If you are interested in learning more about the resources and services Mona offers, including support groups and individual and ND couples coaching you can click here.

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During this episode with David Helfand, PsyD we explore brain mapping and neurofeedback, as well as other ways to understand how our brains work and can change. We also talk about how we can learn more about why we react or respond differently to triggers and experiences in our lives. In addition, we discuss the following:

◦Brain mapping is the diagnostic test.

◦Neurofeedback is physical therapy for your brain. 

◦Using both can help you look at your brain activity and then learn how to change what may not serve you anymore.

◦Our brains are wired to focus on negativity to protect us.

◦Fight or flight is designed to deal with a real or perceived threat. Understand how to reset and create a plan for follow-up. 

◦Having curiosity and empathy after a misstep.

◦Tend and befriend-protect what’s important and use your community for help.

◦Sometimes people will lie to get out of conflict.

◦Addictions are well worn pathways in your brain.

◦Asking questions can put your partner on the defensive.  Ask yourself why you’re asking the question and rephrase what you are saying.

◦Understand how your different auditory processing speeds are impacting your relationship.

◦Remember...oil changes are a lot less expensive than an engine replacement!!

◦Learn how to create more happy hormones in yourself and your partner.

◦Based on research from Dr. William J. Doherty, 40% of couples who divorce regret it.

◦How unmasking can impact you individually and your relationship.

◦Executive functioning differences.  Work on having more empathy for your partner’s challenges in this area.

◦Pillars of a happy relationship and what skills need to be learned. Then deciding if you can, or want to, learn new skills.

◦Your brain looks for sameness, so your nervous system will rebel against changes in your relationship.

◦Incongruency around political views in your relationship and connecting through kindness and curiosity. Work on the understanding behind your partner’s political belief.

◦Intimacy-"into me see".

◦Narcissism and borderline personality disorder and the impact trauma can have on the personality.

◦The importance of exploring challenges and differences in your relationships through curiousity, empathy, patience, and compassion.

◦How the retreat experience is different than traditional therapy. 

Information about David's couples retreats are available here. You can also get information about the other services David offers here.

During this episode with Jamie Johnston you will learn more about how the Mattr app is making dating more enjoyable for neurodivergent folks and those with mental health challenges. In addition, Jamie talks about why he is so passionate about his work and how understanding his dyslexia and AuDHD is helping him assist others on their on-line dating journey. Other topics discussed include:

• We are taught that anything that can be "perceived" shouldn’t be shared on dating apps or while dating.
• During the pandemic vulnerability and transparency became more acceptable on social media, but not on dating apps. 
• Vulnerability first is the focus of the Mattr app. It is an online dating platform where you can feel safe to share whatever you want.

• Dating in a digital space can be very challenging for neurodivergent people. 
• Mattr is very user-friendly for people who have mental health challenges and/or are neurodivergent. 
• The app is based on research and psychology/psychiatry.
• Dealing with rejection sensitivity dysphoria and dopamine hits through swiping or ghosting. 
• The app uses colors that are comfortable for Autistic individuals and they have a "time out toggle". 
• No swiping is involved and each person is given 6 matches.
• Some of the biggest challenges in dating and maintaining a relationship include: emotional regulation; rejection densitivity dysphoria; hyperfocus on a person or your special interest.
• ND folks may experience Inherent shame. 
• Things to look for that may help you understand that someone is neurodivergent: reactions to the space you are in and sensory issues; hyperfocusing on a topic/infodumping; executive functioning challenges- like planning a date; different communication styles; emotional intensity (differences in emotional reciprocity; differences in physical intimacy preferences.
• “Be for someone, not for everyone”
• Why the Mattr app was created and different resources available through the app.  Partnerships with lots of businesses in London,  also have offsite events.

You can learn more about the app here. They are hosting a special live event in London on June 25th. You can also follow Jamie on IG @Dating withJamie_

To learn more about the resources Mona has available for neurodiverse couples and individuals in neurodiverse love relationships click here.

