Mbaacha

Today I learned about the idea of trying to honestly see things from the other person’s POV. I was blessed with coming across this idea from reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. Trying honestly to see things from the other person point of view has three components in my opinion. It means to take my personal feelings and biases out of the equation. It means to look for the positive intent from the other person. It also means to estimate their wants/needs and their most likely response to my actions. This is something I rarely did. I was 100% sold on the idea of don’t care what people think. This caused me to not put in much effort into understanding why I wasn’t getting along with people. Allowing myself to not even try to understand people have me the freedom of living in my own world. I was free. At least that’s what I thought. I was the king of an empty castle. With this idea if honestly trying to see things from the other person’s POV I’ve found that there are three benefits. The benefits being: one breaks out of the default self-centered mindset. One develops more of an understanding of the other person. Also, in putting this idea in practice the likelihood to get along better with others increases. Being self-centered is the default. I’ve found that in myself and in the majority. It just makes sense why this would be the case. One’s self is their most significant possession. One’s individuality means more to them than most other things. Being self-centered has its drawbacks though. The most debilitating is that it puts a cap on learning. Those who are more interested in themselves than the world around them won’t set out to seek more understanding on the exterior. The same for intrapersonal relationships. When one is more interested in themselves than the other person both parties known. Resentment accrues the more and more conversations are lopsided. Eventually the other person is going to get fed up. This idea when put into practice will help me get along with others. Seeing things from their POV will allow me to make the best decision in response to their actions. The negatives of this idea are that one might discover a painful truth, one might discover their own selfishness and inconsistencies, and lastly that it is more difficult and requires thoughtfulness to put one’s self in the other person’s shoes. Finding a painful truth can take its toll. Finding a painful truth removes the peaceful bliss of ignorance. But finding a painful truth is sobering and allows one to make the best decision. In trying to see from the other person’s POV one might find fault in their own identify. One might discover there own shortcomings. This is good in my opinion because upon discovering them they can be corrected. Taking that extra step to see things from another person’s POV requires extra time and extra energy. It can be difficult to expend these assets after a long day. But in my opinion it’s so worth it. Both parties benefit. An interesting thing about this idea is that it allows one to see past people bullshit. I’m taking the extra step to see things from the other person’s POV you realize when people are lying more than if you hadn’t. You realize when people are trying to get over on you. You recognize when people act out because they don’t feel comfortable with themselves. That is something will save a person a lifetime of anguish.

Today I Learned that I have to let people sell themselves. When I say let people sell themselves I mean allow people to make their decisions on whether or not they will buy into me or buy my products or services. I'm working on ridding myself of the habit of going where I'm not wanted. I'm working on ridding myself of the habit of forcing myself on people. Those are habits based on desperation. Letting people sell themselves means to walk away respectively if you don't feel your getting what your giving. Letting people sell themselves means to put all the work you can behind the scenes. That means working on myself, product, or service more than than promoting more than complaining. I love this idea because it encourages focus on one's own development. Another benefit to this idea is that it emphasizes respect for the other person's decision. Nothing is perfect. Everything could use a little tightening up. If someone doesn't like you they probably have a not so crazy reason why. If people aren't buying my products or services there is a product or service they are buying and all I have to do is find out the difference. One last thing I like about this idea is that it is more effective in the long term. It is easy to change somebody's mind in their presence but when you walk away they will start to reason with themselves whether or not they want to agree to your plans. One thing that could get annoying about this idea is that it's easy to get frustrated when no one is buying. In a situation like that one could loose moral. But remembering that human potential is an extraordinary gift will get one out of their rut. Drawback to this idea of letting people sell themselves is that it takes time. People are weary of accepting new things into their life. It can get annoying when you have the best intentions and find yourself being scrutinized. But patience and confidence in one's ability to improve makes time a powerful asset. Though this idea discredits marketing/promotion it is important to cleverly tell people all the good of what your selling. Through the work you'll show them. But in my opinion figuring out clever ways to communicate what good it would do if one buys into you or your products or service isn't necessary promoting but really branding. I love this idea. It's help me confirm the decision I made to be okay when people try to feed me the scraps. When they do that I can see that they don't really respect me but that is okay. It just means that I have to walk away and that I have to work more on myself.

