Mental Health & Addiction Podcast: Mind Matters by Gordon Bruin

There are forces. They're just our energies out there that are very, very powerful in grabbing attention based on based on how the survival part of our brain works. The things that grab our attention quicker than anything else is things that have to do with survival, like anger, revenge, hurt, food, Sex, all of those things have a tendency. That's why so much of the stuff online Is is based on those those negative things. And if you watch the news, it's all negative.

There's no positive news. I remember years ago, there was a a newspaper out in California that they wanted to focus on positive news, but it failed. Nobody's interested in positive news because it does not grab the attention. So if you if you were to get online one of the things that I experienced in the last years, we lived with my father, and I I took care of him. My wife and I, we moved in and took care of him the last 5 years of his life.

But one of the things he had the habit of of turning on the the, you know, NBC nightly news. Every night, boom, we'd do the TV would be blaring. And as I listened to that or was around that all the time, it was amazing, the techniques that they were using. They would say things like and just listen. If you're to get on, this just in, breaking news.

Oh my. And it's all negative stuff. Maybe spattered with 10% of a little positive story in there, but those are all breaking news. This just in. Oh my goodness.

This and all of a sudden, Your attention is just grabbed because that's how the limbic part of the brain works. And so Be mindful and aware of that, that most of it is is, most of the media Is kinda kind of well, it does. It draws you into negativity. Negativity is an energy drain. It drains you of energy.

It creates doubt, fear, hopelessness. One of the things I've noticed in So many of the clients, especially the generation that I'm dealing with from 20 to 30, this sense of Hopelessness, the sense of what's the point. Why in the world would I pay money and get an education? There's there's nothing worthwhile. No.

You go get an education for the joy of the education, and, yes, it is worthwhile. Oh, yes. It is worthwhile. Whatever resources you put into yourself And you learn and you study even though some say, well, I went to school and did and got an education that didn't come at. No.

You learn something, And you'll be able to build and grow on that? I mean, you know, not everyone needs a 4 year formal education. It depends on what you wanna do, but keep learning. Be hungry for knowledge. There is so much to learn.

There's so much to wonder about, but focus on On positive things, focus on the concept of can do. I love I love what I call the mindful warrior mindset. Those individuals who tend to be the most successful in life Have this mindset. It's a can do attitude. I will figure it out.

Somehow, someway, they believe in themselves. They they have learned to, face the opposition that they come across. They're able to deal with failure. They slip and fall. Even though if they slip and fall a 100 times, they just have the tendency to just get up.

I can do it. I'll figure out a way to do it. K? So can do attitude, then they develop a healthy sense of humor. It's so critical in our world of so much negativity to lighten up a little bit, to have a healthy sense of humor, To laugh at things in a healthy way, not never to make disparaging remarks of other people and putting them down, but a healthy sense of humor.

Learn to lighten up just a little bit. So a can do attitude, healthy sense of humor, And then those who are are extremely successful, I love this part probably the most. They have 0 victim mentality. I am a victor I will not be a victim anymore of anything. I do not believe the world owes me a living.

I have to earn what I get. I have to choose to take charge of my life. I don't expect a handout. Those who I have seen who live in that place of expecting things, they're the ones that are the most frustrated and discouraged individuals because they're they're disappointed all the time. Instead of going out and earning it and finding their way, Making their way, they expect things to be given to them, and that creates just it's not healthy.

And then Okay. So the first 3, can do attitude, healthy sense of humor, 0 victim mentality, And the 4th thing is they have a capacity to bounce back quickly, and failure doesn't It doesn't destroy them. They're able to learn from it. They don't give it Undo attention. K?

Remember, life is a matter of attention. What I choose to attend to Will determine the quality of my life. And I love this statement also where it says, to refrain from an act It's no less of an act than to commit 1. So in other words, when we say no to something, It is very proactive and and determines so much of the direction in which we move. We have choice, but what I've experienced in life and coming to see more and more living an Tension of life requires the highest level of mindfulness of being able to be present in the now to constantly ask yourself the question, what am I attending to right now?

What thoughts Are on are the main players on the stage of my mind? Anger, revenge, Worry, doubt, fear, the negative emotions. And I'm I'm telling you just by the way the natural brain works, that's what we're kinda templated to because it's the limbic System's job to keep us alive, and that's why negative experiences in life are more salient or seem to be stronger in the hippocampus, the memory part of our brain. So so many survivors of childhood trauma that I've worked with through the years, they're just Stuck and frozen because what happened to them is so extremely, Powerful because the brain is saying you will remember that, and I'm gonna force you to remember that so that doesn't happen again. The problem is that it can keep one Stuck completely stuck in this frozen state.

And so the process of healing and recovery and taking charge of your life Is learning to stand up for yourself to fight and become more, self efficacious and believing in yourself that you can do certain things and then getting your body involved in the recovery process. I love the statement by doctor Bessel van der Kolk in his The body keeps the score. He's one of the world's leading trauma therapist. He says imprints of the past Can be resolved by having physical experiences that directly contradict the helplessness, rage, And collapse that are a part of trauma, thereby regaining self mastery. That's why I'm such a proponent of physical exercise, getting your body engaged, yoga, whatever.

Go on a walk. Get your body moving. Even and even though it's super, super hard, you'll always have kind of a resistance to that. But those Who, kinda take charge of that aspect, make that a daily? What I call it daily are certain things you do on a consistent basis, whether you want to do them or not, knowing that would be in your best interest to do so.

