Merci Maman: Studio Stories

Today we have the pleasure of speaking to Rosie Wicks, the face of our Collection Précieuse, our first ever recycled gold collection.

Shop the collection: https://www.mercimamanboutique.com/

Eve: Thanks so much for joining us Rosie, we are so excited to announce that you are the new face to our Solid Gold Collection which is launching tomorrow! What’s your favourite piece from the collection and what did you have engraved on it?

Rosie: The piece I have chosen is the Intertwined necklace because I have the gold plated version which I wear all the time, but I thought it would be nice to have the Solid Gold version as its’ just very special and I will keep it forever. I have Indie and Marley, my children’s names engraved on the bigger circle and Joe on the smaller one.

Eve: That’s lovely! Do you want to introduce yourself to our audience? (0:56)

Rosie: I’m a mother of two, Indie who is 2 and half and Marley who is 1. I’m a former model so it was nice to be back on set with Merci Maman. I’m pretty much a stay-at-home mum with my two babies and you may know me as the wife of Joe Wicks!

Eve: Yes, a lot of us know you from your modelling days and being married to Joe. How did you guys meet? (01:28)

Rosie: We actually met at a rave! My friend was married to his friend who was a DJ and met at the rave, which is a good story to tell our kids! We were just friends for ages, and we met up and actually decided to become a couple, we went full force and travelled the world together, got married and had babies!

Eve: Wow I did not know that! Now you have your two children Indie and Marley, how was your pregnancy with them both? (2:00)

Rosie: I’m one of those people who loved being pregnant, I did find it really exhausting but I was luckily enough to never suffer from any sickness. I would say my first pregnancy was very different as you are obsessed with it and its all you think about all the time, always on the app seeing what size your baby is! Then with my second pregnancy, I felt like it flew by. I didn’t think about it that much as a I was so distracted looking after my first baby. I loved being pregnant though and wearing tight tops to show off my bump!

Eve: Aw nice! Being in the public eye, did you feel any pressure becoming a mother with social media nowadays? (03:18)

Rosie: There are great things about social media, but it makes you feel judged and people compare themselves a lot. I don’t personally post that much on social media, but I feel like if I did, then I would feel a lot more pressure. I feel like with motherhood and parenting people can be a lot more judgemental and opinionated. I think you have to be careful with what you say. I’m one of those people who looks at social media lot more than posts. I go through phases and sometimes forget it exists! I now unfollow people that don’t make me feel good as I think Instagram should be for inspiring you, not making you feel unhappy.

Eve: Yeah, we have had people on the podcast before saying Instagram can be a place where you make lifelong friends, but it can also be a place where it makes you feel crap. How would you describe your parenting style? (05:05)

Rosie: I think I’m a laidback parent but I’m the strict one out of us both. The kids know not to ask me for something and to ask dad and that he will give in and I won’t. I try to make sure that if I say no to something, that I stick to it because they learn so quickly that you’re going to give in. It’s hard to stick to it as it is so easy to give in to them.

Eve: What have been the highs and lows of motherhood for you? (06:10)

Rosie: I feel like being a parent every single day is constant ups and downs. I feel like just getting out the house is very stressful but then 15 minutes later were in the park and everyone is happy and then 10 minutes later its stress again! I try to see the highs in normal everyday things as I know when I’m older that is what I’ll look back on and miss, like bath time, bedtime and reading books, things like that. The hardest thing and the biggest low are the sleep deprivation. When I had my babies, I feel like in the morning you have this adrenaline and you just get up for the day and your fine. Then when they are 6 months old it gets a lot harder and your body can’t cope with it anymore.

Eve: Our yearlong campaign this year is called My Motherhood and it celebrates all kinds of motherhood. Who do you look up to in life and what does Motherhood mean to you? (08:05)

Rosie: Motherhood to me is all I’ve ever wanted. I still find it so fascinating that we created human beings and we are raising them to be adults one day. I look up to my friends and other mums I know and my mum! I am always admiring other mums and learning more every day on how they parent.

