Mental Health & Addiction Podcast: Mind Matters by Gordon Bruin

In this episode, I'll discuss the mind versus the brain and how to navigate hardwiring issues. The brain is our physical organ, shaped by experiences, while the mind represents our life force or spirit.

I witnessed my father's passing at 86; his energy departed from his body, leaving only a shell - illustrating that we're more than just our brains. Our minds encompass an energy beyond the physical.

Our brains learn through associations and are sensitive to negative experiences due to survival mechanisms like the limbic system. This can lead people with traumatic pasts to feel perpetually unsafe or stuck.

However, hope lies in recognizing that we only truly have the present moment. Although our brains may trick us into reliving past traumas as if they were current events, understanding this illusion helps us focus on now.

Five years from now holds countless potential versions of ourselves influenced by daily choices. George Bernard Shaw said it well: "Life isn't about finding yourself but creating yourself." We co-create our lives through decisions – a concept central to neuroplasticity which allows for rewiring neural pathways towards joy and fulfillment.

To rewire your subconscious effectively:

1. Find alpha or theta brainwave music online.

This technique encourages mental shifts away from learned helplessness toward optimism and self-creation—a transformative practice when consistently applied despite any doubts you might encounter along the way.

In today's podcast, I'll discuss how minor changes can lead to significant impacts. Just yesterday, while helping my son-in-law build a house—his area of expertise—we encountered an issue with the nail gun I was using. Despite my usual ineptitude with tools, which is a running family joke, he insisted I try it. After some struggle and his guidance on releasing the trigger fully between nails, it worked perfectly.

This experience reminded me of James Clear's concept in "Atomic Habits": we don't reach our goals without effective systems—the small daily actions that make success possible. It was just a tiny adjustment for the nail gun to function correctly; similarly, small tweaks in our approach can help us achieve our goals.

We often hesitate to seek feedback due to fear of criticism or self-esteem issues but obtaining advice from those more skilled is invaluable. Nobody has all the answers; life requires continuous improvement and adjustments.

So consider your own life: Are you stuck? Seek out resources and feedback—you might only need a slight change for transformation. Remember that movement and change are constants in life; every interaction matters. Sometimes, all it takes is one little shift for everything to fall into place.

I came across a scripture the other day in the Bible that has caused me to wonder and reflect. Let me just read it to you. It's in Matthew 21 verses 18 through 22. And I want you to think about the word "immediately" as it relates to what you might be struggling with right now.

If you've been struggling with an addiction, perhaps you've heard year after year that this is going to be a long process. Once an addict, always an addict. You'll constantly slip and fall. I'm working with a gentleman right now who, in his mid-fifties, is completely addicted to social media. He is unable to work, and his wife is out working. He's home, and she doesn't know what to do. Anyway, we're seeing if we can work through this and I can help him, but he's been struggling with this addiction for years. He goes to bed at 3 or 4 in the morning, and his wife is just pulling her hair out. He keeps saying that he needs to change, but he believes he's an addict and that this is what addicts do. 

Here's the scripture: "Now in the morning, as he returned into the city, he hungered. And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it and found nothing thereon but leaves only. And said unto it, 'Let no fruit grow on thee henceforth forever.' And presently the fig tree withered away. And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, 'How soon is the fig tree withered away?' And Jesus answered and said unto them, 'Verily I say unto you, if ye have faith and doubt not, he shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea, it shall be done. And all things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.'"

When I try to picture that in my mind, I see the disciples around Jesus, the master teacher, and him saying to the fig tree, "Let no fruit grow on thee henceforth and forever." Then they immediately saw the fig tree start to wither. Can you imagine being in that situation and witnessing that? They said to the master, "Wow, you just spoke a word and the fig tree withered away. How did that happen immediately?" That's when he taught them further. If you have faith and doubt not, you shall not only do this to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, "Be thou removed and be cast into the sea," it shall be done. 