Today I learned I have to make the tough decisions. I’ve noticed a pattern in my life were I’ll be having the same issues with people throughout years. It’s always the same cycle. It’s was unfortunate when I came to the realization that I can’t expect people to change for me. But it was liberating when I realized that the person I could rely on to change for me is myself. This gave strength to push harder and be more disciplined than I ever was. But for a long time I had the unwillingness to make a tough decision. Specially decision were I would hurt someone’s else’s feelings. I hated how I felt when I felt marginalized by others. For me to inflict that on someone else would make me an oppressor in my eyes. But I’ve finally come to understand that no matter what tough decisions have to be made. There’s no way around them. I’ve found that the best way to make a tough decision is to simply write out the pros and cons of the situation then drawn my own conclusion based on my critical analysis. Upon deciding on the conclusion I have to then stick to it for the foreseeable future. In making tough decisions I’ve found that one thinks for themself, takes full responsibility for the decision, and in the mere act of seriously deciding one makes a higher quality decision. Writing out pros and cons of a potential line of action exercises one’s cognitive reasoning skills. The majority won’t do this because it takes pushing past work. But in my opinion it’s worth it becuase thinking for yourself makes you more of asset. It makes you a leader. One who sincerely makes a tough decision accepts full responsibility. Through making the painstaking effort to draw the best conclusion some peace of mind can be found in the decision. With doing so the consequence for the well throughout decision can be maturely accepted. Making the tough decisions in a sincere thoughfut way leads to better decisions. The negatives of making a tough decision is hurting somebody, being dead wrong, and being solely to blame. A lot of times in making a tough decision you have to side up with somebody and side up against somebody else. A lot of times the person you have to side up with is yourself and the other person is somebody you love. This can cause inflammatory conflict. When making a tough decision you run the risk of being dead wrong because there will always be unknown variables. There will always be a possibility that your actions were incorrect. Another reason why making a tough decision is difficult is because there is no one to blame. Your solely responsible. Whatever the consequences are you have to accept them. That’s just the way it is. But it is best to make the tough decisions. You can do so with love in your heart and avoid having someone else do it for you with contempt in their heart.

Today I learned I have to mine people for gold. Two weeks ago I took a test that I got a 65% on. I was upset with this grade because I i studied so very hard. After feeling bummed about the grade I sat down and got out my journal and asked myself ‘What did I learn?’ I came up with a lot of insightful answers. One of them being that I needed to Team Up! I realized that virtually all my studying and practicing had been alone. Through reading How to Win Friends and Influence People I’ve come to understand that making a habit of working by myself will cost me a fortune. So I made the effort to organize a study group for the next test. Through doing this I found the benefits of working with people or what I like to call Mining People for Gold. In carrying out this idea I found that the proper way to get people to share their their good with you is to make them feel important, Fred them, share with them all my best and relevent information, and be straightforward with them. The benefits are that one profits from other people’s succcess and failures, one learns alternative methods to solving a shared problem, and one increases their chances of achieving their goal by working in a team. One benefits from another person’s personal experience because people see things differently. Some are better at seeing the grand scheme of things. Some are better at seeing the finer detail. What one can see another may not. In teaming up each person’s sight expands because with what one can see they can bring it to the attention of their teammates. Learning alternative methods to solving a problem is important because to makes one more capable and creative. This helps with solving similar problems down the road. Mining people for gold increases chances of achieving the goal because group effort is more powerful than individual effort. A group of smart and hard working people is more effective than one smart and hardworking person. The negatives of this idea of Mining People for Gold is that an individual most sacrifice resources like time and money to be valuable to a group. Another negative of this idea is that one could say that this notion of Mining People for Gold reduces the value of people to tools. One last negative of this idea is that with carrying it out some will be suspicious of you. Sacrificing resources to be a valuable member of a group of people who just as smart and just as hardworking as you is in my opinion an investment towards increasing the liklihood if achieving the end goal. The notion that Mining People for Gold is false because Inorder to get a person to share with you their good they have to feel like they have been treated with respect. They have to feel that they benefited from interacting with you and they have to feel that you are being honest with them. It doesn’t matter if some are suspicious of me when they see me carrying out this idea because there are no consequence when I don’t receive gold from a person. I could come out of my pocket for snacks, treat each member with respect, and share all my best ideas and still be okay with not receiving anything from them. I will have increased my ability in Mining People for Gold and that’s a profit itself. Mine People for Gold.