Eve: Is how you were brought up, similar to how you parent now? (09:15)

Rosie: I’m actually very different to my mum, we’re best friends and I see her practically every day, but I think our mothering styles are different. I’m quite laid back and I’ll let the kids do things and my mum will be like why are you letting them do things, that’s so dangerous! I do say things to the kids though and think omg I am turning into my mum, so we probably are a bit similar.

Eve: What’s the best advice you can give to new mothers? (10:15)

Rosie: Mine is to always accept help and I think you should ask for help when you need it. I’m really lucky to have both of our parents nearby so can accept help when we need it as you do need a break. The other thing is to not go crazy reading forums especially when you’re feeding your baby in the middle of the night.

Eve: You and Joe are very fit parents, after having kids did feel any pressure to “snap back into shape”? (12:03)

Rosie: I recently tried to do a pull up as I thought I could never do one, and I actually surprise myself I could do about 4. I realised it because I’m always carrying a heavy toddler in my arms! I think there is always pressure to “snap back”, especially when you see pictures all of these LA mums and you do feel the pressure. Realistically, you have just grown an entire human being in your body and given birth, it takes time. I’m quite luckily enough to have my mum’s genes where I did quite quickly get my old body back. The most important thing is to just not compare, and everyone is different.

Eve: Yes definitely. I think the first thing you need to think about is becoming a mum. Last year you and Joe inspiring the nation with your daily PE lessons. Did you ever imagine it would be as big as it was? (14:45)

Rosie: At that time I feel like everyone had a good mentality about it and we thought in a couple of months it would be back to normal. I never in a million years thought it would go on for as long as it did or be as big as it is. I’m really proud of Joe, he works so hard and no matter how he felt he got up and did it in the morning.

Eve: You must have inspired so many people, it was hitting headlines all the time the views kept going up. So many parents must be so grateful for you out there for doing it.

Rosie: Yes, and I think a lot of adults appreciated it as it gave them some routine and encouraged people to get out of bed. It was a good way to start your day off.

Eve: My personal favourite bit was when Joe let one rip! (16:40)

Rosie: I knew you were going to say that, It’s so gross! I don’t think it would have been so funny if it wasn’t the way he did it. the velocity at the end when he is so desperate to get it out.

Eve: How did you feel when you saw it over all the papers? (17:10)

Rosie: The funny thing is I never look at any newspapers or anything so I wouldn’t have known, but I know Joe is so embarrassed when he farts in front of me anyway. He sent me the link and said he was mortified, and I don’t think he released how big it was going to get so he thought he just had to own it. Its more embarrassing to pretend it doesn’t happen. Its mostly kids doing PE with Joe, so they all probably thought it was hilarious.

Eve: What are you looking forward to when the world goes back to normal? (18:30)

Rosie: I’m looking forward to so much, I’ve already booked 4 dinners for when we are allowed out. The main thing I’m looking forward to is travelling. I’m just excited to take the children to different countries. I feel sorry for Marley as his entertainment every day is going for walks, we haven’t been able to go to any baby classes or soft play.

Eve: Where is the first place you plan to go on holiday to? (20:00)

Rosie: I’m too scared to book anything yet and I’m going to wait to see what were allowed to do. I think in the summer it’s nice to go to Europe, but one of my favourite places we went to when Indie was a few months old was Costa Rica, so I would love to go back there. We have house in Santa Monica in the US so I’m really looking forward to going back there as well.

Eve: What is the main mantra you live your life by and why? (21:05)

Rosie: Work hard, have fun and be nice. It’s so simple but so true.

Eve: You have been fabulous, thanks so much for coming on!

Today we speak to Nicole Robinson from @goodlucknic over on Instagram to speak about her IVF journey over the years.

https://www.instagram.com/goodlucknic/

Today we speak to Alice Wadey from @Alice.In.Type.Wonderland on her experience of living and dealing with Type 1 Diabetes.