What about the mountain of addiction? What if the message we've received for years, that it's a grueling lifelong process, is inaccurate? What if we have the capacity to change immediately? I believe the problem we struggle with is more of a hard-wired problem in the brain. Our issues come from the subconscious mind, and there seems to be a deeper force within us that drives behavior. As we understand how the brain works, particularly the survival part of the brain known as the limbic system, we can see that our behaviors and compulsions stem from it. It functions on the premise of survival by avoiding and seeking pleasure. If we experience painful things as we grow up, we tend to become stuck. The hippocampus, which is part of the limbic system, is responsible for memory. The negative experiences in our lives tend to be more salient in our minds because our brain is trying to protect us from similar situations. This hypervigilance keeps us trapped in a cycle.

Here are a couple of techniques that I encourage you to test out in your life. There are scriptures that say, "Ask and you shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you." What if the real issue is that we are constantly asking, but we are unaware that we are asking the wrong questions? When our lives aren't going well and we're struggling with depression or addiction, are we asking questions like, "Why am I so depressed? Why am I so anxious? Why can't I overcome this addiction?" When we ask these questions, our brain searches for answers to prove them true. Instead, I encourage you to reprogram your brain by asking different questions. Ask, "How am I attracting positive and uplifting people into my life? How am I spending my time on positive and quality things? How are all the negative influences in my life that drain me of energy evaporating instantly?" When you ask these questions, your brain starts to search for answers, and that's where your energy goes.

Another powerful technique is to get into the alpha state of the brain, which is the state where the subconscious mind can be accessed and reprogrammed. You can do this by listening to alpha brainwave meditation music, which can be found on YouTube. While in this state, record yourself asking more powerful questions like, "How is it that I am full of energy? How is it that my life is getting better and better all the time? How is it that I'm feeling stronger and getting healthier?" Come up with your own questions and listen to them in the morning and before bed. Test it out and see if your life begins to change immediately.

If you're frustrated with dealing with the same issue over and over again and feeling hopeless, try these techniques. Prove it for yourself.

