Mothering Anxiety

I’ve always felt as if I have never fit in anywhere and with anyone. Call it past trauma or my social anxiety but fitting in with others has always been something I have struggled with. Take a listen as I talk about the revelation I had as to why I know I don’t feel good enough for anyone’s time and what I am doing to work towards accepting myself as I am.

For almost 3 decades of my life I was whoever everyone else wanted me to be. I stayed quiet to keep peace, I hid to not stand out, I molded myself to make sure that I stayed on everyone’s good side. I feel that this only added to my Social Anxiety and now on my healing journey, I have no idea who I am. What part of me was part of my trauma, what part of me is part of motherhood, what part of me is actually me and not something I became to please others. Take a listen as I talk about trying to find out who I am and who I want to become.

I feel as if I’m stuck. As if I’m having some sort of existential crisis at the moment. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what direction I want to go in. For almost 3 decades my body has been in a fight or flight response and now that it’s time to relax and let peace in, I don’t know how and it’s making me feel stuck, as if what I’m doing isn’t good enough. Take a listen as I talk about my fears of not doing enough to glorify God.

I realized spelling it with an “I” is business. Anyways, we are BUSY. And not only busy physically with needing to do so many things, I feel that I’m also busy mentally. Having my daughter in school and having to mentally carry that load of homework, lunches, drop off/pick ups, afterschool activities have just added to my daily mental load. My brain is on overdrive BUT I am finding ways to cope and giving myself rest when my body needs it. Take a listen as I talk about needing to break another generational trauma of relaxing not equally laziness.

Did you know your body traps all of your trauma? I didn’t, not until I was recently diagnosed with TMJD and researched where and why this comes from. Sure, the reasons are plain and clear but when you dig a little deeper you start to see how your trauma was what caused these reasons to begin with. Take a listen as I talk about my new journey of having to heal my physical body as I learn more and more about the body keeping score.

We’ve all heard about “Self Care” but what is “Soul Care?” What feeds your soul? What are things that you do for not just your physical being but your inner being? For me, that’s spending time with God. For me, that’s laying it all out for him. My worries, my other thinking, my anxieties. It’s making myself vulnerable and just letting him take the reigns. Take a listen as I talk about the 3 different ways I take care of my Soul.

Lately, I’ve been having doubts about my ability to speak up on Mental Illness. I have been hearing in the back of my head “You’re Not Good Enough, Who Do You Think You Are?” Take a listen as I try to tackle my thoughts of insecurity and what I plan to do with my Podcast.

My biggest apologies but honestly, after recording an episode titled “I Burned Out” & then going hiatus for 2 weeks. . . not so surprising right? I am in a rough season of life right now. My Anxiety has been at its all time highest, I’m extremely stressed out, and quite frankly, haven’t been doing well emotionally, physically, & mentally. It feels that all the things have piled up and I somehow forgot to take care of myself. Take a listen as I talk about what I’ve been dealing with for the last 6 weeks or so & what I think the lesson to be learned here is

This season of life is where I have been learning to let go of my perfectionism, to let go of my social anxiety. Let me tell you, it’s been ROUGH. I think I cry almost every day. Take a listen as I talk about the events of life that lead to my burnout that how now left me on autopilot and what I have learned so far during this time.

I give the new Barbie movie 10/10 but let’s talk about some points I got from it. This movie made me laugh and cry and by cry I mean bawl my eyes out uncontrollably which is not like me. This movie tugged on my existential anxiety, mom anxiety, and deeply rooted mommy issues. Take a listen as I talk about how my Anxiety made me interpret the Barbie movie and what I got out of it.