During this episode with therapist and coach Eva A. Mendes she shares some of the important information neurodiverse couples shared with her for her newest book titled: “Armchair Conversations on Love  and Autism: Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples”.

Some of the important things  that top performing neurodiverse couples do:

1. Accept the diagnosis and talk openly about each partner’s neurotypes.  Work together to understand the root cause of their challenges as a couple.
2. Have a beginners mindset as an individual and a couple.
3. Trust each other and be able to be influenced by their partner.

Some of the other topics discussed include:

• The challenge with taking things personally and not understanding your partner’s love.
• Understanding different ways of communication with your partner and others.
• The importance of building on your strengths.
• Understanding what you each may need to do differently to connect.
• Staying humble and curious with your partner.
• Going “beyond the midline”for both partners.
• The importance of working with a professional who has experience working with ND couples.
• Both partners working on the relationship to the best of their ability.
• Addressing different issues that come up over the lifespan. 
• Focusing on “solvable” not “perpetual” problems.
• Working on empathy for each other.
• Understanding your partner in the greater context of their life.
• Acknowledging that you can’t get everything from one person.  It takes a village!
• Sometimes couples don’t have enough bandwidth for each other anymore.
• We are all here to grow and have an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our partners.

Contact Eva by clicking here.

Buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook

Subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter 

Follow Mona on Instagram 

Check out the Neurodiverse Love Website 

Listen to the Neurodivergent Connections YouTube channel Mona co-hosts

During this episode with neurodivergent counselor Jarral Boyd we address the connection between trauma and neurodivergence and ways to think about romantic love as well as the following: 

• ​Navigating neurodivergence and trauma 
• ​Understanding your emotional vocabulary. 
• ​Addressing challenges through somatics and getting to know your body and acknowledge what is going on.
• ​Creating a routine can be helpful to better understand your body and emotions and help you get more in tune.
• ​Understand how to experience joy in your body.
• ​Translating what’s happening in your body when you have alexithymia.
• ​Information shared through AANE certification includes using a 1-5 scale to share with your partner how you’re feeling emotionally.
• ​Memory issues during or after a meltdown.
• ​Apologizing when you don’t feel you have done anything wrong. 
• ​Trauma can make being wrong scary and unsafe.
• ​Cassandra Syndrome 
• ​Benefits of decentralizing romantic love for neurodivergent folx 
• ​Removing relationship hierarchy and being open to different types of romantic relationships. This can help reduce expectations of one or both partners. 
• ​The value of expanding the idea of love.
• ​Asking youself "Is it the person I want or the situation?"

You can contact Jarral Boyd at: jarralboyd.com

If you are interested in the free support groups Mona offers for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners you can email her at [email protected] to get the Zoom links.

Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D.

Host of the Neurodiverse Love Podcast

Buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook

Newsletter | Instagram | Website | YouTube

Click here if you and your partner are interested in joining the support group Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples on the 3rd Wednesday of the month from 7:30-9pm EST.

Joanne Davies is AuDHD and is a clinical hypnotherapist who works with individuals and couples.  During this episode she shares so much valuable information about how hypnosis can help neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples with sensory challenges, emotional differences and intimacy issues.  The topics she addresses during this episode include:

• How hypnotherapy can help bridge the gap between neurotypes.
• The parts of hypnosis: Induction, deepening and healing.
• The process of hypnotherapy and how neurodivergent individuals and their partners can benefit. 
• How it can be used to help with sensory processing.
• The value of pendulating between something that feels good and something that doesn’t.
• Can help to create safety and address triggers.
• “Cloaking” helps you create a virtual shield to help protect you from sensory overload.
• How to “anchor” in a certain feeling you had during hypnosis. 
• How hypnosis can help with emotional identification and regulation.
• May be able to help with reducing meltdowns or shutdowns.
• Helps with “reparenting”.
• Understanding how to meet each others needs through hypnotherapy.
• Using tantric processes and body mapping to help with intimacy challenges.
• The process to use to create your own self-hypnosis process. 