If you're lacking self confidence, the answer to strengthen strengthening it comes from intentional actions that you hold yourself accountable for. That's how confidence truly grows. that you succeed at doing things and then you gain more, self belief. One of the most dangerous things we can do to people is constantly build them up when they're not accomplishing anything. like, participation trophies. You know, we need to teach people that you need to earn something earn, not given. And some I I'm working with a young man right now. Wonderful young man. but he has zero confidence in anything right now. And his response to me says, I just don't have any motivation to do anything. As I look at my life, I I'm just never really been good at anything. He's in his mid twenties right now. He's goes, I'm just not good at anything. I was never really good at school. I was never really good in sports. I was never really I'm just not good at anything. I'm not really good in relationships. I had one relationship with a girl, but she broke it off with me. So it just kind of kind of in this victim mentality. has 0 self esteem, then we go, okay. So what's the answer? So when I when I visit with him this past week, I go. Well, okay. So let's just look at the fact of your life. No. You haven't really accomplished anything. Have you? Grades were c's, d's in school. Yeah. That's not a lot to be proud of. Is it? Never really, you know, threw yourself into anything completely. just kinda sat and gave a half baked baked effort ago. k. Let's just accept that fact. You should feel kinda crummy about that stuff. Why why why do you expect that you would feel great about all of that stuff? So the answer lies in, let's set some small intentions. This is what I am going to do today. Small and simple thing. Maybe it's and for him, it's reading 10 pages in a book. Okay. Read 10 pages in a book today. Begin the process of building your self esteem. Educate yourself. Why is it that and maybe it's it's part of the human condition that we look at other people who have been extremely successful, and and we envy them, and we believe we should just be there. See, people like some of the jeff Bezos for Elon Musk. Do you know why they are where they are? they they have gotten where they're at because they're obsessive workers. They do things. I remember hearing a story. I think Jeff Bezos figuring things out and how things worked. That his mom said he had everything hooked up in the house. You know, wires going everywhere, ropes going everywhere. If you open this door, that one opens. I mean, it it it was just that he was engaged. It's setting intentions and engaging, having faith to try things. to be okay with failure. When you why is it that when when we think we're going to school that we should understand everything perfectly the first time? One of the things that I do, right now is I mentor a group of young single adults who I'm in I'm living in Florida right now. And in in the summer, have a lot of individuals come out and do summer sales. They're doing solar sales and things like that and had a group of about 20 come out this year and spend the summer here with us. and I would meet with them weekly and just kinda, as I said, mentor them and talk to them. 6 of them Totally engaged with me. They reached out at other times during the week. Can I talk to you? Can I ask you some questions? Can I tell you some of the struggles I'm having. And, you know, just this past week, they they went home. They went to different parts of the country and going back to college, and I was reflecting on that group of 20 and how these 6 individuals made a significant impact on the group because they were fully engaged. They were trying things. They would get up and do give speeches. They would they would they would constantly be be working, but they were engaged. And the other, you know, 14 or so just kinda would sit back. that come to meetings and they wouldn't talk. They wouldn't participate. They were just kinda sitting there. And I I and when these 6 left, they all came up and every one of them made their way, through the group to come and give me a hug. Goodbye. Say, thank you. Thank you. This was an amazing this was a healing experience for me to be here in Florida during during the summer for some of them are going through some different things