www.lovingdifference.net

Do you recognise that your partner (and/or your neurodivergent children) are in a defensive state? When Natalie and I first came across the term defence mode in relation to our partners and children, it was clear to us that this was a big factor in what we were finding challenging. It made total sense and brought a new level of understanding.

However, what we weren’t so quick to see, was how our own defensive patterns were contributing to the situation. This is partly because it is harder to have self awareness and we were so focussed on looking outside of ourselves for understanding and solutions rather than inwardly reflecting. It was also because the traditional, better known fight/flight defence states didn’t seem to apply to us.

As we began to learn how these and other lesser known defensive states can present, we began to realise that we, too, have our defensive patterns. And that these were a big factor in the relational challenges that we were experiencing. In this conversation we talk about how fight/flight can present in ways you may not have recognised, as well as discussing the lesser know states of freeze, fawn and flop.

Want to learn more?

Join Loving Difference FREE at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Follow us on IG @lovingdifference or on Facebook.

What is Loving Difference?

We’re an online membership community bringing together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes.

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach

www.lovingdifference.net

In this episode we share what helped and hindered our recovery and how this inspired the mission and purpose for Loving Difference as somewhere to find new ways where we may otherwise be feeling hopeless and thinking there are none to be found! Without new ways, we continue to be stuck, frustrated and miserable.

Loving Difference brings together a combination of professional and peer support, coaching and community so that members can recover themselves and their relationship with awareness, tools and strategies, combined with the mutual support we both found invaluable for our step by steps.

Want to learn more?

Join Loving Difference FREE at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Follow us on IG @lovingdifference or on Facebook.

What is Loving Difference?

We’re an online membership community bringing together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes.

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach

www.lovingdifference.net

In this episode we’re busting some of the myths that we read/learnt from professionals when our neurodiverse journey began, including:

- That we were suffering from a reactive disorder that comes with names of its own

- That we are like we are because of our neurodivergent partners

- That neurodivergence was the problem so nothing could change with the relationship

- That we couldn't recover if we stayed in the relationship

- That our partners couldn’t change

- That we’d have to change more

Subsequently we learnt that:

- We could reverse the effects of the reactive disorder/stress we’d been experiencing

- Our partners were suffering too - we weren’t the only ones experiencing a stressful reaction in the relationship

- Our inherited relationship models and dynamics were unhealthy and unhelpful

- We could find ways to meet our own needs without leaving the relationship

- Our recovery helped to reduce the stress our partners were experiencing

- We can be more ourselves AND improve our relationship - after all that's the person they fell in love with!

- We can create better connection even if our partners aren’t prepared or ready to join is in the work

We realised that we needed to learn about relationship dynamics, trauma, wellbeing, communication and so many other things! It’s not all or only about neurodiversity.

- You have agency to change yourself and the situation that you’re in

- You can thrive and sparkle

- You can do it inside the relationship

- There is support for you in Loving difference

Want to learn more?

Join Loving Difference FREE at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Follow us on IG @lovingdifference or on Facebook.

What is Loving Difference?

We’re an online membership community bringing together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes.

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach

In this episode we’re introducing Polyvagal Theory and the impact it’s had on our neurodiverse relationships.

Our nervous systems have a huge impact on our relationship with ourselves, with others and with our environment. Trauma, unmet needs, a lack of belonging or fitting in, as well as many other factors, establish our defensive patterns from childhood. The more we experience life from these defensive states, the harder it is to access a sense of safety where we can be open, curious, creative and connected.

The amazing thing is that we can, with practice, learn ways to shift our state and interrupt those defensive patterns which no longer serve us. If we can become more regulated, less defensive and more self-aware, we’ll have a different experience. We’ll also will give out more clues of safety. This in turn can influence the state of others through the process of co-regulation. So doing our own nervous system work can help those around us. And, ultimately, we benefit from our loved ones being able to access a safe and connected state. It’s a WIN WIN!

In this episode, we discuss:

- What is Polyvagal Theory and why is it relevant in our neurodiverse relationships?

- What are the different pathways of the nervous system? What do we mean by a “defensive state” and “defence mode”?

- What is neuroception and why is it important?

- How can we use this awareness to bring greater understanding, empathy and connection to our relationships?

- How can we start to build in more capacity so that we are less likely to be reacting from a defensive state?

