Mbaacha

Today I learned it’s best to speak softly. Starting out this semester I was looking forward to correcting my social behavior. I honestly had stopped applying the majority of what I learned from How to Win Friends and Influence People because I found was overdoing it at times. I felt I was becoming corporate so I laid off on studying my notes from the book. But I still made the effort to develop my social behavior with the mistakes that I had made and the things that I had cherry picked from the book. Though even still I was making the same social errors I had made for years. I found myself being belligerent, challenging multiple people to fights, and not being respectful to others. I really noticed that I had still not corrected my social behavior when I would walk into different classrooms and people would have these fake smiles covering uncomfortable terror. That’s when I knew that I still hadn’t changed. It was unfortunate to realize this because I was working on my social behavior. I was practicing being quiet, being empathetic, and being stern. But still I hadn’t done enough. After observing two people in my class who seem to get along well with everybody. I noticed that these people spoke gently. I then compared to recent incidents in where I was dealing with other males. In one incident I was confrontational and aggressive and only received back the same energy. In the other incident I was measured and spoke softly and received the same energy. I also applied this way of communicating in the class where I was infamous for being belligerent and I found that after realizing that I would treat others in a calm and gentle manner other people would go out of their way to respect me. It was a win for everybody. I am had turned aggressive and willing to fight as a defense mechanism towards bullying. But I’ve found that this behavior only isolated you. It makes people uncomfortable towards you because they notice that your willing to fight at the drop of a hat. That’s a good reason to back away from somebody. It took me awhile to realize that there are only a few things worth fist fighting about. You know them when you see them. Through applying emotional control you can brush most things off. It’s also in the preparing to fight before moments of confrontation even occur that gives you the calm mind to think about if it’s even worth fighting over. Speaking softly, to me, means to talk to people in a calm, loving, and low voice. I believe this is a good idea because it starts the interaction in a good in a good direction. People may see this has a sign of weakness and take advantage of that but just brush it off. It’s easier said than done but it is worth the effort.

Today I learned that it’s a marathon. I took a test for my Discrete Structures class and I was looking forward to seeing how I did. I was sure that I did alright because in the middle of the test the professor ordered us to use our books after seeing the unsure look on our faces. So I got my test back and I fluncked that test as hard as possible. I was distraught by this grade because I knew exactly what I didn’t do to do well. I was well aware of all the days I could of studied or went to office hours. I had more than enough time to prepare with all the snow days we’ve been having but I still did poorly. So after being upset for a little while I realized that one quiz didn’t determine or not whether I was going to get the intended grade I wanted for this class. My overall performance is what would determine if I got the grade I wanted. I realized that it’s very rare that one single act makes a key difference. The idea ‘it’s a marathon’ asserts that one should pull themselves out of the present and look at things in the longterm perspective. The idea asserts that one should sacrifice the present for the future. I believe this is a positive idea because it reduces the weight of the day. Losses in the day doesn’t mean that the game is over. Though wins in the day doesn’t mean that the score is settled. The negative of this idea is that requires effort to constant step back and look at things in the longterm. Human beings by default are oriented in the here and now. One has to fundamentally switch their psychology to see things in this way. It requires discipline, patience, and grit. One thing to add is that I shouldn’t beat myself up when things don’t go as planned. Don’t focus so much on on one lost that you can overlook the opportunities that are throwing themselves at you. The goal is to be better than yesterday. That is a goal that is always achievable. I love this idea because it means that for the most part you always have a chance to turn it all around. Something I hate about this idea is that hardly anything is set in stone. A perfect example of this idea from my personal experience is that logic class from last semester. My performance starting out was horrible. But I decided that I was gonna pass that class and I did everything I could think of to do so. So, Della, make it a habit to look at things in the longterm.