So, again, Focusing on life is a matter of attention, what is grabbing your attention, please pay attention to that. Become more intentional of of your goals, of what you're going to set for yourself as we begin, You know, another year moving moving forward, and Just remember, you really do have a choice on what you allow to take center stage of your mind. We cannot change the past, but there and if you're completely stuck and frozen, there are there are helps available. You know, a therapist with doing EMDR therapy can help resolve past unresolved issues. Had great experiences with that with clients and other other methods also.

So Look into your life and reflect on this concept over and over again. Where is your energy going, your life force, your chi, As you focus on productive positive things, you have a tendency to feel better and and be more productive as you're accomplishing things.

To begin this podcast, I wanna read a couple of paragraphs from 2 books that I have found to be very helpful. One of them is called The Virus of the Mind by Richard Brody. Subtitle is The New Science of the Mean, and the other one is a book called Indistractable by Nir Eyal. And it follows the things that we've been talking about as it relates to our attention is the most important commodity that we have. So here's a statement from Virus of the Mind by Richard Brody.

The idea of paying attention plays a central role in understanding memes. A meme is M E M E. So, in other words, a meme is a unit of information that tends to be repeated over and over again. It's a central idea that gains power in an individual or a culture. Anyway, so a meme that lots of people pay attention to will be more successful than a meme that few notice.

So over the millions of years necessary for major genetic evolution to take place, we aren't surprised find that most animals, including ourselves, have a genetic tendency to pay attention to the things that were important in getting us to where we are today, Danger, Food, and Sex. In our search for mind viruses then, our first candidates will be situations that push 1 or more of these 4 buttons, anger, fear, hunger, and lust, and thus draw our attention, our precious attention to a use of our consciousness for which, upon reflection, we would not choose to spend it. That's a powerful paragraph, And I have seen that come true over and over again, in which Individuals who have been involved in the therapeutic process, they're coming to try to find ways to gain control over their attention. And that's what addiction is. Addiction is a very powerful triggering mechanism in in the brain, the human brain, particularly the limbic system, that draws someone, that takes over the control of the prefrontal, rational, cognitive part of the brain, and gets one acting in ways that, as Richard Brodie said, upon reflection, we would not choose to spend it.

That's the core issue that I'm dealing with in the therapeutic office is that people are saying, I don't wanna do this anymore, and yet they have a tendency to go back to it over and over again. Hence, The work needs to be done with strengthening the prefrontal cortex, learning to gentle this instinctive part of the brain, Not Fight It. And see these memes for for food, anger, and lust are so powerful because they're survival mechanisms. It has the capacity And and if you really look at the way the human brain works, when we see things through our eyes, It hits the limbic part of our brain first where it determines whether we're safe or not. And then that information is relayed to our conscious mind.

So the challenge, unless we are hyper attentive to what we are allowing ourselves to see, we can easily be hijacked. Because once an individual starts down the path, it's like an alcoholic taking the 1st drink. I can control my behavior. Until he takes the 1st drink, and then it's done. Right?

Then there's chemicals that chewed off in the brain that make it extremely unlikely to pull away from the track that that individual is on. And and the other statements, this comes from the book, Indestractable. The untutored mind does not like to be alone with itself. It's no surprise, therefore, that most of the top 25 websites in America sell, escape from our daily drudgery, whether through shopping, celebrity gossip, or bite sized doses of social interaction. The psychological factor driving us to distraction is something called negativity bias, a phenomenon in which Negative events are more salient and demand attention more powerfully than neutral for positive events.

As the author of 1 study concluded, quote, it appears to be a basic pervasive fact of psychology that bad is stronger than good at grabbing attention. Such pessimism begins very early in life. Babies begin to show signs of negativity bias starting at just 7 months of age suggesting this tendency is inborn. As further evidence, Researchers believe we tend to have an easier time recalling bad memories than good ones. Studies have found people are more likely to recall unhappy moments in their childhood even if they would describe their upbringing as generally happy.

Now negativity bias almost certainly gave us an evolutionary edge. Good things are nice, but bad things can kill you, which is why we pay attention to and remember the bad stuff first. Useful, but what a bummer. Okay. That's and then I'm ending the reading there.

So that's so when you gain a deeper understanding of how the human brain works just by nature, an understanding that we we truly are hardwired to respond in certain ways, then the answer becomes focusing on becoming more proactive, More, aware. That's why mindfulness practice on a daily basis is so critical. For example, I mentioned this in a previous podcast, but box breathing, for example. I've had a number of clients ask me, what why what use is it to box breathe? So If if you if you're you're not aware what box breathing is, just just picture a box or a square.

So you inhale to a count of 4, hold your breath to a count of 4, exhale to a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, and so forth. So the very purpose of practicing box breathing 5 Minutes a Day, is to teach your prefrontal part of the brain to stay alert, Stay mindful and aware because the mind just drifts by nature, and you have to have you have to train it to come back. Mindfulness, my definition of mindfulness, is simply bringing a wandering mind back to quality thoughts over and over and over again Because the mind by nature moves. That's the only thing that's constant in life is is movement in change. We never stay the same.

Even I I struggle even with the word now because now seems to indicate that we can grab and stop something, but we can't because Now just left. There is no now. There is only movement. And so practicing box breathing teaches the prefrontal cortex to focus just on the breath for a period of 5 minutes. And so that relates into our daily lives that we can set intentional goals, intentionally choose to plug our energy leaks with things that are draining us.

So when the temptation comes, When the trigger comes, we can say, I am aware of that, and I know it's powerful. I am aware of it. I, however, choose, because I do have the power of choice, I choose to move in a different direction. I choose to get engaged physically in doing something different. That is your gift.

The greatest gift that you have and I have is the power of choice. So this next period of time, take from this podcast, Own that power. Be jealous of your energy. Keep it to where you can make the most, most of your life and move in in the direction that you choose proactively rather than simply reacting to the world.

