Things get pretty hairy for David Naughton in this howlingly awesome 1981 werewolf movie.  Plenty of gore and dark humour (see how I spelt that so Englishly?) make this a true classic about a lycanthrope just tryin' to cope!  Now, come along and have a pint at The Slaughtered Lamb with me and this rather dodgy bloke Evan Lam ('es a good lad, actually) as we gnash our teeth and tear into this excellent horror/comedy.  It also happens to have no less than TWO Star Wars connections!  Just don't forget what happens when the moon is full.  What I wanna know is...what happens when the moon is empty???

For once, I'll present a movie that's actually got style and substance: a 1998 masterpiece of visionary science fiction called Dark City.  It was only the second feature by director Alex Proyas, and it's so good Roger Ebert hoisted his fussy thumb way up for it.  Considering that this legendary film critic basically crapped all over nearly every other movie I've featured on Missing Real, we must have ourselves a pretty respectable flick here!  Haven't seen it?  Well, maybe you have and your memories were just replaced by an injection while you were unconscious!  But this is truly an unforgettable movie that always feels fresh and intriguing with each repeat viewing.  There's so much going on, visually stunning and imaginative spirals of storyline in a Burton's Batman meets Matrix metropolis...aw, just trust Ebert's thumb!  If you don't agree this movie is incredible, there are other fingers we could offer up...  

The epic horror movie that hits you like a ton of Kubricks!  Jack Nicholson at his Jackiest!  Dizzying camerawork that can make you tricycle-sick.  Blood-gushing elevators that'll have you running for the stairs.  Twins (and not the kind you wanna get with.)  So many eerie experiences, and a legacy that endures over 40 years later.  I've seen this film enough times to have plenty of material for this funny, illuminating and hair-raising podcast.  Hopefully I didn't Overlook anything...  

Probably the most "serious" film I'm likely to cover in this podcast, Shawshank is a masterpiece of sorts.  And a real pain in the butt to make fun of.  Though not quite as severe a pain in the butt as getting a visit from "The Sisters"...aw, there I go!  Shame on me.  But trust me, I'm reformed.  I'm ready to re-enter society.  Oh, and speaking of re-entry, keep those Sisters away!!!  Sorry.  Can't help myself.  Once again, I am joined in the studio (BRIC in Brooklyn, NY, to be exact) by my good buddy Dave Chan, who's a real big fan of this film.  So, let's lock down some laughs and hear some astute observations.  Or, should they be "obtuse"?  Everything's on the table this time, expect the unexpected.  There may even be a surprise appearance by...Batman? 

In December of 2019, just before that damn coronavirus shut down the cinemas, the final episode of the 9-movie Star Wars "Skywalker Saga" was finally up on the big screen.  We've been following this franchise for 42 years, eager to see how it all wraps up.  Many chopped off hands and limbs later, most of the characters we grew up with came back in episodes 7 and 8 only to be killed off (bye, Han...your son sucks.  Luke, what on Hoth were you thinking???) and by the time we get to this last hurrah, Leia's still in the game but the actress playing her, Carrie Fisher, has sadly passed away.  So that just leaves us shifty old scoundrel Lando Calrissian, who shows up just a little bit too late to the party but still stands stylishly attired against the evil Empire/First Order/Bad Guys.  Oh, yeah...and guess who's the main villain?  No, not Kylo Stimpy.  It's the Emperor!  Or a really bad wax dummy of him.  Oh boy, I have a bad feeling about this.  After the debacle of The Last Jedi, we had to bring J.J. Abrams back to the director's chair to salvage this mess.  Hopefully, all is not Lost.   

In Star Wars canon, this is widely considered the best of them all (Episode IX hasn't hit the screens as of this posting, but fat chance!)  This is the sequel that pushed the boundaries and put our beloved heroes through the wringer.  And carbonite.  Empire rules, and it's almost blasphemous to make fun of it.  Well, not as blasphemous as Greedo shooting first, but anyway this commentary is done with respect, love, anger, fear, aggression, all that good stuff.  Get ready to jump into comedy hyperspace!  Unless Chewie screwed up again.

What can I tell you about Screamers?  Well, obviously it's not a silent movie.  There is screaming in it, yeah, but it's a pretty intriguing sci-fi futuristic apocalyptic and sick flick.  The storyline comes from some pretty respectable genre writers, and we've got Peter Weller in a movie that's not Robocop but still quite awesome.  People getting killed by rampaging robots, robots getting blown away by people, and people that aren't people but robots!  See what I mean about the writing?  It's a bleak, paranoid tale of a cold-war future on another planet, and even though it was sort of a box office flop it's become one of my favorites...a movie I've owned on VHS, laserdisc, DVD and Blu-ray.  I probably bought a ticket to see it in the theater back in 1995 as well, so it looks like this movie made quite a bit of money just from me alone!  Sadly, not quite enough to break even.  Sorry, guys!  But thanks for making it!  Hopefully people who listen to this episode will immediately want to buy a copy of Screamers for their home video collection.  That's my sole purpose for recording it!  Enjoy!   

Just in time for Halloween, a very special episode dedicated to the King of Horror...no, wait, that might mislead you all into thinking I mean Stephen King.  Alright, then: the CARPENTER of Horror!  From humble beginnings in silly science fiction through some of the most memorable creepy cult classics to some late-career anomalies and whatever this limbo of current semi-retirement leads up to, we'll take a humorous look at all the great movies this guy has given us.  Unforgettable characters, synth-y soundtracks, blood and mayhem abound in the films of the great John Carpenter.  They sure don't build 'em like they used to!

Vampires have been around for a long time, kinda like this old TV miniseries/movie based on one of Stephen King's earliest novels.  In 1979, it was one of the scariest things you could see on your television other than that white noise "snow" on the screen where you'd have to get up out of your comfy chair and grab those "rabbit ears" antennas and move 'em around in dozens of configurations and angles until you could see a clear picture again.  Ahh, memories...and if you understood any of that you are quite old yourself, but not as old as a vampire so please don't get offended!  Now... as for this podcast, it covers not only Tobe Hooper's eerie original film, but also the 2004 remake which really wasn't very scary at all.  I was just scared it was gonna suck.  Now hurry up and listen to this chilling and funny episode, 'cause daylight's wastin'!
Face the master!  Is your faith...enough?  

You won't catch this fight on Pay-Per-View: The "man of your dreams" takes on the unstoppable goalie who wants to puck you up!  These are two of horror cinema's most famous killers, and over countless movies of their own, they've killed just about everyone except each other!  Hence, "Freddy vs. Jason" hit the screens in 2003 and murderous mayhem ensued.  This bloody battle might be short on sense, but it's a scream nonetheless.  It's almost too much for me to process, so I've called in some reinforcements: Quan Ngo.  He knows this movie a little better than I, and helps me slash through the stupidity.  If you can stay awake, you might survive this podcast and even hear a few jokes of slightly higher quality than the ridiculous one-liners Freddy Krueger is so fond of spurting out.  He might kill, but he's a lousy stand-up comedian.