You can contact Joanne at Jqhypnosis.com

To learn more about the resources and information that Mona Kay has available you can check out her website at: neurodiverselove.com

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During this episode with Sadie and her mom Lynn they share how unknown neurodivergence impacted Sadie's childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, In addition, they address the topics below:

• Terrible two's.
• Sensory overload and meltdowns. 

• Restrictive eating and sensitivities.
• Not understanding why you are so different as a child.
• Masking in school and being different at home.
• Expectations in school were more structured and easier to understand.

• Overwhelm during high school and changes in social rules.
• Being diagnosed with an auto-immune disease in high school.
• Stimming at home and walking in circles helps with nervous system regulation,
• Having a spiky profile. 
• When younger, being able to socialize better with adults.
• Being a perfectionist and the struggle with some things that others do automatically. 
• Challenges with learning to drive and driving…being “perceived” by other drivers.
• Masking and then having no spoons after school.
• Giftedness.  
• Different ways that children may process and develop language.

If you would like to learn more about the resources Mona offers you can click here. In addition, if you would like to join the new community that Mona is creating for non-autistic/neurotypical partners called "Neurodiverse Love Conversations" click here to register for the 4 week series that will be held every Thursday from June 5th-June 26th from 7-8:30-pm EST (US). The cost is ONLY $149 and each participant will get the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook and lifetime access to the 2023 and 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference sessions.

If you are trying to make sense of how two people could love each other yet repeatedly misunderstand and hurt each other, then this community is for you. If you are repeatedly confused and don't understand why conflict, contempt or stonewalling have become more the norm than the type of connection and attunement you are looking for then this community is where you will find understanding, tools and strategies that can help you work towards achieving more peace and joy in your relationship and life!

Spaces are limited, so if you feel called to join this supportive community I hope you will register today!

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This podcast episode was originally published on Jodi Carlton’s podcast called “YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship” and is a conversation between Jodi Carlton, Mona Kay and Michael Daniel, the developer of the "Neurotranslator" and his wife Elise.

The goal for sharing this episode on the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast is to spread information about the life-changing Neurotranslator app and to highlight the story behind its creator and the challenges he and his wife had been experiencing before learning he was neurodivergent.

The topics addressed in this episode include:

• How having children changed everything
• Learning about neurodivergence through a child’s diagnosis
• Communication challenges
• Being high masking in life and marriage
• How misunderstandings contributed to conflict
• Unmasking
• Understanding your identity after learning you are neurodivergent
• Reliving trauma through a neurodiverse lens
• How ability to function can change after diagnosis
• Autistic burnout
• Situational mutism
• Ableism
• Wishing you could have a husband with a NT brain
• How the “NeuroTranslator” was born
• Both partners need to work to understand each other
  

You can learn more about the Neurotranslator app here

Lori Crowley, M.A., LMFT, LPCC is a therapist and coach who works with neurodivergent families and couples.  During this episode she shares some of her lived experiences and her expertise as well as the importance of taking a somatic approach to psychotherapy. We discuss so many important issues for neurodiverse couples to understand and addresss including:

• ​How to integrate sensory differences.
• ​Dealing with sensory overwhelm.
• ​Neurons that fire together wire together.
• ​Sensory resourcing.
• ​Understanding all of our senses including vestibular, neuroception, and interoception.
• ​Understanding being sensory seeking, sensory avoidant, neutral or a combination.
• ​Brain story on Neuroclastic website
• ​Logicalizing or invalidating emotions.
• ​“Toward” energy and “Away” Energy.
• ​Rewiring your neural pathways.
• ​Double empathy problem.
• ​Changing the frame in which we are holding our experiences.
• ​Opposites can “complete” each other.
• ​Is it a “can’t” or a “won’t”?
• ​Overwhelm, lack of agency/choice and sense of imminent demise can lead to trauma.
• ​How do I repair?  1) Create safety in the environment: Person you are interacting with needs to be seen.  Look at them through a sensory lens: 2) They need to be heard.  Hold what comes at you; 3) Teding-people want to feel respected. This can help the other person’s energy relax.  Remember not to say “but”, however you can say “and”.
• ​Unpacking some of the sensory issues in play that led to Mona moving forward on a divorce.
• ​Understanding if it’s overwhelm or lack of care?
• ​Understand that repair may not be possible, however forgiveness can be very healing.

