New Ways New You ( Tendrils of Grief- Life After Grief)

Dan and Nancy lost their daughter in a car crash and had to make the tough decision to take her off life support. Today, they help grievers get unstuck in their grief and help them with better coping mechanisms that refine the definition of what it is to be in grief. Learn about Dan and Nancy's story on this week's episode.

Key Takeaways:

• A little bit about Dan and Nancy's grief story with losing their daughter.
• Dan saw a little sparrow and he realized it was a sign that it was time to say goodbye to his daughter, who was on life support at the time.
• We think that what happens to us doesn't happen to anybody else, but it's a small world and we all have shared similar experiences.
• We aren't taught at all how to grieve. However, there are ways to make grief a beautiful experience.
• Friends and family members often can't handle pure accidents that lead to tragedy, and by trying to reason with it, they often put blame on the person who has passed.
• People asked Dan and Nancy if she was distracted while driving, and if that was the reason why she had her accident. That's pretty insensitive.
• People have avoided the couple in public after they lost their daughter. It's hard to be around uncomfortableness.
• Couples often split up when a child dies, but Dan and Nancy have managed to stay together.
• Dan had to put on a brave face and get back to work after his daughter died.
• If you stuff your grief down, it'll eventually come out in unexpected ways to 'deal with you'.
• Dan shares why he is fond of the Grief Recovery Method and why he uses this framework with his client.
• Have a map with a destination in mind, but don't look at the end goal, just take one step at a time, and you'll get there.
• How does Nancy help her clients?
• So many of Susan's guests have created meaning out of tragedy.

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

Beingwithgrief.com

Michelle Clare is a Certified Medium, Angel Intuitive, Spiritual Coach, and Energy Healer. Michelle is in a unique position. She has survived three near-death experiences and each time she came out of this state, they've been profound. In this episode, she describes what these experiences are like, how she helps her clients reach her loved ones, and so much more!

Key Takeaways:

• Michelle shares a little bit about herself and some of her near-death experiences.
• Michelle came back with such a vivid and profound memory of a world beyond peace.
• The next near-death experience that Michelle experienced was shortly after giving birth to her third child.
• Michelle remembers running with her dog, who had passed away, on a beach. That's when she realized she was in 'multiple' places.
• The third near-death experience was from a traumatic brain injury. Michelle could see her angels ask if she wanted to stay or go.
• Michelle was raised catholic, but has she always been spiritual and believed in angels?
• Did Michelle become a medium after she had her brain injury?
• Everything circles back to love. Love doesn't separate us from those that have already transitioned.
• Our loved ones are always around us.
• Remember, no one lives this life alone. We are surrounded by our loved ones, our spirits, angels, and life guides! There's an entire team behind you.
• None of us truly die alone. It might look like tht on the outside, but that's not true.
• When Michelle's head hit the counter, she didn't feel pain.
• Michelle's tip? Go to your quiet place and imagine your loved one, and then try to experience pure love with that person.
• For a lot of widows or people in grief, the present is a confusing space because they're mourning the past and they're afraid of the future.
• We can't change what happens to us, but we have the option to choose how to respond to it.

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

Michelleclare.net

Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson

Michelle Chalfant is the Founder of The Adult Chair, Therapist, and a Holistic Life Coach. Michelle is also a podcast host, which dives into topics like psychology, getting unstuck, and how to work through your grief. Michelle's work has deeply helped Susan on her grief journey and in this week's episode, Michelle talks about learning how to work with your emotions (something we were never taught to do) in order for us to be emotionally healthy adults.

Key Takeaways:

• Susan felt a lot of comfort after listening to Michelle's podcast when she was on her grief journey.
• A little bit about Michelle and her work in self-love, healing, and psychology.
• How do we get out of codependency? How do we heal our grief?
• We're all looking for the same thing; to be whole and complete.
• There are so many ways humans grieve and it's not talked about at all.
• Why are you having these emotions? Sometimes it's powerful to just stop to think about 'why'.
• The best way to work through our emotions is to feel them.
• We will do anything to numb the emotions because they're often uncomfortable! We might drink too much, eat too much, work too much, do anything but feel them.
• We project onto others what we think they need. Instead, we just need to ask, 'what do you need?'
• We have to move out of the old stories that we tell ourselves. If we don't, we remain stuck in our grief.
• Michelle is a big fan of journaling. It helps you get out all the emotions.
• How can someone get unstuck?
• It sounds weird, but taking the time to intentionally breathe is very powerful. It helps keep you grounded.
• When we're in a state of grief, we don't breathe very well.

