Vengeance is God’s. He will repay—whether ultimately on the Day of Judgment or intermediately in this life. God can discipline your abusive boss. He can bring your ex to his knees or to her senses. Forgiveness doesn’t diminish justice; it just entrusts it to God. He guarantees the right retribution. The God of justice has the precise prescription.

Forgive your enemies? That’s where you and I come in. “Do not let the sun go down on your anger,” Paul wrote, “and do not give the devil an opportunity” (Ephesians 4:26-27 NASB). Don’t give the devil territory or ground. Bitterness invites him to occupy a space in your heart, to rent a room. Believe me, he will move in and stink up the place! When it comes to forgiveness, all of us are beginners. Stay the course.

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God moves us forward by healing our past. Can he really? Can God heal this ancient hurt in my heart? Of course he can. In fact, God cares about justice more than we do. God reminds us in Romans 12:17 and 19 (TLB): “Never pay back evil for evil…never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it.”

We fear the evildoer will slip into the night, unknown and unpunished. Escape to Fiji and sip mai tais on the beach. Not to worry.  Scripture says, “God will repay,” not God “might repay.” God will execute justice on behalf of truth and fairness. Unlike us, God never gives up on a person. Never. Fix your enemies? That’s God’s job.

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In 1882 in New York City, Joseph Richardson owned a narrow strip of land, 5 feet wide and 104 feet long. Next door was a normal-sized lot owned by a man who wanted to erect an apartment building. He offered Richardson $1,000 for his plot. But Richardson built a house—blocking the view! Dubbed the “Spite House”, Richardson spent the last fourteen years of his life in the narrow residence that seemed to fit his narrow state of mind.

Revenge builds a lonely, narrow house, space enough for one person. The lives of its tenants reduced to one goal: make someone miserable. And they do—themselves. No wonder God insists we “keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent” (Hebrews 12:15 MSG).

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Family pain is often the deepest pain because it was inflicted so early, and because it involves people who should’ve been trustworthy. You were too young to process the mistreatment. You didn’t know how to defend yourself. Besides, the perpetrators of your pain were so large. Your dad, mom, uncle, big brother—they towered over you, usually in size, always in rank. When they judged you falsely, you believed them. All this time you’ve been operating on faulty data.

Decades later these voices of defeat still echo in your subconscious. But they don’t have to! “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” These are the words from Romans 12:2 (NLT). And 1 Corinthians 13:11—let him replace childish thinking with mature truth. You are not who they said you were. You are God’s child!

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God gives us more by going deeper than we ask. He wants not only your whole heart; he wants your heart whole. Why? Well hurt people, hurt people. Think about it. Why do you fly off the handle? Why do you avoid conflict? Why do you seek to please everyone? Might your tendencies have something to do with an unhealed hurt in your heart?

God wants to help you for your sake. Your family history has some sad chapters, but your history doesn’t have to be your future. The generational garbage can stop here and now. You don’t have to give your kids what your ancestors gave you. Talk to God about the scandals and scoundrels. Invite him to relive the betrayal with you. The process may take a long time—it may take a lifetime. Difficult for certain, but let God do his work.

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Ephesians 4:26-27 (ESV) says, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” The word “opportunity” in this verse means territory or ground. In other words, anger gives ground to the devil. Bitterness invites him to occupy a space in your heart, to rent a room. Believe me, he’ll move in and stink up the place. Gossip, slander, temper—anytime you see these, Satan has claimed a bunk.

Don’t even give him the time of day. Tell him to pack his bags and hit the road. Begin the process of forgiveness. Keep no list of wrongs. Pray for your antagonists rather than plot against them. Outrageous as it may seem, Jesus died for them too. If he thinks they’re worth forgiving, they are.

Now does that make forgiveness easy? No. Quick? Seldom. Forgive your enemies? You can try—forgive them. You will get through this!

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It’s the repeated pattern in Scripture: Evil. God. Good.

Evil came to Job. Tempted him, tested him. Job struggled, but God countered. He spoke truth, declared sovereignty. Job, in the end, chose God. Satan’s prime target became came God’s star witness, and good resulted. Evil came to David; he committed adultery. Evil came to Daniel; he was dragged to a foreign land. To Nehemiah; the walls of Jerusalem were destroyed. But God countered. Because he did, David wrote songs of grace, Daniel ruled in a foreign land, and Nehemiah rebuilt Jerusalem with Babylonian money. Good happened.

And Jesus. The Bethlehem innkeeper told Jesus’ parents to try their luck in the barn. That was bad. God entered the world in the humblest place on earth. That was good. With Jesus bad became good like night becomes day—regularly, reliably, refreshingly. And redemptively.

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Life turns every person upside down. No one escapes unscathed. Not the woman who discovers her husband is in an affair. Not the teenager who discovers a night of romance has resulted in a surprise pregnancy. Not the pastor who feels his faith shaken by questions of suffering and fear. We’d be foolish to think we’re invulnerable. But we’d be just as foolish to think evil wins the day.

The Bible vibrates with the steady drumbeat of faith: God recycles evil into righteousness. I don’t have an easy solution or a magic wand, but I have found something—or someone—far better. God himself. And when he gets in the middle of life, evil becomes good. Can I urge you? Trust God. No, really trust him. He will get you through this. Will it be easy or quick? I hope so, but it seldom is. Yet God will make good out of this mess.

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You sleep alone in a double bed. You walk the hallways of a silent house. You catch yourself calling out his name or reaching for her hand. Goodbye is the challenge of your life. To get through this is to get through this raging loneliness, this strength-draining grief. Just the separation has exhausted your spirit. You feel quarantined, isolated.

May I give you some hope? If heaven’s throne room has a calendar, one day is circled in red and highlighted in yellow. The Bible says, “The Master himself will give the command. Archangel thunder! God’s trumpet blast! He will come down from heaven and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then the rest of us who are still alive will be caught up with them into the clouds to meet the Master” (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 MSG). What a day that will be! We’ll be walking on air. And there will be one huge family reunion.

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In May of 2008, Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife, Mary Beth, lost their five-year-old daughter in an automobile accident. They were deluged by messages of kindness. One in particular gave Steven strength. It was from a pastor friend who had lost his son in an auto accident. “Remember, your future with your daughter will be greater than your past with her.”

Death seems to take so much. We bury the wedding that never happened, the golden years we never knew. We bury dreams. But in heaven these dreams will come true. Acts 3:21 says that God has promised a “restoration of all things.” And all things include all relationships. Our final home will hear no “goodbyes.”  Gone forever. Let the promise change you. From sagging to seeking, from mournful to hopeful, from dwellers in the land of goodbyes to a heaven of hellos! You’ll get through this.

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