Well, it's over. Another hetero couple can celebrate love, and against ALL odds some might say.

It's down the the final two gals and it's time we give credit where credit is due. Every season when Jesse has to say "this is most insane finale ever, you will NEVER believe it!" it's usually a crock. This finale? What a rollercoaster of events and women's empowerment! These women? Empowered.

We have live audiences, we have back to back family meetings with literally no break(?), we have some gorgeous gorgeous gowns, and we have a new Bachelorette!!!!

We're in Tulum and the girls get to meet the fam. Vibes are off for Daisy throughout this entire week and boy do we notice. Joey? Over it. Daisy? Close to over it. It's a yikes.

In a history-making move, Daisy and Kelsey A ride in the car to the proposal platform TOGETHER. CAN YOU BELIEVE.

And our winner and Joey's new "best friend" is...... Kelsey!!!

Also two N's Jenn is announced as Bachelorette. We're excited but ABC threw it in last minute so here's our contribution. (We love you Jenn).

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It's the best episode of every reality show ever!!!! The reunion! These women truly do tell all. Maria says a lot but, according to the live audience (and us), it's welcomed.

The women reunite to rehash the collection of mostly unnecessary and dumb drama like not being old at 31 and throwing the word "bully" around without actually knowing the definition. Some of the women experience consequences for their words and actions and all is seemingly reconciled except for Jess which no one is worried about.

Lexie stands out absolutely BEAMING in the center of the first row and we're just confused how you can still glow up when your baseline is stunning and gorgeous. Snaps for Lexie.

We do zoom back to Tulum to experience the craziest and least necessary conversation that throws Joey for quite the loop. Kelsey learns to articulate further to avoid cryptic letters.

In a shock to no one, as unfortunate as it may be, we do say goodbye to Rachel in Tulum, but this bitch comes STACKED at Tell All wearing the most stunning yellow dress we've ever seen. It's no shock she takes best dressed this week.

It's a night of tears, lumbering walks, gorgeous gowns, and Bachelorette auditions. What more could you need?

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Who's ready for f*ck week!!!!

It's top 3 and we're in Tulum! Is there a Vedanta in Tulum? It would appear not...

This week, it's fantasy suites and these girls are ready to get hot 'n heavy without gentle sweet baby angel, Joey.

It's a slog this week, we won't lie. HOWEVER, what is NOT a slog is Leslie being the most iconic doubt seed planter we've ever seen. Are you confident? Well, you shouldn't be. Poor Kelsey.

Daisy gets some top tier advice from Sandra, and Rachel gets to hang with our one and only, Susan. What a legend.

Unfortunately, Rachel injures herself taking a leap of faith into the famous Bachelor cenote, and it seems like that's the nail in the coffin for our gal. We can't be sure though as after her overnight, she seemingly disappears from the face of the Earth or, at least, the rest of the episode.

Kelsey gets the Mmm I Like This dream date of a BOAT in the OCEAN in MEXICO and as much as we hate to say it, it's well deserved. The writing is on the wall with this one.

Also Daisy was there.

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Joel is a jet setter this week, so Jess and Thomas take the mic!

It's hometowns! How many fun Middle American towns can we see in one episode? Let's find out.

Kelsey A brings Joey to NoLa first to meet her family and Thomas gets misty for her charming dad. Those eyes? Help.

Daisy takes Joey directly onto the set of a Hallmark movie with her family's Christmas tree farm and intro to every single family member she's ever had finally achieving the parental validation she needed. Questionable at best!!!!

Rachel brings Joey to Rancho Cucamonga to meet her family deep rooted in tradition and as expected, Joey hits a home run on the respect meter!!

Maria's family gets the typecast treatment with the most hilarious Sopranos style backing music for Joey's visit and Maria's dad proves to be the coolest dude we've ever seen. Additionally, Soto? Maria's brother? Call us.

A major growth step for Bachelor nation as every parent brings up the MUTUAL choosing of this format and we couldn't be prouder of the support systems these girls have.

Also someone goes home but don't ask us about it please as we are still very sensitive. Please respect our privacy at this time.

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It's just the boys again this week and we are in Jasper!!

It's really down to the wire now with 6 girls left! When did that happen? Heading into hometowns it's serious gals only!

Joey doles out the rounds of SECOND 1 on 1's to Daisy and Kelsey A, and the remaining four girls miserably slog through the last group date of the season. Daisy is blessed with the FIRST and seemingly ONLY hot tub date? Choices.

The group date is a true Canadian staple of rolling, flipping, and chopping logs and then finishing off an obstacle course with an ice cold glass of Elk milk. Our resident Canadians on the mic can attest to never trying such an abomination. This group date is painful all around. We've got awkward kisses, lactose intolerance, and a lot of "I don't know I can do this."

