Marriage and Martinis

First off, Danielle and Adam have come a long way since they recorded the first episode about the Mental Load almost two years ago. However, the progress has definitely been incremental, and they still have work to do. What starts out as a calm conversation quickly turns defensive and competitive as they list off responsibilities, stresses, emotional tolls, and physical hardships they each endure in life and parenting. Danielle does not understand how Adam can possibly think they are 50/50 household, and despite absolutely no scientific data to back up the idea that women are somehow better equipped to care for their kids and family, Adam feels like there definitely must be some truth in this longstanding societal norm. When things get heated, the couple pauses the mics and proceeds to speak privately, and then comes back to finish the conversation. Danielle breaks down into tears, proving that while they have definitely made strides, it's still an extremely sensitive topic in their marriage. Ultimately, the two realize that there is more work to be done, and another episode will need to be recorded to update everyone on their progress. If you are looking for more Mental Load episodes, download #56, #108 and #137. Don't forget to head to marriageandmartinis.com to get the corresponding Mental Load "Date Night Questions," and to sign up for all future questions in the "Friday Five" email.

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After the overwhelming response to their first episode with Jodie Utter from last February, Danielle and Adam finally had the chance to continue their conversation with her. Where is she now in her journey of healing and forgiveness after her husband's infidelity? Is she able to trust again? How does she deal with the inevitable feelings of pain that come flooding back at any given moment? Is self-forgiveness harder than forgiving someone else? What advice does she have for others going through a similar situation? This is a must-listen for anyone who has dealt with any form of betrayal, not just infidelity. Jodie provides us all with a feeling of hope, understanding, acceptance, and peace. She is gentle, incredibly vulnerable, honest, and reveals all in her quest for no one to feel alone during their healing process. It is important to note that listeners definitely should listen to her episode from February, 2019 in order to hear the first part of her story.

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One of the most common messages Danielle and Adam receive from listeners is that they and their partner mismatched libidos. Truthfully, 80% of couples experience one partner having a higher libido than the other. We all think that we're the only ones struggling with this, and we tend to take it personally when our partner isn't in the mood as often (or ever). But there are so many misconceptions and myths surrounding sex drives and compatibility. This episode breaks down some of those misconceptions, and sheds light on the issues in Danielle and Adam's own marriage that have led to little or no sex over extended periods of time.

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We are taught from a young age that doing for others is what makes us good, generous people. We are conditioned to say "yes" even when we're faced with something we really don't want to do. Obhave overtaken so many of our lives, that we have run out of time to do the things that truly matter to us. Our dreams and goals have been put on hold. But HOW do we say no? What's holding us back and how can we overcome it? "Recovering People Pleaser," Natalie Lue talks us through why we need to stop associating "saying yes" with "goodness" and "generosity." She also walks us through her famous practice of "unsent letters" and why this is a tool that can cleanse us all from so much of our baggage. If you are looking to lighten your load and reclaim your time and value, then you definitely want to listen to this episode.

Follow Natalie Lue on instagram @natlue

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Adam and Danielle have had some week, between Adam working 24/7 and the kids being off from school and trapped in the house due to snow. Let's just say there wasn't a ton of prep time for this episode, but sometimes being unprepared can lead to some serious laughs and unplanned hilarity. That is exactly what happens in this episode. Adam and Danielle start off with some innocent conversation about a few recent episodes and some listener's messages and questions. Things go south really fast though when Danielle and Adam have to give each other compliments they've never told one another in the spirit of Valentine's Day. Why did Danielle apologize to Adam? For what sexual act does Danielle say Adam is impressively focused, despite usually having a very short attention span? What compliment is Adam hesitant to give Danielle? Buckle up, because this episode takes all kinds of unforeseen turns and is definitely sprinkled with some unplanned inappropriate commentary.

Head to marriageandmartinis.com to sign up for this Friday's special Valentine's Day "Date Night Questions."

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Danielle and Adam could have kept talking to Bryde and twelve hours. They had so much to ask them, and the conversation just kept evolving and branching off into so many different directions. They discuss being a poly couple who is very curious, adventurous, and open-minded. What was their journey from monogamy to polyamory? How have they kept their jealousy in check? How has Jeremie's chronic illness affected decisions about their relationship? Why they live in separate houses and what is that like? How did upbringing affect their sexual identities? This conversation is as interesting as it is important, and it will answer a lot of questions many people have concerning some more "unconventional" lifestyles. Check out Bryde and Jeremie on their podcast, "Turn Me On."

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Note: This is episode is just two people sitting down to try to get acquainted with kinks and fetishes. This episode will be followed up by several others with experts as well as couples who are already immersed in the kink culture. Adam and Danielle are open about the fact that they sometimes participate in kink-adjacent activities. However, there is a whole world out there about which they know very little and would like to become more comfortable with so that it can be spoken about and experienced without share, guilt, or embarrassment.

• A brief history of kinks
• The differences in the two terms, kinks and fetishes
• What are some things couples can do just to spice things up a bit if they don't want to get too risque
• some kinks or fetishes they would be interested in
• "Hard no's" for both of them
• Why is there so much shame surrounding the topics
• How do we make our partners become confident enough to try new, exciting acts in the bedroom

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So many of us are feeling like we have hit the "pandemic wall." We're exhausted, emotionally drained, and we're surrounded by our kids 24/7. Living in sweatpants and never getting a proper date night can definitely take its toll on romance, and at the end of the day, we just want to fall into bed and not be bothered. Sex and intimacy coach Leah Carey helps Danielle and Adam understand what baby steps we can take to bring that connection back, and try to keep the frustration and distance we feel with our partners down to a minimum until life resumes as we once knew it (or as close to that as possible). We discuss how medication, alcohol, job loss, and monetary worries are all affecting people's sex drive. It's definitely normal, and it's happening to more couples than you think. This is definitely one of those very relatable episodes, and as always, Danielle and Adam are completely honest about the state of things and how they might be willing to take steps to change them.

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(SKIP AHEAD TO 17:45 TO HEAR JUST THE ADVICE PORTION OF THE EPISODE) If there's one thing Adam and Danielle make very clear all the time, it's that they are not experts in pretty much anything. However, on this episode, Adam and Danielle first discuss their own history with therapy, and then they take a chance and answer listeners questions about certain issues with marriage and life. Using their own twenty years of experience in marriage, the two of them try their best to give insight on physical connection, in-law relationships, fetishes, and dealing with stubborn spouses. While everything they say should be taken with a grain of salt, Adam and Danielle loved having the opportunity to dive in and give a husband/wife perspective on issues that affect tons of couples. This is something they will definitely be doing more often on the podcast.

To submit your own questions about marriage, parenting, or life in general to Adam and Danielle, send an email with the subject "Dear Abby" to [email protected]

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This year has been such insanity that there really is no way to even explain it. However, Danielle and Adam sit down to dissect and discuss it all in the style of which only the two of them are really capable. After 12 months of sheer chaos, we're all feeling emotionally and physically depleted. But that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of laughs to be had when we really think about how inexplicable it all really is. Sit back and start 2021 with a chuckle, a feeling of pride, hopefulness, and maybe even some gratitude after all we've been through.

Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.

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