personally. And and then I was reflecting on that on on the way home from our meetings and I'm going, you know what? You guys made a difference. Such a difference because you engaged. You tried. You were intentional. You just didn't sit back. And those those individuals who sat back I don't even know who some of them are. I don't even know their names. Even though because there's there's anyway, it's just there's There's something to setting intentions. If you want to build your self esteem, we've got to be willing to risk Love something that Helen Keller said life is either a daring adventure or nothing. She has something else. I'm kind of butchering the quote, but it's like security does not exist in nature nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. You know, it's it's no, choosing not to engage is no better than just outright exposure. I mean, in developing relationships with other people, learning to be strong and efficacious and refusing to be a victim in a relationship where someone is trying to exert power and control over you. Yeah. All of us, we have to learn to navigate through, relationship issues, but maintaining your integrity maintaining your core, your honor. And that's very, very difficult for some who have never had that or who are raised in an abusive home. And so the blueprint or the model for any relationship is abuse. And and so that's what they expect. but I want to clearly say to you that we do not have to live in abuse. We do not have to take that. We should never abuse another person. Never dominate an exercise control unjustly. Yes. You need to share your opinions. You need to make a difference in a positive way, but always allow people to make their decisions and choices, but but not in a controlling manner, but also at the same time refuse to be a victim. Do not subject yourself to that. And and if you find yourself in relationships that make you feel uncomfortable, a little queasy, like this person, you have a gut reaction that this person would not be safe emotionally to when you first start start seeing signals, pay attention to those. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, meaning it's way, way easier if you pick things up early, to make the needed changes in life rather than trying to to get out of a relationship once it's you got chained into it. And if you've been an abusive relationship in the past, you have the power to get out, you do have the power to change. Today is a new day. and then use that information and that experience as you continue to move forward in life. Constantly evolving, constantly emerging, to become the very best person that you can be. That's the quest of life. Right? For us to find just to be the best that we can. to keep trying to keep emerging. And and to realize that that the only thing we ever really have is movement and change, but there's so many wonderful things to experience in life. New relationships to develop. And if you find yourself stuck, find that Helen Keller quote. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. And, anyway, today's a new day. You've never lived this moment yet. No matter what has happened in the past, everything you've experienced has brought you to this moment in time, and the best is yet to come. Perhaps that one of the coolest experiences that you've ever had is coming today. I encourage you to choose to believe that To just look at obstacles as any obstacle in your life is an opportunity to learn and grow, Don't take things too seriously sometimes. Develop a healthy sense of humor. refuse to be a victim, get over things. I mean, I'm saying don't give so much attention to past negative things. intention, living your life intentionally means that you are choosing to look to the future rather than being consumed by the past. It's a choice. And the way our brain works, it naturally pulls us to ponder the past negative things that happened to us. We're we're set at a default level that way. Understand that. but choose to be intentional, set small and simple goals. And when you start to achieve those goals, then your confidence starts to begin. to grow. And then you become stronger, line upon mine, precept upon precept here a little, there a little, just a little bit at a time, but be moving in a positive direction. Just begin today. One small simple thing that you can do.

