During this solo episode, Mona Kay talks about how important emotional reciprocity can be in a neurodiverse relationship.

Learning how to give and receive emotional reciprocity can begin to change your connection to your partner and your relationship. However, it's also important to remember that each partner may have different emotional needs. As you each learn new ways of emotionally connecting, be patient and give each other grace and time to learn a new way to show you care.

The topics addressed include:

• The importance of listening to hear and understand (not just respond).
• Be curious...not judgmental.
• Ask you partner for what you need...listening, input, problem solving, or a hug.
• Attunement and connection.
• Remember you're on the same team.
• Your partner usually doesn't intend to hurt you. Sometimes their intent may be misunderstood and may have a negative impact.
• You may both cause each other unintentional hurt.
• Apologize and repair.

If you would like to learn more about the resources Mona has available you can check out her website at: neurodiverselove.com

During this episode you will have an opportunity to hear Candice’s outstanding presentation from the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference.

Research over the past decade suggests that many Autistic adults seek sexual and romantic relationships similar to non-Autistic adults. However, there are still outdated stereotypes and beliefs that Autistic people are asexual and not interested in intimacy. In reality, Autistic adults have a wide spectrum of sexual experiences and behaviors, and are often less rigid when it comes to sexuality and gender fluidity than non-Autistic individuals. In this presentation Candice will discuss the emotional, energetic, physical, and sensory influences that often impact Autistic individuals’ ability to feel aroused, experience desire, and enjoy sex. She will offer tips and tools for identifying our emotional, energetic, physical and sensory needs in order to enjoy safe, consensual sensual and sexual pleasure.

You can contact Candice Christiansen, M.Ed., LCMHC, CSAT-S, CMAT-S, Neuro-Inclusive IFS, Certified EMDR, Autism and Intimacy therapist at the link below:

NamasteAdvice.com

Link to Candice’s Workbooks: https://www.namasteadvice.com/products-downloads

During this episode you will have the opportunity to learn from world-renowned author Sarah Hendrickx about how autism and ADHD (AuDHD) impact adults.

Increasing numbers of people are realizing that one neurodivergent condition doesn't explain all of their experiences and dual diagnosis rates of Autism + ADHD are growing fast. During this episode Sarah outlines why this is, similarities and differences between the two conditions and the joys and challenges that being an adult AuDHDer brings.

Sarah Hendrickx is an AuDHD author, diagnostician and keynote speaker on autism and other neurodivergent conditions. She is currently writing a guide to AuDHD.

Sarah Hendrickx — Hendrickx Associates

This is a session from the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference. If you are interested in learning about purchasing lifetime access to the conference or any of the other resources Mona offers you can go to her website at neurodiverselove.com

Learning you are in a mixed neurotype relationship can lead to grieving the relationship you thought you would have, but may never experience. Going through this process to move towards healing includes many stages that are important to understand.

During this solo episode Mona normalizes that grief is usually part of the process of discovering you are in a neurodiverse relationship. It is also what you may experience as you begin to understand why you have had so many misunderstandings, disconnection and unintentional hurt in your neurodiverse relationship.

During this episode you will learn about the 7 different stages in the grieving process and how each may look for the non-autistic/neurotypical partner. In addition, at the end of the episode Mona shares what grief may look like for the Autistic partner and how grief may be experienced differently for each partner.

If you are interested in learning more about the resources Mona has available you can check out her website at: neurodiverselove.com

You can buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook to help you and your partner better understand each other as you move towards acceptance of what is and is not possible and what may never change.

If you would like to attend the neurodiverse couples monthly support group that Mona facilitates on the 3rd Wednesday of the month from 7:30-9pm EST you can register in her shop

During this podcast episode you will have an opportunity to listen to one of the 30+ amazing sessions from the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference. You will hear from Dr. Grace Malonai as she explores the impact of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) in neurodivergent relationships. She provides a comprehensive understanding of how PDA manifests in neurodivergent partnerships, and offers practical work-around strategies. Grace also includes a brief introduction to PDA, how PDA can complicate expectations and trust in relationships, and the impact of burnout. She also addresses communication and emotional regulation needs and coping strategies. Lastly, she provides practical insights and strategies to build reslience, a sense of support, and mutual understanding.

Learn more about the presenters and sessions from the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference or click here and use code Podcast50 to get $50 off the regular price of $97. You will get immediate access to the 30+ amazing conference sessions.

In addition, when you buy access to the 2025 conference presentations you will also get several valuable BONUSES:

The digital versions of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11 value) and Workbook ($12.97 value) and lifetime access to the 27 sessions from the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference ($97 value).

