How many times have they tried bringing that bonkers science fiction epic Dune to the screen?  Better question: why do I keep watching all of them?  I'm still no closer to understanding what on Arrakis is going on.  It's not very likely that this podcast is going to enlighten anyone as to what Frank Herbert was getting at, but that's okay!  It's more fun than surfing on a giant worm, I promise.  Together with my good friend Dave Chan, we chew the spice and discuss both David Lynch's 1984 disaster and Denis Villeneuve's 2021 update.  None of it makes much sense, other than nonsense, but really...that's what you're here for, isn't it?  Enjoy!

Those pesky xenomorphs are back at it again, eh?  At least this time the word "Alien" actually appears in the movie title, not like that "Prometheus" nonsense.  Now try to keep up: this is the sequel to Prometheus, which itself was a PREquel to Alien.  All  you really need to know or care about is there are a lot of dumb humans venturing out into space, where no one can hear you scream.  But there IS lots of screaming, and it sounds loud and clear!  Probably because these dopes all get killed in places with some kind of atmosphere or whatever sound waves are carried on, don't ask me.  The only sound waves I'm concerned about are the ones that compose this magnificent and very funny podcast you're about to enjoy!  Oh, and the sound of your laughter, of course!  

After 35 years, finally there's a sequel to the sci-fi masterpiece (and initial box office dud) Blade Runner!  That's a long time, man.  None of the Nexus 6 replicants had a chance of living long enough to see it due to that darn 4-year life span!  Tyrell, you're a jerk.  Oh, wait a sec... you had your eyes gouged out by your own creation...call it even?  So here we are, with a different director and music composers but the visuals are sure to pop even more eyeballs out.  We do get Harrison Ford back again, but first Ryan Gosling hogs up more than half the movie as the main character.  Jared Leto shows up and acts weird.  Beautiful artificial women are downloaded and get down & dirty.  Alright, this sounds pretty good.  Just don't ask me what the hell's actually going on.  I'm still working that out!  

Missing Real Episode 2 is about Star Wars Episode 4,  confusing already!  This is the movie that started it all!  It's got its weaknesses, shall we exploit them?  But we still love it!  

Here's one the Academy Awards let slip through the cracks: Fortress!  Starring the Highlander himself, Christopher Lambert!  You must've at least heard of it, right?  It's a guilty pleasure, and watching it is much like serving a 90-minute sentence in the underground futuristic prison where our mindless mayhem takes place!  It's got guns, lasers, cyborgs and violent brawls, so it's a mystery why Arnold Schwarzenegger dropped out of the project, he'd have been right at home.  Guess he needed to shoot Last Action Hero instead, oh well...
Anyway, Fortress is still a blast!  You can hear me try to prove it to my co-star and frequent guest Dave Chan, who first watched it a day before we recorded this podcast.  Part of his community service, y'know?  

Many actors have portrayed the iconic British secret service agent James Bond over the years, but none have done it quite as "Britishly" as Sir Roger Moore.  Nobody does it better, if Carly Simon is to be believed.  But in this movie, somebody did it worse: Roger Moore!  It was just bad timing really, because he was getting pretty old at this point and was a little past his time to be playing Bond.  The only "Bond" he needed to be concerned with was the one holding in his dentures!  It's still a fun mid-80s action flick with two stunning blondes: Tanya Roberts and...Christopher Walken!  Yeah, that's right.  Walken is blonde.  This is way before Bond was blonde.  And while we're on the subject of hair,  Duran Duran does the theme song!  While remaining perfectly coiffed and stylish, however that word applies to what people wore in the 80s.  
So come on!  Dance into the fire and let's have a romp through this hilarious podcast honoring the last appearance of this particular 007, and you'll be begging for Moore!

It's my favorite film of all time...so far!  Not a big hit in '82.  We wanted Han Solo and we got Rick Deckard instead.  More like Dick Wreckard!  What a loser!  But this movie has endured and earned its place among the most revered sci-fi masterpieces.  Ridley Scott followed his classic Alien with this future noir detective story with androids, flying cars and endless torrents of rain!  Los Angeles, 2019...well, that was the future in 1982.  Thankfully, the weather's a little bit better than that in our present day L.A.  There are some fascinating inside stories and lots of laughs to be had in this podcast.  So, give it a listen!  I promise, it's not a Voight-Kampff test.  

In 2015, after we'd all had about a decade to forget about those Star Wars prequels, we were given a New Hope (yeah, sue me, Lucas): our classic heroes would return in a follow-up to Return of the Jedi!  But mixed in with some new characters we hope we won't hate.  The director would be JJ Abrams, so hopefully all is not Lost!  (Alright, I'll stop.)  Sadly, it seems the big baddie is Darth Vader's angsty teenage grandson/fan who can't find an intimidating mask or get the voice right.  There's another Death Star with a fancy name but unlike an iPhone, it doesn't really improve with each new update.  On the plus side, we get Han!  Chewie!  Leia!  (she's a General now, no more politics or princess nonsense) and if we're lucky, a dash of Luke Skywalker at the very end.  A very fun movie that nearly lives up to the hype and expectations, The Force Awakens is our subject this time around, and my co-pilot is Ed Marcus (slightly less hairy than a wookiee, but just as dependable.  Welcome back, Ed!). 

In my first-ever podcast, I share my personal insights and insults on one of the most visionary and ripped-off movies ever envisioned or ripped off.  ALIEN!  In space, no one can hear you scream...or laugh!

The poster for this 1993 futuristic action extravaganza may look like an ad for a boxing match, but this is so much more than Rocky meets the Jetsons!  Renegade cop Sly Stallone gets cryogenically frozen into spumoni and thawed out in 2032 where he's the only law enforcement officer who actually knows how to enforce.  Wesley Snipes is running amok, and the peaceful, violence and profanity-free society is about to get brutally profane.  Things will explode!  Stallone will run from those exploding things in slow motion!  Fists, feet and bullets will fly!  Add to the mix a sweet Sandra Bullock before she learned how to speed, and a smart-ass Denis Leary barely holding his temper, and we have us a winner!  I'm not sure everyone out there can even remember this movie, but my pal Quan Ngo knows!  Join us for a rip-roaring, slam-bang conversation.  Wow...did that sentence fizzle out.