I love the following statement in the book, The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. There is no straight talk for crooked people. In this podcast, I wanna focus on those who find themselves stuck in unhealthy relationships slash abusive relationships and encourage them to find the strength and power within themselves to realize they do not have to stay there. You really can change. I I go back to the basic foundational mindset of of elite performers, elite warriors, have had they work on self confidence. It can do attitude. They somehow develop a healthy sense of humor. They refuse to be a victim. and then they just don't keep going back to negative things over and over and over again. Many of those that I've worked with through the years are stuck in abusive relationships, and it is seems like the most challenging thing to get out of. There's there's a rule Gavin De Becker points out in his book, the gift of fear, engage, and enraged. Let me just read a couple of paragraphs. If you're involved in a relationship of someone who is controlling, dominating you, cutting you down, swearing at you, any form of physical violence, unless you get out, it will not stop. It will not stop. It will only escalate once someone has crossed those lines, they do not return. I know that's hard for me as a therapist to say. Right? I mean, let me say 98% of them don't. I always believe in change progress and growth. Or I wouldn't even be doing this work, but someone who crosses certain lines, and they say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. They always do it again. Have you noticed that? It's not going to change. And somehow the fear of the unknown seems to be greater than staying stuck in a horrific situation. In learning to break free, there's I encourage you to take a deep look inside of yourself learn for yourself that that you have to become the hero of your own story. Each of us have to find that strength within our in ourselves. because when redeeming with other human beings, there just will be moments when nobody will be able to live completely up to your expectation. Now I'm not talking about just normal everyday disagreement. we have with people. There's a certain line, and you know what that line is when it's crossed and it's abusive. Be able to accept that and acknowledge that. Listen. Listen to what Kevin De Becker says about getting certain individuals out of our life. You don't want him improved. You want him removed. you want him out of your life. And this goes for males and females because I I do know of men who are being horrifically abused by their spouses. Emotionally, it's it goes both ways. So, again, you don't want him or her improved. You want them removed. You want them out of your life. There's a rule we call engage and in rage, the more attachment you have, whether favorable or unfavorable, the more this will escalate. You see, we now know a secret, and that is that you are never going to work with him or her or be friends with him or her or want anything to do with them since anything less than that is not going to satisfy him or her. We already know that part of the outcome. He is going to be left disappointed. He or she is gonna be left disappointed and angry. and they are going to need to deal with that. If you talk with them, what you say becomes the issue, only way you can have your desired outcome right now is to have no contact. Only then will they begin to find other solutions to their problems, which you can't help with anyway. As long as he gets a response from you, he is distracted, he or she is distracted from his life. If, however, you don't return the calls, then each time he leaves a message, he gets some he or she leaves a mess he get he or she gets a message that you can resist his or her pursuits. Yeah. You might say, but this person never stops. Well, you haven't tested never yet. You haven't even tried it for 2 weeks. I have a client right now I've been working with for, a while. She's involved in a horrific, emotionally abusive relationship. This boyfriend tries to isolate her to put her down, to blame her, to criticize her, to, basically say that she is making him crazy. You owe me this. You need pay for this. You owe me money. It's like, I I mean, you'd scratch your head. Right? If you were to really hear the dialogue, it's just go, why would a person ever stay engaged in that? it really gets tricky because there's this thing called a trauma bond, and and people have a difficult time getting out of it. I mean, historically, research has shown that people need to to attempt to leave an abusive relationship 7, 8 times before they're actually able to do it. But I'm encouraging you if you're involved in an abusive relationship. Or if you know someone who is, have the courage to look at the truth, to speak the truth, to stand up and and and find the strength necessary to honor yourself to become the hero in your own story. No matter how difficult it is, living this type of crazy life, is is just not worth it. There really are other options out there. A This above all refused to be a victim. In our relationships with other people, it's so challenging. relationships are hard. Relationships are sticky. And we just have to realize that other people are not perfect in we gotta give some wiggle room with some things, but there are lines that are crossed. When someone crosses the line to physical violent you're in an abusive relationship, a man, or woman should never hit each other physically ever and particularly a man because they're they're generally bigger and stronger. But there are some women who are stronger than their men physically in relationships, and they're doing the same thing. for anyone to tolerate that is a soul assassination. It begins to wear you down. And I I I've seen this, and it's it's heart wrenching. to see individuals who have found themselves for years in relationships like this, and then they just become stuck just so stuck. but I want you to know today is a new day. Everything that you've experienced in life has brought you to this moment in time. You are strong. You are independent, and you absolutely have the capacity to take charge of your life and refuse to be a victim any longer. As long as we're alive, there's still hope. In the future, The best is yet to come. Just use that as a mantra. Just choose to believe in that. That that belief is just better than Hanging on to the belief. No. Everything's always gonna be horrible. It's never going to get better. No. The best is yet to come. Make a choice to believe in that. The best is yet to come. I will find my way out of this situation. Obstacles are simply opportunities to grow and develop, learn from every single experience, every single interaction that you have with other people. But the most important thing for each of us as individuals to find our strength, our independence, and above all, refuse to be a victim. It's the only way to find the inner peace and freedom and and a little self efficacy that I'm in charge of my life is that we simply will not give our power to other people. Who are abusive So today is a new day. You have not lived today yet. And though you may have failed in your attempt to get out a thousand times before, You haven't lived today yet. Today is full of possibilities, and you actually can change if that's what you choose to do. You have that power within you.