Kelsey A gets her second boring "explore the town" date and gets more excited for a polar plunge than anyone we've ever seen. Props to her.

In a GAG, Joey cancels the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party and the girls are not stoked. Especially Maria, but fear not as Joey decides to give her even MORE screen time 1 on 1 and our hosts couldn't be happier.

A true rollercoaster of an episode this week, but we are now down to a final four and headed straight into hometowns. Whose mom/dad will hate Joey? Who has got a hot sibling? Looks like we will find out next week!

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This week we are SUPERSIZED! It's a double ep, y'all!

We travel super internationally from Malta to Spain and most importantly to Canada!

The girls are dropping like flies with a combo of three rose ceremonies in two episodes, one self elim, and one humiliating group date departure. I would say "you hate to see it" but we truly are so pleased. The villains have been slain by the slayer herself, Maria.

One-on-ones are fairly distributed continually, and the LOSERS who don't get a one-on-one are finally chopped. We're rounding the corner to the home stretch, folks! Rachel gets her dance, Kelsey gets a gay rights 13th century bath house dinner, Kelsey T gets to twirl in the air, and most importantly, our girl Maria gets THE date we all look forward to every season, the shopping extravaganza. We couldn't be prouder!

We are getting close, kids!

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Our glowing Jess is back to round out the trio!

The girls head to Malta to meet Joey on the first leg of the international part of the trip! Where's Malta you ask? Your guess is as good as ours.

Lexie gets the 1-on-1 and as expected, slays both the date and Joey. Definitely a front-runner.

The group date is the biggest piece of confusing LARP/European war cosplay we've ever seen, but power to the girls for letting a big sausage slap them in the face. Our pocket-sized (self-titled) bach leans right in with those girls.

More importantly, the queen of the season, Maria, gets her shining moment in a 2-on-1 with Sydney, and as expected, Sydney continues to clown herself right into the getaway car. How can you be sad on vacation? The world's greatest question.

In a weird turn of events, Lea rears her head as the new villain when we learn who is 23 and thinks being nice to people isn't allowed, and a 31 year old (OLD OLD OLD) Madina has to educate a child on what maturity and politeness is. This is where showing your age is a good thing.

Thankfully these girls bring (some) fashion to Europe with a set of much nicer gowns for this rose ceremony.

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Our King Babygirl is at it again! This week, it's just the boys and, as usual, it's a fight for who talks more about these divas.

We're officially in the thick of the show AND this week is our last week of "who is she?" so you know it's getting good.

It's the war of the century between the delusional queen, Sydney, and the literal queen of the universe, Maria. We're team Maria OBVIOUSLY.

The two group dates are a pageant (barf) and a tennis tourney! (slay). We get some stand outs with Lexie choosing to showcase her talents with QUITE the kiss and the most hilarious butter costume wins the tennis tourney. Joey is really proving that he LOVES to kiss in front of anyone who will watch.

We have a new nickname alert!! 2 N's Jenn gets the 1 on 1 this week and Joey takes her surfing (and kissing). Trauma dinner gets real when 2 N's reveals some deep-rooted family trauma (and to be expected, Thomas loves to relate).

The cocktail party is subbed for a sponsored pool party and Thomas and Joel start to question ABC's budget choices. In a shock to no one, Sydney continues to dig the deepest most embarrassing grave for herself and Maria continues to rise above.

We have quite possibly the WORST collection of Rose Ceremony gowns in Bachelor history and the boys go in pretty hard. Sorry girls, in 2024 we have standards!

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The rollercoaster continues!

We're almost to the point where we know everyone's name, but not quite there. That girl in the centre to the left? Never seen her a day in my life!

The girls have moved into the mansion and the dates start! Who get's the first 1 on 1 but America's SWEETHEART (key word being America's and not ours) but who couldn't love a pretty blonde girl who wears a cross and works for an NGO. Joey for sure does so far.

The standouts start to edge out of the pack. Maria skyrockets to number one in our hearts and Evalin showcases her athleticism like we've never seen before.

Group dates go from fake wedding receptions in front of literal strangers to seemingly lawless capture the flag/paintball games.

In a SHOCKING upset going down in Bachelor history, we say goodbye to an early fave. We will miss you, Erika. See you on the beach!

Oh yeah, and one of the sisters goes home but she clearly wants the 15min and we can't in good conscience contribute to that. Too bad the cake was wrong.

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We are SO back, baby. Your favourite bestie trio return to the HOT mic to talk about the most babygirl bachelor we have ever had?

Joey meets 32 women and kisses QUITE a few. We get to meet these ladies, and boy oh boy do we get some first impressions. Jess welcomes in a new namesake to the fold. How does she stand up next to Bird Bones? You'll just have to listen to find out!

A fantastic start to a great season. Good luck, Joey!

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