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Do you recognise that your partner (and/or your neurodivergent children) are in a defensive state? When Natalie and I first came across the term defence mode in relation to our partners and children, it was clear to us that this was a big factor in what we were finding challenging. It made total sense and brought a new level of understanding.

However, what we weren’t so quick to see, was how our own defensive patterns were contributing to the situation. This is partly because it is harder to have self awareness and we were so focussed on looking outside of ourselves for understanding and solutions rather than inwardly reflecting. It was also because the traditional, better known fight/flight defence states didn’t seem to apply to us.

As we began to learn how these and other lesser known defensive states can present, we began to realise that we, too, have our defensive patterns. And that these were a big factor in the relational challenges that we were experiencing. In this conversation we talk about how fight/flight can present in ways you may not have recognised, as well as discussing the lesser know states of freeze, fawn and flop.

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What is Loving Difference?

We’re an online membership community bringing together anyone looking for new ways to live in neurodiverse relationships, with a focus on living well together with difference.

Loving Difference is hosted by Coaches with experience navigating life with difference. We guide members to learn about themselves and their loved ones in a safe, non-judgmental community so that we can inspire and encourage each other to love the unconventional and beautiful differences in ourselves and in our homes.

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