If you want to learn more about the resources Mona has available for non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples click here.

During this season of the Neurodiverse Love podcast, Mona Kay will be doing more short, solo episodes to share some of the information she thinks has been most helpful in the support groups she facilitates for non-autistic/neurotypical partners and neurodiverse couples.

Today's episode will focus on understanding how both partners may be feeling lonely in their relationship, and the importance of getting clarity about your core values, wants, needs, and non-negotiables.

The core values assessment can be found here.

If you would like to explore more topics that can help you and your partner increase undertanding of your wants and needs you may want to buy the digital versions of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and/or Workbook.

When both partners begin to understand themselves and each other things can begin to change. Unintentional hurt can be reduced, acceptance of what is neurologically hard-wired can increase, and more compassion, respect and curiosity can become the norm.

To learn more about the support groups and short-term coaching Mona offers you can check out her website.

During this episode, with authors Bontle Senne and Sara-Louise Ackrill we talk about their new book "The ND Lovers Club-How Women Lust, Like and Love" and I hope all of you will buy this book today!

Bontle is an AuDHD speaker, sex and ADHD coach and global transformation leader. Sara-Louise is a renowned neurodiversity specialist therapist and coach, professional speaker, and social entrepreneur. Together, they share so much valuable information that we all need to understand if we are ND women, or want to build a relationship with an ND woman. Some of the topics we address in this very candid conversation include:

• Why do you want to be in a relationship and how do you want to show-up?
• Unmasking before or during a relationship.
• Learning to relax and do things alongside someone.
• Parallel play or being “alone together”.
• The challenge of taking things personally when you don’t understand each others needs.
• What to do during unstructured time.
• Debunking damaging myths.
• We need more visibility on all the issues that people across  the spectrum experience.
• What does it mean to be clitmatized, dickmatized or to have “emotional support dick”.
• Using sex as a substitute to get something else.

• Sex may be used to avoid eye contact, conflict, the effort of getting to know someone, and small talk.
• Understand what you each define as sexual and explore whether sex is “responsive or spontaneous” for each of you.
• You don’t have to minimize your discomfort and assume that you’re not the problem.
• Yes, No, Maybe Checklist available through “Sex with Emily” podcast.
• Understand your sexual story and the messages you got as a kid and share this information with your partner so you can understand each other better.
• May want to write down or share your fantasies with your partner, even if you may never explore them.
• Understand more about what it means to be asexual, aromantic, demisexual, bisexual, and what sexiness means to you and your partner.
• Trauma may impact your sexual interests or preferences.
• Embrace your imagination about what is possible in your relationship.
• You can learn more about the book, Bontle and Sarah here or check them out on LinkedIn

To learn more about the Neurodiverse Love Documentary or to see the trailer for the film click here. If you would like to learn more about the other resources Mona offers check out the links below: 

Buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook

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In 2017, when I discovered I was in a neurodiverse marriage I bought every book on neurodiverse relationships by Maxine Aston and several of Tony Attwood's books. Each of the books I read made me feel less alone and helped me understand that after 29 years of marriage my journey to understanding was just beginning.

In 2020, when I started the Neurodiverse Love podcast I reached out to Maxine to let her know how much her books helped me and I invited her to meet with me to talk about joining me as a guest on the podcast. Maxine graciously responded and we set up what would be the first of many Zoom calls over the years that gave us an opportunity to share our lived experiences and the ups and downs of working with neurodiverse couples.

In addition, Tony Attwood and Michelle Garnett have been guests on the Neurodiverse Love podcast and they have done presentations at both the 2023 and 2025 Neurodiverse Love conference.

I am now honored to have had an opportunity to talk with Maxine and Tony about their new book "Relationship Counselling With Autistic Neurodiverse Couples-A Guide for Professionals". During this episde, they each share a little about their work together and the ways in which they have helped us learn more about how much support and guidance neurodiverse couples need as they navigate their unique journeys. They also share how critical it is for helping professionals to have in-depth knowledge of how neurodivergence may impact couples and each partner. In addition, we discuss the following:

• Why this book is so important for ND couples and helping professionals.
• Information about the respondents and their priority needs.
• Training or personal knowledge was very important.
• Cost of counseling was high.
• Both partners may experience depression because of challenges in the relationship.
• The importance of making your office more ND friendly 
• Need to make it mandatory to get training on ND relationships 
• Addressed different genders and cultural differences.

• Feels like you’re talking different languages (culturally and neurologically).
• Both partners will feel validated in reading the book.