Eve: Today we are speaking to Alice about Type 1 Diabetes. Do you want to start telling us about yourself? (0.30)

Alice: I have been a Type 1 diabetic since I was about 11. I have been married for 6 years now and live in a little village in West Sussex. I have two daughters, Matilda who is 2 and Florence who is 3 months old, a lockdown baby!

Eve: How did you find out you had diabetes? (1:15)

Alice: I’m type 1 diabetes, which is more common whilst in childhood and a young age. There are 3 main types of diabetes that people have heard of, but there are so many others. When I was diagnosed, I was very lucky, I was very sporty, but my mum picked up on the symptoms and did a home test kit on me to test my blood sugars. The diagnoses happen very quickly, I went to the doctors and hospital the next day. A lot of symptoms are weight loss, tiredness, vision blurring. I was a sporty 11-year-old and was always losing weight and being tired.

Eve: What are the three main types of diabetes you mentioned? (4:00)

Alice: The differences are mainly how it comes around. Type 1 is an autoimmune disease where your body attacks yourself and you require insulin. There is no cure. Type 2 is more common in adults. It’s more of a lifestyle thing. This is where your body doesn’t use insulin correctly. Then there is gestational diabetes which is what a lot of pregnant women get during their pregnancy. For the majority it is temporary and when the baby is born the diabetes goes. There is also Lada diabetes, which is a form of type 1. It can take 3 or 4 years for the symptoms of this type to appear. There is Neonatal diabetes as well which is from birth. This can come and go, or it can stay.

Eve: Wow, I honestly didn’t know there was so many types! How does your type 1 diabetes impact your life day to day? (6:35)

Alice: In every way possible. I think deep down its really best to embrace your diabetes. When I was younger, I was really unwell with my diabetes. I had an appendix and any form of an infection if you have diabetes is not good, and so I was in intensive care for a bit.

Things like stress, illness, exercise can change your levels without you doing anything to them. Food is really big thing when being diabetic, you have to carb count. You have to work out your ratios of insulin and over how many hours this is. It can be very overwhelming. I’m very positive about my diabetes and I’m proud to be diabetic. It made me grow up at a young age and become independent.

Eve: You said you ignored it in your teenage years, what do you mean by this? (10:15)

Alice: Most diabetics should test their blood sugars 8-10 a day and inject every meal. I never just used to inject, I would eat chocolate. My mum used to ask my how my diabetes was, and I would say they are fine, well knowing that I hadn’t checked in about 2 or 3 days. There was a result of being like this and I became very very unwell.

Alice: I think one of the things that helped me was the advance in technology. Having a flash glucose monitor was really useful. Just looking at my phone to see what my sugars are doing on a graph and not having to prick my finger all the time makes it a lot easier. I’m on an insulin pump and it’s just a disc that sticks to the skin. All I have to do is just type in how much insulin I need at mealtimes.

Eve: You now have 2 children, and you have been open with your fertility struggles. Could you tell us more about this? (14:20)

Alice: At the time, I kept it to myself and it’s not till after that I shared things about this. We tried to conceive for about 4 years after getting married. With my health and other issues there was this debate whether I had polycystic ovaries or endometriosis. There were these background issues and not falling pregnant and miscarriages. I spoke to my GP and she said she thought there could be some issues. She referred me to a specialist to get things checked over. To this day I think we could have been stuck in the system if we hadn’t been referred so quickly. She was invested in me and my health. We had what is known as unknown fertility struggles, they didn’t know what was wrong. After several months to nearly a year we were sent down to a fertility clinic where they said hormone treatments might help. We went through IVF and had 2 failed rounds. We decided we would have one last try and we couldn’t afford to not go through the NHS as that can get very pricey. We knew we had 17 weddings coming up, so we took a break. Then the next month we found out we were pregnant with Matilda! It was a very difficult pregnancy, for at least the first 20 weeks I was worried whenever I went to the toilet there would be blood. Any tweak or pain I thought the worst. We always talk about Matilda as our miracle baby.

