As we continue this month's conversations about Attachment to God, Self & Others, JTG has guest Dr. Jim Wilder as they discuss Dr. Wilder's books Solution of Choice & Passages of Men.
Today, the "Guys" talk with Dr. Jim Wilder based on concepts from Other Half of Church, Passages of Men & Solution of Choice.

Today on Neurodiverse Christian Couples, Dr. Stephanie Holmes is joined by guest co-host Jenilee Rachel, filling in for Dan, for a conversation with Kimberly June Miller, MTh, LMFT, co-author with Dr. Alison Cook of Boundaries for Your Soul. Together, they explore Internal Family Systems (IFS) from a distinctly Christian perspective. IFS gives us language for understanding the different “parts” of ourselves—the protective parts, wounded parts, critical voices, fears, and responses that can sometimes seem to compete for control. Kimberly discusses how this framework can be integrated with Christian faith, helping us approach those parts with curiosity and compassion rather than shame or condemnation while inviting the presence and leadership of God into the places within us that need healing. Boundaries for Your Soul describes this as learning to develop healthy internal boundaries so that overwhelming thoughts and emotions can be heard and understood without being allowed to take over our lives.
Kimberly June Miller, MTh, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, retreat leader, and founder of Leading Wholeheartedly, a ministry devoted to helping Christian leaders cultivate healthy inner lives. Before becoming a therapist, Kimberly served as a campus minister with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at Harvard University. She holds graduate degrees in theology and clinical psychology and is Certified and Level 2 trained in Internal Family Systems Therapy, with additional training in Imago Relationship Therapy, Gottman, and Prepare-Enrich. Her work specializes in the integration of psychology and spirituality and in helping people recognize that difficult emotions and internal conflicts do not have to be enemies—they can become places where God meets us and transformation occurs.
Kimberly's books:
Boundaries for the Soul
Spiritual Wellness Bible
 Additional information from Kimberly

1. Not all meaningful connection is human-to-human. On the IFS Talks podcast, Sarah Bergenfield reminds us that many autistic individuals experience deep connection—to animals, objects, places, or sensory rituals—not as a trauma response, but as a natural way to feel grounded and connected. For some on the spectrum, a dog, a blanket, a favorite tree, or even a familiar texture offers a steady, anchoring presence that helps them feel safe and settled. In IFS, we honor each part’s wisdom—and for some, connection with the other-than-human world is exactly what brings regulation, joy, and wholeheartedness.
2. Dr. Stephanie adds that IFS has been researched as helpful for ASD/ND; IFS is helpful for all neurotypes!

 
 And if this conversation leaves you wanting to explore IFS more personally through the lens of neurodiversity or neurodiverse marriage, Jenilee Rachel offers coaching for neurodivergent individuals and couples, providing a space to explore your own “parts,” patterns, relationships, and spiritual growth with a coach who understands the neurodiverse experience. Learn more about Jenilee and her coaching at JenileeRachel.com.

Today as we have been talking about rupture and repair and attachment, we need to discuss boundaries, which Dr. Curt Thompson calls "limit setting necessary ruptures."
Key points from Dr. Stephanie and Barb's discussion on what boundaries are and are not:
Core ideas
1. Ruptures are inevitable in relationships.
2. Not every rupture should be repaired in the same way.
3. A boundary can create a rupture without being wrong.
4. “No” is part of healthy development and maturity.
5. A boundary is about my participation, not controlling you.
6. Boundaries are not punishment.
7. Love and unlimited access are not the same thing.
8. Forgiveness, trust, and reconciliation are different things.
You can forgive someone without immediately restoring access or trust. Trust is rebuilt
through consistent behavior, and reconciliation requires movement from both people.
9. One person cannot create mutual repair.
You can tell the truth, apologize, forgive, release vengeance, and remain open to
change, but you cannot:
o repent for someone else,
o make them tell the truth,
o make them care about their impact,
o create mutual trust while they continue violating it.
10. Repair requires changed conditions, not simply good intentions.
11. Patience is not passivity; hope is not denial.
12. Sometimes stepping back is the appropriate response to rupture.
13. Being fully known includes having your “no” known.
14. Healthy attachment doesn't mean fusion/enmenshment
15. Jesus modeled love with limits.
 Please look up the Being Known Podcast, Season 11 Dr. Curt Thompson does an entire series on Ruptures and Repair, and not all ruptures are repairable!
 Want to work with Barb?
https://bg-hc.com/
 Need a consultation for next steps?
https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/contact-us
 Searching for a show or host or topic in the podcast?
https://ndcc-podcast.com/

