In this special episode of Just The Guys, host Dan Holmes is joined by renowned authors Dr. Jim Wilder and Marcus Warner for an insightful conversation on attachment, emotional maturity, and resilience within neurodiverse Christian relationships. Drawing from their extensive work and books like "Bounce," "Renovated," "Rare Leadership," and "The Other Half of Church," they explore how attachment goes beyond physical needs to deeply influence our relational and spiritual lives.

The discussion delves into the challenges faced by individuals on the autism spectrum, particularly in building emotional resilience and managing energy levels in relationships. They offer practical strategies for incremental growth, overcoming fear, and breaking patterns of avoidance and addiction. Whether you're navigating a neurodiverse relationship or seeking a deeper understanding of emotional maturity from a Christian perspective, this episode provides valuable insights and guidance to foster healthier, more resilient connections.

What is Shame? What is health shame vs toxic shame? What if someone is unaware of their feelings, including shame? Can you heal from shame alone? These are the questions we will be asking Dr. Curt Thompson.

Many of our neurodiverse relationships have shame- either about the diagnosis, about not having the perfect Christian marriage, or not meeting someone's needs- what do we do about that? How can clergy deal with their own shame of not knowing how to help neurodiverse couples?

About our Guest:
Psychiatrist, speaker, and author Curt Thompson connects our intrinsic desire to be known with the need to tell truer stories about ourselves — showing us how to form deep relationships, discover meaning, and live integrated, creative lives.
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Curt Thompson, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist, author, speaker, and co-host of The Being Known Podcast. He has been in private practice for over 30 years in Falls Church, Virginia, graduated from Wright State University’s Boonshoft School of Medicine, and completed his psychiatric residency at Temple University Hospital. He strives to help patients develop flourishing lives by telling their stories more honestly to become more deeply known for creating beauty and goodness in the world. With conviction and humor, he trains clinicians and speaks at workshops, retreats, and conferences, integrating neuroscience, human relationships, and Christian faith. He and his wife, Phyllis, are the parents of two adult children and live in Northern Virginia.
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Psychiatrist Curt Thompson, MD, brings together a dialect of interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) and Christian anthropology to educate and encourage others as they seek to fulfill their intrinsic desire to feel known, valued, and connected. Curt understands that deep, authentic relationships are essential to experiencing a healthier, more purposeful life — but the only way to realize this is
to begin telling our stories more truly.
His unique insights about how the brain affects and processes relationships help people discover a fresh perspective and practical applications to foster healthy and
vibrant lives, allowing them to get unstuck and move toward the next beautiful thing they’re being called to make.


WEBSITE, PODCAST, and SOCIAL MEDIA
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Website www.CurtThompsonMD.com
Podcast www.BeingKnownPodcast.com
Instagram CurtThompsonMD
Facebook CurtThompsonMD
@CurtThompsonMD

We have guests with us. Carol and Greg Reller join us to discuss Chapter 7 of Uniquely Us on Social Communication and Challenges!

You may recognize Greg’s voice, who has been on several of our Just the Guys segments. Greg is 63 and retired after a 35-year career as a consulting geologist. Married to Carol. He was diagnosed around age 55 with what was then called Asperger's Syndrome. Carol and he have three children. Carol is in her fourth year of retirement after a 32-year career as a speech-language pathologist. Carol has written chapter 7.

Today, Carol and Greg will discuss some of their most common communication misfires and tools and strategies that help!

Pre-order the book today:
https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/uniquelyus

New classes are forming 2-3 spots remain!

Reach out to Stephanie at [email protected]

Today, Dr. Stephanie is solo hosting with guest Sarah McDugal. Sarah is a coach who was later identified on the autism spectrum. Today, we discuss her divorce from a former minister's wife and the challenges of divorce when you are in ministry.

We discuss types of abuse.

I asked Sarah, does being autistic give anyone a pass in their behavior?
Sarah also discusses the importance of staying or leaving well.
A major point of our discussion is that everyone is responsible for their actions and emotions, regardless of their neurotype!

Sarah's Bio:
I’m Sarah McDugal, co-founder of Wilderness to WILD and the TraumaMAMAs mobile app.
I’m an author, coach, survivor, and TraumaMAMA.

As an autistic woman and survivor of both domestic violence and child sexual assault -- my hyper-focus is developing gentle, proven resources for women who want to heal after toxic and traumatic stress.

I'm trained in:
The Deceptive Sexual Trauma Model, and
APSATS (the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists)
I'm also a certified assessor for the Johns Hopkins Danger Assessment.

Some of my books include:
He Chose Porn Over Me: Women Harmed by Men Who Use Porn
Myths We Believe: Predators We Trust
One Face: Shed the Mask, Own Your Values, and Lead Wisely
My goal is to provide accessible, affordable, authentic tools to guide you out of the wilderness of abuse into the WILD, thriving post-trauma life that waits ahead.

Sarah's Website and Sarah's Resources
www.wildernesstowild.com


the SCOOP - Group Coaching Membership
www.wildernesstowild.com/the-scoop

Righteous or Rotten? How to know if it is biblically bad enough to divorce
https://www.wildernesstowild.com/unholy-fruit-your-wild-guide-to-discerning-toxic-character

Giving the gift of relational JOY!

Dan and I are continuing to build joy by working through Chris and Jen Coursey's 30 Days of Joy: For Busy Married Couples. Many couples get so obsessed with their needs and focus on "the marriage" that they wonder, "Do you even like this person anymore?" What do you like about your spouse?"

Love is commanded by Scripture, but like is a choice.