Eve: That’s so great! What about Florence? (18:20)

Alice: Florence was natural. We got to thinking about having a second child and thought we may have to go down the IVF route. We thought about trying and then fell pregnant within 2-3 months. We were both shocked! I’m so happy to have both of my girls now.

Eve: How was your pregnancy and birth with both of them? (19:00)

Alice: Let’s just put it this way, I have a very good relationship with my diabetes nurse and after Florence they both said, don’t do this again to us! Both were very high-risk pregnancies, and both needed a lot of monitoring. They were very touch and go the whole way through. Matilda’s birth was deemed trauma and there are open cases with the hospital about ways it was managed. And a very emotional pandemic birth with Florence. I’m really lucky I have two healthy girls at the end of it.

Eve: Did your pregnancy impact your pregnancy other than it being monitored all the time and high risk? (20:35)

Alice: All diabetes is deemed into a high-risk category. You need a lot more appointment and higher up people. I had a team of 6 medical professionals around me supporting me. You have the maximum number of scans. My appointments were 3 or 4 hours long. With Matilda’s pregnancy my body took a battering, but she was born perfectly at 35 weeks. Her birth was really difficult, both mine and her stats kept dropping. There were lots of complications and ended up being a forceps delivery. She stopped breathing and needed to be resuscitated. She was taken straight up to the special baby unit. We had Christmas that year in the special baby unit, the hospital made it very special. She came on very quickly and we were only in hospital for about a week with her. We came home on new year’s at 10pm.

Eve: How did you recover mentally from all the trauma? (26:20)

Alice: I didn’t it in all honestly. I swept it up under the carpet and kind of forgot about it for a while. The hospital did their own investigations, but I didn’t that. I was happy, I had my daughter. I put it all down to my diabetes nurse, she is so supportive and positive. It all came flooding back when I gave birth to Florence. She was a planned C- Section at 37 weeks. I remembered the sounds, noises and the smells of how it was before. I thought at the time that I wasn’t over this.

Eve: What’s your main mantra you live by and why? (30:00)

Alice: It’s going to sound a bit negative but, prepare for the worst as anything else can be a positive.

Eve: Thanks so much for coming on, it’s been so informative and eye opening.

Today we speak to the lovely Cliona Byrne on her top tips to become body positivity, and how you can project a body positive image onto your children or friends.

Eve: Today we are going to be talking about body positivity, which is on-going topic, not only in motherhood but in the media for many years and it is not discussed enough. Tell us about yourself!

Cliona: I work with mums who struggle with their body image and I help them like their bodies so they can raise their kids to be body confident. I do this through a program called body positive parenting. I get mums who are hiding under their baggy clothes and get them to feel confident in a bikini in family photos.

Eve: What’s your journey into becoming a body positivity coach and was there a defining moment for you?

Cliona: It’s hard to imagine now, but I used to really dislike my body. If you have a look at my Instagram, I have no problem in showing my cellulite or stretch marks or anything now, I’m really confident in my body. But years ago, I had a really bad relationship with myself and I don’t think I realised how bad it was. What happened was I had to have an operation on my jaw as I had a side bite. I knew for years I was going to have to have this operation as I couldn’t bite properly. I was very uncomfortable with my weight at the same time, so I thought if I lost weight and had this operation done, I thought I would look so great and my life would be sparkly and magical. The diet industry promises us that once we lose weight, life will become amazing. So, I lost a ton of weight, had the operation and I now have screws in my face because of this and I didn’t feel any different after. I suddenly had a wakeup call that this is not how I look, this is how I feel about myself. This is when I took my own journey and started to embrace who I am.

In later years I decided to change what I was doing. I had been working in social media and communications, but I retrained in coaching to work with people on body image. Everyone kept coming to me with the same story. This was that when they were a child someone said to them you have a big head, or your fat or they have thick legs or whatever it might have been and how this had impacted their body image. At the same end of this I had mums telling me they didn’t want their kids to feel the same way that they felt about their body. It became clear to be that it was mums I needed to help, and they could teach their kids to be body confident themselves. That’s how I got to where I am now and what I do.