I asked Dr. Wilder about Neurodiversity & Attachment, since not a lot of research is out there on autism and attachment. Most research was on neurotypical individuals. My question was about adding a layer of attachment to neurodiversity. Response: Consider that attachment styles are acquired through experience. Dismissives set their attachment signal volume too low Distracted set their attachment signal volume too high Distracted have their attachment signals going out of range at times So, attachment signal volume is adjustable to some extent. But, suppose that the basic system amplification factor is already out of the normal range—then some ND responses may be attachment styles that develop out of range rather than a different phenomenon. Rev. Jim Wilder, Ph.D.
So with that question in mind, we invited the authors of Landscapes of the Soul, Cyd & Dr. Geoff Holsclaw, on to discuss our attachment strategies and how that has to do with neurotype.
 Cyd Holsclaw is a Jesus‑centered, transformation‑focused coach, spiritual director, and pastor who integrates neuroscience, embodiment, and spiritual practices to help people secure their attachment to God, build resilience, and live more fully in alignment with their purpose www.cydholsclaw.com. She is a Certified Professional Coach (PCC), Certified NLP Master Practitioner, Certified Spiritual Director, and trained in Ignatian Spiritual Exercises. Cyd has authored Does God Really Like Me? Discovering the God Who Wants to Be With Us (2020) and Landscapes of the Soul: How the Science and Spirituality of Attachment Can Move You Into Confident Faith, Courage, and Connection (2025). She co‑hosts the Attaching to God podcast and co‑directs the Doctor of Ministry in Spiritual Formation and Relational Neuroscience  Cyd is co‑pastor of youth and families at Vineyard North in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and has over 20 years in pastoral ministry
Geoff Holsclaw (Ph.D., Marquette University) is a theologian, pastor, and author whose work bridges theological anthropology, spiritual formation, and relational neuroscience thebiblicalmind.org. He has taught theology at seminaries since 2013 and served in pastoral ministry since 2003, first in the Chicago area and now in Grand Rapids, Michigan thebiblicalmind.org. Geoff is co‑pastor of youth and families at Vineyard North, an affiliate professor of theology at Northern Seminary, and co‑author of Prodigal Christianity and Does God Really Like Me? Inspiration Ministries. He is co‑host of the Attaching to God podcast and co‑founder of the Center for Embodied Faith, a ministry connecting attachment theory and Christian spiritual formation.  Geoff’s writing and teaching focus on embodied faith, attachment, and the integration of science and spirituality in discipleship geoffreyholsclaw.net.
Together, Cyd and Geoff have co‑authored multiple books, launched the Center for Embodied Faith, and co‑host a podcast exploring how neuroscience and attachment theory can deepen Christian faith and relational health .
Find their podcast: Attaching to God https://www.embodiedfaith.life/podcast
Emobodied Faith Summit https://www.embodiedfaith.life/atg-summit-2025-all-access
Website: https://www.embodiedfaith.life/
We mentioned
Does God Like Me?https://www.amazon.com/Does-God-Really-Like-Discovering/dp/0830845968
Landscapes of the Soul http://amzn.to/4r6rbsv

Discussion: Dr. Holmes and Dr. Weiss discuss the John Hopkins and current Duke University studies on neuroinflammation and the brain, with specifics on the impact on the autistic brain. Dr. Weiss shares his personal story of stem-cell treatment and the impact on his young adult son with autism who went from having a few words at the age of 23 to living independently.
 Dr. Eric Weiss is a leader in advanced regenerative medicine and the co-author of Educating Marston. Founder of the North Florida Stem Cells Clinic, Dr. Weiss provides stem cell replacement therapy to treat various conditions such as Osteoarthritis (OA), Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), with a special focus on the treatment of Autism.
 Dr. Weiss co-wrote Educating Marston with his wife, Christine Weiss, as a memoir of their journey through programs and therapies to improve the quality of life of their autistic son, Marston. Trying seemingly everything under the sun, nothing clicked until they discovered stem cell replacement therapy in conjunction with intensive work at programs like the Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential. Once with limited verbal communication abilities, Marston can now hold a conversation and do so much more. With Educating Marston, Dr. Weiss is on a mission to help fellow parents of children on the autism spectrum and spread the word about stem cell replacement therapy as a treatment therapy for autism.
 Dr. Weiss and Educating Marston have been featured on local and national outlets including LA Weekly, Life & Style, Wake Up with Marci, and more.
 A graduate of Duke University Medical School, Dr. Weiss completed his general surgery residency in the University of California system and a Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery residency at the University of Miami. Board certified in Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (American Board of Plastic Surgery), Dr. Weiss is also a Fellow (FACS) in the American College of Surgeons, Diplomate of the National Board of Medical Examiners, Member of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) and the Greater Jacksonville Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons, and a volunteer with “Hands Healing Hearts,” which makes annual medical missions to South America to perform reconstructive surgery on patients with birth defects.
 Dr. Weiss lives with his wife Christine in sunny Jacksonville, Florida. 
 Buy the Book Here
Educating Marston Website
North Florida Stem Cells Website
Medical Daily Article

