Mythbusting Neurodiverse Relationships

www.lovingdifference.net

Recently we got together to celebrate being friends for nine years and a special AUA (Ask Us Anything!) answering questions from Loving Difference members.

In 2014, we both felt like we were suffocating and trapped in lives we couldn't change. It was as if life had drained the life out of us. We hoped that discovering neurodiversity would sort out the daily nightmare that our lives had become. Meeting each other, we started to breathe again. We found ways to bring ourselves back to life, woke up from the nightmare and step by step by step began to experience the love, connection, peace and harmony we'd been craving.

We love that we get to create some of that magic and share those ways with you!

In our celebration conversation, we touched on a range of topics including

- life before meeting in November 2014,

- friendship origins,

- how we shrink geography,

- what inspired Loving Difference,

- acceptance,

- knowing we'd be ok and

- the limits of labels.

You won't be surprised to hear that we didn't get through all your amazing questions so there will be a sequel!!

Enjoy! ✨

ps. If you’ve run out of hope and ways, sign up for Revival Retreat via www.lovingdifference.net

www.lovingdifference.net

In this episode we're busting the myth that 'I can't be happy at all whilst everything is so terrible in my Neurodiverse relationship'.

Many of our members arrive in Loving Difference hoping to resolve the challenges in their neurodiverse relationships, so that they can be happy again. We don't want our members to wait until they've resolved all their challenges in their relationship to be happy! We want that for them ASAP! In fact, we'd go further than that. We take the view that being happy (and we're mindful that there are so many nuances to that word!) is key to having a better experience in our neurodiverse relationships! We have so many stories and expectations about how a happy relationship = a happy me. But really it's the other way round. We believe A happy ME is a prerequisite to happy relationship! We're much more likely to be able to experience happiness in a relationship if we're able to create it for ourselves first. And we want to help our members discover ways to do that for themselves, even though we know it's a hard concept when they've arrived exhausted after years of persistent stress. And in any case, most have lost touch with who they are and what makes them happy.

The truth we've realised is that happiness really does come from within and we have agency to create it without changing anyone else. And we are PASSIONATE about helping our members recover from persistent stress, exhaustion and unhealthy relationship dynamics and rediscover who they are and how they can resource themselves to experience more happiness.

We hope you enjoy our conversation and are inspired and encouraged to start along your own journey to BE YOU, to recover from there stress of it all and to discover ways to have a better experience in your neurodiverse relationship ASAP!

Want to learn more or join us on the road to being YOU and thriving in your own neurodiverse relationship or family?

Join Loving Difference and check in to Revival Retreat at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Revival Retreat is an all-online, life-changing coaching programme for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who want things to change, to discover a new map, a proven route, empowering resources, sustainable solutions and all the support you need, hosted by accredited coaches who are also navigating difference in their relationships and family. Choose the Revival Retreat Plan at www.lovingdifference.net for more details and to sign up.

What is Loving Difference?

A place that brings together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach #neurodiverserelationshipcoach #neurodiversefamilycoach

www.lovingdifference.net

In this episode, we’re busting the myth it's too dangerous to hope in my neurodiverse relationship.

A member recently shared the following:-

'It's so encouraging to read also from people with similar first-hand experience, about the fears and doubts and then about the hope. Hope is something I had tried to let go of in recent years, because i experienced so many setbacks and one-way streets that it felt almost counter-productive to try and keep it alive.'

In this podcast we recall how hope evaporated as our energy depleted as we tried various different strategies which didn't work and how our belief that things could get better was replaced by disappointment, resignation and, ultimately, despair. We lost hope that anything could get better in our Neurodiverse Relationships. So we totally get it when members arrive in exhaustion and despair and find it difficult to even dare to hope that things could get better. In fact, we often say to our members that we'll carry the hope for now. And we've got enough for all of you!

We talk about the parallels between losing hope in our neurodiverse relationships and losing hope in our ability to make a difference in aspects like climate change. When all we hear is the problems, the enormity of it, the hopelessness of it, it feels impossible to make a difference, so why even bother? This can be what it feels like in our relationships too. So, how can we shift back into hope. And how can hope, when combined with agency and energy, create the motivation to keep going in our quest to have a better experience in our neurodiverse relationships? Join us in a conversation which is so close to our hearts and to our mission to bring hope to all those who are struggling in their neurodiverse relationships.

Want to learn more or join us on the road to being YOU and thriving in your own neurodiverse relationship or family?

Join Loving Difference and check in to Revival Retreat at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Revival Retreat is an all-online, life-changing coaching programme for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who want things to change, to discover a new map, a proven route, empowering resources, sustainable solutions and all the support you need, hosted by accredited coaches who are also navigating difference in their relationships and family. Choose the Revival Retreat Plan at www.lovingdifference.net for more details and to sign up.

What is Loving Difference?

A place that brings together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach #neurodiverserelationshipcoach #neurodiversefamilycoach

www.lovingdifference.net

In this episode, we’re busting the myth that others need to change so that our experience is different.