Today I learned I have to aggressively expand my capacity. Aggressively expanding my capacity means to me is to apply energy, emotion, and time into improving oneself. Aggressively expanding my capacity also means to me is to do things I’m not sure I could do. I think this is a good idea because expanding one’s capacity makes one more valuable, it shows one their true unlimited potential, and it is a constructive way to channel aggression. I put this idea into practice by recently passing out snacks to my Calculus class at the end of the semester. Apart of the reason how I got on the good side of my coworkers was simply buying them a pack of water. It cost me 4 dollars at most but helped saved me irritation. In this calculus class I acted in ways I wouldn’t do so again after reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. I was belligerent and obnoxious that behavior embarrasses me. The idea came to mind to buy my classmates each a Nature Valley granola bar as a way to apologize for my former poor social behavior. But I would have to push past the barrier of resistance. The barrier would be based upon shyness from having to look each classmate in the eye and humbly ask them if they would want my gift. The idea of channeling my aggression into my personal development came to mind and I was able to go about with giving each who wanted a simple granola bar. Making amends for my poor social behavior, the best I could. Two other ways I put this idea into practice is by increasing my output of podcast from last week and also forcing myself to follow through with working on my idea for an app. Aggressively expanding one’s capacity makes one unpredicatacle, it ensures the worst part of a person is kept dormant, and it also emphasizes self reliance. A person who expands their compacity develops a wide range of character which is hard to peg. A person who aggressively expands their capacity becomes more of what they are as time goes on instead of less. Lastly a person who aggressively expands their capacity chooses to improve themself rather than complain and protest about how things should be better. One could argue that moving isn’t simply based on working on oneself. Their are exterior barriers one could face like classism, racism, heightism, or ostracism. Though these barriers are very present two things come to mind in spite of them. One being how grand and diverse the marketplace is. A quality or trait that that a person could be prejudice towards could be the same quality or trait that another would prefer. The other being how vast and mysterious human potential is. All of us could work on a skill and over time find ourself more capabable in that skill than we started. One could continually do so and eventually that capability would yield more leverage in the marketplace. That leverage would be based upon being in high demand for an above average skill set. The negative to aggressively expanding my capacity is causing irritation to my peers. When one constantly exceeds themselves they indirectly exceed others. This births contempt in the majority of one’s peers no matter what they say. But the net positive makes it worth it. The upside is a better life and a deeper sense of fulfillment.

I was watching a video of Russ giving a talk about his career at a Forbes 30 under 30 conference. As I was watching this video something struck out to me. Russ was explaining how when he first started making beats he was trash. When he put out songs they flopped. He proudly recounted going from failure to failure in his career. Him talking about his blunders got my attention in particular. No matter what Seeing a person who has succeeded talk about times when they were failures will always captivate me. The duality of how one becomes a winner or loser will always have my attention. He went on to explain how he was able to go from failure to failure without loosing enthusiasm. Because he held his enthusiasm he was able to confidently focus on improving. He was able to improve his skill set more so than somebody who is in the negative becuase he/she is upset by things not occurring quickly. Things take time. Jeff Bezos said he’s noticed all overnight successes take 10 years. That’s exactly how long it took Russ to get to where he is today. The confidence in one’s own ability to improve is exactly what is needed to be patient for 10 years with no results. It get’s difficult when the time is passing by and your look around and your not where you thought you would be at the age your at. Thoughts of quiting and taking the more conventional route start to rise. It takes fortitude to bet on yourself. To have solid confidence in you’re own ability. That’s something that I need to develop more of. This idea of having solid belief that you will improve is why I think learning is so important. Learning makes time more of an asset. Consistently learning adds depth to one’s experience. I realized that when I had improved my people skills. I’ve always had trouble getting along with groups of people. Ever since I was a kid I was always ganged up against. What I did when I was 22 from then one on was just cultivate a character strong enough to stand up and physically fight. Only three weeks ago did I notice that when you challenge someone to a fight and they deffer that person only gets more clever in expressing their contempt towards you. I also noticed that my inability to get along with people in will negatively impact my career. So I decided to listen and take notes from the audiobook How to Win Friends and Influence People. Because I put into practice the idea of Being Confident in my Ability to Improve I pushed harder in developing my people skills than I ever did. Because I knew the ability was their I used it. I came into work with a smile, a gift for everybody, and a more people friendly attitude. All while I was at work I made consistent effort in getting along with my coworkers. And that’s exactly what happened. All this occurred becuase I was confident in the fact that I had an ability to improve what ever skill I choose. Because I did that I know everybody has that capacity.