In Coursey's book, they said one exercise is to tell each other what you like about each other and whether your spouse calls you to your Christ-like identity. Today, we will talk about relational circuits (RCs) and when they are on and off. Can you tell the difference when they are on and off?

You cannot build joy without your RCs on!

Just the Guys discussed their experiences with planning surprise events and trips, emphasizing the importance of considering the other person's interests and preferences.

They also shared their experiences with travel planning, highlighting the challenges and stress involved and the need to be more mindful and attentive in daily life. The conversation concluded with the importance of expanding experiences beyond the US context and understanding the unique interests and needs of their children.

Dr. Stephanie and Meredith discuss social skills groups for adolescents and young adults 14 and older.

Meredith Sinclair is the Executive Director/Founder of LIFE Behavior Consulting, LLC. Meredith holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Counseling from Georgia State University and a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from Pennsylvania State University. She is a certified Rehabilitation Counselor and a Certified PEERS for Young Adults Provider, school-based Provider, and Telehealth provider. Meredith loves working with people with Neurodiverse brain styles to help them learn the skills to build their confidence and independence in working on their goals in life, whatever those may be. Meredith's specialty is helping her clients uncover and leverage their strengths and take action steps to apply the skills they learn in the real world. She is an advocate for Neurodiversity in the workplace and believes that anyone who has the desire to work CAN work and have a fulfilling career with the proper support.

Find her at:
https://lifebehaviorconsulting.com/

About our Guests:

Kristin Faith Evans, MA, MS, LMSW, and Todd Evans, PhD, MA,
are award-winning authors, speakers, and disability parents. They
earned their MA in Christian educational ministries at Wheaton College
in Illinois and have served together in full-time ministry in church,
camping, and retreat settings. Todd received his PhD from Vanderbilt
University’s School of Engineering and currently manages his own
business. Kristin earned her MSW from the University of Tennessee and
is a Licensed Master Social Worker experienced in couples, child and
family, substance abuse, and crisis counseling.

About Their Book:

In their upcoming book How to Build a Thriving Marriage as You Care for Children with Disabilities (Baker Books, May 2024), Kristin and Todd provide the field guide for success. With extreme practicality and empathy, they present research-based skills for fostering a thriving caregiving marriage.

Caregiving parents require an additional set of skills for protecting their marriage amidst emotional, financial, and relational obstacles. Much like on a wilderness adventure, the steps of identifying where you are, setting goals, and planning your path together are vital to the success and enjoyment of the journey. Kristin and Todd apply this easy-to-follow framework in crucial areas such as stress management, communication, problem-solving, and respite to help couples thrive.

Kristin and Todd are available for interviews to discuss topics such as:
• Grieving the continual losses in a caregiving lifestyle
• Prioritizing marital intimacy in an overwhelming schedule
• Supporting each other’s mental, physical, and emotional health
• Fostering a life of joy despite “unhappy” circumstances

https://disabilityparenting.com/
Dr. Holmes says you want to get the book!
Get the book! Visit their site:

https://toddandkristinevans.com/

Get Connected
www.DisabilityParenting.com

Instagram
@disabilityparenting

Facebook
/kristin.evans.5895

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@AuthorKristinEv

Listeners, you asked! We listened!

Many reached out and wanted to hear from an NT Husband and ND Wife!
Today, we have Gary and Molly, who discuss not only neurodiversity in marriage but also the extra layer and complexity of being a couple in ministry and who would find out about their neurodiversity.

What are the similarities and differences of being the "reverse," so to speak, type of NeuroDiverse Christian Couple?

Gary, being in ministry and having counseled hundreds of couples, what did he say about pastoral training and the need for Christian counseling to have specific training in NeuroDiverse Couples?

We had 2 questions come in from listeners about chronic stress and autoimmune issues in the ND marriage and how to build resiliency and calm the central nervous system in high-stress environments.

Today, Dan and Stephanie talked with Jana Smith, an expert in this area.

About Jana:

Bio: Jana Smith is a Certified Nervous System and Somatics Coach with a Master’s Degree in Health Education. Jana’s experience with neurodiversity began in her family of origin and included her diagnosis of ADHD as an adult. She also has firsthand experience navigating chronic illness. After 7 years of debilitating symptoms, Jana found relief by learning how to build resilience through nervous system regulation. She has made it her life’s work to help others bounce back so they can thrive instead of just surviving.

Talking points:
1. Chronic illness is connected to stress, even if we don’t feel stressed out. Low-level ongoing
nervous system dysregulation leaves us vulnerable to developing symptoms and illnesses
(physical and emotional).

2. Define and explain the causes of nervous system dysregulation.

Factors that affect our propensity to dysregulate:

• Our neurotype

• Our personality

• Our attachment style

• Our past experiences

• Our current stress level

• Our perceptions of safety

3. Dysregulation is not bad! God created our nervous system responses to protect us. However, when we are unable to return to regulation, we can end up living in a chronic stress state.

4. What types of situations, without proper support, create chronic dysregulation?

• Past trauma

• Difficult marriage

• Parenting challenges

• Neurodiversity (both for the individual and the family)

• Not feeling emotionally supported or connected; feeling emotionally abandoned

• Feeling invalidated: not feeling seen and heard

• Overfunctioning, perfectionism, people-pleasing

• Co-dependency

• Lack of sleep

5. Dysregulated nervous system states: fight/flight, freeze, fawn/overwhelm. Examples.

6. It’s never too late to learn nervous system fitness.

7. Knowledge vs experience: you can learn all about the brain, the science, polyvagal theory,
etc., and still live in a mostly dysregulated state.

8. Walk through a brief experiential example to help cultivate nervous system balance.

Reach out to Jana:
https://www.janamsmith.com/