Welcome back to INTO THE VOID [all caps mandatory], the single-host stream-of-consciousness alternative to the Never Better Podcast, and a show that in its own right also never gets any better. So sorry to see you're trapped here as well.

This week, since he's all by himself again, Spencer holds forth on roving meat shrines, personal blood jars, and 22 Jump Shotting yourself. Also, we feature a number of musical interludes to keep things from getting too stale. Maybe we should start doing that in the regular show.

PHOTO CREDIT: Spencer, 2013 [I told you I saw it]

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The opinions expressed on INTO THE VOID do not necessarily represent those held by any persons involved in the creation of the Never Better podcast. They might not even represent those held by Spencer if you ask him again later. Also, any references to the status, thoughts, behaviors, or actions of any figures living or dead are purely parodical and without any substance, merit, or evidence. There's no point to suing us anyway. We don't have any money.

You've just... Oh, no. You've taken a wrong step, haven't you? You've slipped between the boundaries and ended up someplace new. Someplace dark. Welcome... to THE VOID.

With Spencer this time.

This week, since he's all by himself, Spencer opines on zoo theft, airplane pranks, getting Wonka'd, and man door hook hand car door. Also, we got a new theme tune for Dear Dear Abby, as the previous version was described by listeners as "aggressive," "scary," and "too hot to handle."

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The opinions expressed on INTO THE VOID do not necessarily represent those held by any persons involved in the creation of the Never Better podcast. They might not even represent those held by Spencer if you ask him again later. Also, any references to the status, thoughts, behaviors, or actions of any figures living or dead are purely parodical and without any substance, merit, or evidence. There's no point to suing us anyway. We don't have any money.

Welcome back to Never Better, a show that never gets any better. Returning from our longest hiatus yet, we use this episode to discuss the value of jumping jacks, beds and breakfasts, hall monitorship, and fake restaurant sexual tension. Plus, Spencer shares his discovery of possibly the most prolific Quora user of all time.

QUORA LIGHTNING ROUND MUSIC: "Nardis - Back Inside" by Boilers Quartet, from the album Abstract Lights (© Aquarius Records, 1999).

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

In this, the first holiday-related episode we've ever released on time, Michael, Craig, and Spencer discuss all (well, some) things Halloween - candy, scary movies, waiting on a stranger's porch for way, way too long. Also, we determine the Weirdness Quotient of taking an extremely open-minded approach to deciding which clothes to hang in your closet.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

In a very Michaelless episode, Craig and Spencer tackle cyberbabies, millennial infantilization, fake names, outhouse etiquette, and single signaling. Plus, they both share college stories that maybe aren't yet ready to be told.

ALTERNATE TITLES: There Is No Time Here In Space; Headbutt Me Really Quick; Call In The Scumpumper

CORRECTION: When Spencer said the Japanese language has basically no pronouns, he meant specifically gendered pronouns. As always, please do not believe any word we say in this podcast, especially if we say it confidently.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've just careened incautiously into the black hole of Never Better, a show that never gets any better. Soon, your physical form will be stretched into metaphysical unrecognizability, stranded somewhere outside of space and time. You're gonna love it.

This week, Michael, Craig, and Spencer discuss the recent autumnality, airplane grunts, nature boys, and cemetery messiness. Also, Michael recounts his experience at the world's gentlest veterinary office.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've just pressed the button that will - in mere milliseconds - release a swarm of hulking, venomous lizards upon the hapless hosts of Never Better, a show that never gets any better. It's all right, though. We earned it.

This week, Craig, Spencer, and eventually Michael discuss guinea pig awareness, ant experiments, movie secrets, and honesty's viability as the best policy. Plus, Craig recounts a high school encounter with a genuine weirdo.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

"Rock Lobster" by The B-52's ℗ 1979 Warner Records Inc, included in this week's episode under Fair Use protections for instruction.

BREAKING: The Queen appears to have done something she can't come back from. The details are sketchy, but we here at Never Better Communications (or N.B.C.) are doing our utmost to keep the public informed and keep the powerful accountable. More on this story as it develops.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

The NBC Special Report opening fanfare, voiceover, theme music ("The Pulse of Events," composed by John Williams, 1985) and NBC network jingle are the copyrighted property of the National Broadcasting Corporation and have been used in this podcast episode under Fair Use conventions for parody.

You've just noisily cleared your throat during an emergency board meeting for Never Better, a show that never gets any better. Well, you have our attention. Is there something you'd like to tell the group? Is it more important than the swan dive our quarterly earnings are doing?

This week, in a very Michaelless episode, Spencer and Craig discuss entrance music, time capsule oblivion, seagull nepotism, obvious laptop scams, and how to behave like the world's tamest mad scientist. Also, Craig briefly discusses his wimpy screenplay.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!

You've just spilled your sloe gin fizz on the satin lapel of Never Better, a show that never gets any better. You better hightail it outta town, buster. The boss ain't gonna like this one bit.

This week, Michael, Spencer, and Craig discuss phone memorization, lanyard placement, childlike obedience, and finding yourself at a social disadvantage. Plus, Spencer seeks out and accepts a memory challenge from his cohosts. How does he do? You won't find out by reading this! You gotta listen!

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at [email protected] and we’ll react appropriately!