I'll just give you an example. Years ago, there was a a class taught at Harvard University, and it was a class on positive psychology. It was the first time it was introduced, and it it quickly became one of the most positive, courses at Harvard. And in one of the class sessions, the professor, I believe his name is Ben Talcia here, if I got that correct or not, but he he gave an example. He put on the screen and there was a room, I don't know, maybe about a 100 100 Harvard students were there.

And he put on the screen an image of a number of shapes, triangles, rectangles, octagons. And they were all kind of twisted around each other, small ones, big ones. And he asked a question. This was the question. Okay?

How many shapes do you see? How many can you count? And he gave the class a moment to pause. And then, you know, someone raised their hand. I see 20.

Another one said, I see 30. Another one said, I see 60. You know and and all these answers were coming from different perspectives as people were adding and subtracting how these different shapes coalesce with each other and so forth. And and then the interesting thing, his next question was, after the room came back, he gave him a moment to do that, and then they came back. And he asked this question, how many people we're on the bus, and what time was it on the clock.

For in that diagram that he showed with all the shapes, there was a school bus with, I think, it was 8 people on it, 8 students on it, and there was a clock in hidden in all not really hidden. It was in plain sight in all the different shapes, and it was, I think, 10 minutes to 10. And I think it was, like, maybe 1 or 2% of the class members were able to answer it. Why was that? Because the teacher, by the question he asked, directed a person's attention.

And so it just shows it just goes to show the power that we have limited resources on what we focus on and the power of a question. So in this podcast, I I really would encourage you think of the questions that are leading your life right now. One of the assignments that I have, my clients do, is to start reprogramming the subject the the the subconscious part of the brain that has just learned through certain patterns to to live a certain way to view things a certain way is to ask why questions. To get in a meditative state within the background of alpha theta music. You can go on YouTube and and, just just click alpha, theta music, and they'll have tons of options for you, that helps you get in this relaxed state and then ask, as you're meditating, these questions.

Why is it that my body is healthy and strong? Why is it that my immune system is so powerful. Why is it that I am attracting into my life positive influences? Why is it that I'm able to set clear boundaries and own my energy and choose proactively what to give it to. Ask yourself a number of why questions.

Come up with what you truly desire? Why is it that I'm healthier and stronger than ever before? Why is it that I'm in the perfect physical shape that I that that I desired. And as you ask yourself these questions, and here's the interesting thing. The clients I've never had a client yet say to me that that has done anything negative at all.

When I check-in with my clients on a weekly basis or however often I'm seeing them, I will say, how are you doing on the y questions? Yeah. I'm getting up every morning. I'm listening to my white questions, so I I I asked them to actually record it with little alpha theta music in the background, so they just get their their phones. And and while the music's going in the background, ask those questions.

Why is it that healthy I'm attracting into myself healthy relationships and so forth, the why questions. You can come up with your own why questions is based on your own personal values as you continue to embark on becoming the quest is the best version of yourself as time goes on. And so, again, the power of a question can lead 1, can we can be misdirected if people are asking questions that help us go down a certain road, the pow certain roads. The power of a magician is they're masters of of misdirection of distraction. They have learned how to grab your attention while the hand behind their back is doing something different.

And it it's very, very powerful. And so this idea of mindfulness, being aware, trying to take total situational awareness into account of where you are, what's going on in your life right now, is is something to always come back to that question, what am I giving my attention to right now? Am I being proactive? Meaning, I choose by setting my dailies. And just because of the way the the limbic part of the brain works, unless we proactively, consciously choose our small and simple daily actions, we are so, so easily distracted into wasting time and energy.

And so what I call dailies, for example, of positive daily is to get up every morning, meditate for 5 minutes, there's tons of breathing breathing exercises. I encourage my clients to do box breathing. You can just Google box breathing to see what I mean by that. Daily exercise, nonnegotiable. These are just nonnegotiable.

It's a spiritual practice, then you study your scriptures for, you know, a period of time. But you set these things in place, and you refer to them in your life as nonnegotiables. Because if unless you do that consciously, you won't do it. Because the our natural instinct is to avoid anything painful. I'll exercise tomorrow.

Can do without the heating healthy eating. Nah. I'm gonna, you know, have an extra bowl of ice cream or whatever, unless you consciously set things out for your for yourself very easily distracted into areas that just drain you of energy, and then you don't find peace and happiness. The closest thing I've seen to an individual finding peace and happiness is doing good work. Working hard at a self directed predetermined goal and just throwing themselves into it.

Those are the happiest people I know that accomplish small successes along the way. So the takeaway from this podcast, I would encourage you to start the why questions. Ask yourself those questions. And then what happens is, subconsciously, your brain will search for answers. That's why we ask why questions, because the brain is a mechanism that always is trying to figure things out, and it never stops.

So why am I so healthy and strong? So your brain will go, well, because you get up and you eat healthy and you sleep. You get the appropriate amount of sleep, and you exercise on a consistent basis. It'll start your brain will start to propel you to do those things. So, anyway, that's a takeaway.

Hope you have an amazing day. Make it just make it a great day.

So if something grabs our attention, it grabs our power, and then that, whatever our attention on uses that power. And that's how they increase financially, a sense of their own importance, power, and so forth. So I want you to think about this, this simple sentence, life is a matter of attention. Or reflecting on something that William James, the father of American psychology said, my experience is what I agree to attend to. So, therefore, it what the question then, can come about, what is it that is grabbing our attention.

Where is our energy going? And back to this concept that I'm I I see in so many, and I felt it in myself too at times, just this feeling of exhaustion. Too much to do, not enough energy to do it. And and it really has to do with this concept, perhaps of energy leaks. So think about that.