What if the addiction isn't actually the problem?
In this episode of Just the Guys, we're joined by author, speaker, and podcast host Jon Seidl, whose journey through anxiety, OCD, alcoholism, trauma, and recovery has led him to an unexpected conclusion: lasting change doesn't happen by simply removing the behavior; it happens when we discover what's underneath it. 
Together we explore:

• Why addiction is often an attempt to escape something deeper
• The relationship between trauma, fear, shame, and unhealthy coping
• ADHD, neurodiversity, and why research shows higher vulnerability to addiction
• Why understanding our brains explains behavior—but never excuses it
• The difference between identity and diagnosis
• How "special interests," work, ministry, food, gaming, pornography, alcohol, or success can all become misplaced priorities
• What it means to get to the root instead of simply modifying behavior
• Why the gospel offers something far deeper than behavior management
• How the church can become a safer place for confession instead of condemnation
• Why true freedom isn't learning to manage an addiction—it's no longer needing it to escape

One of the most powerful moments comes when Jon shares the words that changed his life. His wife didn't tell him to stop drinking. She challenged him to discover why he needed alcohol in the first place. That question became the beginning of real healing. 
Whether you've wrestled with addiction, anxiety, ADHD, compulsive behaviors, or simply find yourself escaping into work, ministry, hobbies, food, or endless distraction, this conversation offers hope that transformation is possible. Jon talks about his later-in-life discovery of ADHD.
Because every addiction is asking a deeper question.
And every heart longs for real freedom.
ResourcesGuest: Jon Seidl

• Finding Rest: A Survivor's Guide to Navigating the Valleys of Anxiety, Faith & Life
• Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
• Podcast, blog, and nonprofit: ChristianAlcoholic.com 

If this episode encouraged you, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use the reminder that freedom begins—not by managing the symptom—but by discovering the root.

Dr. Stephanie is solo today, bringing in research about autism and identity and how it leads to issues with attachment and addiction. Bringing together the discussions on attachment is the way out of addiction not willpower alone.

• Why does one addiction pop up when you master another?

• How is Attachment related to Addiction?

• Why do autistic folks struggle with an integrated identity (thoughts from Dr. Tony Attwood and Dr. Jim Wilder).

• How does identity relate to attachment and addiction?

Some introductory thoughts on the topic.
An older podcast with Dr. Wilder and identity: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/identity-attachment-your-neurodiverse-relationship-with-dr-jim-wilder--67855836
Dr. Wilder/Life Model: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Np62L3yHM5o&t=3s
Build a Brain: https://lifemodelworks.org/resources/watch/build-a-brain
Dr. Tony's website: Self-identity
https://www.attwoodandgarnettevents.com/blogs/news/self-identity-and-autism-why-does-it-matter

Love, Sex & Autism: Building Intimacy Through Safety, Not PressureWhat does a healthy sexual relationship look like in a neurodiverse marriage?
In this episode, Dr. Stephanie Holmes and Barbara Grant welcome back Candice Christiansen, LCMHC, Autism-ADHD specialist and author of Love, Sex & Autism. Candice previously joined us to discuss the significant overlap between autism, ADHD, and addiction. That previous show is here: 
This time, the conversation turns to one of the most requested—and often misunderstood—topics in neurodiverse relationships: sex and intimacy.
The past show with Candice: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/porn-sex-addiction-sexuality-autism-with-candice-christiansen--67047295
Together they explore:

• Why autism and ADHD can influence sexual desire in very different ways
• Hypersexuality, compulsive sexual behaviors, and sexual addiction
• Low libido and desire discrepancies between partners
• Sensory sensitivities and how they affect intimacy
• The role of trauma, shame, and emotional safety
• How differences in communication can create misunderstanding around sex
• Why pressure, coercion, obligation, and manipulation damage intimacy
• How couples can accommodate differing libidos with compassion and mutual respect

The central message of this conversation is that healthy intimacy is not measured by frequency or performance. Lasting sexual connection grows from mutual safety, trust, compassion, emotional connection, and genuine concern for one another's well-being. Especially in neurodiverse marriages, where sensory differences, communication challenges, and differing sexual needs may exist, intimacy flourishes when both partners feel emotionally and physically safe, free from coercion, compulsions, addiction, guilt, or pressure.
Whether you are navigating high libido, low libido, sensory differences, or simply seeking a healthier understanding of intimacy, this conversation offers practical insights and hope for building a relationship where both partners can experience mutual pleasure, respect, and connection.
About Our GuestCandice Christiansen, LCMHC is an Autistic-ADHD autism expert who provides neuro-affirming consultation and training to medical and mental health providers, universities, treatment centers, and organizations. She is passionate about ensuring that autistic individuals receive ethical, neuro-inclusive medical and mental health support in treatment settings addressing mental health, substance use, sex, and intimacy. She is the author of Love, Sex & Autism.
 Barbara Grant mentioned being able to assess for autism- make an Appointment!
https://bg-hc.com/
 About the MIGDAS-2 and why Adults Should be Assessed with MIGDAS-2
https://www.spreaker.com/episode/migdas-2-and-adult-asd-evaluations-with-dr-donna-berghauser--62693428
https://www.spreaker.com/episode/diagnosing-autism-early-intervention-the-ados-cars-migdas-2--71839330

Today, we are talking about addiction and why the ADHD or ASD brain seems to be more prone to addictive behaviors, or substance or porn addiction, with addiction specialist Ed Khouri. Links below will share some articles that support the discussion. Ed Khouri is a co-author of Joy Starts Here and author of the Face of Grace. Today, we talk about how joy and peace are needed in the brain, how ADHD and ASD brains lack or have compromised dopamine receptors, and how this sets someone up for BEEPS seeking pseudo joy or pseudo peace and can take any special interest and turn it into a BEEPS.
 About Ed Khouri
https://www.equippinghearts.com/our-team
 For more than 40 years, Ed Khouri has worked with substance abusers and their families in diverse settings. Serving as a pastoral counselor, trainer, and writer, Ed’s work has encompassed outpatient counseling, jails, and transitional housing for homeless addicts in all phases of residential treatment. He even provided daily supervision for all therapeutic services and staff in a 96-bed state-licensed substance abuse treatment program. 
Today, as an experienced trainer, Ed leads workshops in churches and ministries worldwide, equipping workers to serve hurting men and women in their own communities. He regularly trains and collaborates with ministries, including Thrive Today, The International Substance Abuse and Addiction Coalition (ISAAC), and Youth With A Mission's Addictive Behavior Counseling School. 
Ed has a B.A. in Behavioral and Social Sciences and began his Master’s Program at the University of Florida. Ordained in 1988, he is the president of Equipping Hearts. 
Ed has written several books, including The Restarting Workbook and Facilitator’s Guide. Together with Dr. E. James Wilder, Ed co-authored several books and training materials: The Connexus Program, Belonging, and Joy Starts Here: The Transformation Zone. 
 
Dopamine articles
What’s the Deal With Dopamine and ADHD? | Psychology Today
 Frontiers | Dopamine in Autism Spectrum Disorders—Focus on D2/D3 Partial Agonists and Their Possible Use in Treatment

Every marriage is being built one choice at a time—even the choices we don't make.
 In this episode of Just the Guys, we talk about the gap between intentions and impact, why many men accidentally build a marriage they never intended, and what happens when we move from simply maintaining a relationship to intentionally investing in it.
 Using analogies of home ownership, repairs, coaching, and personal growth, we explore why asking for help is often so difficult, what keeps us stuck, and how small decisions compound over time into something far greater than we imagined.
 The question isn't whether you're building something.
 The question is: What are you building?