Russ at Forbes 30 under 30 Conference:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c60vF2ttR4Q

Today I learned I have to get the most out of a few things. For whatever reason the idea came to mind that I should name and number all the things that I’m doing to attract the type of girl that I want. When I wrote down all those things down I instantly knew that I didn’t go full throttle on any of those things. Even though there they were daily disciplines I practiced that would make anyone more attractive if they did them I knew that I wasn’t getting the most out of any them. I would do about 80% to 75% on two out of three of those things but never a full 100% on one! I wondered why this was? This seems to be a common problem in my life. I tend to overestimate what I can do with my resources and time. I think it stems from my over enthusiasm. From all the information I’ve been taking in it has become obvious that a human being can climb as far as in the hierachal system as they want. I kinda always knew this but I never solidify the idea. It was upon discovering that President Abraham Lincoln was once a grocery store clerk I was blown away. I was astonished because I was once a grocery store clerk and in a lot of ways still am. But through self education was able to transcend his starting point. That’s exactly what I’m in the process of doing as well. So since it’s so obvious to me that a person can go as far as they want to go it makes me nervous. It holds me fully accountable for whatever I achieved. It makes me fear mediocrity even more. That’s why I’m frantically adding one discipline after the other. Because I’ve seen the success in my own life when you stay disciplined for a long period of time. But adding one after the other lessens the effectiveness of the prior. The energy and concentration that could have been applied to one is slips between three. Thus decreasing the end goal of of the displine. So I believe I’ve been getting lukewarm results because of my lukewarm efforts. I’ve come to learn that benefits of most things are disproportionately at the tail end. Probably this because of the law of compound effect. Effort grows on top of effort and it just becomes easier to scale. So I’ve realized that I’ve been building my attractiveness in the wrong. I’ve been building and that’s wonderful and I’ve actually been seeing the benefits of my efforts. But I can build it better. Right now it’s on wobbly foundation. What I’ll do is I’ll start over and do one thing at a time with 100% effort. When I receive the tail end benefits of one discipline I’ll move on to the other. That’s what I’m gonna do.

Today I learned I have to give unconditional love. I’ve noticed a pattern that happens when I proceed in courting a girl. Everything will be going great for the first week. Conversations are great, the excitement is high, and the relationship looks like it’s going to be very fruitful. But then suddenly out of nowhere the girl grows contemptuous towards me. She’ll act with complete disinterest towards me. The girl who not just a few days ago was the apple of my eye will purposefully do things to evoke a negative emotion from me. Seeing this pattern occur over and over again it frustrated me a lot. I felt it was unwarranted. I felt it was childish. Seeing this pattern occur over and over again discouraged me from meeting my goal of finding the right girl for me. But it dawned upon me that there had to be some sort of solution to this problem. There was a reason I kept facing up against it. I wondered what that reason may be? As far as I can tell I think girls put up these sudden emotional barriers to save themselves from potential heartbreaks. I think that they do this with the half hope that you will somehow figure out a way pass their guarded heart. I beleive this because women in general are not as resilient as men. A guy could go throw a heart break, feel wrecked, and eventually dig himself out of the pit and decide to love again. Though it’s common for women to go through heartbreak and be forever cynical towards the opposite sex. It’s cliche, but it is astounding how this plays out in reality. It’s astounding how this trickles down from mother to daughter. It’s more interesting how this cynical feeling towards men in the hearts of single mothers creates an underlying tension between single mother and fatherless son. It’s unfortunate. One man’s poor decisions negatively effects his woman and children. Something to think about. I think this is why I keep coming up against this sudden emotional barrier. The last girls I made fair attempts at courting did not have good relationships with their fathers. I learned that from their actions, way of dress, and from their lips. It seems as though they’ve been let down by a man before so why let it happen again? The solutions that come to mind is to give unconditional love. Give strong, unwavering, truthful love. Give the type of never ending love that a father would give to his only daughter. It sounds easy but it is harder than one would think. In my experience in attempting to give unconditional love you get stinged. You get toyed with, you get made a fool. It is discouraging to say the least particularly when you have the purest intentions. On my first attempts I said forget it. But after awhile I realized two things. I realized that giving unconditional is a discipline. It’s a muscle that if it isn’t constantly exercised it will be weak and unable to be utilized, especially in times when it is needed the most. The second thing I realized was that unconditional love is the rarest form of love there is. That’s no surprise. The level of difficulty it is to be somebody who loves no matter is something that has to be decided. The vast majority don’t really make that decision. But the funny thing is unconditional love is what everybody wants but yet only a few people actually give. I at first doubted that I could be somebody who could give unconditional love. But then I detached from myself and asked “Could my son be someone who loves unconditionally?” and the reply was instant “Yes, because he can do anything he puts his mind too. He’s that type of kid.” So that’s what I’m going to do. Easily the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I have to practice acts of unconditional love on a daily basis so when moments call for it I’ll be prepared. This means being stung, rejected, toyed with, and ridiculed on a consistent basis. But I think with time the receiver of that unconditional love will feel its sincerity. Will feel its warmth.