Eve: it seems like such an amazing job and fulfilling as well. What are some ways our listeners can improve their body image?

Cliona: This is the think I give to every client, and it’s not going to take you any time or cost you anything. I call it mirror magic. What I want everyone to do is to start smiling at your reflection. Start smiling at yourself when you look in the mirror or when you’re walking down the street and get a glimpse of yourself in the store front and when you turn on your camera and the front camera accidentally comes on and you look like a thumb! I want you to smile at yourself. There is a logic to this. When you smile, even if it is a forced smile, it releases serotonin, so you feel good. So, if you smile at yourself every time you see yourself, you will feel good and overtime you associate seeing yourself with feeling good.

Eve: It’s as simple as that?!

Cliona: This is so simple but will completely change your relationship with how you feel about yourself. If we treated our friend the same way we treat ourselves when we look in the mirror, no one would want to be our friend, so why are we doing it to ourselves? Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you look good and maybe even give yourself a wink! Start having a good relationship with the mirror.

Eve: I think that is a really good tip for everyone to start doing! On the other hand to this, what are some ways that society can improve?

Cliona: There is a lot of things out there in the world so that they can sell us something or promote something. People out there said let’s create a problem so we can sell a solution to people. The one thing we can do in society to make things better is to stop posting things on social media that can be a bit triggering. Some examples of this are spreading memes and jokes about gaining weight, posting about detox teas and even before and after pictures. Be aware of this, it’s not good for you and it’s not good for people looking at it either.

Eve: Yes, I completely agree, and I think people would have been guilty of that at some point in their life. With talking about social media, we have had mums on the podcast saying they find themselves comparing themselves to other mums. What are your top tips for the mums?

Cliona: There is a term I came up with that really embraces all of this and I call it sh!tspiration. If you find yourself looking at an account for mums that makes you feel bad because every time they post photos they are perfect, unfollow them. Your Instagram feed is yours, if it makes you feel bad unfollow them. Follow stuff that makes you feel good instead.

Eve: I love Daisy May Cooper on Instagram. She is hilarious. If anyone is not following her, I suggest you do. She is so real and just fab!

Cliona: That’s good quality stuff to look at! Step away from the bad stuff and step towards the good stuff.

Eve: Why are mums so important in forming their children’s body image?

Cliona: To all the mums listening, you are Beyonce even if you don’t feel like it! You are the influencer and queen of your house and your kids see you that way. As kids grow up, they start to notice more and more things, if they see you dieting and working out all the time they start to think this is normal. Social media and the magazines are secondary, what happens at home is primary.

On the other side, if the mum is at home telling herself that she looks good in the mirror, feels confident wearing a bikini to the beach, the kids will start to get the message that bodies are good. If we are always looking at the flaws in others, we are going to look at the flaws in ourselves.

Eve: what would you say to the mums out there that have had their kids say they are not happy with their body?

Cliona: Tell them to shut up and listen! Let them get it all off their chest about who made them feel that way and you just listen. Your child’s feelings about their body are very valid so let them talk it out. Then start telling them what you like about yourself and what they like about others and themselves.

Eve: What’s your main mantra you live by?

Cliona: There is one thing I say to myself and I say this every day, its I’m perfectly imperfect. It’s a way for me to give myself some self-compassion, which we all could do with. I’m good enough as I am, and I deserve to be kind to myself.

Eve: Yes, I think everyone needs to be a little bit kinder themselves. Thanks so much for coming on!

The final episode of the mini series! We hope you've all enjoyed listening. Today we speak to Ali Byatt on her journey to adopting her two children, and the highs and lows of this.

Eve: Today I’m joined by Ali Byatt from @im.winging.it.too to speak about her journey to motherhood and also her journey to adoption. Ali adopted 4 years ago and today she documents her family life over Instagram.