Where is your energy going? If I were to ask you the question, what is draining your energy the most? Who is draining your energy? There are things in social media that can drain our energy. There are people that are energy vampires that will take and take and take.

And so this Concept of taking a look at your energy leaks and learning to plug certain holes in your life so that you will have the energy to do what you, based on your own personal values and goals, will have the power to actually accomplish things. I'll give you an example. I was talking to a young man in a therapy session who struggles with online addiction. You know what I'm talking about, all the things online, whether it's gaming inappropriate images. And and he is spending hours in useless activity.

And so and I hadn't seen him in a in a while. I mean, he got busy, and so He didn't didn't reach out for his therapy sessions, and then he just reached out to me after 2 months. And I I hadn't seen him in 2 months. And he says, I need to see you again. So got on the session.

He looks completely exhausted, which is normal for him. And he says, I just don't have any motivation to do anything. I've completely given up on trying to resist the pull of certain things on social media. I'm just bingeing on all that stuff, and I just don't care anymore. I just don't have any, any motivation to do anything.

And then I I I suggested this concept to him. I said, well, of course not. Look what you're doing. All of your energy, your life force is being drained in useless activity. So when you are spending time and energy on useless activities, it's taking your energy.

And there are certain things there are certain things online that tend to drain us much more quickly than other things. And when a one of those that I have seen in my clinical practice has to do with moral issues. Watching certain things online is so destructive. I've never, in all my years of doing therapy, had an individual come to me and say, yeah. I slipped this past week on bingeing and on on online things that are inappropriate, and say, I feel good about it, and I feel energy energized about it, and it's a healthy positive thing.

It's it's a black hole. And so I again, back to this 1 individual. I said, of course, you don't have a you don't have anything left in the tank to even sign up for school. You know? Like, yeah.

I need to get in school. I I wanna finish school. There's this Oh, thought, but I have no energy to do it. And I go, because your energy is all being drained. So encouraged him, and this is what we're working on right now, to focus on this one concept, life is a matter of attention, plugging the energy leaks, And then understanding, and this is where therapy is so important to help those who don't understand how the human brain works.

In particular, the two part brain, limbic system is is the more of the subconscious part of the brain, and then prefrontal cortex, the rational, logical part of the brain, if we are not intentional and consciously choose What it is we are gonna do by small and simple daily activities, we we do not rise to the level of our Goals, we fall to the level of the systems we have in place to accomplish things. I call them dailies. There's certain small and simple things just do every day in order to keep ourselves on track. But it but it comes from the prefrontal, our conscious choice that we are planning beforehand what we are gonna do. If we do not proactively do that, We are we place ourself in a very vulnerable situation if you just get online and start scrolling.

Because of the way the limbic system works, it is highly attracted to things that have to do with anger, Negative news, immorality, moral issues, We're hardwired that way. And so unless you intentionally, consciously choose to avoid certain things, it will grab the best of individuals, and all of a sudden, they're drawn down into These paths that are extremely destructive. I mean, the annals of history are full of stories of the best individuals, the most productive people in the world who lost control of themselves, and it's so destructive. From political leaders, sports icons, the stories just go on and on. And so as you begin this new year, I would encourage you, as a template, from this moment on to constantly ask yourself the question, what am I attending to?

Life, and then the statement, life is a matter of attention, and Where is my energy being spent? And also, pay attention to the environment in which you're around. If you clean up your environment, it has an impact on you. Go into a messy room or a messy house, or a messy kitchen, and see how you feel. Slow down, pay attention.

Clean your closet, clean your room, Make it spotless, walk in, and see how you feel. Also, pay attention to how you feel after interacting with Certain individuals, if there are energy vampires in your life, learn to set focus this year on being jealous about your power, setting boundaries. It is a positive, healthy, Crucial thing for you to do as you continue to move forward in life and make your life worthwhile. And if you're constantly more worried about what other people think of you, they are taking your energy. Your job is to keep your cup full so that you can help other people.

It's also common for me to see So many people that are going around, they're yes people. They say yes to everything that people ask them. No is a complete sentence, and it's okay for you to Say no sometime to take care of yourself and be jealous about your energy and your power so that you can focus on the things that you want to do and accomplish in life. So, again, Wrapping up this podcast template for this coming year. What am I focusing on?

What am I attending to? Am I choosing to do that, or am I have I been manipulated and grabbed down this line. Life is a matter of attention. Look at your life and start to plug those energy leaks that are draining you.

Aristotle believed that excellence is a deliberate choice, not luck. It's about high intention, effort, and smart execution. As we watch sports like football, where the Philadelphia Eagles outperform while the Buffalo Bills struggle this season, it prompts us to question our human obsession with excellence and fear of failure.

Excellence seems embedded in our nature; we celebrate A's over B's and view failing as unacceptable. We often think our children will be exceptional when most of us lead ordinary lives filled with challenges—struggling with finances, understanding life, raising kids, and maintaining relationships. Perfection is rare; learning from imperfections gives life meaning.

Consider F-16 pilots who debrief for twice their mission length without rank insignia to improve future operations—a practice mirrored by NFL teams reviewing game footage meticulously.

In therapy work I see people struggling because they're disengaged from life—stuck or frozen by underperformance rather than learning from it. The key is helping them find motivation again.

Quitting isn't always permanent—it can be an obstacle to overcome through positive self-talk and self-belief. Bruce Lee warned against negative self-speak as words have power—they shape reality.

Self-esteem comes from within—not others' opinions—which are as changeable as the weather. Self-sufficiency is appealing; complaining isn't. Address personal issues in safe spaces like therapy but keep moving forward—the only way out of being stuck is through perseverance.