I love the quote by Henry Miller that says one's destination is never a place but a new way of seeing things. You know, if you think about it, there really are no destinations. They're just There's just a journey and sometimes a lot of emotional suffering is created by always trying to reach some place as if when we get there, everything's gonna be fixed and solved, and this place doesn't exist because whenever you get there, you're there and you have to go, okay, now what? What's next? The same is true in relationships and that's why every single moment is so critical every moment counts. Every look at another person counts. You're always preaching a sermon or your sermon. You're always preaching your sermon how you carry yourself, how you walk, whether you're at work, at school, at home, And, you know, my wife and I were having a conversation the other night, night of, a couple of bands. We we grew up. Our high school years were in the 19 seventies. And we're wondering what happened to a couple of the bands. And so we did some research on them and, and, and saw how they had had internal Discord or arguments, and then the bands fell apart. We loved their music and they were on the top of the world, you know, hitting the top of the charts and stuff like that. And and just sitting there almost in mute disbelief going, how did this happen? What happened that you have someone producing stuff that's so positive, so good. It's making a difference in the world. They're reaching the top of charts. They're reaching their goals, and then all of a sudden, someone gets offended by something. A word is spoken, a deal goes south, something happens and then everything falls apart. That's where we get back to this idea of life is just a journey and it's what we learn or are learning in the process that's the most significant thing for us to be looking at. It's the same, it's the same thing with those who struggle with addiction issues. It's like, well, what's the destination? like this imaginary place where you don't struggle at all with things anymore, such as an illusion. You'll always struggle with some triggers here or there. That's the very nature of life. And, and, and I was talking to a client earlier this week And he's in his early twenties trying to figure out what he wants to do with the living with with himself for a living and just struggling with all of those ideas that we all go through in the process of life. And he is thinking about going back to college. He's done a done a little college, and they go, well, what, what even interests you? And in our previous conversation, it was like, well, nothing really. which is the dilemma for him. And then in our last section, he says, you know, what interests me is maybe doing what you're doing. maybe becoming a psychologist, a therapist, a mental health therapist, helping people. I'd really like to do that. And so we talked about that a little bit, but then he said something interested. Yeah. But I, you know, and he's struggling with some addiction issues and he goes, but I I just, you know, Man, I have so much work before I could ever do anything like that. And I and I said to him, well, what do you perceive that a mental health therapist is. I mean, I said, and I told him a story of in an agency where I used to work at. There, we were sharing offices with, a fairly established mental health therapist. And she was doing marriage and family therapy. That was, that was her specialization. And then after a little while, it was like she was kind of shutting down her practice and we're going, wow, what's What's what are you gonna do with her life? What's going on? Well, long story short, she was going through a divorce. Going through a horrible situation herself Didn't does that mean that she can't be a good marriage therapist because she's struggling with issues? And and that's when I said to my client, what do you what do you think of me? So you're looking at me like this this mature man, whatever, is like, got it all together. I don't have any issues. I don't deal with anxiety, depression, any relationship issues with family members, etcetera. I've got everything completely put together and go, I go, yeah, I am really in a good place. I mean, I've done a lot of work, but the reason that I'm in a good place is because I've adopted the mindset of adapt, improvise, and overcome obstacles are simply opportunities to look at, and learn from, and grow I refuse to be a victim of anything. And when bad things app happen, I don't dwell on it. I continually learn from them, put them behind, and I move forward. It's a mindset, but challenges will continue to come throughout our life I think sometimes we get caught in this loop that we're looking at someone who's arrived, whether whether it's a professional athlete or whatever, even even those who achieve the highest level in their particular sport, They only they're only able to sit with it for a brief period of time and then what? It just starts all over and then it's like okay, where do we go from here? So just want to Have you just ponder on that that there really are no destinations? There's only the journey. There are destinations. Yep. There are stopping points where we can look, reflect on our lives, the decisions we've made, how they've impacted us, but, I love the mindset of going forward. Like, I'm, I'm working with a wonderful young lady right now. We just went through a divorce. There's in the process of going through a divorce and she is, you know, found a new relationship, but this guy only wants one thing. It's like, and she says I'm not ready for that and it keeps pressuring her to be physical. And she goes, I'm not interested in that right now, but he just keeps relentlessly doing that. And so in our sessions, I'm getting her to look forward to the future. Where are you gonna be 5 years from now? What is the ideal outcome that you're looking 4 or 1 year or 2 year. There's no magical thing in in 5, but then we go back to this statement by Marcus Aurelius. when we face any situation, everything that we face from day to day. Just simply ask yourself this question. is this the right thing for me to do? And so when I ask her, I say, okay, so you're gonna go meet with your new relationship guy, and he's gonna be pressuring you to do certain things. Just ask yourself the question, and she's set really good boundaries. And I compliment her and her amazed that she's been able to do it so well. And I encourage you to simply keep asking yourself the question before any action It's it's it's becoming more aware and mindful is, is this the right thing for me to do? The second she was talking about you know, she's really was in a depressed state today, and it was like and she looked around, you know, we're doing Zoom sessions, but she says my partner just a mess. It's a complete mess. And so we talked about feng shui and the movement of energy and and how it may be helpful for her mood to actually just get in and do the work regardless of how she feels to clean her apartment. and just do the thing. Like Ralph Waldo Emerson said, do the thing and you shall have the power. is just clean up. And, and then I asked her, and I said, but, so here's the question. I'll just ask you this question. Is it the right thing for you to do to clean up your apartment? And she looked at me, she says, Yes. but I said, how do you even know that? She goes, it's just a feeling a sense that I have. We all have a conscience. We all know simply what we should be doing, but sometimes we just need a little nudge To keep moving in a positive direction, do not let emotions lead the way emotions are like the weather, they change, focus more on right actions, small and simple things to do. And so her quest today she was going to clean up her apartment. She was gonna fold her laundry. She was gonna get that going. And, and so her depression level Instead of being on a scale of 1 to 10, she was about 7, 8 today. Maybe it'll go down to a 6. when she walks into her place and at least it's clean.