Ali: I’m 39, the big 4 – 0 this year, hopefully out of lockdown. I became a mum in 2016 we adopted our 2 children; they were brother and sister and they came to us at the same time and it flipped our lives upside down in the most amazing way. It was also challenging at some points as well. I started my Instagram to find other families that have adopted. I think social media gets quite a bad rep but if you keep your boundaries it can be some type of therapy and a powerful thing to support you.

Eve: We have actually had a few people on the podcast saying they have found friends on Instagram that they would not have found otherwise. It’s really lovely. What’s your journey to motherhood?

Ali: I had a number of operations when I was younger that means that my lady parts weren’t working as they should. I put children on the back burner as I was very carer driven and worked in early years. I met my husband 11 years ago and he was 7 years younger than me and children wasn’t really on the cards.

A really good friend of mine, her father passed away and we were very close with him and this shifted things into perspective. I had always thought about adoption and it would have been something I would have considered even if I could have children naturally. I have some issues with hospitals from operations in the past and I thought I could not physically put myself through the IVF process. It took us about 18 months to be approved as adopters. The second profile of the children we saw, I just knew they were for us. We only got approved for a toddler and one child, so we had to get re approved for siblings. We’ve had to learn a lot about how we parent as some children can come with a lot of trauma from spending time with their birthparents.

Eve: How long did the adoption process take?

Ali: We registered as adopters in February 2015 and it consist of 3 phases. The first phase is information gathering, you have a medical and then phase 2 is training.

Eve: How did you find this emotionally?

Ali: I buried a lot of emotions about things up until the children moved in and about 6 months after. I hadn’t realised how my infertility and my relationship with my father had both affected me. After 6 months of the children moving in I started to experience panic attacks and anxiety so I sought therapy. I made things much more difficult for myself than necessary and I also thought these children need perfection because of what they had experienced previously coming to me. The thing I’ve learnt the most I can teach them is emotion regulation and resilience. With my son if we feel like things are rising he goes and blows bubbles at the back door as we know it regulated his breathing again. I’ve learnt I need to go a lot easier on myself. From working with children and being with children, I thought I knew a lot more than I did.

Ali: I’m quite a placid person and I’ve never met people that can wind up my buttons like my children can! We all love the bones of each other and know how to make each other happy but we also know what winds each other up.

Eve: What was it like the first time you met your two children?

Ali: I remember the exact moment. They were at their foster house and we had to drive a long way to meet them. We walked up the drive and my son had this big smile which I now know is actually his very scared smile. He was waving at the window and my daughter was clinging onto the foster carer. The introduction happened and then they came home with us 10 days later.

Eve: How did your children take to you in those first few weeks?

Ali: They did take to us really well, my son Thomas called me Mummy from the moment he met me. Tiggs wasn’t talking and walking yet and the second day she did stay with the foster carer. The first time she touched me we were playing in the sand and she touched my hand, and I was really trying hard not to cry.

Eve: How are you today?

Ali: Today we are ok, we miss our space. I was furloughed most of the year which was a blessing as the kids were at home, so I needed to be around. Thomas is transferring to a new special school at the moment where he will hopefully get on better as he didn’t like his previous school. I miss my friends at the moment, I’m a very sociable person, but Instagram is good at this! We’re very lucky to be honest, we live by the sea and we have found lots of walks to go on the beach and in the woods. We got a new dog in March and he’s perfect, the children both love him.

Eve: What advice would you give to people starting the adoption process or have thought about it before?

Ali: I would 100% recommend adoption. I would go onto Instagram and follow all the UK adoption communities. If you do decide to start the process is to take as much time for yourself as when the children come, they’re is not that much time for yourself. When going through the process you find a lot out about the children and what they have been through and you feel a lot of sympathy for them. I think it’s really important to change this into empathy. Your children need you to look after yourself so you can look after them in the best possible way.