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

Theadultchair.com

Theadultchair.com/30days

Frank King is a Suicide Prevention and Postvention Public Speaker and Trainer. He is also a Corporate Comedian and was a writer for The Tonight Show for 20 years. Frank shares his battle with depression and suicidal thoughts on this week's episode, and why it's so important to seek help when you seem to be spiralling down.

Key Takeaways:

• A little bit about Frank and how he got into suicide prevention.
• Suicide runs in Frank's family. He and his mother found one of his family members that way.
• After Frank started speaking openly about it, it gave a lot of people comfort that they weren't alone in these thoughts.
• Have suicidal thoughts in California? Frank shares how this state might end up punishing you.
• Suicide is a three-legged stool; You isolate from friends and family, you believe you can actually kill yourself, and you feel like you're a burden on people.
• How did Frank get into speaking about suicide prevention?
• It's Frank's mission to destigmatize what suicide/depression looks and feels like.
• Everyone has a suicide story, but these stories all live in secret.
• What was it like doing a TedTalk about suicide?
• Suicide doesn't have a gothic/emo look. It's often much more silent than that.
• Without the good, you need to have some of the bad to compare it to.
• When Frank was at a low point in his career, he played 'the grateful' game everyday, where he listed what he was grateful for. It really helped him.

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

Frank on LinkedIn

Mentalhealthfirstaid.org

Kristyn Lohoff lost her father when she was just seven years old. Growing up without a father and seeing her friends go on "dad trips" always made her jealous, so when her husband passed, she felt such sadness in seeing her four daughters grow up without a dad as well. With the loss of seven family members in her life within a short timeframe, people around her didn't know how to support her in her grief. Kristen shares her grief story and how she worked on honoring her husband after he passed.

Key Takeaways:

• Kristyn is no stranger to grief, having lost seven family members, including her husband & mother, within two years.
• Kristyn's father died when she was seven. She remembers feeling very jealous that her friends had fathers.
• Kristyn became a caregiver to her mother, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. She visually saw the person she knew disappear completely. She experienced two forms of grief, the person disappearing, and the actual physical death.
• After her mother passed, more family members were to follow. It was an impossibly painful time.
• What was Kristyn's path forward? How did she get out of the pain of her grief?
• When Kristyn's husband died, it came as a surprise. He had stage four cancer, but he wasn't supposed to go when he did.
• Kristyn felt so guilty when she felt moments of happiness, especially when her husband wasn't there.
• When Susan's father died, counselors at school thought she was going to them frequently just to get out of school, but it was because she was in grief! Susan felt very unsupported during that time.
• After Susan's husband passed away, she made it a point to support her daughter during this tough time.
• It takes time to not let grief consume you.
• Kristyn is so sad her husband is missing key life moments in their children's lives. He always used to say he will be walking all four daughters down the aisle, and as one of her daughters has just gotten engaged, it makes it all that more a reality that's not going to happen.
• Kristyn took an RV trip to run away from her grief because everyone around her was mourning. It was depressing.
• When Kristyn started planning her trip, she felt excited again.
• Find what brings you joy and practice that for 15 minutes.
• You want to honor your loved ones, but you also have to honor yourself.
• Nature has calming qualities. It's a stress reducer!
• Susan chooses what she does with her grief. She chooses what she does with her feelings. You have a lot of power in choice.
• We as a culture need to be more open about talking about our grief and not be afraid of it.
• Kristyn offers some advice for those who are currently in grief.

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

Join Susan on this solo episode as she talks about a grief situation that came up recently in her life. One of her friend's daughters, who is college-aged, is still struggling with the death of her father 7 years later. She is stuck in a phrase that she can't seem to get out of. How do we support the young adults and children in our lives who have experienced something very painful and traumatic? Susan shares tips and her advice on this week's episode.