Would it make a difference if you chose to look at the very thing that you're struggling with right now, the very challenge that's facing you, was orchestrated for your benefit? Consider the following statements by the Greek philosopher Epictetus, where he says, do not seek to have events happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and all will be well with you. Or events do not just happen, but arrive by appointment. So those are interesting concepts. As you look at your life, the very things that you are faced with right now, the obstacles that are standing in your way, whether they be financial, relationship, health, what if they are being orchestrated for your development and growth? You know, we want simple answers, don't we? We want our issues to be resolved quickly. That's why people enter therapy. But when they enter therapy, and they express the issues that they're really dealing with, they're very complex issues. Relationship issues are sticky. They are challenging. Have different people's perspectives that clash on so many different things. And trying to get along with others sometimes can be so challenging, even within families. But if we look at things from a different perspective, as if this is the very thing that was orchestrated for me, for my development, and what can I gain? What can I learn from this struggle that I'm having right now with this particular issue? I'm reminded of a story that I heard a long time ago about a young boy who found a cocoon lying on the ground. As he got down on his hands and knees, he saw something inside moving around. He was a curious boy, and he patiently watched as the moth struggled to make its way out of the cocoon. He saw how much the moth was struggling and felt sympathy for it. In his sympathy and desire to help, he reached down and tore open the cocoon to free the moth from its struggle. The moth stretched out its wings and took flight. The boy watched as the moth flew higher and higher and then was horrified to see it fall to the ground and soon died. He told this tale to an older, wiser friend, seeking answers as to why the moth was not able to keep flying. His older friend explained that in his attempt to free the moth from its struggle, the boy actually harmed it. The moth's journey had been interrupted prematurely. The wise friend explained that the strength the moth needed to fly could only be developed by its efforts to free itself from its cocoon. So I'd encourage you to ponder just this little pivot of the way we might look at our challenges and problems. Would it make a difference to you if you were to see and understand that it was designed for you specifically, on point, exactly what you're dealing with right now, and this is an opportunity for you to learn, to grow, and develop in unique ways that are tailored just for you? Anyway, I would encourage you to consider that. Just think about it. Let it rest with you. And when I've had this conversation with a few other individuals just recently on this very topic, their response to me is that when they choose to pivot and look at things from that perspective, they find more inner peace. They find that they don't judge themselves so harshly, rather than constantly being critical of themselves. They say, I should have done this, I should have done that, I should have done this. No, you've always done the very best you can, given the situation that presented itself, but you're still in the process of growing. And just because you don't have the answers at this specific time, you haven't been able to overcome the addiction yet, you haven't been able to heal the relationship that you want healed so bad, just because that hasn't happened yet. The only failure is to quit struggling. And there must be some divine plan or all-knowing influence in the universe that is positive that chooses to allow us to struggle with things, to work on things. It's the very struggle with problems and challenges that gives life its meaning. Think about, pivot another way, think about having everything you desired. Think about having every single thing that you want, every obstacle, every struggle removed from you right now. What purpose would life have if that were the case? It is only in the struggles that life has its meaning and you're growing stronger, just like the moth trying to get out of its cocoon, it is developing tremendous strength to be able to deal with things as it grows stronger and bigger. And I like that metaphor for us as individuals, as we continue to emerge, continue to develop and grow stronger as human beings, we're just strengthened to meet the next challenge that comes. But not to look at challenges in a negative way and life in a negative way, it's just the nature of things. Life is challenging, but let's embrace the challenge, look at it, the obstacle is the way. And it's a great opportunity for us to work on things, to develop patience, understanding, empathy, and above all, be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself. But try, anyway, ponder that meaning that things that are happening in your life right now have been orchestrated for your benefit.