You can contact Lori for therapy here or for coaching here.

If you missed the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy "lifetime access" to the 31 sessions and the 4 recorded Q&A sessions. To buy access to the conference sessions or to learn more about the presentation topics, presenters and the bonuses you will receive click here.

You can click here also learn more about the other resources Mona offers or at the links below:

 Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook

Newsletter | Instagram | Website | YouTube

During this episode with Mike and Amy Matthews you will learn about the challenges this neurodiverse couple experienced trying to find the root cause of Mike's depression and the difficult journey they went on to discover he had been in Autistic burnout for years and didn't know it. (I apologize for the tech glitches we had for about 5 minutes from about 20-25 minutes in.)Some of the topics we discussed are:

• How things changed after they had their first child.
• How before becoming a parent Mike had created a life that fit his brain.
• Little time for special interests after kids were born.

• Saw a psychiatrist and went on 5 different antidepressants and none worked.

• Loneliness of watching your partner go through this process.

• Psychiatrists and therapists said Mike couldn’t be Autistic because he showed “empathy” and could maintain "eye contact".
• Relationship challenges after trying to figure out what was happening for about 5 years.
• Mike did research on Autism and everything fit. 

• Went for Autism assessment and the results were that Mike had schizoid personality disorder, but Mike now self identifies as Autistic.
• Probably wasn’t depression it was Autistic burnout.
• The importance of understanding sensory needs.
• Amy tried to enjoy the good days during the process. 
• The importance of having a partner who wants to do the work. 
• Creating a neuro-affirming household and family.
• Celebrating everyone’s differently wired brains.

• Understanding the ways you are different and sharing your needs without guilt.
• The importance of having positive role models.
• Many in the medical/mental health community do not have the education and knowledge that they need to understand and work with neurodivergent adults.
• Contact Amy at [email protected]  or click here

If you would like to learn more about the resources Mona offers including the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards & Workbook, the 2023 and 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference Sessions, support groups for Neurodiverse Couples and for the non-autistic partners, please check out her website.

If you did not have a chance to join us live for the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still get "lifetime access" to the video recordings of the 31 amazing sessions and the 4 Q&A panels.

In addition, you will also get the FREE BONUSES (Neurodiverse Love Conversaton Cards & Workbook and lifetime access to the 27 sessions from the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference). Click here to learn more about the conference sessions and to buy access to the conference videos today.

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During this episode with returning guest and relationship and life coach, Robin Tate we talk about many important topics that may be impacting your neurodiver relationship including:

• How AuDHD presents for women and the self discovery process.

• Differentiation and overlap between Autism and ADHD.
• Seeing patterns in people.
• Executive functioning challenges in ND relationships.
• The importance of knowing that you can have a dual diagnosis of AuDHD.
• Executive functioning is every step you need to take to accomplish every task you do every day.
• Executive dysfunctioning challenges in communication. 
• Object permanence.
• Time blindness, future planning and staying regulated.
• Creating interdependency around executive functioning. 
• Grieving the relationship you thought you were going to have.
• You may not be compatible anymore if one of you has been masking.
• The struggle between ADHD and Autism when you are AuDHD and how that looks in a relationship.
• Behavioral differences and internal state of each partner.
• Understanding how your family of origin has impacted your life and your relationship.
• The positive impact of somatic therapy.
• Thinking about the potential stigma you may have to deal with when disclosing your neurodivergence to your family.

Stephanie and Dan Holmes new book is -"Uniquely Us -Gracefully Navigating the Maze of Neurodiverse Marriage" (Robin wrote chapter 8 which is on Executive Function)

You can reach out to Robin through her website at: www.robintatellc.com