Key Takeaways:

• How do children typically grieve?
• Susan can relate to her daughter's friend because the people in Susan's daughter's life also failed her and very poorly handled her grief.
• Keep in mind, the way children grieve is very different from the way adults grieve. We sometimes forget that we're not at the same level.
• Susan noticed a lot of people came and brought things to Susan, meals, support, love, etc. However, the experience was very different for her daughter.
• Children don't know how to deal with grief.
• If adults struggle with this, you know children struggle with this immensely because it's scary.
• There isn't a 'one size fits all' approach to grief. It looks very different to each individual.
• Asking 'how are you?' to a child is really, really huge. People who take the time to 'see' you mean a lot.
• It's hard to be positive all the time. For Susan's daughter, she felt like she was grieving wrong.
• As kids go through grief, they have milestones that happen throughout their 'coming of age' lives. It's hard to be normal when a big piece of your heart is missing.
• Let your children feel their feelings. Don't try to shut it down or rush it away.
• How do you show up differently as an adult, or parent, for a child in grief?
• Susan had a friend's child lose their friend to cancer. There was drama in their circle of friends and this daughter couldn't stop crying. It's a tough time to be a kid in grief.
• Everything is worse with grief.
• "That's what kids do." is not an accurate response to someone in grief.

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

Janie Dalrymple has been a nurse for over 17 years including hospital-based bedside care, home health, and the outpatient clinical setting. She has a strong neurology background and was a Clinic Coordinator for an ALS Clinic for several years. After the unexpected death of her husband and mother at a young age, Janie felt the need to advocate for others finding it difficult to navigate the healthcare system, including dealing with end-of-life issues. Janie shares what life looks like after her husband's passing and how she's found new meaning in life after a whirlwind of grief.

Key Takeaways:

• A little bit about Janie and her grief story.
• Why did Janie's husband commit suicide? It came out of nowhere.
• Janie blamed his work and the institution. He was being bullied by a coworker and he had complained multiple times about it, with nothing happening.
• Janie went to a grief counselor 2 weeks after he died.
• It would take Janie 4 hours to just get up and brush her teeth.
• Janie had suicide idealization after her husband passed away. Susan can relate.
• Janie could see how painful the sudden death of her husband was to her friends and family. She couldn't do that to them x2.
• With her life uprooted, Janie took some time to figure out what her next career steps would be, and then her mom got really sick.
• Witnessing how the nurses and hospital staff treated her sick mother, Janie realized she needed to become a patient advocate and speak for people who can not speak for themselves.
• The best time to have tough conversations is when you're healthy.
• Families often want to push their own agenda on a sick or end-of-life family member. It's important to honor the person dying, not the family.
• Janie is working extensively with ASL patients, an incurable disease.
• Get your paperwork in order so that when someone passes away, family members can just focus on the grieving process.
• There's nothing wrong with planning a grieving session. Just take 20 mins or an hour out of your day to just grieve.
• Would your loved one want you to feel guilty or sad? No!
• The unfortunate reality is that your loved one is gone. So what's next for you?
• Janie now has a new partner and she is grateful that she can still honor her late husband's memory.
• With a lot of pain, there comes a lot of growth too.

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

Yourpatientsadvocate.com

Janie on LinkedIn

David Richman is an Entrepreneur, Author, Public Speaker, Athlete and Philanthropist. David might not have lived to see 40. Overweight, a heavy smoker, in a destructive marriage trying to protect two kids, prone to extremes, he was not a happy man, but really wanted to be. After his sister became diagnosed with terminal cancer, that was the wake-up call David needed to live a more authentic life. In this week's episode, David talks about his latest book, Cycle of Lives and digs deep into why we're so afraid to connect with one another when death is right around the corner.

Key Takeaways:

• A little bit about David and his story.
• David had worked his entire life pleasing others and being in hiding. One day he asked himself over and over, 'who do you want to be?' And the answer was 'athlete'.
• David's sister was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and that was the wake-up call David needed to be a better and happier person.
• People often don't know what to say when they react to bad news.
• Humans are connected by two things, stories and emotions.
• David shares a story of why it's important for families to talk on an emotional level.
• What kind of stories does David have highlighted in his book?
• We all have these 'silent' emotional stories out there that no one knows about. It's a shame.
• When one of our friend's spouses passes away, there's so many assumptions going on because we don't want to hurt our friend further. However, there's nothing wrong with asking curious questions.
• Our identity is based on the stories we tell ourselves. Sometimes, we need to rise above our inner story to find a deeper connection.
• Reaching out and connecting hurts no one!
• Don't offer what you can't give.
• What makes someone truly happy?
• Please take a chance to pick up David's book!