Reflect on your successes to inspire current challenges. Believe in yourself—you are responsible for your own salvation despite any negative messages received throughout life. Speak positively about yourself; love yourself for persisting in struggles because there’s still time to achieve what you desire if you continue working at it.

For example, if you're washing the dishes, Wash the dishes. Make that the most important task at the particular moment. Just be with the dish and wash it. I know that sounds kinda strange, but too much of our lives, it seems like I have this visual in my mind of of a a screen with tons of windows open. All the windows are there's something that's vying for my attention.

And until I can start shutting these windows, everything is just too loud. There's too much going on. So the practice of mindfulness is shutting windows and opening the one right in front of you or that which is on center stage and being there with that. I love the quote, the statement by a gentleman by the name of Lin Yutang who says the wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non essentials. And if you think about it, It's it's the only essential thing that's really worthwhile is the one task you're doing right now.

And if you're not doing it with your full attention, It's not really going in. I believe the reason why we have a difficult time remembering things sometimes is, you know, whether it's schoolwork, whatever it might be, Even a person's name that you just met is that there's too much noise going on to be Fully present in that moment and through your focus and attention, really letting that information sink in to a deeper deeper level in your brain so that you remember it. There is great power in slowing down and just doing the one thing in front of you at the moment. For example, if you are doing the dishes and cleaning the house, cleaning the kitchen, just do that. Quiet your mind and focus on 1 dish at a time as you're rinsing it, cleaning it, drying it, or putting it in the dishwasher, whatever you're doing.

If you're getting a drink of water, Just get a drink of water. I recently had a client ask me the question, and she said she's been through some Very challenging things in a high profile, case that's going on in the country right now. And, wish I could tell you more details of it, but she said to me at the end of our session, with not much time left. She goes, can you help me get more grounded in my body. I feel like I'm walking around in a fog, kind of in a in a state of dissociation where I'm just not really here.

It's because there are too many windows open in her mind. Too many things are crying for her attention. What is this person gonna think that person? How is the information that has come out publicly gonna affect my family, my friends, my employment? What impact is this gonna have on my future, on my finances?

All of these things are just screaming at her. And so helping her understand what you just gotta shut all of the windows around you except the 1 in front of you right now. And as she was driving home from work, I said, just drive home from work. Just drive home. Feel your hands on the steering wheel.

And I know even doing that, there's so many things that you have to be aware of because motion is life. Right? You're driving and You're seeing things coming and going all around you, and so you have to pay attention to all of those things. But I said, just work on just being where you're at. You really cannot just You'll you'll know what to do when you cross that bridge when you get there.

Don't don't future trip too much. You've made the best decisions that you can under the circumstance dealing with the issue she was dealing with. And I think it's important also as we go through life, learn to be more confident in your decisions. Just make a decision and don't second guess yourself. I know a a few individuals that I'm working with and 1 pops out super strong in my mind.

He's afraid to do anything in life because he's afraid he's gonna make the wrong choice. The very purpose of life is to experience things in from my perspective. We slip. We fall. It's like learning to ride a bike.

You don't just you don't just get on a bike for the 1st time and ride it and be perfect at it. We've been going through that, you know, in the last couple of years with our or I have with my my grandkids, watching them to learn riding a bike. And it's very, very challenging because you know they're gonna fall And and you watch it happen and they slip and they fall and they scrape their knee, and yet They have a few moments of pure joy before the fall where they're actually doing it. They're actually pedaling. They're actually experiencing, progress in something new, and their brain is changing, and it's exciting.

That very issue is is the very essence of life. I don't think that process ever really changes. Now, yeah, you learn to ride a bike and you become better and better at it, but We're never completely out of the woods no matter how long we have have been riding a bike. We still will slip and fall sometimes under certain conditions, but the probability of that decreases significantly in time. It's the same with with all the other things we experience in life.

Whether you've experienced a setback in a relationship, in employment, and and you struggle with self doubt, Believe in yourself. Believe that you have the capacity to pick yourself up and get going again. Failure is just a state of mind. I love being around people who have suffered significant setbacks in their life, but yet they still remain cheerful even though they feel deep pain and hurt. They're not gonna wallow in it.

They're gonna pick up. They're gonna learn from it and and keep moving forward. It's like the the Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius, said, Impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way. It reminds me of the book by Ryan Holiday, great book.

The obstacle is the way. And if you look at Anyone who has been successful, they have a pretty significant friendship with failure. Failure as a teacher. When people say you can't do it, you'll never be good enough. And when you say that even to yourself, You can you can stop that dialogue, and you can change things.

I love, And I'll I'll end today's podcast with the statement by Bruce Lee, the famous martial artist. Don't speak negatively about yourself even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy and cast spells. That's why it's called spelling.

Change the way you speak about yourself and you change your life. What you're not changing, you are also choosing. So think about that. If you're not changing, You're also choosing to remain exactly where you are. So I would ask you to take a look at your life right now.

Are you stuck somewhere? And if you are stuck because of past experiences and you slipped and fallen, you're afraid, remember, it's okay. Get up, keep working, keep struggling, keep searching for answers because if you're not in the process of changing whatever it is you're dealing with your choosing to remain the same, and the power is within you to make whatever correction you need. That's the process of life.

His Skill wise. It's absolutely phenomenal what what he is able to do, so we cleared the land. You know? I I've He's had me go over and help him, you know, knock down trees, and level the land out, and then put in the plumbing, lay the foundation. Now we're the framing is up, and we're we're working on the framing right now.

But I had an experience yesterday that I want to tell you about. So when you're doing framing, he he has a, big compressor and a nail gun. The gun weighs about, I would say, 8 to £10. I mean, it's pretty heavy, so you have to get up on a ladder. We're we're doing the framing all in the house, and he's just doing it.