After hearing about a tragic situation that has occur to someone in my family I was incredibly distraught. I found myself in agonizing pain. I found myself plunging into my vices. It was only in the aftermath of my downward spiral did I realize that the person whom I was thinking so much of wouldn’t want me to be handling the situation this way. The person would look to me as a pillar of strength. As someone he could lean on. It dawned upon me that I had to be strong for him during this injustice moment in his life. Being strong for them means to call all the strength I have available into continuing the direction I am going during this trying period. This is a positive idea because me being strong enough to stomach this situation makes it easier for everyone else in my family to do the same. It also makes the entire family as tough as it can be. The down side about this idea is that it can be taken too far. One can become a brute and find themselves insensitive to the delicate feelings of others. When putting this idea in to practice I have to be mindful of that. An interesting thing to add is that people are able to do remarkable things for other people. Who knows why this is the case. This idea truly taught me that I can use the love I have for my family as a source of strength. This idea also taught me that I’m not the most important thing to myself. As I pulled all the strength inside me to do what was necessary I’ve found that this can be done when I accepted that I had to Be Strong for them.

Today I learned about this idea of being the most responsive to change. I got the idea from an interpretation of Charles Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. From my understanding this idea means to anticipate change, learn from past experience, learn from other people’s experiences, then plan ahead and adjust my plan a bit when my boots are on the ground. A major positive about this idea is that it increases effectiveness. No matter how good a person’s plan is there will always be blind spots. There will always be things that weren’t thought about or unpredictable variables. Making a habit to adjust one’s plan a bit with the more data they have being further in the future increases the chances that one will get the desired outcome. This idea makes one less likely to be manipulated. When one is anticipating change they are in the best position to retaliate. To take an objective look at what is being presented to them and how it is being presented. A drawback about this idea is that it increases one’s likeliness to react too quickly. In relationships, career success, and investing acting on impulse leads to negative effects. To be truly responsive to change one has to invest the time and energy to make an even better decision than prior. It’s difficult to do that when one is in the thick of things but a habit of doing this can make one extremely valuable. It is so rare to do this. This default thing that we as humans are programmed to do is to believe that trying harder will get the job done. I’ve learned that it’s not that simple. One has to constantly take in data. Another thing I can add to this idea is that there are predators and there are preys. A person can be a prey and then at some later point in time become a predator. Anticipating this change in behavior will save one irritation. I really like this idea because it makes one more present in the here and now. I personally have a tendency to have my head in the clouds. This idea grounds a person. One thing that is tough to accept about this idea is that it proves that it really doesn’t matter how strong or how smart you are it matters on what you do. I find myself enjoying learning new ideas and sometimes loose focus on why I’m investing so much time learning. The reason why I’m investing so much time gathering new information is to make better decisions. To have better activity. To have better results.

Today I learned about delaying gratification. Came across this idea from a Jordan Peterson video. The title of the video was “The successful among us delay gratification.” In this video Peterson explained how for centuries people bargained with the future for their ideal merely by temporarily sacrificing things that they value. This isn’t a new crazy idea I’m coming across for the first time. But for some reason the phrase itself “delay gratification” resonate with me more than the word “sacrifice.” Maybe becuase the former is more modern. I beleive delaying gratification is a good idea because it measures one’s desire for something. It’s remarkably easy for me to say that I want something but it’s a bit harder for me to identify what I’m willing to give in return. I’ve found that when one is determined towards something sacrificing time, energy, and resources is a no brainer. A negative of this idea is that it’s tough to give up something you value. Especially when you bet all your chips on that thing for years. Another negative of this idea is that it isn’t the only thing that’s required. One still has to act during the delay process. This idea reminds me of the importance of stress tolerance. When things get tough the option of just walking away is so alluring. But the more stress a person can tolerate the deeper they are able to dig within themselves. One thing I love about this idea is that anybody could do it immediately. There’s something everybody could hold out on for a little longer. I’ve found holding out and being patient builds equity. The thing I don’t like about this idea is that it requires ongoing discipline. Of course their are resting periods but delaying gratification seems to be thing that out be adopted as a way of life.

