvc.org/dont-believe-everything-you-think/

2) https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/pdf_files/healing_blame_kbryson.pdf

3) Polyvagal Theory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27FSiBqEDUs

4) Polyvagal Diagram: https://themovementparadigm.com/how-to-map-your-own-nervous-sytem-the-polyvagal-theory/

**NVC – Festival info**: 

https://nvctraining.com/registration/aff/go/kstapes?i=100  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Living-Connected-NVC-100595818434771

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

Bryn Hazell joins us today as a special guest on Living Connected. She is our NVC Leader here in Bend Oregon and continues to lead our NVC practice group over Zoom. Bryn has been practicing NVC over 20 yrs. She has had the honor of seeing Marshall live and has been to many NVC trainings. Before the pandemic Bryn had been working in a male prison and holding a NVC program for the inmates. We are excited to share this moment with you and learn more about Bryn’s experiences in the Prison environment.

Resources: https://www.compassionatecenter.org/

NVC – Festival info: 

https://nvctraining.com/registration/aff/go/kstapes?i=100  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Living-Connected-NVC-100595818434771

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
 
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

Our society influences how we see the world and sometimes what we say or do can be received differently than intended. Negative impact can happen to anyone in all sorts of situations. How do we respond, or mend if we have impacted someone negatively? Is there a way to build trust back and communicate effectively? Kyle and I role-play a situation that demonstrates acknowledging impact. Eric is our special guest who will help guide us through this interactive piece of this episode.

Eric Huang attended a NVC International Intensive Training thinking he knew everything about NVC after reading 1/3 of the book and watching one Marshall video 3 times.   By the end of the 9 day residential training he knew nothing.  Today, the 5 seconds after thinking he knows something, the universe reminds him he still knows nothing.  Sigh.

Eric is a Licensed Professional Civil Engineer in the State of California, earned an M.S. in Civil and Environmental Engineering, has an MBA, and has worked in Silicon Valley in High Tech Marketing for 20 years on something called USB.

Resources: Acknowledging Impact websites

 http://www.mayenoconsulting.com/wordpress/intent-and-impact-across-difference-10-tips/

 https://www.kgrierson.com/uncategorized/impact-vs-intent-suck-apologies/

 https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/psysociety/e2809cbut-i-didne28099t-mean-ite2809d-why-ite28099s-so-hard-to-prioritize-impacts-over-intents/

Eric’s Resources: NVC Day 1

NVC – Festival info: 

https://nvctraining.com/registration/aff/go/kstapes?i=100  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Living-Connected-NVC-100595818434771

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
 
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

I can’t begin to tell you how much there is to the emotion Anger. We all have a relationship with anger whether it is suppressed or very much alive.  I can tell you right now that we won’t be able to cover all of it. Anger is an unpleasant feeling that a lot of us see as a negative emotion because it can be harmful to ourselves or others in a emotional or physical way. Kyle and I want to bring more awareness to this feeling and normalize anger because anger is okay to feel. When we use this energy to put into something useful or constructive anger can bring us closer together.  

Resources: 

Podcast: Relationship Alive # 12, 13 & 21

NVC – Festival info: 

https://nvctraining.com/registration/aff/go/kstapes?i=100  

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: livingconnectednvc

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Living-Connected-NVC-100595818434771

Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
 
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show