We used to think our experience was dependent on what others did or didn't do... and we've realised that's not true. Our waiting on others to change or hoping they'll change or expecting or believing they should change or trying to get them to change cost us our health and happiness, for years!... and we weren't prepared to do it that way anymore.. and we found a way that isn't dependent on that!

Most of our listeners and Loving Difference members are working on changing their experience in their neurodiverse relationship/family without the support or involvement of their partner. This was us too and it meant we needed a different approach than all those we found at the time. That different approach not only transformed our own experience dramatically, it consequently changed the vibe and dynamics in the relationships with our partner and children.

We've realised healthy relating that's prioritising loving connection doesn't force or expect others to change. What we can do instead is get into healthier relationship with ourself and then make healthier decisions and in relation to others based on what they are choosing to do or not do. We have healthier ways now to handle how different needs, preferences, capacities, values, tolerances can all be catered for in a relationship/family, also for accountability, 'unacceptable behaviour' and things that we believe or perceive others can't or won't do.

In time, our partners and children changed how they related to us and that began a chain reaction that has created significantly more thriving individually and collectively in our relationships and families.

Want to learn more or join us on the road to being YOU and thriving in your own neurodiverse relationship or family?

Join Loving Difference and check in to Revival Retreat at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Revival Retreat is an all-online, life-changing coaching programme for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who want things to change, to discover a new map, a proven route, empowering resources, sustainable solutions and all the support you need, hosted by accredited coaches who are also navigating difference in their relationships and family. Choose the Revival Retreat Plan at www.lovingdifference.net for more details and to sign up.

What is Loving Difference?

A place that brings together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach #neurodiverserelationshipcoach #neurodiversefamilycoach

www.lovingdifference.net

Caution: please look after yourself for today's episode. There is discussion of suicide and the very desperate situations our young people experience and that we as parents can experience in our efforts to support them. If you need to, skip this one. We welcome your comments and questions about what we're sharing today. Get in touch via www.lovingdifference.net or email [email protected].

In this episode, we're responding to a recent BBC News article about the alarming numbers of young autistic people dying in the absence of the specialist support they need. You can read the article we're referencing at this link - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-66731265. We're specifically talking about our experience in the UK in this episode though we know that the issue of insufficient or inadequate support is not isolated to the UK. We support members globally in Loving Difference and hear about this from all countries. Efforts to change this are very very slow in coming and in the meantime, children's situations and life chances are being significantly affected.

In our conversation we’re busting the myth that diagnosis for our children leads to ‘all the support you need'. The reality for us and for so many families and their children is that the promises of support that have them battling and exhausting themselves for a diagnosis aren't there or are insufficient to support the needs of children and young people... and the very real experience that in the waiting time to diagnosis, the issues that began the process have become worse.

We're sharing our own experiences as best we can whilst at the same time respecting the privacy of our children who experienced a lot of difficulties in childhood and as teenagers, particularly in the education system. We're also sharing some of the things that helped us to cope, recover and begin to thrive again as a family in spite of the absence and inadequacies of statutory care and support.

We know we are some of the lucky ones. Our children are still here. They are still recovering in lots of ways and some of them are still really struggling and we're still in the struggle with them. The gift is that we have better ways now, ways that ensure we're well and that means we're in the best possible position to support them so much better than when we were exhausted, overwhelmed and in our own mental health crises.

Want to learn more or join us on the road to being YOU and thriving in your own neurodiverse relationship or family?

Join Loving Difference and check in to Revival Retreat at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Revival Retreat is an all-online, life-changing coaching programme for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who want things to change, to discover a new map, a proven route, empowering resources, sustainable solutions and all the support you need, hosted by accredited coaches who are also navigating difference in their relationships and family. Choose the Revival Retreat Plan at www.lovingdifference.net for more details and to sign up.

What is Loving Difference?

A place that brings together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach #neurodiverserelationshipcoach #neurodiversefamilycoach

www.lovingdifference.net

Caution: please look after yourself for today's episode. We realise this is a big topic we're bringing attention to today. We hope you're open to hearing some new thoughts that challenge narratives which, from our own experience, are based on outdated assumptions and stereotypes. Most important is knowing that we're here to validate ALL experiences and find new ways to see, understand and relate to them. These syndromes, typically applied to those identifying as neurotypical or non-autistic, were our doorways too so we're sharing our experiences and expanding them with the new insights and experiences we've encountered. We welcome your challenges, comments and questions about what we're sharing today.

In this episode, we're busting the myth that Cassandra Syndrome (or Affection Deprivation Disorder or Ongoing Relationship Trauma Syndrome) only impacts NT women because of their autistic husband. We'll be sharing the descriptions of these collections of symptoms,

We're sharing how we've noticed the not believing or invalidation of experience that characterises the syndrome's name is not an experience limited to one group of people or one neuro-identity. Understanding how invalidation of experience comes about, and that it is more universal than is traditionally discussed, can help us to find common ground AND new ways to validate ALL experiences, revitalise connections and rebuild relationship safety and trust. Listen along to our conversation to discover the truth that busted this myth for us!