Victor Frankel, a World War II concentration camp survivor, emphasized the importance of looking towards the future for survival. He shared a story about a fellow prisoner who had a dream that he would be liberated on March 30th, 1945. Initially hopeful, as the date approached and liberation seemed unlikely, his hope faded. On March 29th he fell ill; by March 31st he was dead from typhus. It's believed his sudden loss of hope weakened his immunity to disease.

I'm currently working with two young men in therapy who are stuck in life due to past negative experiences and lack of self-confidence. One expressed self-loathing and lost faith in himself and God. To help him regain perspective, I asked him to project himself five years into the future - July 9th, 2028 - considering multiple potential versions of himself: college graduate or succumbing to addiction.

Despite their current struggles, it's important they connect with their future selves because time will continue moving forward regardless.

However, we shouldn't neglect the future's role in our mental well-being. It's crucial to visualize an ideal version of ourselves and let it guide us forward. This provides meaning to present events as they're connected to anticipated outcomes.

Project yourself into your future possibilities, connect with this envisioned self, and allow it to pull you towards growth. Life holds meaning; ponder these ideas and let them resonate within you. For those stuck in the now, don't dwell too much on the past but project into a different future reality.

Therapies like EMDR can be beneficial in resolving past issues by working with subconscious mind. My experience confirms that it helps alleviate trauma memories. However, our approach lacks a forward-looking perspective.

We should visualize an ideal version of ourselves and let this image guide us towards our goals. This gives meaning to present events based on potential future outcomes; only when connected to the future do we find motivation for today's actions.

So, imagine your possible futures and let them pull you forward. There’s meaning in life derived from these projections if they resonate with you. For those stuck in the present moment, don't dwell too much on your past but create a desirable reality for yourself that differs from your current state.

 I'm deeply thankful for a mentor who once asked, "Where will you be in five years if you don't return to school?" This question had a profound impact on me. Another significant influence was a retiring doctor I met at a methadone clinic. He worked there not for financial gain, but to help others. 

He advised me early in my career to take full advantage of the 401(k) matching program offered by my employer at that time - an advice I heeded despite being in my thirties then. For nearly thirteen years working with the county, I consistently saved about 15% of my income which has now become a retirement nest egg ensuring our financial security.

Through constant learning from books and people's stories, it became clear that one doesn't need millions to live comfortably. Living within your means while being accountable and mindful is sufficient.

The life-changing question posed by my mentor urged me towards future planning; envisioning where I'd be five years down the line helped shape today's reality. Whether it concerns relationships or careers, projecting oneself into the future can provide valuable insights into what we aspire to become.

Marcus Aurelius' statement resonates with this idea: "the chance for progress turns on events of a single day." Reflecting on his words might set us on paths leading us closer towards our dream selves over time.

Rather than letting past traumas drag us down, let's focus more on shaping our futures meaningfully and purposefully – because too much emphasis on past experiences can keep us stuck instead of moving forward.

He advised me to utilize the 401k matching program offered by the county organization I worked for - put some money aside and they'll match it. Even though I was already in my thirties, I followed this advice during my 13-year tenure there, saving around 15% of my income. This discipline has secured our future financially.

Despite hearing stories about people aiming to amass millions or billions, you really don't need such large sums to live comfortably. Being accountable and living within your means is enough.

The question that reshaped my life pushed me towards future planning. So wherever you are now, picture yourself five years ahead; imagine your perfect self then ask what version of yourself will exist? Marcus Aurelius once said that progress depends on each day's events – so consider what purpose your soul should serve at this point in time?

Your answers will guide you towards becoming that envisioned self half a decade from now. Let the future pull you forward instead of being held back by the past; too much focus on past traumas can keep us stuck while looking forward propels us into meaningful lives.

 There are countless potential versions of ourselves in the future. When we concentrate on one version, such as a strong or confident self, all other possibilities fade away due to our focused attention. This is where the concept of faith comes into play; it's an intelligent force that shapes reality based on what we pay attention to.

However, creation requires patience. People often struggle with this idea because they expect instant results. Life tests us through trials and obstacles which ultimately help us grow.

Consider whatever issues you're currently dealing with - anxiety, depression etc., envision your future self overcoming these challenges and let this vision guide you forward. This embodies hope – a mental image of our potential future that we can grasp onto.

One patient expressed her belief in this process saying: "Doctor, I believe in what you say It is a message that makes me happy." Similarly, picturing yourself at your best five years from now can bring joy if you hold onto it and trust it to lead the way.

Faith is often discussed in life; it's an intelligent force that drives creation based on what we pay attention to. Patience is key during this process. People often struggle with waiting for results but the development and growth through obstacles and trials are essential parts of life.

Consider your current struggles: anxiety or depression perhaps? Imagine yourself in the future having overcome these issues. This vision can guide you forward giving rise to hope which exists within our minds as potentiality for betterment.

A patient once said to Dr Franco, "I believe in what you say. It makes me happy." Likewise, envisioning yourself in an improved state among myriad possibilities can bring happiness too if held onto firmly. Trust that this future self will guide you along the path needed to reach it.