Eve: What does Motherhood mean to you?

Ali: It means everything! Although parenthood is challenging its helped me improve everything about myself. Motherhood to me is realising you are worth fighting for and changing for as well as just your children.

Ali: Definitely my mum. She is just amazing and is there for me no matter what. She was a single mum and has raised me and my brother really well. I don’t think I would have got through without her. She’s everyone’s mum and you can talk to her about anything!

Eve: What is your main mantra you live your life by?

Ali: There isn’t such a thing as a perfect mum or perfect woman, your flaws are what make you. If I hadn’t had gone through what I went through when I was a child, I wouldn’t be the mother to the children I am. If you ask yourself who’s asking yourself to be perfect, it’s probably your own mind.

Eve: You have been amazing, so interesting. Thank you!

Today we speak to the wonderful Beth Sandland, from @bethsandland. In this podcast, we openly discuss Beth's experience of pregnancy after loss (TW), and the stigma around this. We also chat about her feelings and thoughts, coping mechanisms around this, and where she is today.

Beth's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bethsandland/

Eve: Today were speaking to Beth from @bethsandland about her journey of motherhood in particular her experience of two miscarriages. Do you want to start by introducing yourself?

Beth: I'm 25 and I live in south London with my husband. We got married in October and we had a tiny pandemic wedding. I am a lifestyle Blogger and pre pandemic I did travel blogging. We spent all of 2019 abroad which took us to lots of places and it was incredible. We spent a lot of time in Australia and really fell in love with it. We also went to Sri Lanka which I didn’t know much about this before and now I should be on some kind of commission for the tourists. If anyone asks where to travel, I always say there as it suits any traveller!

Eve: I actually went to Sri Lanka in 2019 as well, it was incredible! The people are so friendly and happy to help, I would love to go back. As a brand this year and our campaign we are really trying to cover all journeys of motherhood. What’s your journey to motherhood?

Beth: I first found out I was pregnant in November 2019, it was unplanned and felt like a blessing, it was perfect timing. We had just returned home from that 12-month trip. You had been on this whirlwind time and you’re back home doing the dishes and putting the bins out. Being pregnant was our next adventure! I then had a missed miscarriage which was diagnosed at a scan and it was a complete shock. I knew about miscarriages from the internet but like most people, I never thought it would happen to me. It shook my world going to the scan and someone saying there is going to be no baby. I didn’t know how to process this, and the grief was very real. There is still a lot of stigma attached to it and people think why has this happened to me, I’m the only one to have experienced this. If you asked your friends and they were really honest, you would find this is something a lot of women go through.

Eve: The statistics do say 1 in 4 women will experience this in their lifetime, which is huge.

Beth: We really battled with the loss and this happening twice. We had made room in our hearts to extend our family and then it’s all gone again. There is very much a stigma and a lot people say things which they think are well meaning that are fundamentally unhelpful. It’s the at least’s, the at least you weren’t further at along, at least your young and it makes you wonder whether there was a baby and whether you can grieve. There is a lot of seeking validation to see people that had gone through it and now working. No matter what anyone says when you find out your pregnant, you start planning and having a date in the diary for 9 months’ time.

It completely changed our priorities and we needed a few months to recover emotionally. I had the D&C surgery to ‘manage’ the miscarriage. The pandemic took away all my coping mechanisms. I was just starting to work and going out socialising with my friends. We weren’t sure what impact the virus would have on pregnancy. We started trying again in the summer and I fell pregnant again quickly, but this ended up in an early bleed. This was a very different feeling to the first time around. I was much more preoccupied whether there was anything wrong with me.

Eve: Did you find it any easier to cope with because you had been there already?

Beth: Maybe, it wasn’t as much as a shock and not nearly as traumatic as the first miscarriage which was further along. It was very upsetting, but I could cope with it more. We decided to have a break after having a more negative tests and we got married and we were focusing on planning a pandemic wedding. We took the pressure off and the universe had very different plans as I’m now 7 months pregnant.