Want to learn more or join us on the road to being YOU and thriving in your own neurodiverse relationship or family?

Join Loving Difference and check in to Revival Retreat at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Revival Retreat is an all-online, life-changing coaching programme for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who want things to change, to discover a new map, a proven route, empowering resources, sustainable solutions and all the support you need, hosted by accredited coaches who are also navigating difference in their relationships and family. Choose the Revival Retreat Plan at www.lovingdifference.net for more details and to sign up.

What is Loving Difference?

A place that brings together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach #neurodiverserelationshipcoach #neurodiversefamilycoach

www.lovingdifference.net

In this episode we're busting the myth that everything that's said is personal and we're all getting it wrong! It was prompted by a conversation we were having just before we started recording about how differently we receive and perceive information from others these days. it all started with Natalie's husband buying a new lasagne dish of all things!! For years so much of what was being said in our relationship and family situations was being taken personally with hundreds of accusations or perceptions of making all kinds of mistakes... there's a happier, healthier way. Listen to discover the truth that busted this myth for us!

Want to learn more or join us on the road to being YOU and thriving in your own neurodiverse relationship or family?

Join Loving Difference and check in to Revival Retreat at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Revival Retreat is an all-online, life-changing coaching programme for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who want things to change, to discover a new map, a proven route, empowering resources, sustainable solutions and all the support you need, hosted by accredited coaches who are also navigating difference in their relationships and family. Choose the Revival Retreat Plan at www.lovingdifference.net for more details and to sign up.

What is Loving Difference?

A place that brings together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach #neurodiverserelationshipcoach #neurodiversefamilycoach

www.lovingdifference.net

In this episode we're busting the myth that we were conned when we were dating and our partner isn't really who we fell in love with. This was a really pervasive myth that we discovered in the early days of neurodiversity arriving into our awareness and we know that many still see it that way. We realised it really affected the way we thought about our partner and definitely increased the levels of resentment, disappointment and disconnection we experienced. As we learned more about ourselves and about relationships, in ways we'd not been aware of before, we had some new thinking and perspectives to bring to this idea and it made a big difference to how we thought about and related to our partners.

Want to learn more or join us on the road to being YOU and thriving in your own neurodiverse relationship or family?

Join Loving Difference and check in to Revival Retreat at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Revival Retreat is an all-online, life-changing coaching programme for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who want things to change, to discover a new map, a proven route, empowering resources, sustainable solutions and all the support you need, hosted by accredited coaches who are also navigating difference in their relationships and family. Choose the Revival Retreat Plan at www.lovingdifference.net for more details and to sign up.

What is Loving Difference?

We’re an online membership community bringing together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach #neurodiverserelationshipcoach #neurodiversefamilycoach

www.lovingdifference.net

A lighter episode today, riffing on the trials and tribulations of countless misunderstandings that we've encountered in our neurodiverse relationships, with partners and children, and the truth of who and what we realised was showing up that we hadn't realised before! Why dinner could have became a meaning making disaster for Natalie last week. Why misunderstandings turn into a game of Meaning Ping Pong. What you can start to do about it all because we know it's exhausting and resentment, frustration and rage inducing without different ways to see it or deal with it.

Stay on after the episode for an afterthought and some remembering from when we were blaming all the misunderstandings in our neurodiverse relationships on neurodiversity!!

Want to learn more or join us on the road to being YOU and thriving in your own neurodiverse relationship or family?

Join Loving Difference and check in to Revival Retreat at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Revival Retreat is an all-online, life-changing coaching programme for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who want things to change, to discover a new map, a proven route, empowering resources, sustainable solutions and all the support you need, hosted by accredited coaches who are also navigating difference in their relationships and family. Choose the Revival Retreat Plan at www.lovingdifference.net for more details and to sign up.

What is Loving Difference?

We’re an online membership community bringing together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach #neurodiverserelationshipcoach #neurodiversefamilycoach

www.lovingdifference.net

Let’s quickly recap Part 1! We shared that we’ve discovered lots of reasons why our needs weren't being met:

Neurodiversity narratives

Cultural narratives and unconscious expectations

Experience of how how needs have been met in the past

Plus lots of other contributing factors. The point is that there were lots of things and it wasn't as simple as ‘you can’t or you’re not meeting my needs and you should be’! Please do go back and listen to part 1!

In this episode we're diving deeper to explore

What even are needs?!

Who is responsible for meeting needs?

We discovered a myth inside the myth on this one and beyond that a new truth to live into that took step by steps and created a whole new experience for us!

Want to learn more?

Join Loving Difference FREE at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Hop into Revival Retreat, a self-paced and life-changing coaching programme for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who want things to change, but it feels impossible, confusing, or too hard to start to discover new perspectives and tools so that they can decide their next right step. Choose the Reignite Plan at www.lovingdifference.net for more details and to sign up.

What is Loving Difference?

We’re an online membership community bringing together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach #neurodiverserelationshipcoach #neurodiversefamilycoach