Your family history doesn’t have to be your future. The generational garbage can stop here and now. Don’t give your kids what your ancestors gave to you. Talk to God about it, in detail. “God, every day I came home from school to find mom drunk, lying on the couch. I had to take care of baby brother, do homework on my own. It’s not right, God.” Difficult, for certain. But let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Let him replace “childish thinking” with mature truth.

A dear friend of mine was called to identify the body of his father who’d been shot by his ex-wife. The blast was just another in a long line of angry, violent family moments. He made this resolution: “It stops with me.” And it has! God wants to help you—for your sake. Trust him. With his help, you will get through this.

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Revenge builds a lonely house. Space enough for one person. The lives of its tenants are reduced to one goal: make someone miserable. They do—themselves!

Keep a sharp eye out for the weeds of bitter discontent. God’s healing includes a move out of the house of spite, toward the spacious ways of grace. Away from hardness, toward forgiveness. “Can he really?” you wonder. “Can he clean up this mess? This history of sexual abuse? This raw anger at the father who left my mother? Can God heal this ancient hurt in my heart?”

Begin the process of forgiveness. Turn your attention away from what they did to you to what Jesus did for you. And stay the course. You’ll spend less time in the spite house and more in the grace house. And as one who’s walked the hallways of both, believe me, you’re going to love the space of grace.

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Were your growing up years your hard years? Family pain is the deepest pain because it was inflicted so early. It involves people who should have been trustworthy. You were too young to process the mistreatment. You didn’t know how to defend yourself. Besides, the perpetrators of your pain were so large. Your dad, mom, uncle, big brother—they towered over you, usually in size, always in rank. When they judged you falsely, you believed them.

As a result, you’ve been operating on faulty data. “You’re stupid, slow, dumb like your daddy, fat like your momma.” Decades later, these voices of defeat still echo in our subconscious. But they don’t have to. Romans 12:2 says, “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” You are God’s child. His creation. You’ll get through this! You’re part of his family.

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My friend Rob cried freely telling his story about his young son’s challenging life. Daniel was born with a double cleft palate, dramatically disfiguring his face. He had surgery, but the evidence remains, so people constantly notice and occasionally make remarks. Daniel, however, is unfazed. He just tells people God made him this way so, what’s the big deal?

He was named student of the week and was asked to bring something to show his classmates for show and tell. Daniel told his mom he wanted to take the pictures that showed his face prior to the surgery. His mom was concerned. “Won’t that make you feel a bit funny?” she asked. But Daniel insisted, “Oh, no, I want everyone to see what God did for me!”

Try Daniel’s defiant joy and see what happens. God has handed you a cup of blessings. Sweeten it with a heaping spoonful of gratitude!

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God notices the grateful heart. He took a praise-singing shepherd boy and made him a king. There’s no hint of God getting out of sorts if we aren’t thankful, but there is evidence we’re affected by our own ingratitude. What of the disastrous days? The nights I can’t sleep and the hours I can’t rest. Are we still grateful then?

Jesus was. The Bible records, “On the night he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took some bread and gave thanks to God for it” (1 Corinthians 11:23-24 NLT). It’s not often you see the words betrayed and thanks in the same sentence, much less in the same heart. In the midst of the darkest night of the human soul, Jesus found a way to give thanks. Anyone can thank God for the light. Jesus teaches us to thank God for the night. He says to us, “you’ll get through this!” And we will.   

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If you feel the world owes you something, brace yourself – you’ll never get reimbursed. Henry Ward Beecher said, “A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” The sky’s never blue enough, the steak isn’t cooked enough, the universe isn’t good enough to deserve a human being like you.

Pursue gratitude. The grateful heart is like a magnet, sweeping over the day, collecting reasons for gratitude. Thank you, God. Your lungs inhale and exhale 11,000 liters of air every day. Thank you, God. For the jam on our toast, and the milk on our cereal, and the blanket that calms us, and the joke that softens us, and the warm sun that reminds us of God’s love. Gratitude leaves us looking at God and away from dread. It does to anxiety what morning sun does to valley mist. It burns it up! Thank you, God.

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Some things were not made to co-exist. Long-tailed cats and rocking chairs? Bad combination. Bulls in a china closet? Not a good idea. Blessings and bitterness? That’s the mixture that doesn’t go over well with God. Perhaps you’ve sampled it? Gratitude doesn’t come naturally. Self-pity does. Belly aches do. Yet they do not mix well with the kindness we’ve been given.

I attended a banquet where a soldier was presented with the gift of a free house. He nearly fell over with gratitude. He hugged the guitar player in the band, the woman on the front row. He thanked the waiter, the other soldiers. He even thanked me and I didn’t do anything! Shouldn’t we be equally thankful?

John 14:2 says God is building a house for us, and our deed of ownership is every bit as certain as that of the soldier. The grateful heart sees every day as a gift.

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Suppose I invited you to experience the day of your dreams. Twenty-four hours on an island paradise with your favorite people, food, and activities. The only stipulation? You’ll need to begin the day with one millisecond of distress. Would you accept my offer? I think you would. A moment is nothing compared to twenty-four hours. Compared to eternity, what is seventy, eighty, ninety years? A finger snap compared to heaven.

We point to our sick child, crutches, or famine. “This makes no sense!” Yet of all of his creation, how much have we seen? Of all his work, how much do we understand? A doorway peephole. What if God’s answer to the question of suffering requires more megabytes than our puny minds have been given? Let God finish his work. The forecast is simple. We have some good days, we have some bad days, but God is in all days.

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At some point, we all stand at this intersection and ask the question: Is God good when the outcome is not? The definitive answer to the goodness of God comes in the person of Jesus Christ. He’s the only picture of God ever taken. He pressed his fingers into the sore of the leper. He inclined his ear to the cry of the hungry. He didn’t retreat at the sight of pain. Just the opposite. Cruel accusations of jealous men? Jesus knows their sting.

Is it possible that the wonder of heaven will make the most difficult life a good bargain? This was Paul’s opinion. He said, “Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Corinthians 4:17 NIV). Your pain won’t last forever, my friend, but you will. Whatever we go through now is less than nothing compared with the magnificent future God has planned for us. You’ll get through this! God is good, even when the outcome is difficult. Hang on to this promise.

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When the cancer’s in remission, we say, “God is good.” When the pay raise comes, we announce, “God is good.” Is God only good when the outcome is? Most, if not all of us, have a contractual agreement with God. I pledge to be a good, decent person and God, in return, will: Save my child. Heal my wife. Protect my job. Only fair, right? Yet when God fails to meet our expectations we’re left spinning in a tornado of questions.

God is sovereign. James 1:17 tells us he does not change like shifting shadows. God does permit evil, but he doesn’t allow Satan, the father of evil, to triumph. Isn’t this the promise of Romans 8:28? “In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called to his purpose.” It says “In all things.”

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