You know? Like, he gets up and bop bop bop bop bop, nails in the boards and is attaching them all together. This is not really my skill set, nor do I enjoy doing this stuff. I really love being with him. That's why I wanna go over and help him to show my support, but it's like the running joke in my house is and all my kids, if I even try to hang a picture on the wall, it's it's like even, you know, finding a stud in in the wall is is a joke.

Because usually there'll be about 5, 6, 7 holes in the wall before I find a stud to even hang a picture. Anyway, So he kept asking me, So you want to do this? You want to do this? Here. Here's the gun.

I go, No, no, no. That's okay. That's okay. I'll just Hand you boards and stabilize things while you can do your thing. And then they could tell after a while he was getting tired, and so he kept saying, sure you don't wanna do that.

See, he's going up and down the ladder, up and I go, okay. Yeah. I got this. So he gives me the gun, I go up, and I've been observing and watching him. And then I get the gun, you know, and and a couple nails go in, chink chink, and and then I then I hit it again and nothing happens.

And I pull the trigger again and nothing happens, pull the trigger again and nothing happens. And after doing that for a while, sporadically having the gun shoot a nail. You know, I just go, what's going on? Why can't why isn't this working? And in one particular moment, I mean, my daughter was over there at the time, and, and she just starts busting up laughing.

She says, that is the brewing curse. It's it's like whenever you try to do anything mechanical or or construction wise, it's just not gonna work. I go, look. Okay. Look.

So I have the gun. I'm putting it up against, you know, the boards and firing the trigger, but nothing's happened. My son-in-law comes and looks and looks, and And then he I said, here, you do it. And then so he gets up on the ladder and does it, and bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, and everything's working perfectly. And I go, give me that gun.

So I get up and I Put it up and push it against the the board and pull the trigger, nothing happens. And my daughter's just busting up laughing, just busting up. And my son in law's looking at me, and he's totally bewildered. He's going, I can't see anything that you're doing different. And I'm trying harder, and I pull it back and push it again and pull the trigger and pull the trigger and nothing happens.

After a few minutes, he comes up and he he just really slows down and he watches exactly what I'm doing. And he says And this is him. This is what I mean in in in trying to trying to, talk about someone who has a specific skill set that can change the world, change activities by one little shift. And he says, ah, this is what you're doing. He says, you keep your hand on the trigger just a little bit, and you have to release the trigger completely and release the pressure that you put on the nail gun when you push it against the board.

And I go, oh. And so I tried that. Totally released that trigger and and so it reset. And sure enough, bap, bap, bap, bap, and it works perfectly. And it reminds me of a Statement by the author James Clear in his, quite famous book now.

A lot of people talk about it. It's called Atomic Habits. And in that book, he makes a statement about goals. He says, We do not rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the level of our systems.

It's a really interesting concept to think about. So everyone has a goal, you know, like accomplishing a specific thing, but few people actually accomplish what they set out to do. And his purpose in making that statement is that, yeah, it we need to have a goal, we need to set our standards, but it's the systems, it's the small and simple things that we're doing on a daily basis that can either make that goal become a reality, or we can just still keep spinning, our wheels in the mud, so to speak. And as I go back and look at, what I was trying to do in building, I was completely frustrated. I could not see what I was doing wrong, trying to get that nail gun to work.

And it was a teeny, teeny small adjustment. I mean, I'd never done a nail gun before like that, And so the idea of completely I didn't even notice that I had I was just holding the gun because it's really heavy to hold as I'm standing on a ladder, You know? And and so I just had a teeny bit of pressure on the trigger. And until I released that and reset the gun, it wouldn't work. And after I did it, it worked every single time.

And so I I am anyway, I'm becoming a builder. Not really. It's not my at this stage of life. Right? I'm I'm going on 65 years old, and it's like, sheesh, I'm glad I don't do this for a living.

But it's it was an amazing experience to me. And as I reflected on that concept, by small and simple means, great things can be brought to pass. And so I would ask you, in your life, do you have specific goals that you've been trying to reach and don't find the the results that you're looking for, Ask yourself the question, what could be getting in my way? Seek feedback from other people. One of the most challenging things that we as humans deal with is we don't like to feel criticized.

We don't like to feel like we're not doing something good enough. And so that keeps a lot of us away from seeking feedback because we take it in affront to ourselves. We we already are struggling with self esteem issues, and so you just don't wanna ask. You're afraid anyway, like I said, you're afraid you're gonna be criticized. But until you can take feedback, until you can go find someone who you admire in whatever you're trying to achieve that they and if they've already achieved it, seek out what they're doing.

Look at what they're doing, ask for feedback, ask for help, and you can receive great benefit from that. Don't be afraid of that. None of us nobody has all the answers. We're all just trying to do the best we can, 1 little moment at a time. But as we continue through life, we continue in the process of time to emerge to become better, take an honest moral inventory and ask yourself, where am I right now?

What is the truth about myself? What do I need to correct? And if you haven't found the answers yet, continue to search. Continue to ask. Don't be afraid to do that.

So anyway, you know, perhaps in wrapping up this Podcasts, look at where you're at in your particular situation in life. If it's a career you're, kinda struggling with or if one of your children or whatever it might be, find some resources that that can help you, get to the next level because all that's constant in life is movement and change. Change is nature's delight. It never stops. Every relationship we have is changing moment by moment.

Every interaction you have is significant. So if you're kind of stuck in a rut in any particular area in your life. Look for answers. Look for feedback that can help you move to the next level. And it really might be only a small and simple, little adjustment, and your life can can be transformed in a positive direction.