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

David-richman.com

Winning in the Middle of the Pack by David Richman

Cycle of Lives by David Richman

A Thousand Names for Joy by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell

Jill Johnson-Young is the Co-Founder and Clinical Therapist at Central Counseling Services, where she and her team provide the highest quality care for individuals and families seeking assistance with life's challenges. Jill's areas of expertise include grief and loss, children's grief, dementia support for families, adoption related issues, LGBT issues, and so much more. Jill has lost two spouses to illness and shares her story on this week's episode and the frustrating experience she had when friends, therapists, and acquaintances told her what she 'should' be doing.

Key Takeaways:

• How did Jill get involved with grief? It started with the AIDS crisis.
• Jill's wife passed away from post-cancer-related complications.
• When your partner is sick, you go from being a spouse to a care-giver.
• Jill talked to her wife about what she wanted her death to be like and what she wanted for their children.
• When Susan's husband passed away, she wanted to travel internationally. Her friends said it was a bad idea!
• Susan's second wife passed away from Lewy Body Dementia.
• After you've lost a spouse, you have the right to make your own rules.
• People gave Jill all these 'rules' on what to do after her wife passed. Excuse me? She gets to do what she wants to do.
• Jill went to therapists that specialized in grief work. None of them had a clue!
• This is why Jill now helps teach therapists about grief, because it can be so easy to get this process wrong.
• Don't let people outside of your life bully you into doing something that's not right for your family.
• It's okay to be selfish when your spouse dies. It's okay to make people upset.
• Jill decided that this is her new reality and she's going to live her life in a way that brings her joy.

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

Jilljohnsonyoung.com

Centralcounselingservices.net

Jill on LinkedIn

The Rebellious Widow by J. J. Young

Ashley Jackson discovered that her husband had developed a rare form of cancer, with only a 35% chance of survival, this event has forever changed Ashley's purpose in life. Not only was Ashley planning her wedding, but she also found herself being a caregiver to her future husband at the young age of 31 years old. Life threw Ashley into a hurricane, and with three years in, Ashley shares what her grief journey has been like and how she and her husband have adapted to this new normal of regular doctor's visits.

Key Takeaways:

• Ashley shares her story of being a newlywed in the cancer ward.
• When you suddenly become a caregiver, your life revolves around the person, and you have very little time for yourself.
• Ashley's burnout was next level. She couldn't catch a break.
• Not only was Ashley the caregiver, but she was also planning their wedding at the same time.
• Ashley's doctor said that they had exhausted all of his options. There was nothing they could do.
• The doctors had to take away Ashley's husband's left eye, parts of his skull, and more. He couldn't get chemotherapy again and the survey they did, didn't work. Her husband was permanently disfigured.
• It was difficult coming to terms with it from both sides. Ashley's husband was worried she'd abandon him because he was no longer the man she said 'yes' to. Ashley felt like she was marrying a different person. Managing the emotions was tough.
• Ashley has been married for three years and most of their marriage has been dealing with this aggressive form of cancer.
• In May, Ashley had to put her grandfather in hospice care. This was incredibly painful to do.
• When someone is faced with their own mortality, whether it be sudden or through cancer, both options are still horrible.
• Everyone is on their own timeline when faced with grief.
• Every day is a new day. Ashley tries to embrace what's in store for her each and every day, but sometimes you just need to take a step back and breathe.
• Right now Ashley's husband is cancer-free, but he still needs regular scans, and those are always filled with anxiety. Will it come back? Or are we okay?
• Ashley shares her advice on how to cope with the flooding of emotions and ways to best manage grief.

Resources

Tendrilsofgrief.com

Email Susan: [email protected]

Timelessdreamevents.com

Ashley on LinkedIn