- How can we reflect, repair and reconnect if our defences take over in the moment?

- How can we use this knowledge to create safety around everyday life and events that challenge us or/and our partners and/or children?

Want to learn more?

Join Loving Difference FREE at

https://www.lovingdifference.net/

Follow us on IG @lovingdifference or on Facebook.

What is Loving Difference?

We’re an online membership community bringing together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes.

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #love #neurodiversecouple #coach

www.lovingdifference.net

Content Warning: we talk in this episode about gaslighting and trauma. Look after yourself and if this isn't for you, skip it this time. It's important to seek help and support for the impact of all kinds of experiences that look and feel like gaslighting, whatever the intent. At the same time, we're having this conversation to expand the ways we talk about our neurodiverse experience and, as such we're here to hold space for the paradox that is the pain of life alongside the joy and hope of it too. We can honour both and invite you to join us with compassion and an open mind.

In this episode we’re sharing and exploring our experience of and perspectives on gaslighting, including:

- how and when we've encountered the concept of gaslighting on our journeys with neurodiversity, when it was unknown and since we’ve known

- how it features in neurodiverse narratives and whether this is the right or a helpful term to be using for our experiences

- how gaslighting and alternative perspectives on it have helped us understand ourselves and our relationship dynamics and experience

- what's the potential issues with using this concept for our experiences and what other ideas and language have helped us, and also influenced our relationships more positively

‘Gaslighting’ potentially simplifies a more complex experience in neurodiverse relationships. This doesn’t make it irrelevant or absent. We‘re keen to challenge the dominant narrative and expand the conversation in a way that can ensure individuals find the support they need and also open up new routes through our experiences with our partners and families.

Join Loving Difference FREE - coaching and community for your neurodiverse relationship www.lovingdifference.net

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #neurodiversecouple #coach

www.lovingdifference.net

In this episode we're unpacking resilience including...

What is resilience?

What does resilience have to do with our experience in neurodiverse relationships?

What is survival resilience and thriving resilience?

How is our nervous system and our wellbeing impacted by the resilience story we’re living?

What’s the cultural story/narrative around resilience that the majority of us are living in?

How can we begin to cultivate healthier resilience? What are the first steps when it feels like we can’t change anything?

In Loving Difference we support the recovery many of us need from the relentless stress we’re experience in our lives so that we can begin to cultivate healthy resilience. Free membership, no contracts… join us at www.lovingdifference.net #neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #neurodiversecouple #coach

www.lovingdifference.net

Communication is in the Top 3 challenges we hear about most! Why is it so difficult? In this episode, we share our experiences of communication before we knew about neurodiversity in our relationships and some of the awareness and strategies that can help you improve communication.. whether your partner’s on board or not!

Do you experience these in your neurodiverse relationship?

- Defensive and avoidant communication

- Living with negativity bias

- Emotional reactivity

- Communication anxiety

- Invalidation

- Hamster wheel conversations that go round and round

- Communication confusion and upset

Setting up communication to be successful rather than stressful for everyone involved.

Improving communication without changing others or needing others to change.

Finding a third way of communicating where no one has to shape-shift and everyone’s needs are met.

To learn Compassionate Communication with us in Loving Difference, join us FREE at www.lovingdifference.net and then sign up to a forthcoming course once you’re inside www.lovingdifference.net

#neurodiverse #neurodiversity #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autismawareness #aspergers #autism #dontletanyonedullyoursparkle #aspergersrelationship #mentalhealth #happyrelationship #neurodiverserelationship #cultivateyourhappiness #beyouagain #beyou #liveslow #livewithintent #autismspectrum #neurodiverselove #lovingdifference #adhd #neurodiversecouple #coach

www.lovingdifference.net

In this episode we reflect on our journeys recovering from exhaustion, resentment and hurt to THRIVING in our neurodiverse relationships and homes. We chat about how we felt inspired to create a membership community for everyone in neurodiverse relationships to provide the support and resources to help others reconnect with themselves and with their loved ones so that they can THRIVE.

How a lesson during physical exercise this week reminded me how vital our ‘breath in’ is to our experience of life. https://lovingdifference.mn.co/

Sharing another strategy that’s helped me stay steady and grounded in spite of the uncertainty we’re swimming in right now. https://lovingdifference.mn.co/