Today I learned how you play the game is more important. I was scrolling down my Instagram feed and I was shocked when I found out from the CNBC page that Jeff Bezos and his wife were divorcing. This struck out to me and I’m sure others because Jeff Bezos seemed like the man who could do it all. Becoming aware of the couples divorce taught me something. It taught me that nobody is perfect. It taught me that no matter how much success you have your gonna have L’s under your belt. Most importantly it taught me that how you play the game matter more. This is an idea that is incredibly freeing when you think about it. I haven’t been getting along as much with my coworkers as I’d like. All the time and energy I spent listening to ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ isn’t being put to full use because I’ve notice that even with my improved behavior I’m still getting negativity. With being exposed to this idea it makes me realize that I should stop chasing perfection. I should do everything in my power to become all I could be but To expect perfection is juvenile. The negatives of this idea is that people are more likely to take advantage of you when they see your always gonna do the proactive thing. This bothers me still. It really ruins my morale in a lot of ways. But it’s just the way it is. A lot of times to be good means to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable sucks when you realize someone was banking on it. But to stop being good or doing good for fear of being vulnerable would be an unforgivable waste. An interesting thing about this idea is that when you focus on How you play and you know Why your playing your probably gonna do better than you would have otherwise. Why? Because your more present. Your in the moment and have an idea of what you want to happen but all your senses are put forth towards the now. Something I love about this idea is that it makes you more mature. You realize that things aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t matter to you. What matters to you the most is what you do knowing that things aren’t perfect. One thing I hate about this idea is that it requires so much strength to carry out. But strong people are what keep this country moving forward.

Today I learned I have to figure out my formula. Figuring out my formula means to identify the steps that lead to a previous result that I wanted. By simply writing out the actions I took in the past that gave me the outcome I wanted I’ll be able to increase the liklihood of me continuing to succeed. I feel this is an excellent idea because I’ve realized that I have an inclination to drift off the proven path. My best guess is a fear of success. Imagining that I actually get the things that I want gives me a sense of nervousness for the pressure that that brings. Especially when other people see that I’m moving forward. Gaining what I want and then loosing it all would be painful. But that’s no excuse to excell. That’s no excuse to not become all I can be. A man who shys away from achieving what he wants based on the fear of success isn’t going to live much of a life. A man who acts in that manner isn’t going to contribute much. Writing out the actions that has brought me success Is going to help me stay the course and gain more success. A negative I see with this idea is that it makes the process of achieving something a bit monotonous. But that monotonous is what fosters the effectiveness. The day in day out discpline is what yields the desired outcome. Sn interesting thing to add is that everybody’s forumula is different. What works for somebody else may not work for me. Who knows why it’s like this but it just is. But this means that something works for everybody it’s just one’s job to find out what it is. One thing I love about this idea is that it makes things more measurable. When I don’t get the result I want I can just refer back to the formula and look for the error that I made. One thing that worries me about this idea is that it increases one’s tendency to become rigid and unwilling to experiment. That’s something I have to be watchful about because through trying things that I’m not sure will work is how more information can be gathered.

Today I learned I have to find my center and stay there. I came across this idea in a book that I’m reading. When I mean find my center I mean holding firm to my reasons. I mean anticipating the unexpected. It means taking myself seriously because I know I have it in me to get the job done. It means to stay in control. The major reason why I got so frustrated with developing my app is because I got off centered. I forgot why I started the project in the first place. I started to beleive that I wasn’t capable of learning how to make an app and surely enough that belief manifested itself into my frustration and poor performance. I beleive finding one’s center and maintaining it is a good idea because it puts one in the best posistion to push past resistance. The negatives of this idea is that one can take it too far by taking themselves too seriously. By always being on guard and always looking at things critically one is likely to overlook at how simple most things are. One is likely to look for the negatives. And push away the good. Like all things it has to be balanced. I found myself off centered when I was considering making this podcast private. I grew to become uncomfortable with how I share my struggles publically. As I increased my social intelligence i grew nervous about what my listers and peers were thinking of me. But after texting some friends about it and writing out the pros and cons it became obvious that the best decision would be to keep this podcast public. Being centered is going to give one a higher amount of strength.