In this podcast, I wanna talk about how the environment really impacts us as human beings. Our living situation, those whom we associate with, just encourage you to pay attention to that as I discuss a couple of ideas today. Going back to 1971, as the Vietnam War was heading into its 16th year, There were a couple of congressmen, Robert Steele and Morgan Murphy, that made a discovery that stunned the American public. While visiting the troops, they had learned that over 15% Of the US soldiers stationed in Vietnam had become addicted to heroin. And further research indicated that about 35% of those over there serving in the military had tried heroin and as much as 20% had become addicted.

Now most of my career has been dealing with those who struggle with addiction issues. And some of those cases in residential facilities, Also, I spent about 7 years in working in methadone clinics. Now a methadone clinic, if you're not familiar with that, is a treatment facility that tries to help heroin addicts, opiate addicts, That's where OxyContin comes in, lower tab, things like that. And Methadone is a synthetic opiate, means a man made opiate with some of the similarities that it's a much longer lasting drug. Whereas heroin is a very fast acting drug, means it takes about 4 or 5 hours to get through the system approximately, and that varies from individual to individual.

But Methadone, Once ingested, it's an oral drug. I guess it can come in pill forms too, but in methadone clinics, they use the the liquid drug. It lasts for 24 to 36 hours before an individual goes into withdrawal. And if you've never really understand I understood the nature of addiction and what it is. When someone becomes addicted to heroin, what happens is their body has reached A certain tolerance whereas they need the drug in their system in order not to get sick.

So when the heroin drug runs off runs out after about 4 or 5 hours, their body starts to go into withdrawal and they feel just a horrendous sickness. It's just like the worst flu you can imagine, chills, shakes, nauseated, and all that goes with that. So if an individual has methadone in their system, they're they're able to go From day to day, they just come to the clinic, take their Methadone, and then they're they should be fine for 24 to 36 hours, but they come in every day. And and then as people, show that they're trustworthy with the medication because it's extremely potent and powerful. They get take homes where they don't have to come to the clinic every day that they can take a lockbox to the clinic and they take, You know, 3 or 4 doses home so they can only come to the clinic a couple times a week.

Anyway, it's a very, very powerful drug, All opiates are. And so back to talking about what happened with the Vietnam vets as they were coming back to America is that the government was extremely concerned about unleashing, you know, 20% of the veterans across the country and what that would do because they were going, oh my goodness, we're dealing with heroin addiction. You don't just get off of that. And and what are we gonna do? Well, that's where Lee Robbins comes in.

She was a researcher and she followed these individuals. When they came home, my understanding is that they were detoxed and then they were sent home across the country. And as she followed up with them a year later, the stunning results was only 5% Of them had become re addicted within a year, and just 12% had relapsed within 3 years. That's stunning As compared to what I have seen working with individuals who come to a residential treatment facility, I've I've worked with a couple of those. And so when someone's trying to get off heroin, they come into a safe environment, They cannot have access to the drug.

They go through a pretty, challenging detox. And then and then, You know, 30, 60, 90 days, and then we're in the process of having them go back out into the environment. But That real issue is, and this is what the Lee Robin study really showed us is that the environment is a main contributor to addiction. Because here in America, when someone comes to a residential treatment facility and we send them back out into the community, most always they they go back to where they came from, have the same associations, it's the same environment, And approximately 90% of them start using again immediately and then become re addicted. It's not uncommon for individuals to go through the treatment cycle over and over again.

We would see the same frequent flyers over and over again. Because of the environment and the psychological impact that that has on us. So And that and that's what was so stunning with Lee Robbins, research is that 95% did not not become re addicted because it wasn't associated with the horrors of war and being over in Vietnam. But Any situation that reminded them of that could be highly triggering, and it's just Through through this podcast, what I encourage you to do, to take away from this is is go home. You're not struggling with an addiction, it still is impactful because clutter clutter impacts us.

It it weighs on us, and so go home and clean up. Many of the times when I'm I'm having, sessions with clients, I will say, what are your goals for this week? And those often say, man, I I need to clean up my apartment. I need to, you know, do my laundry. It's very easy to let things pile up.

1, anyway anyway, there's tons of stories about people, who are living in in squalor in their own homes. And I know the impact Psychologically that it can have if you just clean up, straighten up, just test it out for yourself. One of one of the things that I'm grateful that my father and mother taught me, they cleaned up the kitchen every single night before they went to bed. Every night, there was never a dish, a dirty dish left in the sink. And so when they got up in the morning, it came down, it was completely clean.

And that's something that's just kinda stuck with, me and my wife before we go to bed. I wouldn't say it's all the time, I'd say about 90 Seriously, 90, 95% of the time, we have everything completely in order before we go to bed. Another thing is that one of the things we do when we wake up in the morning, I usually get up early and go exercise, and she'll get up, and the bed's always made. When I come home, the bed is always made. It looks like a model home when you walk in, And it it's just a good feeling.

So I would encourage you if you're struggling with some depression or even anxiety, Living in a cluttered environment can have a psychological impact on you. So clean up, straighten up. And I would encourage you right now, if look at the situation in your in your living environment, picture it in your mind's eye. And when you walk in, if it's if it's cluttered, pay attention to how you feel in your body as you're looking at things. And then Clean up, straighten up, organize, and then sit back when you're done and Look at it, observe it, and pay attention to have you how you feel.

And I'll bet that you will find that, something inside of you that says this feels good. There's there there's energy that flows, there's a whole science around this called Feng Shui. And, if you want some help on that, just Google that, look for suggestions on how to create, an environment, there's, I mean, there's a whole science and study of that and purpose of this podcast is not to go that deep, But but you know what I'm saying, just clean up, just straighten up, just organize and pay attention to how you feel after you go through the motions of doing that.

