Hi there. The universe has once again prevented us from putting together a standard-issue episode, so in apology, here's a nice, relaxing string of pointless personal stories from your local grouchy old man podcast host. Don't worry - not a Wiggles cover in sight. Just pure relaxing atmosphere. Grab your favorite herbal tea and settle in for 20-odd minutes of wistful reminiscence.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've passed through the dingy mirror into the hostile, rust-tinted otherworld of Never Better, a show that's never going to get any better. Where's all that chanting coming from? Actually, you know what? Let's hope we don't find out.

This week, Spencer, Craig, and Michael discuss car kickflips, wildlife encounters, toad poison, suspicious behavior, kind-hearted insults, and the appeal of making your own life a disaster. Also, Michael divulges yet another piece of his long history with harmful fumes. [See Episode 3 - We're Sleeping In The Car Tonight and Episode 1 - That Bank Was Robbed Many Times for further reference]

Actual fox noise courtesy of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYyrGpJYRl0

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've just... Oh, no. You've taken a wrong step, haven't you? You've slipped between the boundaries and ended up someplace new. Someplace dark. Welcome... to THE VOID.

With Craig.

Due to some unbelievable circumstances we'll get to on the next real episode, we don't have a proper show for you this week. In the meantime, please enjoy the first [and potentially last] episode of INTO THE VOID, a spinoff podcast in which Craig is given unprecedented freedom to speak his mind about any topic he pleases. Keep that in mind as you listen - he could have picked literally anything to talk about.

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The opinions expressed on INTO THE VOID do not necessarily represent those held by any persons involved in the creation of the Never Better podcast. They might not even represent those held by Craig if you ask him again later. Also, any references to the thoughts, behaviors, or actions of any figures living or dead are purely parodical and without any substance, merit, or evidence. There's no point to suing us anyway. We don't have any money.

You've sunk neck-deep into the stifling marshes of Never Better, a show that's never going to get any better. Don't make any sudden moves. It'll only make things worse.

This week, Michael, Craig, and Spencer discuss difficult names, dealership legends, early readers, courting disaster, monkey scams, and things you should and shouldn't do with silverware. Plus, we learn how to really mess with our dads, provided our dads are both A.) really into classic Volvos, and B.) endlessly gullible.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've entered a tense, sweaty standoff with Never Better, a show that's never going to get any better. Watch that trigger finger, boss. One false move and everyone at this table is blown to kingdom come.

Speaking of kingdom come, this week, Spencer, Craig, Claire (!), and Michael discuss presidential Easter proclivities, the Harrowing of Hell, a deliciouss whodunit, zoo fundraising, and how to make new friends using only a stranger's credit card information. Also, Craig divulges his sad lizard history.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

What? You're asking how we can dare to call this a bonus episode when it's taking the place of a regular episode despite being roughly 8% of the usual length? Easy: because we have no shame! Also, Spencer didn't think far enough ahead before heading out of town, so please enjoy an anecdote that we promised a week ago but didn't deliver. It might explain a few things.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've dropped a coin down into the deep, Stygian well of Never Better, a show that's never going to get any better. Any moment now, you're sure to hear it hit bottom. Any moment now.

This week, Michael, Spencer, and Craig discuss rabies, robots, time capsules, romantic opportunity, George Foremaning your kids, and the ultimate galactic self-snitch. Plus, as you might have guessed, everyone participates in the first annual Never Better Spelling Bee.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've smacked your forehead straight into the blunt metal edge of Never Better, a show that's never going to get any better. You feeling okay? You know what year it is?

This week, Craig, Michael, and Spencer discuss dairy plausibility, lighthouse fanatics, bad idea bar tricks, wild historical names, the ethics of poetry interpretation, and yet another individual giving way too many details about their family life in the New York Times. Also, official show mascot Sadie the Cat completely derails the program for a little bit around the 47-minute mark. Thanks, Sadie.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've rappelled down through the broken skylight of Never Better, a show that's never going to get any better. Now the only things between you and the Palimpsest of Jaqar are a randomized laser field and a dozen armed security guards. Go get 'em, tiger.

This week, in an episode that makes up for its lack of runtime by also lacking in structure, Spencer, Craig, and Michael discuss flight simulators, MMORPG treachery, and how easy it is to do things in an emergency provided someone is walking you through it over an earpiece. Plus, Michael shares his baffling interpretation of the background character(s) of StarFox 64.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've smacked a fly ball into the back yard of Never Better, a show that's never going to get any better. Oh, man. You're not getting that one back.

This week, Michael, Spencer, and Craig discuss getting lost in your rock 'n' roll, road rage tools, wisdom tooth retention, springing forward forever, Universal Speed-Up Day, and the good Lord's favorite website. Also, Michael mixes up events from his life with things that happened in a movie, but not how you'd expect.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!