DUI hire Pete Hegseth says the U.S. will take control of the Panama Canal from China, despite the fact China doesn't have control of the Panama Canal, the House passed the SAVE Act which will likely disenfranchise millions of women if it passes the Senate, Deputy FBI Director Dan Bongino wants a 20-man security detail to protect him from the FBI, Trump also slapped medicine with tariffs, and the head of ICE wants to deport people with the speed of Amazon... to the Amazon.

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Trump pushed pause on his tariffs and the Dow Jones rebounded, but before it did he announced on his social media feed that it was a "great time to buy" which in turn sparked market manipulation rumors, and then the President of the United States issued yet another executive order declaring the sun and the wind as non-viable energy sources. POTUS had himself a day. Kash Patel was removed as the Director of ATF and Army Secretary Dan Driscoll was put in charge, and aren't we all excited the Army is now in charge of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms.

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The Trump Administration has plans to attack Mexican cartels with drones, and he also plans to sign an executive order bringing back coal as a major industry, China released an AI video showing Americans slaving away in a sweatshop. Trump and his DUI hire Hegseth want a trillion-dollar defense budget AND they want Netanyahu to be appreciative, they REALLY want him, Musk and Trump's trade advisor are getting pissy with each other, Vance and the Chinese are getting pissy with each other, and the NNR staff wants to go back to the playground.

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Trump orders a four-mile military parade for his birthday, Russian state media thanks Trump for "breaking capitalism," Belgian police arrested Secretary of State Marco Rubio's diplomatic shift supervisor after he fought with his hotel staff and responding cops, Trump is fighting to keep a deported man who did nothing wrong imprisoned overseas, seven GOP senators signed a bill to limit Trump's economic power and NNR says literally days late and several trillion dollars short.

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Trump bails on dead U.S. soldiers returning to the U.S. at Dover Air Base, opts instead to golf with Saudis in Florida as the markets tank, oil prices fell 7% because OPEC bet against U.S. energy, federal unions sued the federal government in federal court, Sec Def Pete Hegseth moves to cut the Army by 90,000 troops and civilians, and the market closed with more than $6 trillion in loses. All that, AND Florida Man strikes again.

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Trump fulfills his promise of lowering egg prices... err... nest egg value, GOP Senator Kennedy tells CNN "We're all dead," Treasury Secretary pleads with other countries not to retaliate against U.S. tariffs, Senate confirms Dr. Oz to head Medicare and Medicaid while they still exist, and the Pentagon's inspector general opens an investigation into Defense Secretary Hegseth's Signal app usage, essentially firing himself in the process.

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Musk spends millions on the Wisconsin Supreme Court election and loses HUGE, powerful GOP lawyer flips teams because he's had enough of Trump's shit, Joe Rogan goes rogue and denounces deportations without due process, two GOP reps introduce a bill to restore collective bargaining rights, Texas Congressman Keith Self openly quotes Nazi minister of propaganda, and Trump grows angry with RFK Jr.s' sluggish response to shitty news, but at least RFK Jr. isn't using heroin anymore... we think.

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House Speaker Johnson throws his sucker in the dirt, takes his ball, and goes home, Oklahoma sends bill to committee that would effectively bring back shock therapy and lobotomies, the U.S. admitted to a rare mistake in arresting and deporting a U.S. citizen, VP Vance blames the Biden Administration for a 2019 legal decision even though Joe Biden wasn't President in 2019, and Musk visited the CIA to discuss DOGE cuts.

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Americans express shock over Trump's comments about having a third or even fourth term, Musk says the Wisconsin Supreme Court election will decide the fate of humanity, DOGE gained access to the pay system for 300,000 federal workers as Trump bans federal work unions, Tennessee banned chemtrails and measles has spread to five states. Why? It probably has something to do with the huge illiteracy rate, all that, and news from the sporting world.

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Trump moves to re-white history at the Smithsonian, Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan signed a historic border agreement and we only hope the U.S. and Canada do too, Vice President Vance visited Greenland and the Danish press was blocked from the media pool despite the fact Greenland belongs to Denmark, Ted Cruz compared Signal intel spell to butt dialing, and once again, the Dow Jones is down more than 700 points.

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