• Being believed and validated was important.
• Many felt hopeless after counseling and ended their relationship.
• How to understand if you are working with an Autistic partner and may not know it.
• Emotional, financial and time cost invested in counseling. 
• The value of mediation for ND couples




I highly recommend this book for both helping professionals and ND couples and I hope that all of you who buy the book will learn that you are not alone in the struggles you have had with therapists and coaches who have never been educated about neurodivergent adults.  As a society, we need to do a better job of providing in-depth education on the strengths, challenges and differences that ND couples and families experience!

You can learn more about the resources available from Professor Tony Attwood  here and from Maxine Aston here

You can also learn more about 9the resources Mona has available at the links below:

Host of the Neurodiverse Love Podcast

Buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook

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If you are interested in learning more about the resources and services Mona offers, including support groups and individual and ND couples coaching you can click here.

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During this episode with David Helfand, PsyD we explore brain mapping and neurofeedback, as well as other ways to understand how our brains work and can change. We also talk about how we can learn more about why we react or respond differently to triggers and experiences in our lives. In addition, we discuss the following:

◦Brain mapping is the diagnostic test.

◦Neurofeedback is physical therapy for your brain. 

◦Using both can help you look at your brain activity and then learn how to change what may not serve you anymore.

◦Our brains are wired to focus on negativity to protect us.

◦Fight or flight is designed to deal with a real or perceived threat. Understand how to reset and create a plan for follow-up. 

◦Having curiosity and empathy after a misstep.

◦Tend and befriend-protect what’s important and use your community for help.

◦Sometimes people will lie to get out of conflict.

◦Addictions are well worn pathways in your brain.

◦Asking questions can put your partner on the defensive.  Ask yourself why you’re asking the question and rephrase what you are saying.

◦Understand how your different auditory processing speeds are impacting your relationship.

◦Remember...oil changes are a lot less expensive than an engine replacement!!

◦Learn how to create more happy hormones in yourself and your partner.

◦Based on research from Dr. William J. Doherty, 40% of couples who divorce regret it.

◦How unmasking can impact you individually and your relationship.

◦Executive functioning differences.  Work on having more empathy for your partner’s challenges in this area.

◦Pillars of a happy relationship and what skills need to be learned. Then deciding if you can, or want to, learn new skills.

◦Your brain looks for sameness, so your nervous system will rebel against changes in your relationship.

◦Incongruency around political views in your relationship and connecting through kindness and curiosity. Work on the understanding behind your partner’s political belief.

◦Intimacy-"into me see".

◦Narcissism and borderline personality disorder and the impact trauma can have on the personality.

◦The importance of exploring challenges and differences in your relationships through curiousity, empathy, patience, and compassion.

◦How the retreat experience is different than traditional therapy. 

Information about David's couples retreats are available here. You can also get information about the other services David offers here.

During this episode with Jamie Johnston you will learn more about how the Mattr app is making dating more enjoyable for neurodivergent folks and those with mental health challenges. In addition, Jamie talks about why he is so passionate about his work and how understanding his dyslexia and AuDHD is helping him assist others on their on-line dating journey. Other topics discussed include:

• We are taught that anything that can be "perceived" shouldn’t be shared on dating apps or while dating.
• During the pandemic vulnerability and transparency became more acceptable on social media, but not on dating apps. 
• Vulnerability first is the focus of the Mattr app. It is an online dating platform where you can feel safe to share whatever you want.

• Dating in a digital space can be very challenging for neurodivergent people. 
• Mattr is very user-friendly for people who have mental health challenges and/or are neurodivergent. 
• The app is based on research and psychology/psychiatry.
• Dealing with rejection sensitivity dysphoria and dopamine hits through swiping or ghosting. 
• The app uses colors that are comfortable for Autistic individuals and they have a "time out toggle". 
• No swiping is involved and each person is given 6 matches.
• Some of the biggest challenges in dating and maintaining a relationship include: emotional regulation; rejection densitivity dysphoria; hyperfocus on a person or your special interest.
• ND folks may experience Inherent shame. 
• Things to look for that may help you understand that someone is neurodivergent: reactions to the space you are in and sensory issues; hyperfocusing on a topic/infodumping; executive functioning challenges- like planning a date; different communication styles; emotional intensity (differences in emotional reciprocity; differences in physical intimacy preferences.
• “Be for someone, not for everyone”
• Why the Mattr app was created and different resources available through the app.  Partnerships with lots of businesses in London,  also have offsite events.

You can learn more about the app here. They are hosting a special live event in London on June 25th. You can also follow Jamie on IG @Dating withJamie_

To learn more about the resources Mona has available for neurodiverse couples and individuals in neurodiverse love relationships click here.