Today I Learned it’s tough to be honest with yourself. I was working on my app and came to a conclusion that this is not what I wanted to be doing. I started working on my idea for an app because I wanted to ensure when it was time to graduate and look for a job I would be well equipped to hold my own in interviews. Then the thought came to mind as to if I’m going to work on this app I might as well work on it with the intent to actually make an app that people use. But when I thought about how it would then really take years to build a sustainable business I got the strong inclination to do music again. Today I then spent my time working on music. I keep oscillating between working on music and not working on music. It’s interesting. Something I was so bullish on is now something that causes apprehension. My plan was to do school. Then in breaks like these work on my app to actually get hands on practice. This would for sure increase my chances of getting a job and making my time spent in college so so worth it. A logical plan. A plan that would take 2 1/2 years to follow through with it. I still beleive in this plan. It’s just that I let myself get so frustrated with the difficulty. Software development is very tricky. I think I used making music as a safety net becuase it’s something I’m so familiar with. But using these breaks to make music wouldn’t be the best economic use of my time. Sure the possibility that I make a hit record is always there. But it’s so so rare that that would happen. What is more likely is that I build a bit of a fan base that I would slowly loose after the breaks would be over. What sense would it make to use these breaks to make music. Then come graduation time I am unable to get a job because my resume just looks like all the other people’s. Creating an app will didtinguish me amoungst the masses because creating an app is difficult and takes a high amount of organization skills. The reason I am creating an app is to standout when it’s time to apply for jobs. Not to start a business. Remember Della, sacrifice is what moved you forward. Choosing one thing over the other and not choosing booth. Write down the plan and stick to it. It’s tough but it is worth it.

Today I learned about the flywheel effect. I came across this idea watching a BBC documentary of Amazon. Amazon cites this idea as how it continues to grow. Developed by Jim Collins in Good to Great. The idea is basically a methaphor for the turning of a massive metal disk mounted horizontally on an axile. In order to get the flywheel rotating for as fast and as long as possible one would have to incessantly push with great effort. The results of the first number of pushes would be minimal since the flywheel to so giant and so heavy. But after a hundred or so pushes results begin to show. Then eventually momentum takes full swing and it becomes easier and easier to push. Suddenly a breakthrough occurs and the flywheel is seemingly spinning itself. In the documentary about Amazon, the narrortor explains how when a customer is pleased with their purchase at Amazon they tend to make another purchase and also tell their friends. This increases demand for Amazon which allows them to offer more products at lower prices, which then attracts even more customers. This cycle builds incredible momentum which can be seen by the sheer size of Amazon. I like this idea because it basically says start small and push as hard as you can. From what I understand of this idea, it’s not a single key event that makes the difference it’s the overall effort that makes the difference. That gives me a sense of relief because of now and then there are going to be screw ups. No matter how diligent you are mistakes are going to be made and bad days will occur. But according to this idea it’s about the accumulated effort applied in constant emotion. This gives reason to believe why focusing on one thing is so important. Starting and stopping kills momentum. Changing direction because I feel that doing something else would be easier is really just trying to skip the buildup stage. I like this idea the most because it speaks to discipline and patience. Two things that I’ve been working on in my own character. With discipline and patience miracles can happen. This idea reminds me of a biblical verse that Jordan Peterson rephrased. Peterson paraphrases “To those who have everything, more will be given. And from those who have nothing everything will be taken away.” This idea kinda proves that. The more effort one puts in eventually the effort compounds upon itself and the return seems to be disproportionate. But with every failure, with every half-hearted attempt the “flywheel” seems to turn slower and slower. This idea makes me want to focus on the smallest parts possible and stack little wins. Becuase according to this author it’s never a single event that makes the difference.