In this podcast, we'll discuss the concept of focus. I recently read a fascinating book called Stolen Focus by Yohan Hari. It explores how our attention is manipulated by social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok, leading to an increase in anxiety and superficial thinking among younger generations.

The book encourages deeper thought processes for finding purpose and self-creation. This reminds me of a quote from George Bernard Shaw: "Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself." We have countless experiences but ultimately choose our own path.

I also want to mention three other books - Total Focus by Brandon Webb, Steve Jobs' autobiography, and Phil Knight's account of Nike history. Both Apple and Nike are influential companies that have shaped us all significantly due to their founders' intense focus on their missions.

Steve Jobs was known for his 'reality distortion field'. Despite being difficult to work with even getting fired from Apple at one point - he managed to influence others effectively towards achieving his vision for the company. After his return, he refocused the company’s resources which led Apple back into success.

Similarly, Phil Knight became obsessed with shoes while finishing his degree at Stanford which eventually led him to establish Nike. Brandon Webb also emphasizes the importance of intense focus in accomplishing tasks as a Navy Seal.

To conclude, mindfulness is crucial in maintaining quality thoughts amidst distractions – akin to having total situational awareness as described by Webb. It involves continuously redirecting your wandering mind back onto your purpose or ethos.

Clayton Christensen, a former Harvard Business Professor and author, also provides insightful concepts in his book about life measurement. In my studies and interactions with clients, two significant ideas have emerged: deliberate practice and an emergent mindset.

Deliberate practice refers to the repetition of fundamental tasks until excellence is achieved - much like professional athletes honing their skills through constant training. An emergent mindset recognizes the need for adaptability along our journey towards set goals.

Military authors often note that no plan survives contact with the enemy; this means we must anticipate obstacles and adapt accordingly. A positive outlook coupled with resilience helps us overcome challenges as they arise.

Christensen narrates how he dreamt of becoming the Wall Street Journal editor but ended up as a professor instead – a career he loved deeply. This illustrates how sometimes it’s necessary to pivot when circumstances change unexpectedly.

There are two mindsets at play here: one encourages persistence while another advises wisdom in knowing when to surrender or shift directions based on acquired experiences.

Reading is powerful; it broadens our experiences beyond personal ones. As Jim Mattis suggests, without reading hundreds of books, you risk incompetence due to limited exposure. Learning from others' experiences can be vital for survival.

Our brains have mirroring neurons that allow us to deeply understand what we read - a skill almost lost today. According to Yohan Harry's book "Focus", 85-88% of high school students don't read for pleasure anymore, preferring Instagram or TikTok instead.

Slow down and ponder the meaningful things in life through reading rather than getting caught up in an endless cycle of instant gratification on social media platforms.

I'll end with CS Lewis's profound insight from his book "The Screwtape Letters". He warns against taking the easy road filled with little daily choices that eventually become mountains. Hell wants us regretting not doing what we ought nor enjoyed most in life.

In this podcast, we'll discuss learned helplessness, a concept coined by psychologist Martin Seligman in 1965. Through his research with dogs, Seligman discovered that conditioning can lead to a sense of helplessness.

Seligman conducted experiments with three dogs. The first dog was mildly shocked but could escape the shock. The second dog received the same shock but was confined and couldn't escape it. The third dog wasn't shocked at all.

Afterward, these dogs were placed in a shuttle box with an easily crossed barrier and given shocks again. Expectedly, both the first and third dogs jumped over the barrier to escape when shocked while surprisingly, the second dog did not attempt to flee despite having an opportunity to do so.

This experiment was replicated eight times yielding similar results: six out of eight times; conditioned helpless dogs chose not to escape even when they could.

The implications of this study extend into human psychology too - how might our environment condition us into believing we're helpless? For instance, if you've grown up being told you're worthless or experienced betrayal or abuse early on?

As a therapist working with survivors of childhood trauma often stuck in their pasts' pain I want such individuals listening today to know they don't have to remain trapped by their past experiences. There are powerful techniques like EMDR therapy which has shown promising results for many clients I've worked with.

Remember every situation is unique; there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Keep seeking answers and never give up because I firmly believe everyone has within them potential for change regardless of where they currently stand in life's timeline.

Beliefs matter significantly as well since our brains tend to hardwire certain responses based on negative experiences making us feel like nothing will ever change akin to that second dog from Seligman's experiment who didn't try escaping even though he could have done so easily

Faith plays a crucial role here. I define faith as the intelligent force in the universe that makes things happen, similar to how Steve Jobs' strong belief in his vision led him to create Apple.

In conclusion, remember you have the power to change your life's course and don't let past experiences condition you into a state of helplessness.

 Tapping into an internal source of power makes anything possible. This is the concept Jesus referred to in the Bible when he said "to him that believeth all things are possible." Some people, like Phil Knight of Nike, have managed to harness this energy. Knight's passion for running and belief in his shoes led him to create one of the world's most influential brands.

I urge you to look within yourself. Envision a brighter future and start living it now by asking positive questions like: Why am I so happy? Why is my life moving forward? How can I let go of past negativity while retaining valuable lessons?

Helen Keller once said "life is either a daring adventure or nothing." She reminds us that safety doesn't exist naturally nor do many ever experience it. Trying to stay safe isn't better than taking risks.

We've all experienced trauma and self-doubt but we should also acknowledge our ability to achieve great things. Develop a healthy sense of humor, learn when it's appropriate to laugh and refuse victimhood.

The key lies in not letting past negatives dictate our future because today is all we truly have. So here’s what you need from this text: If there's something bothering you right now, address it immediately with trust in your capacity for progress.