Today I learned that goals transform you. They change who you currently are. Having a goal that you absolutely have to accomplish is going to make you do things you never did and become somebody you never was. It’s incredible. It’s taught me that every character trait possible is laying in everybody’s repertoire. If I want to be courageous all I have to do is strive towards being courageous. If I want to be laid back all I have to do is strive towards being laid back. The possibility is all in my mind. I really understood this as I watched myself for the first time ever purchase cologne. My goal is to find the type of girl that I want to be with in the long haul. That’s been my goal for awhile now. I’ve been doing various things to strive towards the accomplishment of that goal. Seeing myself order cologne. Spray it on. Then go through the day with it on was something I would of never thought that would happen. Seeing myself be as patient with girls as I am is something that would of never happened not too long ago. I found that in the act in accomplishing goals you meet resistance you wouldn’t of met otherwise. Because you have to power through this resistance you do things you never would of done. Buying and wearing cologne was something that I regarded as being cheesy. I regarded it as being desperate. I held that opinion because back then I thought was probably never gonna find the girl for me. Back then I accepted being single through my in action. But as I recently took steps to attract the girls that I want I notice that my efforts were bearing fruit. This encourages me to put more effort into my love life. Purchasing cologne just seemed to be a logical thing to do to increase my chances of getting a high quality girl. Had I never set that goal and made steps towards accomplishing that goal I would of stayed the same. This is how I can continue my development process. I can always change and become more by just setting new goals. The process of pushing pass resistance and remaining discipline brings out the best in me. It gives me respect for myself. That’s why I have to always have goals. Till the very end.

Today I learned the importance of having a burning desire. I was listening to the audiobook How to Win Friends and Influence people and something struck out to me. The author Dale Carnegie states that in order to get the most out of this book one would have to have a burning desire to do so. One would have to have an immensely strong yearn to increase there interpersonal skills and improve the quality of their relationships. The reason that struck out to me was because it echoed what many other successful people say. Somebody whom I know who is an obvious success remarked that “ You just gotta really want it.” I was looking over my notes today and I kept seeing the phrase from Jim Rohn “Don’t Be Casual.” The human will is a crazy powerful thing. A far too many times underestimated thing. A thing that is easy to forget how amazing it is. When one is zealous about achieving something miracles can happen. I think that’s what happened to me last Summer. I was so determined to finally move forward in life that whatever obsactle I face was not an issue. Working all the time for me was no problem because it served what my focus was all about. Walking back and forth to work was not an issue because it saved me money that I would put towards paying off tuition. That burning desire I had permeated every cell in my body. It fortified me and made me stronger. It gave me the strength to power through. That definite purpose is rare. I don’t possess it right now. When I applied that definite purpose earlier in the semester I got detracted by the attention it brought. I applied it towards my studies and was constantly in the library at school. Many people would notice and make remarks. A couple people even pointed it. I began to feel that always being in the library was a bad thing. I began to feel that being highly determined was a bad thing. So sure enough I quelled my burning desire to get the most out of myself and passively be like everybody else. That was wrong. That is exactly what happens to far too many of us. That burning desire is a gift. That zeal should be embraced and nutured. It is the thing that finally moved me forward in life. It is the thing that worked miracles for me. It is the thing that will push me through to where I want to go. Letting myself get brainwashed into thinking that being a highly determined person is bad is a fatal mistake. I won’t make that mistake again.