I sought therapy after the first miscarriage. One of the things I told the therapist was that I worried pregnancy would never be a surprise again and would always be planned and tracking cycles. It’s the trying to conceive that no one talks about. It was so lovely in the summer to find out I was pregnant again; I remind myself each day that I’m a day closer to meeting our baby.

Eve: As you said miscarriage is a very tough subject for people. As suffering 2 miscarriages yourself, has this changed your outlook on life?

Beth: It changed my outlook and my priorities. We’re not in control you can only plan so much. When people ask the where do you see yourself in 5 question, you can influence things, but you can’t plan out your life.

Eve: When I was younger, I used to say I’m going to get married at x age and have a baby at x age and when you get older there are different factors and your life changes a lot. You are an amazing advocate for support over on Instagram and are very open speaking about your experiences. How did it affect you and also your partner as well?

Beth: Seeking therapy was good for me since I was grieving deeply. It took time for me to think it was ok that I was feeling the way I was. My husband was very open with me about it, which is very important as men sometimes get forgotten about with their feelings about a pregnancy. We really did communicate well as a team.

I decided to share online after some time as it felt like the right thing to do and to reflect. It felt impossible to ignore. I would go to hit the publish button 5 days in a row as I didn’t know how this would be received. A lot of the support I have received has been online and is invaluable. I get messages from people opening up telling me they have not told anyone what they are going through.

Eve: Where would you advise people to go to, if they are struggling today?

Beth: The Saying Goodbye charity run by Zoe is all about baby loss, her and her charity have time for anyone. She has a few books which have been really helpful to me. Tommy’s charity is also brilliant, and I have spoken to them. There are a lot of charities out there where you can talk to them without having to pick up the phone. I think writing it down and getting it off your chest is a good thing to do.

Eve: What does motherhood mean to you?

Beth: My perception of motherhood has changed a lot, I’ve learned that you don’t have to have a baby in your arms to be a mum. I think there is a clear stereotype of a mum being at home with a baby. Motherhood can be in different forms its whatever you make it. I know amazing women who don’t have their children with them due to loss but they are still very much mothers.

What a family looks like is not the 2.4 linear model anymore. You can be a family without children. My husband and I are already a family, I think a family is what you choose for it to be.

Eve: How’s your pregnancy been so far, I know you’re getting closer now, has this been a smooth journey for you?

Beth: Health wise it’s been a straightforward pregnancy with no complications. It has not been physically tiring but mentally for the first trimester I was always on high alert and super anxious. It took me a long time for me to think that this is a baby we are going to bring home with us.

I break things down into milestones, so I can tick things off as we get closer. I needed to get by day by day. Where we are at now is planning the nursery and talking about names. Everyone’s journey is different, but I have found that in the scope after loss it does get easier.

We have started hypnobirthing recently. I sent her an email before being really honest saying I don’t have any fears around labour, but I’m was scared I won’t bring my baby home from the hospital. Since then, we have done a couple of sessions and it has really helped improve my headspace, I feel a lot calmer.

Eve: What is the main mantra you live your live by?

Beth: I would say every day is a new day and take it as it comes and think this applies to all areas of life. The sun rises every day and time keeps going. It’s the one constant we can rely on.

Eve: Thanks so much for being very open, I found it incredibly interesting!

Today I had the pleasure of speaking to Sally Darby, who was diagnosed with MS. Today Sally lives with her husband and two children, and I chat to her about her journey of motherhood, and what needs to change in society moving forward with people's perception of disabilities. Sally also runs a Facebook group for Disabled Mums, called 'Mums Like Us' on Facebook & Instagram.

On our first episode of the #MyMotherhood mini series, we speak to the inspiring Michelle Kennedy, founder and CEO of the popular motherhood app Peanut. We discuss her journey to motherhood, her incredible career, and why in this day & age it's so important to surround yourself with support.

Today we're speaking to Ula and Ollie from @herewegoagain.blog on Instagram.